I'm about 100 pages in. The group of friends that the author describes - a controlling queen bee, a sidekick with less power, a girl who banks and trades in gossip, a messenger who tries to make peace - just doesn't sound like any of the groups of friends that I ever had, and it doesn't describe the dynamics of my daughter's friendships. She probably is aware of cliques at her school that operate this way, but this whole book is a lot less compelling and interesting when it is so generalized and removed from my actual experiences.

Queen Bees and Wannabes is the book every girl needs to read. Whether in or out of school, this book will help explain the experience of growing up as a girl and trying to survive in girl society. And boy society. And, you know, the world we live in today in general. Never understood why your friend dropped you? Now you will. Never understood why you compromised your personal values to date that person? Now you will. Everything is laid out beautifully, the problems and the solutions to such things. I can't emphasize the value of this book enough.

This book doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it does explain it and how to remedy it. This updated version takes into account the technological/connected society that we now live in and how to navigate the vast pitfalls that are Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/etc. Hint: don't let the kids on there until they're at least 14. It explains the way cliques work, and what is compromised when we try to join them. How even outsiders have a social structure.

It isn't surprising that we live in these groups, what's surprising is how seldom we realize it and how much we've now internalized. This book is a great starting point, and I guarantee it will help both adults and their children better get along. It certainly helped me grasp all I missed in my schoolyears and why I went through as much turmoil as I did.

My daughters and their friends have entered this high-drama phase in which I am assaulted nearly every day with stories of how so-and-so's feelings were hurt, how so-and-so said something mean, how so-and-so's sister threatened someone, how so-and-so's mother was threatening to call because...

I decided to read this book so that I could understand what was going on, and teach my girls some strategies for dealing with conflict that did not involve them becoming either mean girls or doormats. The author gives one simple strategy, which she calls SEAL, in which you essentially identify the problem, approach people with specific examples (instead of saying, "You're being a real jerk," a girl could say, "I don't like it when you..."), ask them to stop, and give a sort of ultimatum (my words, not hers), that if things don't improve, there is no more obligation to continue the friendship. In the case that a bully is not a friend, but an actual bully, this strategy will show that one is willing to stand up for herself, but I can't see how it will actually stop bullying from happening.

Perhaps it's not fair to give the book two stars for this reason, but it was not the right book for me at this time. Though the first half is geared for younger girls, I still felt it that was more appropriate for older girls. And the section for older girls or teens was way too eye-opening! If what she's describing is true, it really is a jungle out there, and basically, teenage girls are evil. But I'm not supposed to think that, I'm supposed to give them strategies for navigating all of the pitfalls they will encounter. What I'd like is a more gospel-centered book that has advice for my daughters on how to be good friends, how to avoid bad friendships, and how to develop self-confidence that is rooted in the assurance of God's love for them.

Our super awesome doula for Jesse's birth in Nashville just rated this book 5 stars. I wanted to add it because (1) I have lots of friends with daughters who I think might be interested and (2) another reviewer said it was a good read for any woman to help us better understand relationships with sisters, mothers, friends.