This is possibly the most misogynistic book I have ever read. It's almost comically sexist. All the negative figures are women. Women are housewives, secretaries and typists. One climbs as high as office supervisor!

But that's fluff compared to the real nastiness; an incident of domestic abuse is used as a funny anecdote.

The 'hero' of one example is a nasty, weak willed, passive drunk who threatens to beat his wife. The wife he threatens with domestic violence is portrayed as the bad guy for 'nagging'. The hero of another example, who leaves his clothes scattered around the house, is encouraged to assertively explain to his wife that he doesn't care that she wants a tidy home.

The author suggests that sexual dysfunction in women is a form of deliberate manipulation designed to 'cut up' their husbands. He describes dyspareunia as 'sexual malingering' - as though experiencing involuntary physical pain were the equivalent of bunking off work!

The author also portrays the idea of having gay friends as 'threatening'.

I know this was originally published in the 70s, but it was republished as recently as 2011. Come on.

Good techniques to deal with manipulative persons and situations.

5/5

Excelente livro para assertividade. Fundamental para ter maior controle da própria vida e diminuir a influência de outros.

The first 100 pages or so of this book were great, inspirational and empowering the less assertive that they have the right to judge your own actions, to not have to explain yourself, to be able to change your mind, and not have to solve other people's problems for them. Simply repeating these "rights" (and there are others) is a huge step in maintaining an assertive mindset and removing the guilt that many of us feel when we aren't so accommodating.

The rest of the book is a long string of examples of people using tactics that the author lays out for interacting with people. The problem with all of these examples (and there are way too many IMO) is that I don't think the person comes out being more assertive in a positive way, they just end up seeming like an ass. Granted, this book was written in the 1970's, so there is a lot that might be different if the book was written in modern times.

Ultimately I'm glad I read the book, and have already changed some of my responses due to taking into consideration the "rights" explained at the beginning of the book. I may even begin practicing some of the ideas like "fogging" and "broken record", but perhaps not to the extreme that the author uses in his examples.

Can't recommend this enough. Fantastic book! I think the author here really hits on a lot of the core issues in dealing with guilt, confidence, assertiveness, and many other factors. From my experience in reading Feeling Good, this was like night and day. If you struggled with that book like I did, 100% check this one out instead!

I didn't get too far into this book before other priorities took over, but in general, I'd recommend a slow read through anyway. There are a lot of concepts to get through, a lot of processing or practicing you may want to do, so this wouldn't be a book I'd rush through.

There's so much quality information, it's hard to give a solid summary. There's a lot of fantastic advice on not only teaching you how to care more about your own wants and needs without feeling guilty, but also being able to stand up for yourself (and by doing so, also for others) in a calm and respectable way. I really wish I read this book years ago, would've saved myself from many arguments and perhaps even some low self-esteem! This book helps you deal with criticism in a manner that's productive and constructive, so you can better yourself without being manipulated by others trying to put you down.

Many many times I found myself imagining various conversations in the past and now how I'd handle them so much better. It actually makes me excited for how things will go in the future. I know reading a book and real life are two different things, these techniques will take practice to get efficient at, but nevertheless, I'm feeling confident about it.

This book, due to its age, is a bit outdated in terms of gender roles and sexuality. It's not inherently sexist/bigoted in any way, just behind the times. There wasn't anything overt enough to bother me though. I also thought the examples with door-to-door (or "spam callers" for the equivalent nowadays) was a little outdated too. I don't think many salespeople are as persistent nowadays as the examples portray, but nevertheless, they were still beneficial to read!

I do really want to give a massive shout out to whoever organized this book though. The first page lists your ten assertive rights, as a good summary/reminder. The table of contents is amazing, giving an actual summary of what each chapter contains/addresses, AND there is a table of contents for the dialogue examples (of which there are many!). Can all self-help books do this please? XD

I really really love all the dialogue examples (both artificial and real!). There is quite a variety of situations and lengths. I also appreciated hearing about people's thoughts after they practiced, how most of them were nervous about being assertive. I really liked the author's response to it:

I assured [the student] that most learners still feel a bit nervous on their first assertive success because, up until then, they have a history of failure and still anticipate some trouble, no matter how much they practice outside of the real situation. With repeated successful exposures to conflict between people, there is no anticipation of a disaster, and consequently no anxiety.

