Do you have a daughter(s)? You need to read this!

Reading this book as a teenager made me wish I/my parents had read it years ago. The concept of the Loving Hardass parent and the Champion daughter are wonderful templates for navigating the teenage years. Most of the book is dedicated to the younger teen years and the advice in those chapters seemed a little bit naive at times because Wiseman’s solutions are so idealistic. However, the principles behind the scripted example conversations are possibly even more relevant now than they were when this edition was published. I think anyone who has, is, or was a teenage girl should at least skim this book (that includes dads!!).

Reading now to help me deal with some cliques in the school where I work...we had cliques in my high school but I considered them to not be that bad. I wasn't popular but nobody bothered me really... But to read some of the popular girls' responses to the author, this book should be called psychopaths and their victims...if your daughter is controlling her friends get her help if possible. Geez.

The audio version is at least a little outdated, as this book was written when I was in high school. Now the beauty standards are a bit different (i.e. big asses and lips now vs. thin and blonde then) but I think the basic ideas still hold up: girls never feel they are up to beauty standards (black girls who are too thin don't fit with their culture, white girls who are too fat don't fit standards of white beauty, athletic girls are too manly, mixed race people struggle for identity, even beautiful girls never feel confident, etc. Nobody is allowed to admit being beautiful or happy with themselves because that's slutty or self centered. Fitting in can be painful, expensive, time consuming, dangerous, etc. Girls themselves are often the strongest enforcers of these standards, even if they know it's wrong or impossible. What can be done?

Maybe just understanding the problem is a way to get past it. For example I have a mixed race girl who draws herself, shockingly, as a white girl with blonde hair and blue eyes as if she didn't know. She's only 5 but I can now see how these problems develop. I can see the separation of the darker girls from the white girls even in k-3 and I really want to see them all get along and accept each other. It's really challenging as a new teacher. This book deals with older girls, but it's definitely a perspective- builder.

Adults must lead by example, for example, examining then checking your own baggage can help you in touch with a balanced solution between a girls self-expression (purple hair, strange make-up, trendy clothes) and internal self-worth and good values. Clothes and style do have meaning and they are often extremely important to young people.

I still recommend purusing this book to gain understanding and patience with these problems.

I'm not a parent, but I work with and care about younger people. This book is very helpful, no-nonsense, empathetic, and well-written.

Ugh, I really, really didn't like this book. I do not parent my kids in this way nor do I think that there is anything redeeming about the application of this book. I should have know by reading the back of this book that I would hate it. I really, really wanted to like this book. I hoped to find helpful and useful tools to use and gain insight into these years. The "landmines" were ridiculous and insulting to read. The book suggests that we, parents, are completely stupid and not attuned to our kids in the least.

While I don't doubt that this author is passionate in the work that she does, I do doubt her authority in the field. According to her bio on her website, she has no education or formal training in the area of adolescents or psychology or teaching or anything vaguely related to this book. She did receive her undergraduate in Political Science in 1991. Oh, unless you want to count her second degree black belt in Tang Soo Do karate. Yes, I'm serious, it's listed in her bio.

Overly simplistic, gross generalization, and opinions presented as fact are a few of the themes throughout the book. The book has little to no research to back up the findings of the author.

This book just further perpetuates the stereotypes into which our society pigeon holes our youth.

Furthermore, as a Christian mom, trying to raise a godly young woman, this book is completely devoid of any moral, ethical or character matters. "And although you might want not to admit it, she can even have a sexually healthy and responsible relationship with that boyfriend" Page 259. "Research over decades suggests that sexual behavior, identity and orientation exist on a spectrum where a minority of people are exclusively homosexual or exclusively heterosexual. Everyone else fits somewhere in the middle" page 221. WHAT research?!? "Seeing sexual identity and gender as fluid, changing and existing in a spectrum of possibilities challenges the fundamental tenets of our society and culture" pg 222.


Great for clueless parents.

“Gossip is like money. We exchange it, sell it, and lend it out. It’s what we have of value.” (121) Queen Bees & Wannabes is a book about how girls constantly talk behind each other’s back and gossip about who is hot and who’s not. Rosalind Wiseman did a really nice job of showing how girls are truly mean to one another, and how parents can try their best to help their daughter change their lifestyle. I think that girls will always need to have gossip in their lives.

In the book Wiseman talked about many aspects of girl world. She went in depth about each topic. She told you what to do to help your daughter and what not to do, because it is easy to make your daughter feel humiliated. One of the main topics she based the book on was gossip and how girls can easily fall into it because that’s what all the girls are doing so why not join in?

tThe author also based the book on how cliques each play a different role in the group and have power over the girls at their school. The main girl that everyone wants to be the “Queen Bee”, you have the sidekick, which is the Queen Bees closest go to girl, the banker, who is the one who knows all the hot know gossip and spreads it like wild fire, the floater, the girl who doesn’t want to leave any other girls out so she is torn between the popular group or other friends and last but not least you have the pleaser/wannabe/messenger who is constantly trying to make the Queen Bee happy. This was a good point that she talked about because this is the cold hard truth there is always one girl who does what, and there will always be cliques.

tIn conclusion I really enjoyed this book and I would recommend this book for anyone to read because it can really show you how girl world really works, it can even show you how boy world works. I like that I can relate to this book in multiple ways and my group can as well.

