Spiritual Direction: Wisdom for the Long Walk of Faith

Go for it!

A compilation of writings, well edited, that communicate Nouwen’s heart on spiritual formation and movements of the heart. If you care to go deeper, read this, then find a soul friend who will tell you the truth.

provided much inspiration.

"it helps to realize that the Bible is not primarily a book of information about God but of formation of the heart. it is not merely a book to be analyzed, scrutinized, & discussed, but a book to nurture, unify, & serve as a constant source of contemplation. we must struggle constantly against the temptation to read the Bible instrumentally as a book full of good stories & illustrations that can help us make our point in sermons, lectures, papers, & articles. the Bible does not speak to us as long as we want to use it. as long as we deal with the word of God as an item with which we can do many useful things, we don't really read the Bible or let it read us. only when we are willing to hear the written word as a word for us can the Living Word disclose himself & penetrate into the center of our heart."

This posthumously written book still captures Nouwen's passion for ministry and spiritual formation. This book is filled with very approachable material and guidelines to implement these disciplines in your everyday life.

I've decided to go ahead and share my very detailed notes from my seminary class in which we submitted comments about this book over the course of four weeks, in the hopes that this will encourage someone else along the way :)

1)
I, too, consider Henri Nouwen to be one of my favorite authors. This is my 3rd or 4th reading of this book, as it was one of the texts used in my two years of Spiritual Direction training about a decade ago. Each reading produces more insights and stirrings, something I've experienced with all of Nouwen's works (so far)! What a gift he is to the body of Christ!

One thing I've relearned is the importance of spiritual direction. I met with a wonderful spiritual director (former Jesuit priest) for five years before he re-retired and moved to a different city. I learned so much from 80-something Jim, especially how to listen deeply and well to another, and to always remember Jesus. To be honest, I was reluctant to find another spiritual director immediately because I had such an overwhelmingly positive, life-changing experience. I also didn't have the emotional energy at the time to find someone else, with some of my fellow spiritual direction learning cohort relaying story after story of the difficulties of finding a spiritual director with whom they "clicked." I've met with a director here and there at conferences / retreats (again, very positive experiences for me), but I have not had a regular local spiritual director in the last five years. As a direct result of reading through this week's assigned portion in this slim treasure of a book, I was reminded of the importance and the gift of regular spiritual direction, so I reached out again to the local Catholic retreat center and have lined up an appointment with a new spiritual director. I have missed it so much and look forward to engaging regularly again in this wonderful practice and adventure of deep listening, obedient listening, and "living the questions."

The second thing that touched me deeply on this reading was Henri's telling of God's story of Adam (his friend at L'Arche) "from above." Simply beautiful! Henri wrote that, "Adam . . . was simply present among people as a silent witness to my [God’s] love" and noted that Adam "was a full human being, so fully human that he was chosen by God to become the instrument of his love." This is how I want to see and love others, and to grow more deeply in my awareness of and acting upon God’s preferential option for the poor, by doing what I see the Father doing, as Jesus did, in loving God and others with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength.

2)
My heart is overflowing with joy and gratitude, having just re-read this week’s portion in Nouwen’s beautiful book. Here are several things that touched my soul, gleaned from my notes:

I loved the Tolstoy parable of Three Monks on an Island, especially treasuring the bishop’s blessing of peace when he realized they understood the Trinity and they walked on water – such sanctity and simplicity, as Nouwen says! This challenges our tendency to think that somehow it’s our job to “bring the Kingdom” or “bring the gospel” (partially true), when a deeper truth is the realization that God is already working, doing a good, beautiful, and holy work in the life of every person (and every part of creation), though we may not yet be aware of it.

On this reading of Spiritual Direction, I am noticing more and more phrases and observations that must surely have been gleaned by Nouwen from early Christian (1st millennium) and more recent (2nd millennium) Orthodox authors. I’ve been on a journey of reading of the saints for many years now, feeling like I’m just beginning to grasp a slight understanding of what it means to “let our mind descend into our heart and there stand in the presence of God.”

