I think this book has some good concepts but is not broadly applicable. She lost me a lot with the Higher Power Al-Anon stuff. Some of the other reviews have other recommendations I might try. Other folks might find this more appealing if you’re into that kinda thing but the constant “God loves you even though you’re co-dependent” theme was annoying. I don’t think God is particularly interested in my complicated interpersonal relationships, and I’m not interested in his. I wouldn’t pick this up again and probably wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who isn’t openly faithful.

Traucējoši daudz piemin Dievu, ir jūtami vecmodīga un lielākā daļa grāmatas ir veltīta tiem, kuri ir alkoholiķu un citādi atkarīgo līdzatkarīgie, bet tāpat var iegūt vērtīgas atziņas par emocionālu iesaistīšanos, vēlmi glābt cilvēkus, reāģēšanu uz citu cilvēku emocijām, citu cilvēku likšanu pirms sevis, sevis nostādīšanu upura lomā, emocionālo atdalīšanos, atklātības un godīguma praktizēšanu utt.

This book addressed me specifically. So many of the symptoms of co-dependency have been present in my life since I was a child. I appreciated the compassionate approach to co-dependency, which came from an author who is herself a recovering co-dependent. Many friends have told me that I shouldn't be so hard on myself or that I should take better care of myself, but I disregarded this advice. It wasn't that I disagreed with my friends; rather, compliance threatened to remove the illusion of safety I manufacture through pleasing and rescuing those around me.

I would mention that although Beattie mentions God, it is a secular conceptualization of the Alcoholic's Anonymous' concept of a "Higher Power." Also, many conservative Christians may be concerned with the emphasis on self-care, which might be construed to be selfishness. However, caring for yourself is one of the less selfish things a co-dependent can do.

Overall, this book provided lots of valuable information and encouragement. Not sure why God didn't allow me to discover it sooner.

oh just a light read recommended by my therapist lmao but fr so good I needed to read this like 15 yrs ago

Līdzatkarības būtību vislabāk var saprast tie, kas tam iet vai ir gājuši cauri. Es to nesaku, lai no 'sarunas' izolētu tos, kas par laimi ar to nav saskārušies. Tā tas vienkārši dzīvē ir: ne ar visiem cilvēkiem, arī pašiem tuvākajiem, ir iespējams par līdzatkarīgām attiecībām izrunāties tā, ka tu iegūsti tieši to atbalstu, kas tev nepieciešams. Tieši tāpēc, ka otrs cilvēks, iespējams, ne līdz galam saprot, kā darbojas līdzatkarība un kāpēc no tās ir tik grūti tikt vaļā. Dažreiz tas ir tādēļ, ka arī mēs paši, iespējams, vēl neesam apjautuši, ka esam līdzatkarīgās attiecībās un kā tieši tas ietekmē gan mūs pašus, gan apkārtējos (tieši un netieši iesaistītos). Labi, ka ir grāmatas, psihologi un terapeiti.

Šī pašpalīdzības grāmata par līdzatkarīgām attiecībām un atbrīvošanos no tām ir ļoti meditatīva. Katrā nodaļā autore izskaidro konkrēto tēmu caur dažādiem piemēriem, izskaidro, kā domā un rīkojas atkarīgie un līdzatkarīgie. Piemēri ir tik ļoti relatable, ka, lasot grāmatu, sanāk piedzīvot tik ļoti dažādas emocijas. Iespējams, tas ir atšķirīgi katram cilvēkam atkarībā no tā, kādā līdzatkarīgu attiecību situācijā viņi ir. Es gan smaidīju, gan izdusmojos, gan raudāju, gan jutos atklāta kā kaila uz skatuves. Ļoti terapeitiska un tiešām meditatīva pieredze.

Iesaku arī pastrādāt ar grāmatā esošajiem praktiskajiem uzdevumiem, kā arī lasot pierakstīt to, ko pārdomā, atklāj vai vēlies padziļinātāk papētīt lasīšanas gaitā.

Iespējams, ka piekto zvaigzni nevaru ielikt, jo man personīgi lasot nebija izteikti lielu, ground-breaking atklājumu - laikam jau manas traģiskākās līdzatkarīgās attiecības ir kādus pāris gadus aiz muguras, daudz ko jau esmu sapratusi caur savu personīgo, patstāvīgo dzīves pieredzi. Varbūt arī priekš manis grāmatā bija drusciņ par daudz runu par Dievu. Vienlaikus arī nevēlos būt ārkārtīgi strikta savā vērtējumā, jo autore nav psiholoģijas zinātnes pārstāve, bet raksta vairāk no savas pieredzes. Neatkarīgi no iztrūkstošās piektās zvaigznes, grāmata, manuprāt, ir ļoti vērtīga. Es redzu sevi nākotnē pārlasām konkrētas nodaļas vai vismaz manas personīgās piezīmes un izrakstītos citātus, kad man tas būs aktuāli.

