Le pongo una, pero consideradlo un -1, y aún soy generoso con este monótono tocho que se tira chorrocientas páginas dándole vueltas a la misma basura de teletienda mientras riega sus ejemplos de una misoginia patente y un supremacismo barato con un vocabulario que haría sonrojar al guionista del peor cine cutre yanki de hace cincuenta años.

En serio, no perdáis tiempo con la basura de J. Smith.

I can pretty wholeheartedly recommend this to anyone—awesome assertiveness training, very straightforward with simple techniques and very good practical examples. FOGGING alone is worth getting into it. This is basically the antidote to codependency and manipulation.

From an integral POV it's very much helping us claim "autonomy," Kegan's 4th order. Some is a little "green" in the healthiest iteration of that meaning-making pattern: that we're the judge of our own character, not someone else, not society's rules. No matter how developed we think we are, I think there's always room to grow here, and it's just healthier for everyone involved. Reading this I'm coming more to terms with how often I unwittingly resort to emotional manipulation myself, and of course how often I give in to it.

Even loving it, it's long and since it was written 50 years ago, it doesn't have the same page turner quality of today's pop-psych books. Overall this is a plus for me, but it does mean it takes more "work" to get all the way through.

Well! I had great expectations before I began to read this one. And initially, it did keep me interested but later due to excessive recurrence, it became clear that the author has nothing else to offer. Still, I gave 3 stars to the book because of its effective techniques; the author's efforts, and his expertise in the field which was very well perceptible while reading the book.

It’s a bit of an old book, 1975, but the information is relevant. I enjoy that the book was written by a psychologist who really knows what the hell he is talking about, rather than written by some business guru. It’s therefore a bit duller to read than contemporary, guru self-help books, but it’s not necessarily dry either, since the author tries to keep it as layman as possible.

The book first gives us a brief idea of how non-assertive came about in some of us (blame your parents) and then tells us ten Assertive Rights that we should believe in, mainly they have to do with be your own judge and don’t let other people affect your own decision making and actions. Finally, he gives us some ways of being more assertive, and these are FOGGING (absorb criticisms without defending yourself), NEGATIVE ASSERTION (say the negative thing about yourself or the situation), NEGATIVE INQUIRY (ask for more information related to something negative about yourself or the situation), SELF DISCLOSURE (give a bit of information about yourself), BROKEN RECORD (keep repeating what you want) and WORKABLE COMPROMISE (give an alternative solution).

I don’t have a problem with assertiveness the way some of his patients in the book seemed to have, but I still found it useful to keep those simple techniques in mind. Specially, repeating what you want, without getting mad or defensive. The dialogue examples helps better understand the techniques.

This is a book the delivers on its promise. While it has a bit of the usual padding that one finds in self-help books, even the padding serves the point of introducing the concepts of assertiveness. First you get the theory of assertiveness, then you get extremely practical techniques for being assertive.

I can't hold on to copies of this book because I keep giving it away to friends. Luckily you can often find it in the free bin at Your Neighborhood Used Book Store.

Some of the sample dialouges are cheesy, many are dated, and some are just bizarre. The writing is forcibly folksy and unremittingly optimistic. It's vintage 1975 self-help style and I think that's part of the charm; others may disagree.

I'm giving this book five stars based on its practical usefulness. It's not literature. It's more like a user guide for your spine. It's not new-agey self-help of the change your deep inner nature style. All the advice is practical and straightforward stuff that you can do right away to immediately begin to assert yourself and improve your life. It's also a quick read.

So if you see it in the free bin, go ahead and grab a copy.

Many of us have the unrealistic belief that having to live with problems day after day is an unhealthy or unnatural lifestyle. Not so! Life presents us all with problems. It is entirely natural. But very often, as a result of the unrealistic belief that a healthy person has no problems, you may feel the lifestyle we are all caught up in is not worth living. Most of the people I get to know well from th erapy sessions develop this negative belief. But it is not the result of having problems, it is the result of feeling inadequate to cope with our problems and the people who present them.

disaster is not lurking around the next turn

mutual convenience

violating some sacred set of rules on how husbands and wives “should” behave

classical Nuremberg defense: “I was only following orders.”

