'Codependents make great employees. They don’t complain; they do more than their share; they do whatever is asked of them; they please people; and they try to do their work perfectly'

Very much of its time, especially with regards to SUD terminology and its highly gendered and heteronormative approach to defining and treating codependency. However! That does not impact how foundational and empowering this text has been for so many years. It totally changed my perspective on codependency, thank you Glennon Doyle...

A very helpful and important book about co-dependency. The author speaks kindly and is supportive and there are lots of practical suggestions too. My criticisms would be that it seems very dated in places, and she does like to use the word "God" when I would've preferred her to use Higher Power, however, that should not diminish the significance or importance of this book. There is no mention of CoDA either, so I am guessing as an organisation, it did not exist when the book was written. It's a good start, for those who feel definitions and explanations of the term and actions around co-dependency are needed and is very helpful. Recommended

Several years ago when I first heard the term "codependent," I was stopped in my tracks. Not only did it describe me in vivid detail, but I had always seen that part of me as a good thing. "Shouldn't we all be co-dependent?" I thought. "Isn't it a Christian virtue to extend yourself/ to burn out in service for others?" In terms of marriage, I had idolized my marriage and had even said about my husband, "My favorite part of me is you." I thought it was cute. I thought it was good to make myself small and him of outsized importance. But once I heard the term used in a negative way, I had to pursue it. And, I had to admit, I was overwhelmed, burnt out, and ready to collapse from trying to rescue and fix people, and I started to realize how vulnerable I was because of how I viewed myself. So, I've been on a road of self-awareness, deconstruction, and reconstruction over the past several years. This is the first book I've read, though, on the topic, and it was excellent. Here are a few quotes that I wrote in my journal:

"Codependency is a way of getting needs met that doesn't get needs met. We've been doing the wrong things for the right reasons."

"Codependency is many things. It is a dependency on people--on their moods, behaviors, sickness or well-being and their love. It is a paradoxical dependency. Codependents appear to be depended upon, but they are dependent. They look strong but feel helpless. They appear controlling but in reality are controlled themselves."

"Detachment is not detaching from the person whom we care about but from the agony of involvement."

"Caretaking looks like a much friendlier act than it is. It requires incompetency on the part of the person being taken care of."

"I believe God wants us to help people and share our time, talents, and money. But I also believe He wants us to give from a position of high self-esteem....We also shouldn't do things for others that they ought to and are capable of doing for themselves. Other people aren't helpless. Neither are we."

Although co-dependency is often associated with the partners of alcoholics, many others, especially those who have troubled families of origin can manifest codependent behaviors. If you see yourself in any of this, definitely pick up the book!

Besides the poor writing style, this book is meaningless. If you are human you are codependent. Period!
Page after page, the same thing. Repetitive, preachy, persecutory but not redeeming. It reads as if written by an angry teenager. If you need an unhealthy dose of self-hate go for this book otherwise do yourself a favor and get a copy of one of Brene Brown's books.

Life changing.

۲۱ مرداد ۱۴۰۳

Viena no labākajām grāmatām par cilvēku psiholoģiju kādu esmu lasījusi. Lai gan tēma "līdzatkarība" var šķist ļoti speficiska, tā ietver daudz vairāk nekā pirmjā brīdi šķiet - spēju saprast un apzināties savas jūtas, emocijas, pašvērtējumu un tā visa nozīmi attiecībās ar sevi un attiecībās ar citiem.

Wow... I’m super codependent and really should have read this about 20 years ago. I feel like codependency is the “nice person” disorder. No one likes to admit that they don’t have life all figured out, but this book seriously made me question and come to better understand some long held beliefs I’ve had that I thought were good but were actually damaging for me and others around me.

This will be a book I will be keeping around and referencing. If you feel like you can control or change others (especially by being nice or doing something for them), if you resent what you have given to others (time, attention etc.), if you believe that everyone else should share your opinion and it makes you upset if they don’t, if you make decisions based on how it might affect others opinions of you, you probably need to read this book.

I am glad I read it now because I feel like it will help me to be a better mother, among other things. This is definitely a topic I will be working on and exploring more.

I read this book for a woman's group in order to participate fully in the discussion. It slants heavily toward alcoholism, Alcoholics Anonymous, and Christianity, which served as a distraction for me since none of these are a part of my life. That being said, I definitely benefitted from reading this book. While I'm relieved to know I am not a full-blown codependent who becomes intertwined with dysfunctional people, I definitely saw myself in many of the "positive" codependent characteristics...giving too much, sacrificing myself for others, etc...in the name of love. I realize now that when this goes so far, it's not "positive"...and, it was time for some boundaries. I started installing them today.

Αν πιστεύεις πως, αν αισθανθείς άσχημα και ανησυχήσεις για μεγάλο χρονικό διάστημα, θα αλλάξεις τα πράγματα, τότε κατοικείς σε άλλον πλανήτη, με διαφορετικά συστήματα αναφοράς της αλήθειας.
Είμαστε κάτι παραπάνω από τα προβλήματά μας. Μπορούμε να είμαστε κάτι παραπάνω από τα προβλήματά μας. Φυσικά, δεν είναι εύκολο να ανακαλύψουμε την ευτυχία στον ίδιο μας τον εαυτό, αλλά και δεν είναι δυνατόν να τη βρούμε οπουδήποτε αλλού. Πηγάζει από μέσα μας.

Γι'αυτό, μέσα σε κλίμα αγάπης και αξιοπρέπειας, λέγε πάντα την αλήθεια - όπως την εννοείς, όπως την αισθάνεσαι και όπως την ξέρεις - και αυτή θα σε απελευθερώσει!
Πίστεψε πως αξίζει να ζεις αυτή τη ζωή και αυτή σου η πεποίθηση θα δημιουργήσει το γεγονός. Μη φοβάσαι να ζήσεις.

I am not a person who likes tough love, and it was a very hard to keep reading this book when it felt like I was being torn apart. But I was assured by the person who handed me this book, by looking at their happiness and personality, that the end must be better. Well, she was "tough love" statements through out the book. Reflecting/looking back after having read this book, and I do feel very good, and positive after all. Each chapter ended with an assignment/activity for one to complete. Usually consisted of writing a few sentences, and I did just that. Now having finished the book, I get to read those, and see how I evolved as a person, and see that I am in the right path in making myself that person I see myself, and want to be. I think the bok is great and recommend it to anyone who is down in life and having issues with family and/or friends.