If you think you know what is going on in your daughter’s life.

If you think she is a generally happy kid with likeminded friends who keep out of drama.

If you think she is too young to experience the “mean girls” at school.

If you think if there is anything wrong, she’ll just tell you and you’ll take care of it.

If you think teachers are your allies.

If you think other parents are your allies.

If you think that by working hard to live in a nice neighborhood, associate with like minded families, and pay a high premium to ensure your daughter goes to the right school, your daughter is safe.

YOU


ARE


WRONG


If you don’t believe me, pick up Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman and read it with your daughter…then sit back and watch the worms slowly crawling out of the can.

I have found out things, experiences my daughter had that she never thought to share with me, profound feelings that she had that were hidden under a mask of sunny optimism, things happening in school FOR YEARS under the noses of the adults surrounding them, parents, grandparents, older siblings, teachers, counselors, coaches, administrators, nurses, pediatricians, tutors, what have you, that would have never come to light if I hadn’t had the balls to start this conversation with her. She came to it kicking and screaming but once we started reading the passage that illustrate the school experience as a bunch of kids clinging to each other on a flimsy raft out in the middle of the ocean with no help in sight and always at risk of teetering on the edge, being flung out into the dark waters by their peers, and eventually drowning, alone, in the abyss, she turned around to me and said:

“ This is the best metaphor I have ever read in my life.”

She is eleven years old.

My heart broke into a thousand pieces in that moment.

Thank you to Ms. Wiseman for attempting to put some order into the chaos that is the life of our children. Thank you for encouraging dialogue between parents and children. Thank you for throwing a life vest for those of us who feel we are drowning.

This should be required reading for all parents of middle-schoolers and high-schoolers, along with Lord of the Flies! I hope you are courageous enough to read this and more importantly to read it WITH your children.

This book isn't like the movie but the book is better. The movie is only about drama not really how to avoid it, the books has a lot more information and I have learned how to stay away from drama.

My 8 year old daughter comes home with challenging stories about her friends and their dynamics. I heard an interview with the author on the CBC, and so when I saw the book on the bookstore shelf, I bought it.

The first thing that happened was that my daughter took the book and started reading. She read it first, sometimes telling me details from the book. She skipped the parts for older girls. Then I got to read it.

The author has current experience with girls and girl culture because she teaches workshops and gets information from girls about their issues and their ways of thinking. In the book, she presents what she knows to parents. The book is full of taxonomies about the different roles that girls have in groups, the different kinds of parents, and the different kinds of boys. While this can be helpful, I also found myself feeling cautious about labelling. Once you have a label, it can be hard to see outside the label.

One thing I did like, was that she talks about the characteristics of girls and boys as being either "inside the box" of what is considered feminine or masculine, or "outside the box". I found that to be a relatively neutral way of thinking of gender variants and the pressures of gender conformity.

I also liked the way the author talks about parents needing to check their own baggage. It's certainly something I'm aware of, but her questions/queries are direct, focussed and helpful. She reminds parents that their perceptions and inclinations will be shaped by their own history, and that their children will not necessarily walk the same path or see from the same perspective.

As my daughter says "it's mostly about teenagers", and "it didn't really answer the questions I had". But I'm glad I read it. And I think I'll probably return to it as time goes on and problems evolve.

I was able to take away useful information as a teacher working with teen girls, however it really only focuses on one socio-economic background and barely touches on other issues such as poverty or mental health. These subjects would have added depth to this text, which I felt was quite superficial, not really digging deep into the big issues teen girls will face.

Great book. Rarely do I read a book more than once and I'm really not that interested in "self help" books. However, I'm going to buy a copy of this book to refer to again and again. Great read for any parent of teenage daughter/s. Practical advice for parents to help teen girls navigate high school politics and beyond. Recommending to all moms I know with daughters.

I'm not sure how this book got on my list. I don't have kids, I'm rarely around kids, and I barely remember my own adolescence (though I definitely have the vague impression that I'm better off NOT remembering the details of it). I think it was just curiosity about what current thoughts are on raising kids to become decent adults. I do think that the things that were tolerated when I was a kid would not be allowed today, at least not out in the open. But then again, I grew up before social media or cell phones (God, I'm old), so we didn't have any of that to worry about. Anyway, if I DID have kids, this would be a very valuable book on how to model good behavior and be a loving parent and still the respected authority figure that kids need. I enjoyed reading it even though I had the feeling that, like any book that divides people into categories, categorizing people isn't quite as simple as the author makes it out to be.