Don't be mistaken by the title or this book's age. It covers a LOT and most all of it applies to modern times. I very much recommend it to everyone! :)

This is written in the 70s and it shows. It is as much a sociological exposition of that era as well as a damned good self help book. I liked the first half very much. His theory is intriguing and sensible and slightly different than the angle I've been approaching this problem with up to this point. He lists a bunch of truths which, like all boundaries, feel false and uncomfortable to me (who has poor boundaries). So far mostly the same except that some of his boundaries are so clear and emphatic I have trouble understanding them or imagining living line this. I'm my own judge? The ultimate arbitor on every single thing in my life?
THEN he asserts you don't need to do anything internally to shift this. (Very different than how I'd been approaching this issue.) You just need to practice assertion skills!
Which he proceeds to teach. 2nd half of book is dialogues demonstrating the skills.
I'm really sold on this method. I think it would be easier to implement if I were in a workshop like he describes running, where you pair up and have coaching and you practice.
Maybe the most interesting technique to me if where you nondefensively agree with a manipulation without agreeing that it leads to the result they are pushing. Eg maybe it is silly to worry or maybe it is irrational or crazy to be reluctant, but I still don't want to lend my car.

The secret is finding the way to speak up without withdrawing or being aggressive. And he explicitly teaches actionable skills for this. Excellently done, even though many 70s assumptions are uncomfortable to revisit.

How did I get this book? My child told me they read a Reddit post with a lot of drama, then the years later update was so chill and wise that people were asking what changed. This was one of the books the person said shifted their way of being. (Apparently I already read the other; progeny did not recall the name.)

I enjoyed this book a good deal, and learned a ton. It's one of the most useful self-help books I've read. It feels like I actually learned something applicable. I knew I was a people-pleaser, but it strikes me as just how bad I am at being assertive. I didn't even know what "good" assertiveness looked like. This book helped fix that.

Having said that, it relies a ton in the book on a technique called "fogging." I honestly don't really get it, it seems so bizarre to me and the opposite of assertiveness. It basically consists of agreeing with any criticism of you offered. I guess I kind of see the point, it avoids escalation and defensiveness. But it seems so incorrectly humiliating and deprecating I don't get the notion of just accepting it all. And it's used in pretty much every example of assertiveness given. Amply. No matter how ludicrous the criticism.

The author repeats himself so many times but that wasn't reason I stopped reading. There were some good points but my last straw was when he went into explaining the broken record technique. That was a bit too much and that would go well with Karen's. Maybe in 70's it was fine but I wouldn't ever do that.

کتاب "نه! روانشناسی اعتراض" در سال ۱۹۷۵ توسط مانوئل اسمیت، روانشناس و پیشگام در جنبش آموزش قاطعیت در تغییر زندگی نوشته شده است.