Assertivity for dummies.

If you have problem settings boundaries or feel bad doing so.

When more dominant people roll over you this is you self-defense manual.

Very good also for relationships, recommended to lot of my friends who became very submissive in their relationships.

Buy it. It is worth it.

Assertion!

Valuable for those who encounter the common practice of manipulation in daily life. Saying no, asserting yourself and your being… these things are not only crucial for prosperity but in rare cases our own survival. It is so important to learn things like this and Smith goes into this super well.

I also appreciate how this intersects and in many way (implicitly) disagrees with the popular book “Nonviolent Communication” which covers pretty much the same topic. They compliment each other incredibly well.

In terms of criticisms, I found a lot of the way Smith writes to be a tad over-philosophical and psycho-therapy babble for my taste. However, the practical action steps, techniques and examples breathe life into the read as they arise.

This is really worth the read- actually I listened to it on Audible which I recommend because much of the learning is in the dialogues.
I loved the content, the verbal skills but most of all the irreverent personality of the author and his refreshing 70's lack of political correctness and hilarious delivery.

This book was much needed for me personally, and I have never come across this material before nor any references to systematic assertive therapy. It's no longer fashionable it seems, but boy is it vital for clear communication and the elimination of manipulation by non defensive means.

I also learned lots about how routine manipulation by parents of their children's behaviour using the trio of guilt, anxiety or ignorance-inducing ploys creates the foundations of lack of self esteem and assertion in adulthood. Lots of pennies dropped for me and I joined the dots in many diverse areas such as relationship issues and false beliefs causing distress... I feel I'm being a bit vague here so I will offer an example.

Parents often control a child's behaviour by saying something to imply that there is a 'correct' way to think or behave, thereby creating a belief that there is an outside rule book that governs these things. The child feels that this must be true and loses autonomy and self reliance as a result. This is carried on into adulthood where God, morality or the way things 'should' be done is constantly the reference point, rather than the adult being the ultimate judge of their own behaviour, and taking responsibility for that.

I am recommending this book to all and sundry. It really is a gem.

There are a lot of good things about this book, but you can skim it. The main point I think is that, you have to decide what is best for you and not feel bad if you don't want to do what others feel is important. I think the author in some ways acts like this won't have any consequences though...which is frustrating. I think if you are going to start saying no to things, you need to have a better way of helping others around you understand vs. feeling like, it's not important for them to understand. I agree that a lot of us do things we are not comfortable with...and often we feel a lot more upset about then the person who is asking. I think it is important to set boundaries and feel good about the boundaries you set. I also don't agree with the author in a lot of the anti-religion teachings...like there are no ultimate morals, and everything is arbitrary. I do agree though that you should communicate directly with people instead of using God as a manipulative weapon in an argument.

I'm only about halfway through this book, but it's already evoking some pretty strong feelings. It's a good book, and important for someone like me who has a real problem with being easily manipulated, but some of the communication techniques outlined in here -- fogging (parrotting criticism back at the critic), broken record ("asserting" the same request over and over to the point of sounding autistic), etc. -- are better suited for therapeutic role-playing sessions than everyday life. Dr. Smith does give some good, practical advice about recognizing manipulation as it's happening, and also about assertive body language, verbiage, and eye contact. But it's frustrating to have to weed through the unrealistic dialogues to find the helpful gems of truth.

This book was recommended to me. It is incredibly dated. None of the coping mechanisms which the author describes teach you how to say "no" or its variants any easier. Instead, most of the coping mechanisms are variants on how to brush somebody off while looking like an ass in the process. The only coping mechanism mentioned which has any lasting value in the real world is "self-disclosure," which is exactly what it sounds like. The other mechanisms are primarily useful in commercial and professional interactions, but definitely not more personal, friendly interactions. And it's exactly these interactions where I (and i'm sure other people) need the most help. If you were to apply the author's methods to your spouse, family and friends, you'd end up very lonely.