Wow, this is a must read for all parents, teenagers, and pretty much anyone really! It's a super informative book detailing how parental behaviour affects teenagers' actions, I really recommend it for anyone who has even the slightest interest in teen behavioural patterns.

in depth descriptions but i also felt the book was very limiting by the labeling. i know tons of kids who 'rise above' the games and who could really care less about who's in and who's out. i almost got the impression that in a way the author is way into the drama of it all and working in the schools she's sort of a queen bee by being in the fray. i'm thankful for my faith and how that gives purpose to 'treat others how you want to be treated' and also service projects that get focus of yourself and onto serving others with love. that whole aspect was basically not addressed. the role plays were unrealistic - yes, in an ideal world our kids could say those things but in the real world they will just get a 'whatever' and maybe a laugh from their peers. sad but true.

I read this book when my oldest daughter entered Middle School this past year. The author is obviously qualified to write on this subject, but she assumes things that just aren't relevant in my own daughter's case. First of all, she assumes that all girls are in cliques. She also assumes that all girls are gossips. I found the examples that she gave on how my daughter should react, specifically what she should say, when she's being bullied too adult. They weren't realistic. I'm sure the bullies would have a field day with those responses.

I also don't agree that you can't control what your daughter wears. Not all girls want to look "sexy". If you teach them modesty and how to dress properly, the chances are that they won't fall too far from your standards. Besides, who's buying their clothing? You are.

She tells you how to "tip-toe" around your daughter and her feelings so that you can stay close to her and she will confide in you. What not to say, what to say. Some of it was good but other then parts...not so much.

I did agree with her views about the importance of keeping daughters safe with technology (cell phones, computers, Facebook, etc.)

Depending on your situation I think this book could be of enormous benefit, but it wasn't for us.

Reading this book as part of a teacher's group. It's interesting if you are a mom of a middle school girl or teach them or some how find them near and dear. The author get's a little silly by saying things like if you walk in your daughters room and she is have sex with her boyfriend, give them time to get dressed and come out of the bedroom. The apologize for having entered her room without knocking....

Ok the author can be very silly.

I've been curious about the book that inspired the movie Mean Girls for a while, and though dated now (Make sure you get the beeper numbers of all your daughter's friends! What to do if your tween wants to wear halter belly tops with cargo pants?) the friendship roles and high school roles of girls/boys she lays out still ring true, and so are a lot of the struggles teens have and the messages society sends them. The book focuses on speaking to parents about how to save the relationship with their teens, and presumes that the audience is raising middle class suburban white girls. I think the book will lose parents dealing with teens being raised in poverty or parents raising very sheltered teens. Some of the scripts for talking to your kid were ridiculous, but I did like the emphasis on treating a teen as a person/affirming her exploration of self even if you don't like her choices.

OK this book is scary. I got about 60 pages in and decided I needed to put it down for a few more years until these issues are more relevant to my daughter. I'd rather catch up on the last 3 months of New Yorkers...

This book gave me a panic attack. Because I was so busy being appalled and terrified, I couldn't really see the nuggets of advice that my friend insisted were in here.

This book was okay. I have always thought Mean Girls, while over the top, was the most accurate movie portrayal of high school that I've ever seen. It definitely struck home with me-even if I wasn't ever really bullied or a bully myself. So I always wanted to read this book.

Perhaps I will like it more when I'm more the target audience, although I know the mean girl hierarchy stuff happens earlier and earlier these days.

What I really liked: That its basic message is one of all good parenting books-you need to LISTEN and validate your children's feelings so that they feel like they can talk to you. You can still be a sounding board for your kids and have your own values. It's possible, just tricky. If and when they feel like they can talk to you then you have the opportunity to be a bigger influence in their lives and help them navigate growing up.

What I really didn't like: This book is scarier than any horror book I've ever read. She makes statements throughout the whole book like "your daughter will experiment with drugs" or "your daughter will be having sex" Um....no. I made it through high school and I had lots of friends (in high school and post high school) who made it through high school without that. Even teenagers can have standards, them having a really hard time is not a foregone conclusion. It wasn't a religious book at all but it made me personally grateful that I have some spiritual help in raising my kids-something that was never addressed in the book.

I finished this book in pretty much one day. The idea is simple: Wiseman teaches you as a parent what could go on in your teenage girl's (and a little bit of a teenage boy's) social and school life. Wiseman was quite spot on. I as a fresh-out-of-high-school student thought she hit all advice and diagrams right on the nail.

When reading, I was quite aware that the book was the basis for the film Mean Girls. It was cool finding specific parts that were talked about (for example, the junior girls meeting in the gym scene took lines from an experiment Wiseman held and talks about early on in the book).

One thing I didn't like is how Wiseman somewhat leads you to believe your child WILL do bad things in high school. I think we all know that that's not necessarily true, and she probably didn't even deliberatley want to bring that point across. She also had a nice little list of movies you can watch and discuss with your daughter and while I do like a lot of the movies listed, it's really silly to sit and ask your daughter how you relate to Whoopi Goldberg's character in "The Color Purple" for example. But do what you want; I'm not your daughter's keeper, or yours.

So, if you feel your teenage daughter is...well, being a teenager and you don't understand, I suggest picking this up. And always be open minded when reading this. That's all I suggest. Very easy, very interesting.

