I'm usually very sceptical about books like this one, guides like "What to expect when you're expecting " and other studies on how to raise children. I always think to myself that my mom was able to deal with her parenting issues without any books, and hopefully I will be able to do it also. Then, I decide to give it a try and see some of the questions I have answered from other perspectives. Unfortunately, at least in my case, these books often create more fear than they offer reassurance.

There are two reasons I reached for this book. Reason number one, Tina Fey mentioned it in her book "Bossypants" and she based her "Mean Girls" movie on it. Tina can do no wrong, so I thought I might check it out. Reason number two, my daughter just started middle school and she already had her first "mean girls" moments. She dealt with them better than I would have when I was younger. Nevertheless, it wouldn't hurt to look at what this book had to offer and prepare myself for some future dramas.

That being said, I didn't really like this book all that much. Some of the parts were so obvious, like the fact that there is no reason WHATSOEVER for an eleven year old girl to have any social media. Some parts kind of annoyed me, like the part about cliques and what roles your daughter might play in them. I didn't like putting the girls in all the categories the author created. Some parts were kind of interesting and meant to be read by the girls themselves. I had my daughter read the part about who and when to tell when there is a problem. I'm hoping that my daughter would always come to me, but I'm also a realist and know that maybe sometimes she won't.

Bottom line, I think that no book will ever replace frequent conversations between parents and kids and parents involvement to the maximum in their kids lives. Maybe my daughter is still too young for me to picture her in a lot of the situations described in the book. Maybe I'm just old fashioned and too much of a know-it-all to listen to what the book had to offer. Maybe I will reach for it again in the future. For now, I'm just going to stick to my instincts and follow my intuition.

Read this book as part of cultural text group, March-April 2013.

Overall, this book is repetitive, shallow, and useless. That said, there were some very fascinating bits about the importance of cliques and popularity in teen girl world. I found Wiseman's description of the social heirarchy of teenage girls to be both humorous and memorable, and reminded me of many of the cliques growing up. The chapter of parent-teen communication and the chapter on beauty were both interesting. But halfway through the book really became a chore to get through. There was little in this book that I don't think someone with some memory of high school and a kernel of common sense couldn't figure out on their own. Her parenting "tips" are atrocious and basically consist of avoiding hurting your daughter's feelings or stepping on her rights. Wiseman largely stays at the surface of why teen girls act the way they do. I would have appreciated more analysis into the psychology of this sub-culture. Also, I have my suspicions that many of her included quotes from "real life" teens are fake.

In short, I'm glad I bought it cheap. Save your time and watch Mean Girls.

A great resource for parents who have totally blocked out jr. high

I (obviously) am not the parent of an adolescent girl, but one of my colleagues recommended this book to me since we are starting to see some clique-ishness in the older girls at the school where I serve. The book has a very particular audience (parents), and sometimes the author's preachy tone and manner of simplistically classifying types of girls or situations rubs me the wrong way. I also tend to think that much of this is common sense. However, I suppose for some parents, this would be a decent road map of how to navigate parent-daughter interactions during the child's adolescence. And for anyone wishing to reminisce about the horrors of middle school mean girls, this will definitely bring up some bad memories . . .

Wow...... Just finished this book and feel a little to my stomach. This is such a great book and I highly suggest it to moms of girls out there.

Roles within the group:

Queenbee - fits the ALWB (Acts Like a Woman Box having money, thin, pretty) yields absolute power as to who and what is accepted and humiliated. Her friends do what she wants to do, isn't intimidated by any other girl in her class, complaints about other girls are limited to the lame things they did or said. When she's young, you convince her to invite everyone to her birthday party; when she does invite everyone you want, she ignores or excludes some of her guests. When she's older, you lose your privilege to tell her who to invite. She argues anyone down including peers, teachers and parents. She's affectionate, but often to demonstrate rejection of another girl. Reluctant to take responsibility for hurting another's feelings. When she's wronged, she feels she has the right to take revenge.

Sidekick - sticks by the Queenbee no matter what, is the only real accepted one by the Queenbee. Her best friend the Queenbee tells her what to do, think, dress etc., and the Queenbee is the authority figure in her life (not parent). She feels like its just the 2 of them and everyone else is a Wannabee.

The Banker - gathers information on others and tells it to the Queenbee, often quiet and may initially seem trustworthy, but other's can learn quick she is a power broker and dangerous. She is extremely secretive and thinks in complex, strategic ways. She seems to be friends with everyone, rarely gets into fights and is rarely excluded from the group.

