I thought that this book started strong. But my problem with self-help books is that I grow bored of the topic. This book kept me until the last couple of chapters that I felt was pretty much common sense. But I feel strongly to urge every woman with or without daughters to read this book. It applies to those raising daughters and those still trying to grow up (which, let's be honest, is most of us). It helped me take a good look at myself and my "growing up as a girl" experience. Girls are just mean sometimes. I love that it helps give great advice to parents who will have to witness and help their daughters growing up in a girl-eat-girl world. I will definitely reread this as Catherine and Charlotte enter their fourth grade years to remind myself of what kind of parent I want to be and how I want to help shape my daughters as they grow into, hopefully, strong, intelligent, young women.

I feel this book encourages bullying and ostracizing of woman and girls who do not fit into the social construct promulgated by the author. She is not benefitting culture by creating this system, she is promoting becoming her own version of Regina and stepping on people's rights to set boundaries and develop into their own personality. The worst propaganda to hit schools.

One of the best books out there on the subject. Wiseman provides a comprehensive overview of what girls face from the ages of 8-18 in their interactions with each other, and at some point, with boys. There's lots of good advice in this book, but what I really liked about it was that Wiseman puts the reader in the shoes of what girls face as they experience adolescence and how their behavior is formed by how they feel about themselves.

There are no easy answers here, but we were able to put some of the tools to use during a bullying incident that occurred at my daughter's school with a clique of her friends (cliques are good things because the close friendships that they generate are important to adolescents). Having an understanding of the dynamics that were occurring helped me to stay calm and to be able to communicate openly with the counselor as we all worked together to resolve misunderstandings and to (hopefully) strengthen the bonds within this group going forward. Then, the virus hit and it's likely that the kids won't get back to campus this year. I'm curious to see whether the lessons learned carry over to start of middle school if we are unable to finish out the school year in person.

I highly recommend this book to parents of girls who are age 8-15. It's a resource that I know that I will go to time and time again.

This was a tough book to read as far as facing some of the realities of parenting, but it was informative and easy to follow. I am not sure that I agree with all of the presentation, but definitely worth the read. It does cause me to question my memories of my childhood, because either I did not experience much of these dynamics, or have blocked them out... The points on technology are good, even if you don't agree with her suggestions, it causes you to think about how you want to handle the issue in your own family.

Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/

Remember the dreaded “video” you were forced to watch in 5th grade, right before you started pubin’ out and became horrible? Schools should eliminate that and add a mandatory class on how to survive “Girl World” to the curriculum instead.

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Queen Bees and Wannabes is the first parenting book I’ve ever read. I never bothered with all the Dr. Spock nonsense. I mean really, who would trust a VULCAN to give the right advice about parenting? They don’t even have emotions for God’s sake!

As a mother of boys, this obviously wasn’t a book geared toward me. I do, however, often get asked if I’m “sad I didn't have more kids.” Well, to be blunt the answer has always been “if I didn't have to navigate them through Junior High and High School then . . . maybe.” This book confirmed those feelings . . .

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From the basics of mean girl behavior like gossip and slut shaming to more complex issues like drugs, alcohol, and sex - Queen Bees covers nearly everything. And while most of the advice seems to stem from basic common sense, if there’s one thing I’ve come to realize about ‘Muricans is there’s a good chunk of them that have none of it. Those people should flock to the bookstore stat in order to purchase this book.

Personally, I love the common sense approach to parenting. No offense to all the religious zealots out there, but I’m not one of you so if I wanted a “godly” parenting book I would go to the Christian Book Store and pick one up (or I would just ask Tom Cruise).

I was lucky, I guess. I never experienced much of the “mean girl” world as a kid. I was actively bullied one time. In Junior High School I was approached before school by a girl I knew from Adam who informed me she would be kicking my ass after school. Well, she didn’t, but she continued to inform me daily that she was still planning on it. My own private Dread Pirate Roberts.

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Good news to any youngsters reading this – if your bully is anything like mine she’ll get what’s coming to her . . .

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Ha! Not really, but there’s a good chance she’ll end up an unemployed loser with a bunch of kids in 20 years : )

The basic goal is to be aware of what position your daughter is playing in her social hierarchy in order to help her navigate adolescence effectively. If you are unfortunate enough to be raising a “Queen Bee,” how to attempt to turn her into one who uses her powers for good rather than evil . . .