Este libro, que empecé a leer como meme porque basó "Mean Girls" se convirtió en uno de los análisis más interesantes y completos de la socialización masculina y femenina que he leído. Pero no solo eso; también analiza la creación de las dinámicas de poder sociales que empiezan en la adolescencia y se desarrollan toda la vida. Creo que mucho de lo que se escribe aquí puede ser extrapolable tanto a la adolescencia como a la adultez. Y, por supuesto, nos puede ayudar en la gestión de las personas que somos productos de sociedades incompletas donde la cultura de los cuidados y la sororidad no era conocida. Le recomendaría leer este libro a cualquier persona que tenga que lidiar con otras personas.

In this guide to female teenage adolescence, Wiseman advises parents by educating them about teenage friendships, romance, and relationship to drugs, alcohol, and sex. She examines and analyzes the power structure of friendships, the role of gossip and reputations, young female identity, and the relationship to boys (romance and in terms of power). She advises parents on how to keep communication open with their daughters, while empowering them to make healthy and strong decisions with their daughters, without controlling them.
I do not have a daughter, but I am a middle school teacher that deals frequently with “mean girl” behavior. Unfortunately, this book was not particularly helpful for my sphere in helping students navigate these complex and dangerous waters. It is definitely much more helpful for parents who set rules and expectations in the home and through the parenting relationship. It was a good look into the world, the needs, and concerns of young women, with good information and sympathy to their situation.
Another problem with the book is that it felt quite outdated. Published almost 20 years ago, it doesn’t recognize the roles of cellphones, social media, and the internet in “girl world”. This technology has greatly changed the way teenagers interact with each other, and often with the world. It can be both isolating and therapeutic. This sort of leads into another concern I had with the book. I know that the author is a researcher and her use of labels and types is meant to help parents and researchers, but it really grated against me. People, particularly teenagers, are individuals. They may have many needs and desires, and ways of coping, in common, but they are individuals. Labels, of the other hand, are very dangerous and can strip away individuality. All children need love, acceptance, empowerment and support, and labels may get in the way of that.
I think there is some incredibly good advice in this book—particularly on how to empower young women to make decisions, and also on how toxic masculinity is so hurtful to both genders/sexes. I also think that the book was ahead of its time in dissecting and understanding teenage bullying and social interactions. There’s a lot of good advice here. It might be time, though, to update it.

Book Review: Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman

tShe is a slut. She is trying too hard. What is she wearing? He is desperate for attention. He is so dumb. Ugh. These phrases are all too common in the teen world. Between the ages of twelve and eighteen years, teenagers’ worse critics are themselves—along with the other three hundred or so students that go to their school. Rosalind Wiseman’s Queen Bees and Wannabes is a nonfiction book that guides parents and teens alike through the obstacles of the adolescent world. Wiseman is an internationally renowned expert on children, teens, parents, bullying, and social justice. Her knowledge and expertise evidently comes through the story with the critical thinking she expresses on the subject. The story primarily focuses on girls, cliques, and social status. Wiseman explains that these three things are all intertwined. What girls say and what they do can all be traced back to these three things. Wiseman makes undeniable connections and fosters deep discussion that compels me to agree with her thesis. Girls deeply want to fit in.
tBeing considered “out” or “not fitting in” can mean several things according to the book. Girls who are not popular, who have a negative reputation, who do not fit a preconceived image, or who are just simply different can earn them the title of being “out”. Attempting to fit in or increasing your social status is the biggest theme that is presents in this book. My reaction right off the bat was that the stuff that Wiseman was describing is quite true. “Most girls are obsessed about their looks…” (76). This was one of the many quotes I found myself nodding my head in agreement. Girls are the most self-conscious beings in the world. Many of us constantly look and compare ourselves to other girls.
tIt is no secret us girls have many insecurities. My nose is too big. My thighs are too fat. My skin is so terrible. There is always something we do not like about ourselves. This is quite true for everyone as a matter of fact. No surprise in that. What does strike me though, is how something as simple or trivial as fitting in means so much to us in our adolescent years. It may be true that this desire may dim down over the years, but in middle school to high school, it is the hot topic. Wiseman does a great job interweaving and expressing the teenage angst in this. Throughout the book she lays out quotes from real girls and boys that have taken in her Empower classes. “’I should be what other people want me to be. I should act how they want me to act or else I won’t have any friends. Jane, 18’” (127). As a side note, Empower classes are essentially where Wiseman discusses the topics she has in this book to girls and boys ranging from middle to high school.
tWith all this talk about teenage girls and their antics, Wiseman does a good job of not forgetting the parents in this situation. At the end of every chapter the author outlines a What Can You Do section where she gives advice to parents on how to react, handle, and deal with the situation or issue their daughter has. This was quite an effective way to include the parents. It makes readers know that girls do not have to deal with the things they are dealing with by themselves; they will always have someone to talk to no matter what.
tAll in all Wiseman does a fantastic job explaining the issue of fitting in which is the predominate theme she outlines throughout the book. The tactics she uses were effective in the sense that it was organized, it provided real world examples, and it made sure to include everyone. While this was a nonfiction story, it was still interesting to read. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in making sense of the complicated world of adolescence.