What a wonderful thing to exist. The first half explores some of the why & how behind the bully culture we live in. The second half is a detailed list of 101 alternatives to ending one’s life. Kate Bornstein is daring in their work. She is a sex-positive, gender theorist who greatly emphasizes that the world is a better place because YOU are in it. It felt like they were speaking directly to me at times & I hope other readers feel the same. The following are a few quotes that stuck with me:


“Identities aren't meant to be permanent. They’re like cars: they take us from one place to another. We
work, travel, and seek adventure in them until they break down beyond repair. At that point, living well means finding a new model that better suits us for a new moment.”

“You don’t have to look at the world the way you’re told to look at the world.”

“Would you like to show the world the you that you most enjoy being?”

Kate Bornstein era um menino que não se sentia bem como menino e queria ser uma menina. Foi vítima de bullying e pensou suicidar-se várias vezes. Quando cresceu e conseguiu transformar-se em mulher, descobriu que também não estava bem como mulher! E passou a experimentar outras identidades e nenhuma. Hoje tenta explicar a sua sexualidade com a expressão "femme sadomasoquista submiss@", mas afirma que isso não é importante, e que vai mudando de identidade como quem muda de roupa, de acordo com as suas necessidades e humores.

O seu livro é simultaneamente um hino à liberdade de expressão ("o maior bem da vida, todo o propósito da liberdade e talvez aquilo que todos os seres humanos do planeta têm em comum é, sem dúvida, a busca da felicidade [...] Quem é que tem o direito de decidir qual o tipo de felicidade que está correcto?") e uma celebração da diferença ("Experimentas algo melhor e ficas a querer mais. Não há nada de errado nisso. Porra, não há nada melhor!").

Quando o que está em causa é uma infelicidade tão grande que pode levar ao suicídio, qualquer comportamento é válido, diz Kate Bornstein, desde que não se seja "mauzinh@" para os outros. E isso inclui permitir-se ser sexy contra os tabus da sociedade e da Igreja, mostrar-se tal como se é ou fingir-se de louc@, pedir ajuda ou fugir e esconder-se, brincar com a morte ou passar fome, mentir ou falar verdade, experimentar drogas...

Sim, entrámos no mundo do relativo, muito longe dos critérios absolutos e binários do é bom ou é mau, é rapaz ou rapariga, és nosso amigo ou nosso inimigo", o mundo do "ou isto ou aquilo". "Imagina um mundo onde qualquer pessoa pudesse, de uma forma segura e até alegre, expressar-se como sempre quis. Em que nada relativo aos corpos com que as pessoas nasceram ou àquilo que escolheram fazer com eles - a forma com os vestem, como os decoram, ou como os alteram ou aumentam - fizesse com que se rissem delas, ou que se fizesse deles alvos, ou que de alguma forma os privasse dos seus direitos. Consegues imaginar um mundo assim?"

"Look, do you mind that I'm talking so much about gender?" Not at all, Kate...not at all. I've been meaning to read this book for a couple of years, and finally got around to it. While I'm not a teen, or suicidal, I don't think that you have to be in order to benefit from this book. (It would help to be some kind of outsider, though.) I don't agree with, or know how to make sense of, everything that Kate is saying here. A few parts were kind of alienating. But, I think this book is better and more realistic than those that tell you to change ALL THE THINGS! and suddenly BE HAPPY! I appreciate how Kate says that like the gender binary, the happiness/sadness binary isn't really helping anyone. You probably won't go from suicidal to happy, at least not for a while, but that's okay. Aside from staying alive without harming others, this book isn't presenting a standard that the reader has to live up to. I think that's comforting.

Oh hey, this book saved my life again. Thanks, Auntie Kate.

(This was at least my 6th or 7th time reading it, but I don't remember the dates so can't record them for tracking purposes.)

cw: frank discussion of suicidality, harm reduction methods of suicide prevention (including self-injury, substance use, eating disorder behavior, etc. with ample discussion of the risks in doing so), mentions of various forms of trauma (including religious, parental, queer/transantagonist, psychiatric).

The first part of the book (in which the author explains what made her suicidal and what we should change into society) was a bit irrelevant to me because it was focused on (trans)gender's issues. I am not concerned by that, not because i'm cis straight but because sexuality and genders are not something that matters to me. While some people struggle to put a 5 nouns label on themselves, i just don't feel the need to define or categorize myself.

Regarding the writing style, it was not perfect but it was clear enough so the reader could get the point.

The second part of the book is more interesting : it's a list of 101 things you could do instead of killing yourself. Some of them will not appeal to you, some of them you've already done but i'm sure there is at least one reason that you could use for the time being, and i think that if an idea in this book kept your mind away from suicide for even a minute or two, that's awesome.

As i read the 101 ideas, i noticed how many of them i've done, some with the conscious attempt to fight depression, other just because that was all i could do at a certain point. Some of them i've considered but never did and some other i didn't think about.

That's why i think that this book is great, because it has some real talk in it. Also the fact that someone out there took the time to write a book for us with the genuine intention to help us is heart warming.

