it's written more for teens and people in active mental health crisis, but i love the framing and i love the idea of having a list of things, large or small, to try in order to shift a mood a little bit toward the better. not all of them resonated with me. that is okay. it has inspired me to think about what my 101 things should be.

It takes a lot for me to give a book five stars, but this book is one I can't give any less to. Why?

I think it has the potential to change lives. Kate Bornstein is plain cool and her 101 alternatives to killing yourself are totally awesome. I feel inspired by her book, something that I haven't felt in a long time. And her book has given me just what I need to keep on living -- at least for now. And if I reach that point again, I'll read this book again. And I'll keep reading it and recommending it.

P.S. I loved the multiple references to The Teenage Liberation Handbook. I really dig Grace Llewelyn.

I love you so much, Kate Bornstein. Thank you for this book. I've given it to several strange girls (and boys.)

#itgetsbetter

So I wrote a pretty in-depth review of this book for PrettyQueer.com if you're interested as well, but here's the gist:

This book is amazing and I urge anyone who is a teen or other person who feels different and is struggling with depression, hopelessness or suicidal thoughts to read it.

I especially encourage parents (and teachers and librarians, who are usually motivated to censor by parents so this goes back to you, parents) to be open-minded enough to be okay with your teens reading this book because it has some racy suggestions in the section which lists possible alternatives to suicide, but I think Bornstein also gives enough context and other options to help teens make good choices. Basically, parents, if this book saves your teen's life and your teen does a couple rebelious things in the process, isn't it worth it?

This book is basically the "how-to" manual for the "It Gets Better" project. People who are sick of psychologists or other professionals who don't understand them making suggestions that just don't work will be pleasently surprised to find that Kate Bornstein writes this book from the perspective of someone who's been there--like a friend talking to a friend.

The stuff in this book isn't just for folks considering suicide, but for anyone trying to figure out how to fix their life so they actually like it. It was great and teachers and librarians should do everything they can to have copies available--maybe read it first, though, so you can defend it to possible censors.

It was very focused on issues of gender and sexuality, which is great if that's what you needed it for, but I wish it was a little more applicable to more situations. Good for what it does cover though.

I picked this book up on a whim, and was severely disappointed. As someone who lost my sister to suicide, has struggled with it themselves, and battles with Depression and a handful of other mental issues, this book generalizes suicide and neglects many aspects of mental illness.

I know Bornstein means well, but her upbeat attitude and bubbly writing style is really off-putting to someone who is on the verge of killing themselves. For someone without a mental illness, her demeanor may be beneficial, but for someone who is so distraught that they're wanting to take their own life, her can-do point of view is cringe-worthy. When someone gets to this point, they don't need Sharon from Yoga class to come in and tell them, "You just really need to get laid!", they need someone with a deep understanding of that anguish to be real with them, and understand that the suicidal person's perspective on life is skewed and dark. To me, this book felt uncomfortably similar to having someone say, "Oh, you're suicidal? Have you tried meditating?"

Not to say the small things don't help. They really do. But when you're at a point where brushing your teeth is equivalent to climbing Mt. Everest, most of these alternatives really aren't helpful.

The book focuses too much on sex and gender (if the book was titled "101 Alternatives to Suicide for People Struggling with Their Gender Identity and Sexual Self," that would be one thing. But it's not), and looks at suicide from a narrow scope. It's like this book was written for a very specific person, and should have advertised itself that way from the get-go. And I imagine people who are asexual and suicidal would not benefit from picking up a Suicide-Alternatives book that goes on to emphasize how great and important to life sex is.

I get that Bornstein wants to give people a wide range of alternatives to suicide, but encouraging starving and self-harm is never okay, and in my sister's situation, encouraging her to shop would have only worsened her problems; since she was Bipolar, she went on shopping sprees when she was manic, and became financially in debt and knee-deep in loans. To encourage her to spend more would have only worsened her depression when she came down from her high. It's not as cut-and-dry as "do this unhealthy coping mechanism that's incredibly dangerous in the long-term or kill yourself." It's not this-or-that. And while I understand better than anyone that addictions and unhealthy coping technically *work* for their purpose and are not something you want to snatch away from a person (it's their security blanket, after all), it still shouldn't be endorsed in any way, shape, or form. I get that Bornstein would rather have someone cut themselves than kill themselves, but we absolutely don't have to look at it as *that* black and white.

You really can't just look at suicide as a singular thing, and while I give Bornstein props for trying to help, I really only see this book as helping a very small, specific group of people. It's good of her to want to lend a hand to people contemplating suicide, and I feel for her and what she's been through, but if you're going to tackle a topic this serious, you need to do some MAJOR psychiatric research, not look at just your own experiences for reference, and do more than 231 pages of "moisturize and touch yourself."

It wasn't just for freaks, teens and...
It's useful, especially last part of book when it categorized alternatives.

I don't own this book but it was out at a youth group I go to so I picked it up. I think there's specific parts in this for everyone. A line or a quote that will get in and stay in your head and help you. I'll def buy a paper copy when I find one.

I love you, Kate Bornstein. I didn't want to rate this low, due to this love (formed after reading Bornstein's awesome autobiography (A Queer and Pleasant Danger: The True Story of a Nice Jewish Boy Who Joins the Church of Scientology and Leaves Twelve Years Later to Become the Lovely Lady She is Today) but I have to be honest, this was lacking.

The first, like, 100 pages of this are almost entirely about gender, which is interesting to me and Bornstein says it all beautifully, but I felt it didn't belong in this book, really, and that shr should just get to the 101 ideas already. Turns out, genderrant was the best part of the book.

The problem with the the suggestions is that they are too vague and repetitive. I think more concrete suggestions would have been better, as someone in a highly despairing situation (I feel) isn't going to look at a suggestion like "Take the road less traveled" (Note: I made this up, I don't believe this is one of them, but that's the kind of suggestion made, vague and philosophical) and feel inspired or moved into action. It should be things more like "Go buy a mirror from a flea market and glue sequins to the frame, then smash the mirror" (Okay, maybe my ideas are not great either, but...point is, more specific). Also quite a few of them just seemed so much like other suggestions in the book. Sooo... two stars.

I still love you, Kate Bornstein <3.

i really wish i'd had this book when i was a teenager.

Ok.
So I get all the hoopla about Kate Bornstein and I can respect her work and her life, but I don't agree with a lot of it. The first part of the book was just scattered and ill-prepared. Her generalizations like "all lesbian and gay people are transgendered because the transcend gender" just leave me feeling a little squicky. And I'm sure quite a few lesbians and gay men would agree with me on that.
That being said, her actual list of 101 things to do is pretty good. Most of them are just good ways to get off your ass and start doing something new. So, yay for that.

As much as I think this book is an interesting and worthwhile read, I don't think it's great for the people it's aimed at- outcasts considering suicide. Partly because of the asexual exclusion (hearing how romantic love and sex are the universal things when you don't experience them is the opposite of encouraging), and partly because of the suggestions- most of them are vague and as someone who has multiple mental illnesses including depression, if it doesn't include a concrete specific thing to do I won't do it (a lot of the time I didn't even know how I would go about doing the listed suggestion). My final thing is sort of a nitpick, but as someone with an eating disorder it was kind of hurtful- the listing of starve yourself was fair enough (it is, in fact, better that killing yourself), but linking it to anorexia and by proxy saying anorexia was a choice, was... Not good.