I was struck anew with Nouwen’s assertion that the main question regarding praying continually is “not so much what we think, but to whom we present our thoughts.” As I pondered this today, it reminded me that at the close of our church’s worship service yesterday, a friend of mine shared in despair that she felt like running away, primarily because her negative emotions were threatening to overwhelm her. I assured her that if and when she does run away, God will be right there, seemingly running alongside her, and possibly even asking – where are we running to? This image actually broke the heaviness of the situation and we laughed together before further listening, embracing, weeping, praying together. I believe that the bringing of her struggle out into the open and confessing her temptation to flee, brought it into the light of God’s presence, healing, and freedom. There is no time or place where God is not. The main thing is – are we willing to share our whole selves with him? Another Nouwen observation relating to this – “As soon as an embarrassing or exhilarating idea is taken out of its isolation and brought into a relationship, with God or with another person, something new happens.”

It encouraged my heart so much to read words from this beautiful brother (Henri) about the everlasting love of God who is both our Father and Mother. I am aware that this kind of imagery makes many of my contemporaries very uncomfortable, but they are words of life and healing. Having grown up in the Church, I am still learning how to talk about God in ways using the gender-inclusive language that Scripture itself affirms from cover to cover.

What joy to read these confident words that speak directly to the excesses practiced (often erroneously) by well-meaning believers who tend to be almost directive of God in how they speak: “There is a great temptation to suggest to myself or others where God is working and where not, when God is present and when not, but nobody . . . has any ‘special’ knowledge about God. The fullness of God cannot be limited by any human concept or prediction. God is greater than our mind and heart and perfectly free to be revealed where and when God wants.” This crops up not infrequently in many of the groups in which I serve as leader, and it’s a delicate balance between offering private correction and verbalizing gentle public clarification without the use of shame, harshness, or avoidance.

I really enjoy pondering the mystery of God, the cloud of unknowing, and being equipped with far better questions than the usual ones we ask (or are asked): “The question is not, ‘How am I to find God?’ but ‘How am I to let myself be found by God?’ The question is not, ‘How am I to know God?’ but ‘How am I to let myself be known by God?’ The question is not, ‘How am I to love God?’ but ‘How am I to let myself be loved by God?’ And finally, the question is not, ‘Who is God for me?’ but ‘Who am I to God?’” Such beautiful, simple, authentic, and vulnerable questions to offer in safe spaces in order to invite myself and others into more intimacy with God.

And finally, I must say that one of the topics that seems to come up very frequently in group discussions is “the word” – Jesus? Scripture? Prophecy? Writing the word? (yes to all four!) I am grateful for the new aha’s gained through re-reading this section, learning to “encounter God in the word through the disciplines of obedient listening, sacred reading, humble speaking, and spiritual writing.” I will most likely refer to some of this material in preparing this Sunday’s sermon – this is not why I read it, but as I read it, it occurred to me that the Lord may bring encouragement to others through the wisdom of Nouwen. I am eager to share some of these freshly mined treasures with others!

3)
Again, such a beautiful journey with Henri Nouwen in these chapters of his book.