Jebkurā gadījumā - lasot guvu ļoti daudz vērtīgu atziņu. Mani ļoti uzrunāja nodaļas par ļaušanu sev just emocijas un būt izlēmīgam. Pēdējā laikā kā reiz praktizēju ļauties dažādu emociju neapspiešanai un izjušanai un būt izlēmīgai. It kā vienkārši, bet nav viegli.

Būtiskākā no atziņām laikam ir tā, ka man joprojām ir spēcīga tendence veidot līdzatkarīgas attiecības - un tas nav kaut kas, par ko priecājos un ar ko esmu gatava samierināties. Galvenais ir to apzināties - un tad jau var strādāt ar sevi un savu dzīvi.

Dažas man mīļas atziņas:

Kā līdzatkarīgie mēs bieži vien zaudējam saikni ar emocionālo daļu sevī. Dažreiz mēs emocionāli nocietināmies, lai nesabruktu. Būt emocionāli viegli ievainojamam ir bīstami. Sāpes krājas cita citai virsū un rodas sajūta, ka nevienam gar to nav nekādas daļas. Drošāk ir aiziet. Mēs esam sāpju pārpilni, tāpēc, lai sevi pasargātu, sākam kaut ko neievērot.

Gadās, ka tieši tie, par kuriem mēs šaubāmies visvairāk, par sevi spēj parūpēties vislabāk tad, kad mēs pārstājam rūpēties par viņiem.

n  Lai kādā situācijā mēs arī būtu, mēs varam iet lēni.n

This book is great for my fellow “empaths” out there who tend to want to solve other peoples’ problems for them. The bottom line is that we have to learn how to detach and let people feel the consequences of their own actions. This book is especially beneficial for those who find themselves in close relationship with someone who abuses substances. It briefly goes through what the 12 step process looks like for members of Al-anon. Overall good read.

One of the most transformational books I've ever read, during a really transformative time in my life. I found that this was most useful to evaluate and figure out my codependency in terms of my perfectionism and people pleasing. I also found it helpful to evaluate my connections to other institutions and relationships and whether I allow myself to become too emotionally enmeshed/highjacked there as well.

This book is incredible. I don’t know how I haven’t read it before, but I’m so glad I’ve read it now. This has helped me make some life-changing decisions. I WILL be rereading this several times over and I plan to buy the workbook to dive even deeper into this topic.
First book of 2022 and I don’t see how any other book this year is going to beat it!

practicing what I preach.

I gave it three stars because I read the entire book, and I'm still codependent. I was sort of hoping this would like, cure me. Fix all my issues, sort of like the knight and shining self-help book I've always been waiting for. But it didn't immediately read my mind and meet my needs, and I was crushed. I thought, maybe if I am a better reader, it will be a happier book and then all my dreams will come true. So I tried to be perfect, I ignored all it's flaws, and I put all it's needs first ... Everything. Nothing worked. I became angry and embittered, became passive aggressive, made empty threats. I was ten different kinds of needy. Then one day, I had enough, and I gave up. I set some boundaries, started to detach with love and take care of myself. I learned how to stop controlling self-help books and start caring for myself.

An eye-opening book that reveals many behaviors one adopts to handle living with someone with addiction problems, or as in my case, mental-health issues. I never realized the extent to which my relationship warped me, to some level my fault for allowing it to happen, but the book also presented a lot of ways to come to an understanding of what it means to be a codependent and also ways to combat and correct behavior. I didn't completely like the religious angles that much, though they will be good for some people, and at times it seemed as though there was an awfully large umbrella for which people could be defined as codependent. But I learned from this book and took a step in the right direction in trying to regain control of my life.

Haha…welcome to my insides, goodreads

What I learned from this book? Good grief! I learned soooooo much! This book opened my eyes to the path toward self-discovery, self-love, and learning how to deal with difficult relationships. I very highly recommend this book, not just for people who live with an alcoholic, but for anyone who is trying desperately hard to fix a bad relationship, whether it's with your spouse, your parents, your children...with anyone you love. I learned how my upbringing has the power to wreck my current and future relationships if I let it. I learned how to let go of the unfixable...that the only person I have any control over is myself. I learned that I can let go of all that free-floating guilt that I never earned. What a relief! The tenets of this book are so simple...you wonder why you didn't think of them yourself! But the truth is, Ms. Beattie writes in such a simple, straight forward way that even though you may have heard much of this before, you never really processed it. At least that was my experience. I wish I had read this book years ago!