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Or if your poor kid happens to be the bullied rather than the bully, to hopefully get her to a point where she can say . . .

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Bottom line, parents need to actively work on helping to create less of this type of girl . . .

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and more of this type of girl . . .

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Oh, and stop trying to be your child’s BFF. It is your job to keep them from being assholes – and if you find out they ARE being assholes, it is your job to actually follow the advice in this book and make them own up to it and apologize. I’ll gladly take the “I hate yous” or being told “I’m the worst” (there’s a tiara with that written on it just for me) if it means my kid didn’t ruin someone else’s life.

Queen Bees is more directed toward the parents of teenagers than Reviving Ophelia, but don't let that scare you off if you are a bullied student or interested in combating bullying from a sociological perspective.

Queen Bees was a helpful resource for me, who was bullied by mostly female peers from early adolescence into early adulthood with varying degrees of visciousness. I occasionally return to materials on bullying to help me understand what happened to me and how it still shapes my personality to this day, and to help me be a better resource for patrons who may ask me about classroom cruelty.

Wiseman helpfully categorizes the various players in cliques as Queen Bees, Sidekicks, Bankers, Floaters, Torn Bystanders, Pleasers/Wannabes/Messengers, and Targets. Humorously, I also categorized the cliquey girls in my high school lunchroom as "Class A's" (Queen Bees), "Class B's" (Sidekicks), and "Class C's" (Wannabes/Floaters). I fit into none of these, because, well, I was a textbook Target.

Wiseman writes of the Target:

-She feels helpless to stop the girls' behavior.
-She feels she has no allies. No one will back her up.
-She feels isolated.
-She can mask her hurt by rejecting people first, saying she doesn't like anyone.
...
She feels ashamed of being rejected by the other girls because of who she is. She'll be tempted to change herself in order to fit in. She feels vulnerable and unable to affect the outcome of her situation. She could become so anxious that she can't concentrate on schoolwork.

Yep, that was me, all right. Queen Bees hits the nail on the head when it informs readers that teens will rarely tell their parents the whole scope of what's going on. The insidious thing about bullying is the way it takes control of your brain: "Are they seeing something I'm not?" "There must be something really wrong with me." "I can't let my parents know I'm such a loser, they would be so ashamed." Although my parents were aware I wasn't treated well, they had no idea of the true scope of it all. I honestly wish this book would have been available to them when I was starting junior high and high school.

Wiseman also categorizes students outside the social cliques. I imagine I would have best fit into the "Quiet, Morose Girl/Loner" mold in high school...and, well, as an adult, for that matter. I do wish Wiseman would have talked more about how our social roles in youth often influence the development of our personalities as adults.

The author spends much time discussing the crucial aspect of boyfriends and correctly states that a relationship is a "crucial validation" for a girl that "increases her sense of self-worth." What she does not state is that this value explicitly takes its cues from adulthood. We are not a culture that holds singledom in high regard. Even though I was very much an adult when I entered into my first serious relationship, I too felt the rush of validation when I could finally say I had a boyfriend. Most females in our culture look to males for feelings of belonging and self-worth, and this is a problem of society in general, not just youth culture.

I read this for a vlog that I am currently working on, not because I thought it would actually be useful to me. To my surprise though a lot of Wiseman's advice for teen girls and their parents could actually be applied to most people in a variety of different situations.

She teaches you how to think rationally about decisions, stand up for yourself in a respectful way, ask for help and overall just communicate in a clear and effective manner. While the examples might not be relevant to every reader, the overarching message will be.

Not all of her advice is perfect though. Some of her methods of applying parental authority felt like overkill to me. There was an example about what to do if you walk in on your child having sex that made me want to die. Other little things too that I wasn't completely on board with, but everyone will have different opinions I suppose.

Wow - I hated this book! I’m pregnant with my first child - a daughter - and overdosing on parenting books. I saw this book in the library and thought it looked interesting.