The Floater - can moved from one group to another and be accepted, she will not humiliate others and can accept they for who they are. She doesn't want to exclude others, her friends are comfortable around her and don't seem intimidated, she can bring another person into a group on her own with some success.

The Torn Bystander - she always finds herself in situations where she has to choose between friends, tries to accommodate everyone, not good at saying no to friends, wants everyone to get along, and can't imagine standing up to anyone she has a conflict with - she goes along to get along.

The Pleaser/Wannabee/Messenger - is on the outer perimeter trying to get in, will do what she is asked by the Queenbee hoping she'll be accepted but will only be continually used. Other girls' opinions are more important than her own. Her opinions on dress, style, friends and "in" celebrities constantly change, can't tell the difference between what she wants and what the group wants, is desperate to have the right look, will stop doing things she likes because she fears the clique's disapproval, always in the middle of the conflict, feels better about herself when the other girls are coming to her for help, advice, or when she's doing their dirty work.

The Target - the girl who is overweight has acne problems and is the focus of the singling out and mean girl behavior. She feels helpless to stop the girls' behavior, feels she has no allies and no one to back her up, feels isolated, will mask her hurt by rejecting people first, saying she doesn't like anyone.

The author gives some benefits to point out to the Target: "a Target can have some hidden benefits. There's nothing like being targeted to teach your daughter about empathy and understanding for people who are bullied and/or discriminated against. Being a Target can also give her objectivity. She can see the costs of fitting in and decide she's better off outside the clique because at least she can be true to herself and/or find good friends who like her for who she is, not for her social standing.... her friends are true friends. A lot of girls don't have that security."

How girls view boys:

The Misunderstood Guy - he is intoxicating to girls because he combines the dangerous bad boy elements with sweetness. He acts hard and dangerous in public and then sweet in private with a girl. Because of his public/private persona he makes her feel special. If she stays with him, she thinks she can change him. This boy attracts intellectual/academic good girls because she can play the role of helper and rescuer. If parents or others just get to know him, they see him as she does. He hangs out with Aloof Boy and Thug/Bad Boy.

Thug/Bad Boy - is dangerous who often says disrespectful things to and about girls, can be mistaken for for Misunderstood Guy. Girls will date this boy to defy parents. She has no misconceptions as with Misunderstood: she knows he's bad and she gets to unset her parents, flirt with danger and shake a good girl reputation.

Nice Guy - often overlooked until at least the end of high school, this boy does not understand why girls say they want someone to treat them well, but go for the bad boys. Once he realizes girls like him, he reacts in two ways: is bewildered by the attention then recover and be a great boyfriend or turn into Player Guy to make up for lost time.

Aloof/Distant Guy - figured out how bad school is and wants to get through, has little tolerance with alpha males and school's spirit squad, has a cynical dry sense of humor. Maybe friends with Misunderstood, may occasionally hang out with Thug/Bad to rebel against the system, but doesn't want to get into that trouble.

Geek Guy - doesn't have social skills to get girls to attract to him. Girls may pity him, but mostly will treat him well to get help with homework; if he's funny and easy going he is liked.

Desperate Annoying Guy - doesn't listen to social cues, tends to talk too much into way too much detail and shows knowledge about odd topics.

Player Guy - good looking, good at giving compliments, girls want him and he knows it, will hook up with any girl who shows interest, but is not interested in commitment. Hangs out with alpha girls and similar guys.

Mr. Unattainable - can be confused with Player, but is different. He doesn't hook up randomly with girls, can be popular and an achiever.

Good Boy Jock - tries to be tough because he thinks that what everyone wants him to be, coaches want his strong and aggressiveness, dad is proud of his fights on the field and friends admire his strength and talent. He works hard in school, but excuses his effort by saying he doesn't want to get in trouble with poor grades.

The boys most likely to capture the girls and approval from other boys are the Thug/Bad Boy, Mr. Unattainable, and Player Guy.

Parenting Styles:

Lock Her In a Closet Parent - believes its possible to control daughter's movements and choose her friends, and that by telling her to just say no to drugs, alcohol and sex will work. She learns to sneak behind parents' back and not have the skills to get out of a bad situation.

Best Friend Parent - think their daughters tell them everything and want to be their daughter's best friend through high school. Daughter feels either torn to break away from over-involved parents and is forced to take extreme measures to separate themselves or never grows up.

Hip Parent - will do anything to be liked by her daughter and daughter's friends. An example is buying beer for parties in their home, and justifies it by saying they are going to drink, they may as well do it under my roof.

Children don't respect their Best Friend or Hip parents, and can easily manipulate them.