The main message of this book is : pursue happiness, be the best you can be, don't be mean to yourself and to others.

i guess i read this book strictly from curiosity. i am not a teenager & i haven't been wild about kate bornstein, particularly. but perhaps if i had a distraught teenager in my life--or a surly one, or one that wouldn't talk to anyone--i would pass this book along. it has many coping mechanisms ideas for young folks (& folks of all ages who may be having some trouble getting through their days) who feel alienated from their families, schools, & general communities, maybe because they are queer or trans or dealing with some kind of trauma, whatever. kate's not judging or prescribing who can & can't access her book. the ideas are rated according to how effective they are in helping a person over a stumbling block, & at what cost to a person's general health, because kate is all about harm reduction & helping people get through bit by bit, instead of bossing people around & forcing them to change their destructive coping strategies (like cutting, or using drugs) if those strategies seem to be working in the short-term. she's all about the baby steps, which is actually pretty good advice for people going through some rough times. i don't know that i necessarily took much away from it for my own hard times, but maybe i'll give it another look the next time i feel especially crummy. my only quibble: every now & again, the voice kate uses, which i think is an attempt at being chummy & approachable, smacks of being slightly condescending. &

I love that this book does not merely just make a case of why life is pretty awesome and worth living, but truly acknowledges that dangerous self harm/suicidal ideation is not just something that can be magically removed from someone without being replaced with some alternative behavior/thoughts. Sometimes these alternatives are not "ideal" or "healthy," but anything that will keep someone tethered to the Earth in their darkest moments is something of value. Thank you Kate your honesty and honoring the fucked up scary stuff that so many beautiful weirdos have to resort to to survive in this world. I keep this book on my bookshelves at work (community mental health)... not as a reference of any kind, but to remind me of the importance of harm reduction, being non-judgemental, and promoting hope for my clients.

Whether struggling with sexuality, bullying, or abuse, just a few things that can lead to depression and thoughts of suicide, the book Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, & Other Outlaws can open the eyes of the reader to not only their own challenges, but those their peers maybe suffering through as well. This is a brutally honest look at a multitude of possibilities other than ending one’s life. Kate Bornstein exposes her own personal struggle with sexuality as a young boy, her journey to find herself and becoming okay with not living under a label provided by society. This book will make you laugh and it’ll make you think!

I appreciated the thoughtfulness of this nonfiction novel, the way the author opens up and exposes her own experiences, and really loved the rating system. Of course, I’m in favor of four hearts & four umbrellas, but anything that would help a kid get through a bad place to hopefully come out better on the other side would be acceptable.

i credit this book with keeping me alive at 14 & 15. thank you auntie kate. it's freak food and a warm, non-condescending hug. i want desperately to rate this higher and recommend it to everyone, i want to hand out copies like business cards, but the book handles racism awfully. most egregiously with an uncensored slur that bornstein does not have any place using in a reclaimatory manner (or any at all). it's all well-meaning white-liberal stuff - but that doesn't make it any less antiblack or racist. i think if bornstein edited and republished this work with a more considerate & material, less hippie construction of race i would be happy to give it a five. a ten. an infinity. i really do think this is a good book - it just desperately, desperately needs this change. honestly, kate, if you see this - please hire some Black queer consultants and edit and republish this book. it's so needed right now.

Ok, I'll admit it- I have a big, fat crush on Kate Bornstein. Big brains are a huge turn on.

But as far as the *book* goes, I'd have to give it 5 stars. As someone who works with queer and questioning youth, I have found this book to be invaluable- both for myself and for the youth I work with.

I've seen some reviews call in to question the focus on sexuality in a book meant for younger readers. Newsflash: youth are expressing their sexuality and gender at younger and younger ages and looking for safe ways/safe places to do so.

The chart on suicide alternatives is ingenious. A lot of what she says may be controversial, but I can't say that I disagree. After all- is it worse to use alcohol to numb your pain or to kill yourself?

Kate describes well what it's like to feel like an outsider- and the lengths that people will go to to make sure you stay feeling that way. But the triumph is her call to take pride in our differences, to reclaim "freak" as a badge of honor, and to go on living- even if it's only one step at a time.

i can't even begin to explain how important this book is. it's very practical and kind. instead of most suicide prevention sources, which are mostly very warm and kind and feel like a warm hug and telling people it'll be okay, this book tells you it's okay that you're not doing okay right now. it gives you a pat on the back and a list of things to do to stay alive. not all of them are good things. some are very bad, for you or for others. but if it could keep you alive for a couple more days? it's worth it. use those extra days to find better coping mechanisms or getting help. it never questions why you got to feeling like you do, or how. it simply gives you the tools you need to feel better and live longer. it makes sense of a world that often doesn't, and accepts you as you are 100%. no questions asked. i wish i could give it to my 14 year old self, she could've really used it. i've still learned a lot from reading this and i really hope more people find this book, because it could do a whole lot of good.

I would hazard a guess that this is the most badass self-help book on the market. Kate Bornstein’s advice on how to climb out of your suicidal hole ranges from that which is simple (moisturize! touch yourself… not like that – unless you want to!) to that which is off-kilter (remove the word ‘hello’ from your vocabulary and tell people what you really feel when you see them… ummm, yeah, I didn’t really get that one). Bornstein is refreshingly blunt – drugs, cutting, starving yourself are all better than death, after all – and posits just one rule when finding ways to stay alive: don’t hurt anyone else in the process.

Badass self-help book it may be, but it’s still a self-help book – and one that borrows extensively from other self-help books. That treacly, patronizing tone to the advice, which seems to saturate all self-help books, can’t quite be wrung out by Bornstein’s progressivism.

Nonetheless, for a short book, Hello Cruel World gives a lot of interesting stuff to chew over – even for those of us who aren’t suicidal, but are just feeling a little lost.