I guess I still have some co-dependence issues because I forced myself to finish this book even though I didn't want to. . .haha, not really, I skimmed the last 25%. . .so there!

This book is referred to as the Bible of co-dependency and I have heard it referenced many times as I am a social worker. I thought it was about time that I actually read the book. In all fairness, this book has helped many people and I can see how it can be helpful.

If you are specifically affected by an active alcoholic (spouse, child, or parent), if you are a Christian, if you favor 12 step programs, and if you have never been in therapy then I think you will get quite a bit out of this book and may even be life changing for you.

As for the rest of the population coping with co-dependency, the search continues for a better book to recommend. :-)

I had heard good things about this book, so I was looking forward to reading it. But as I read, it became obvious that the author was not accounting for systemic oppression, neurodivergencies, power imbalances in relationships, or any mental illnesses other than addiction. She constantly suggests Christianity is required to heal from codependency, even though the book is not advertised as a religious work. She references debunked mental health concepts and disorders, contradicts herself frequently, and lists healthy human behaviors (such as crying or feeling frustrated) along with domestic abuse (such as controlling a partner's access to resources or threatening them with violence) as implied equal symptoms of codependency. While she pays lip service to therapy and medication for mental health, she also repeatedly stigmatizes them and suggests they are ineffective. The first few chapters have a judgmental, blaming, and abrasive tone toward codependent people, before flipping to a more sympathetic tone that contradicts many of the earlier points, making the beginning an off-putting and needless experience. Lastly, the book actually focuses not on general codependency, but on people with loved ones who have compulsive behaviors; many pages are devoted to explaining and recommending 12-step programs. Overall, this book would have benefitted from massive editing to make the concepts cohesive, a more accurate title, and sensitivity readers.

The more I read books like this, the more I'm realizing that I have come much farther in healing from toxic relationships than I thought. I couldn't really find myself relating to this. I do think it could be incredibly helpful for people who are currently going through tough relationships or the aftermath, but I'm just extremely blessed to be perfectly content in my relationship and I've dealt with feelings from past relationship traumas.

Just awful and did not match the description on the back at all, in fact, I stopped reading 3 times to reread the summary to see if I was crazy. Granted, I didn't finish the book, but I can only assume it didn't get any better after the first 8 chapters.

I felt like the intro did an adequate job of introducing the topic making the next two chapters painfully redundant discussing how codependency is defined. It felt like reading a high schooler's assignment in which they were just trying to fill space and make it as long as possible without introducing any new or helpful information.

I also really disliked the emphasis on codependency with alcoholics, drug abusers, sex addicts, and generally extreme forms of codependency. It really alienated me as a reader.

VERY helpful book for many women, including my former self. I have read and recommended, and bought this book countless times for others. I buy every copy I see at garage sales and used book stores, knowing that shortly, someone will come into my sphere that needs it. This book is about taking care of YOURSELF, your neglected areas of living and using boundaries, both on yourself (being caretakers we frequently overreach ourselves) and on others. It clears up messy areas of emotions and I think should be required reading for everyone.
"Its' not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is NOT possible to find it elsewhere".

Book discusses how to stop thinking of yourself as a victim- a victim of an abuser, of an alcoholic, of life. Discuses goal setting, thinking clearly, and how to begin to understand yourself as YOU see yourself not as others define you. Clearly, we are each created to our own purpose, and this book helps you discover yourself.

Wow! This book was incredible and was the culmination of a lot I have learned about myself in the last 3 years. I definitely have a personality that makes it easy for me to become codependent. Things I especially loved about the book: I loved when the author talked about control and the belief that we can control others is just an illusion. I loved how the author implored everyone to follow your bliss and do things to love and heal yourself. I loved the phrase, hurt people hurt people. And I loved the emphasis on meaning what you say and say what you mean, instead of using manipulation to get what you want.

I will say, this book is really focused on those who take care of others with substance issues and I don't have that in my life so there were aspects of the book I couldn't connect with. Overall though, you don't need to be a complete codependent crazy person to get something out of this book.

I recommend this book to everyone but especially to those who are people pleasers.

Well, religious stuff aside, it helped me recognize some of my bad habits.

I think that topic of this book is very interesting. It was brave to write about it back in the days when the book was first published. It inspired me to think about the way I deal with myself and others.

However finishing this book requires a lot of grit, I believe one could put all this content on 20 pages and add much more interesting examples of less extreme forms of being codependent, as well as more dialogues and techniques of dealing with it.

Exactly what I needed! Why did it take me so long to read this book? I have heard about it over the years but never picked it up. I guess this was the time I was meant to read it. Let go and let God. My mantra........ I feel like we are ALL codependent , I couldn't help thinking of all the people I know that need to read this book. Ha that's me being co depend at !!! Even bought one for my sister ...... Now if she would just read it! It's a process I know ........

No notes. I'm only sad I didn't read it sooner.

I had to read this for class and I truly enjoyed it more than I thought I would. I don’t love the part of the subtitle of the book “how to stop controlling others” because although that is a theme of codependents, it being in the subtitle throws me off. I think this book is a lot more than that. It shines light on addiction but this book can be applicable to a lot of people, whether they know someone who’s dealing with substance abuse or not. Pretty empowering stuff in here

My therapist recommended this book to help me confront my controlling and codependent tendencies and find better ways to communicate and prioritize my own needs over someone else's. I'd say it has helped, but most of the book speaks to codependents affected by a loved one's alcoholism/chemical dependency. There are helpful tips for generally codependent people if you're willing to read through a bunch of stuff that is extreme and inapplicable to you. Also, I don't know if I should blame AA or the author, but it relies heavily on looking to a God/Higher Power to solve your problems so if you're an atheist you have that much more to weed through to get to the stuff that's actually helpful. Also it's riddled with typos.