این کتاب در‌مورد چگونگی کنار آمدن با افراد سلطه جو است. کتابیست در مورد قاطعیت نه پرخاشگری و تمرین هایی برای کمک به یادگیری مهارتهای جدید در کنار تقویت مهارتهای قدیمی ارائه می‌دهد. این کتاب چگونگی قاطعیت در بسیاری از موقعیت ها را توضیح می دهد. نویسنده به جای مقابل وجنگ و یا فرار، گزینه سوم را معرفی می کند که قاطعانه رفتارکردن است.
این کتاب مردم را از احساس گناهی که بسیاری از ما با آن بزرگ شده‌ایم و در زمانی که در مقابل خواسته های دیگران  بله نمی‌گوییم تا به هدفشان برسند،دچارش میشویم توضیح می دهد.
این کتاب به شما آموزش می‌دهد که چگونه اجازه ندهید دیگران در مورد اینکه چه کاری باید انجام دهید یا نباید انجام دهید، چه چیزی برای شما درست است یا نادرست و.... اظهار نظر کنند.
این کتاب تکنیک های مختلفی را برای استفاده به منظور قاطعیت بیشتر ارائه می دهد و سپس با استفاده از دیالوگ ها، بسیاری از موقعیت ها را نشان می دهد، مثال های عالی می آورد تا متوجه شوید چگونه می توانید تکنیک ها را در زمینه های مختلف زندگی به کار ببرید.
این کتاب منشور حقوق قاطعانه را تشریح می‌کند، و اگر آنها را درونی و عملی کنید، نه تنها زندگی شما تغییر می‌کند، بلکه با تغییر نحوه واکنش شما به مردم�� زندگی آنها نیز تغییر خواهد کرد.
بخشی از مواردی که کتاب به آن می‌پردازد:
۱. فقط شما حق دارید رفتار، افکار و احساسات خود را قضاوت کنید و
مسئولیت پیامدهای آنها را بر عهده خود بگیرید.
۲. شما حق ندارید هیچ دلیل یا بهانه ای برای توجیه رفتار خود ارائه دهید.
۳.ما مسئول یافتن راه حل برای
مشکلات دیگران نیستیم.
۴.شما حق دارید نظر خود را تغییر دهید.
۵.شما حق دارید اشتباه کنید و مسئولیت آنها را بپذیرید.
۶.شما حق دارید بگویید «نمی‌دانم».
۷.شما این حق را دارید که قبل از کنار آمدن با دیگران، از حسن‌نیت آنها مطمئن شوید حتی نزدیکانتان.
۸. شما حق دار��د در تصمیم گیری غیر منطقی باشید.
۹. شما حق دارید بگویید «نمی‌فهمم».
۱۰. شما این حق را دارید که بگویید «برایم مهم نیست».



@parseh.dar.jane.ketab

کتاب می‌خوانم چون میدانم رشد ذهنی اکتسابی‌ست.

۱۷ بهمن ۱۴٠۱

Me acabo de leer este libro, hay ediciones más modernas, pero lo compré de segunda mano. Se lee fácilmente y es muy útil. Al principio de cada capítulo introduce el tema y después da ejemplos de conversaciones con un manipulador. Trata de la manipulación con tu familia, en una relación comercial, con tus superiores, con tus iguales y con tu pareja (en una versión sutil de “no es no”).
Incluye un resumen y un glosario muy prácticos.

Este me lo recomendaron en un taller de Prácticas Neurolingüísticas, es un libro de autoayuda presentado por un psiquiatra que nos explica algunas normas y técnicas aplicadas con ejemplos muy claros y específicos que son de fácil comprensión.

Lo primero es destacar que el ser asertivo va mucho más allá de “la habilidad de expresar nuestros deseos de una manera amable, franca, abierta, directa y adecuada, logrando decir lo que queremos sin atentar contra los demás”, pues lo primero es poder hacer eso con nosotros mismos. Es decir que seamos sinceros con lo que queremos o no, con aceptar que el arte de la manipulación lo aprendimos de nuestros padres y otros adultos cuidadores que nos enseñaron que siempre hay una autoridad a la que se debe complacer y que eso va sobre nuestros propios sentimientos. Es triste, pero una realidad con la que debemos combatir al tomar conciencia.

En resumen “ser asertivo significa confiar en uno mismo y en sus capacidades”. Las técnicas expuestas son sencillas, pero requieren de práctica, vale la pena el intento.

Para quienes gustan de estos temas o de las PNL, recomendado.

Yeah it’s a no from me, dog. This hasn’t aged well. Some of the techniques in this book seem more aimed at ruining relationships than helping them. To say nothing of the rampant misogyny (the husband bullying his wife into going to a nudist colony; the author’s clear disdain for the sexual revolution; the women being the bad guys in many scenarios).