This book was hard to read because it paints such a dramatic & painful view of female adolescence. It just isn’t realistic. I was a teen not that long ago. I was part of a clique and we were immature, but we never went to the lengths described as normal in this book. My childhood was actually really pleasant. It never occurred to me to drink, use drugs or have sex. I obeyed my parents. I focused on school. I went on a few dates later in high school, but never became obsessed with it. I had my first serious boyfriend in college and married my second boyfriend at 25. We honored our morals and waited until marriage to act like married people. All my friends had christian values and when someone fell short and behaved badly, they’d eventually seek forgiveness. The world described by the author just isn’t one I have ever experienced.

Sex, drugs, drinking and disrespect for authorities is portrayed as normal. Those who disagree are dismissed as “in denial” or “naive”. The parents reading this book must have been truly messed up themselves to think this behavior is normal or acceptable. Maybe they are too busy trying to be their daughter’s friend or building her “self esteem” to actually parent.

The book also completely disregards and pointedly does not acknowledge the role of God or morals. Umm, maybe all these problems exist because you are refusing to acknowledge God & morals! There is a section where the author says there is “no excuse” for not providing sex education to your daughter. She mocks those who believe in abstinence. There are also several sections on homosexuality and “accepting” this lifestyle.

The author describes girls as “nasty” and this just has never been my experience.

This book started out sounding really useful and relevant but the further I got into it, the harder it was to keep reading and the less relevant it seemed to my own daughters. I had both the audio and paperback versions of this book, and realized partway through that they were not the same edition.. I suspect the audio was the first edition as it was published in 2008, and it doesn't say which edition it is. The paperback was the second edition published in 2009, and there is also a 3rd edition published in 2016. Neither of the versions I have match the pictures on Goodreads so I'm not entirely sure, but the audiobook version was quite outdated in online guidance and in the desires and aspirations of girls. If your girls don't hold a typical role in a popular girls' clique, or if they identify with any form of LGBTQIA2S+, they probably don't want the same look, friends or attention that's described in this book. I can only hope that the 3rd edition is more up to date and relevant

We just got the notice about parents' night at the middle school...I guess I better get reading this book a little faster!!

Queen Bees and Wannabees had a lot of great take-aways for parenting middle school/high school girls. The sections on cliques and how your daughter fits into them was very interesting. It brought back memories of my high school days and gave me a refresh about how young ladies feel when presented with lots of new situations. A lot of this information was applicable to high school teens, and while I only have a 6th grader right now, it doesn't hurt to go ahead and be on the lookout for the upcoming years. I love the role playing situations for when your child is the one in the wrong or has been wronged.

My one negative about this book is that it feels very dated. With the rise of technology, tweens and teens are facing more obstacles than ever, and I would love a new look at how phones and social media have impacted all the other dynamics.

This book is a great overview of the many experiences that young women will encounter, but I would need more updated text for it to become my go-to parenting guide. There is a ton of great knowledge to be gleaned here though!

3.5 stars

You may be wondering why I read this book. I mean, I'm not a mom, or even a teenager trying to figure out what's going on. Well... I heard that this book inspired the movie Mean Girls (yes, I'm slow), and I was curious as to what kind of non-fiction book could inspire the movie. Although disclaimer: I've only watched the movie once, and if not for the ten year anniversary thing going on two years ago, I may not have remembered it (and yes, that's how slow I am).

Basically, this book is on how to talk to your teenage girl like she's an adult, and not like a child. And a reminder to think back as to what the adult was like as a child, and to assume that the basic personality of the teenager is the same. The only thing that's different is the use of technology, and how that has changed the dynamic, making it easier for bullying to take place, and for news to spread.

To be honest... I'm still not sure which part of the social hierarchy I was. I mean, I had a few close friends, but until I graduated, I didn't even know we had groups. I had to ask my friends and be told "Yes, Eustacia, we did have popular girls." So either this form of interaction is more applicable to Western societies, or I'm just really, really blur. It's one of the two.

I did find the book interesting, even though I didn't really notice any of what she said happening. I'm guessing it's a Western/American sort of thing, or perhaps I was just a really, really obedient child. And now... I feel like watching the movie Mean Girls again - because now the mom who tries to be cool, the Queen Bee dynamic, and all that will start to make more sense to me (rather than just being a movie). Perhaps that's why the movie has stood the test of time - because it's based on real experiences and resonated with enough people.

This review was first posted at Inside the mind of a Bibliophile