What stood out most to me were his insights on:
•tCommunity
“In living together we come to realize that community doesn’t require or offer total emotional harmony. It offers us the context where we try to love one another and receive the love and care of others.” This sheds light on why it feels so different to be in a home together where one or more persons are guests, as contrasted to living together in a home where each one there is a resident. Church community is like that, too – it’s tempting enough to treat one another as “Sunday friends,” all sunshine and roses, which results in very thin (if any) community, and we won’t grow very much. But if we decide to move past niceties to truly loving and caring for one another (e.g. being in each other’s homes, visiting the sick, letting our masks down, doing ministry together, etc.) then we get a chance to love and be loved, care and be cared for. It helps me to have intentional practices of “a theology of failure” so that there is freedom to try new things where the goal isn’t success but sharing our God-given gifts and graces with one another.
•tCelebration
This encourages me to call forth the beauty and gifts in others as ones who reflect God. I really appreciate Nouwen’s invitation to ponder the mystery of God’s love which impacts the way we see ourselves and others and to be able to truly love without conditions.
•tWounded healers
“Those who cannot hide their handicaps do not allow the assistants to hide theirs either.” I am on a learning curve in this exact area as our new senior pastor (since mid-2022) is blind; he has brought a new level of vulnerability to our church community that is helping to heal wounds. It’s been pretty transformative for several people, especially those who have felt “less than” based on their outward appearances. I’m so thankful for Nouwen’s “wounded healer” message that has significantly impacted our small denomination (Vineyard) for many years.
•tHome
“Finding your way home is learning how all love is connected, expressed, and lived out in community.” So well said. We all need to remember and be reminded to seek to know and be known, love and be loved, by God and in community with one another. I wonder how many around me have expectations of what home “should” be (whether our family home or church home), influenced by TV / movies / books that paint idealistic or one-sided images of these things while avoiding hard stuff like how to deal with conflict or how to practice forgiveness, etc. Another kind of challenge that comes to mind is the lack of any expectations of home, leading to a kind of apathy (“why bother?”). We really need God’s Spirit to stir our imaginations as we seek to share God’s love with this generation.
•tForgiveness
Nouwen’s definition of forgiveness is at the same time encouraging and challenging, as we are all given so many opportunities to practice forgiveness whenever we get the guts to get involved with others up close and personal. It’s such a relief when we can get to this point with others, though, that we can resign from being Messiahs and let them off the hook, too, such that no one is being put on a pedestal or expected to be able to fill someone else up.
•tFaithfulness
I cannot tell you how much I love this descriptor of how Nouwen “did” ministry – “Ministry happens. You and I do very little . . . I just start to pray and offer Eucharist and see who comes.” Yes! Having served on a church staff for 20 years and spent countless hours coming up with vision / mission statements in order to “grow the church” (all well-intended), along with reading inspiring missionary biographies where little or no “fruit” was visible until years after their work on earth ended, along with being deeply moved when wandering through centuries-old Christian cathedrals and temples with the realization that God has been worshiped on that spot for hundreds and hundreds of years by many generations, I've slowly come to really believe that God seriously does value faithfulness more than what we might define as success today. God takes the long view; we humans tend to be quite short-sighted. We are here to adore Christ. And serve those on the margins. Pray hard, work hard, leave the results to God. This encouraged me this week as our pastoral team is in the middle of seeking God’s heart for us in this season, a creative and strategic plan on how to follow Jesus in our community while being lead by the Spirit and invitational to those among us who want to roll up sleeves and get involved.
“Ministry is the overflow of your love for God and others. Ministry is when two people toast their glasses of wine and something splashes over.” Yes, yes, and yes – I so love this imagery!
•tAuthenticity
“Even though following Jesus might well become a more hidden journey, it should not ever become a private journey . . . communicate as honestly as possible the pains and the joys, the darkness and the light, the fatigue and the vitality, the despair and the hope of going with Jesus to places where I would rather not go.” While reading Nouwen’s book today, I got side-tracked into reading again about some of the highs and lows of the ministry with which he was involved, and it reminded me how absolutely vital it is to help each other to live in the light, for all kinds of reasons. In our church community, we seek intentionally to live openly among one another, especially through the simple practice of asking open-ended questions at the start of pretty much every group I’m a part of, in the manner of the spiritual examen with the emphasis on consolation and desolation. It’s an invitation to be real with one another, acknowledging that we can weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice, even on the same day. I think many of us prefer one over the other, so it’s helpful to have someone else ask us questions that get us to look for both of these things on a regular basis so we don’t hide behind the one we prefer. I wonder how often God calls to us, “Where are you?” (like with Adam in the Garden) – it’s not like God doesn’t know, but he wants us to know, as he invites us to move towards authenticity, our true selves, as we walk with him and each other in the world.