Push over Parent - these daughters are left to their own devices to make their own mistakes and with no guidance and no parental consequences. Teens want rules and boundaries - the only kids who don't wish for this parent are the ones who actually do.

Benign Neglect Parent - wants to do the right thing but is too exhausted by work and other obligations to create a structured environment that is needed. Inconsistency is the biggest problem as rules are made but are forgotten because parent is distracted, or too tired to enforce discipline. Daughters can take advantage of parents' guilt to turn the conversation from her behavior to parents' bad parenting.

No Excuses Parent - shows through word and deed that always getting up and doing well no matter how much she is pushed down is important. There is a high level of accountability and personal responsibility. Unfortunately, she learns to only rely on herself and is reluctant to ask for help, and won't ask when she is over her head.

Private Parent - wants to keep problems within the family, these daughters get the message that imperfection isn't human and comes with not getting the resources a girl may need.

No-Privacy Parent - will share publicly embarrassing information about their kids, to strangers or in home dinner guests. These children will go out of their way to hide information from their parents.

Don't Ask Don't Tell Parent - parents don't ask and girls don't tell what is really going on, conversations are superficial and parents aren't prepared or don't have the support their children need, ignorance they think is bliss.

Overbearing Parent - a parent's love, anxiety and fear combine to either overwhelm and incapacitate the daughter or drive her away.

Loving Hard Ass Parent - "parents with this philosophy know there may be things their daughter hides from them, but they don't take it as a personal insult or an indication that their relationship with their daughter is weak. When they make mistakes they own up to the behavior and right the wrong, and they encourage their daughter to do the same. They demonstrate that you can learn from mistakes and be better for it. They love their daughter unconditionally but hold her accountable for decisions and behavior that go against the family's values and ethics. When they're told that their daughter may have done something wrong, they listen and don't blame other people for their daughter's behavior. At the same time, they never make her feel ashamed of who she is"

Not gonna lie i already want to reread this

Great read with some really helpful advice when dealing with girl drama and boy drama in middle school. Highly recommend.

Well now that I can pin point every middle school kid at my kids school I'm a little annoyed! LOL Momma's always watching! LOL

I wish I didn't have to read this book, but the bullying situation at my daughter's school has gotten so out of hand it had become a necessity. It's a helpful book with some really good ideas, many of which I implemented in helping my daughter navigate through the tight-knit social cliques in her school (we're talking grade 4 here... ugh) but it definitely only dealt with more traditional problems. Fortunately, that's what my daughter is dealing with (queen bees, messengers, cruel notes being passed around, her being caught between wanting to be in the group and wanting nothing to do with them), but if your daughter is dealing with bullying over homosexuality or being targeted specifically, I don't think it would help much. This is more focused on dealing with the clique itself and its role in the classroom, not individuals who have become the targets of these people. And also, in my case, it didn't deal with the parents who are helping contribute to the bullying by texting nasty things to other parents about their daughters, and then telling their own daughters what the parents said so that those little girls can then go to school armed with what their parents gave them. The culture that grew up doing the bullying in the 80s is now perpetrating the bullying in the 2010s; perhaps that's something Ms. Wiseman might be able to deal with in her next edition. Overall, a very good read that helped me in my situation.

Enlightening. I was hesitant about this book's thesis. But after refection I agree that a girl's position in the social heirarchy can affect whether she becomes a perpetrator, bystander, or victim first among her relationships with girls and then later among her relationships with boyfriends.
I also now see the limitations of a "just say no" campaign.
And besides just scaring parents by iluminating the realities of Girl and Boy World in Adolescence, Wiseman also offers tips, techniques, scripts for better communication between parents/children, children/friends, girlfriends/boyfriends. I haven't yet purchased my copy, but I'm considering adding this book to my shelf for reference. Meaty reading especially if you reflect about your own experiences.

This is a book I read after seeing the movie Mean Girls, which is a fictionalization of this actual book, although it is a nonfiction book, not a novel. I soooo wish this book had been around when I was in school. It was a revelation to me and explained the grand majority of social interactions that happened to me back then. The language is easy to read and precise without being technical or psychoanalytic.

Good suggestions for getting out of bad situations -- bullying, gossiping, drinking parties, and so on. That sums up the book. I plan to read it with my girls when they get a bit older.

The movie is NOT true to the book in any way, shape, or form. Unfortunately, the movie glamourizes the very behaviors the book teaches you to avoid. At the end of the movie, a teenager will remember only that Jell-O shots and conveniently out-of-town parents are a necessity for any teen party. So, if you want to start a meaningful dialogue with your daughter, skip the movie and read the book together, instead.