4)
This week’s very short conclusion in Henri Nouwen’s Spiritual Direction reminded me again of the importance of surrender and submission to my Catcher, God the Father, Christ, Holy Spirit. The secret that the flyer does nothing and the catcher does everything resonates with me – at times in my spiritual journey where God has asked me to take a huge risk (e.g. move my family to Russia; adopt children; launch into formal ministry), I have sat with the image of diving off of a high diving board through a cloud into an unseen yet-to-be-filled pool far below, and it has brought me great comfort knowing that God is always faithful, always loving, always present, always generous. The flyer / catcher image is so much more embodied and intimate, and I am thankful for this beautiful parable. It’s a great reminder to really believe that the worst thing the flyer can do is try to catch the catcher. Lord, help me to surrender moment by moment, breath by breath . . . I want to trust you more!

I am so fascinated about Henri’s thoughts on the discipline of the body, adding to the three main disciplines of the spiritual life he described – the Heart, the Book, and the Church. For consistency, I would want it to be written as “the Body” but I can see how that could cause some confusion, as readers might think that referred to “the Body of Christ” and not our actual flesh-and-bones. I’ve had enough body-related experiences over the years that have awakened me to the realization that my view of “the body” and even “my body” are in need of an expanded, sanctified vision. Undoubtedly I have been influenced greatly by the multiple primary cultures in which I was raised, including nations, circles of communities, the Church, and my family. This is the exact area in which I hope to learn the most during my time in seminary (though I have no doubt that God, being perfect in wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, will surprise me by teaching me all kinds of things in every area of life and study). But I long to grow in love and understanding about the spirituality of the body, the enfleshed life, and how to be a conduit of love, grace, and truth among people whom the Church in the time and place in which God has put me has excluded or not welcomed.

I do have some of those same questions that Henri shares. I’m chewing on this one the most today: “What is my responsibility to the world around me, and what is my responsibility to myself?” For most of my life I’ve focused on the first part of that question. I’m hearing an invitation from God to ask the second part more often of myself, and to encourage others around me to engage with this balanced pair of questions as they seek to follow Jesus by loving God and people. I’m also pondering what it would look like to, as Nouwen put it, “bring my body home.” I’d love to hear others’ thoughts on this!

I shared early in this course that I was moved to seek another spiritual director. I prayerfully did just that, and in a very short time, God provided someone. I had my first appointment a couple of weeks ago, and one immediate and very personal confirmation was that in his opening introduction of who he was, he shared his wife’s given and middle names – the same exact combination as my beloved mother who passed away 32 years ago and one that I had not encountered in another. All that to say, I wholeheartedly agree with Henri’s closing paragraph in Appendix Two: “Trust that God will lead you. After all, it is God’s Spirit that does the guiding and real directing; the director is simply there to be God’s friend and yours in the process.”

May we each live the questions deeply, knowing that you and I are God’s beloved!

Nouwen has some good insights here and there, but also some problematic theology. Many of the concepts and chapters were very disjointed and much of the content felt disconnected from what the title of the book implies you will be reading. I would not recommend this books based on the issues with theology.

This is such a good book, it took me so long to read because I would stop every sentence to ponder

As with many other Nouwen books, you get some beautiful, vulnerable insights alongside some questionable theology. I think the title is a little misleading- this book isn’t particularly relevant for the field of spiritual direction.

I listened to this book, so maybe it would be different had I read the hard copy. However, that being said, the book was overfilled with random thoughts, analogies, and stories that detracted from the actual ideas and thoughts presented. The author often used odd stories and analogies that didn't really make sense with the point he was trying to make, and nearly every story had a terrible transition into and out of it. All in all, it could have been a worthwhile read, and might have been had I read instead of listened to it. My experience was more confusing than it was useful.