Go for it!

A compilation of writings, well edited, that communicate Nouwen’s heart on spiritual formation and movements of the heart. If you care to go deeper, read this, then find a soul friend who will tell you the truth.

provided much inspiration.

"it helps to realize that the Bible is not primarily a book of information about God but of formation of the heart. it is not merely a book to be analyzed, scrutinized, & discussed, but a book to nurture, unify, & serve as a constant source of contemplation. we must struggle constantly against the temptation to read the Bible instrumentally as a book full of good stories & illustrations that can help us make our point in sermons, lectures, papers, & articles. the Bible does not speak to us as long as we want to use it. as long as we deal with the word of God as an item with which we can do many useful things, we don't really read the Bible or let it read us. only when we are willing to hear the written word as a word for us can the Living Word disclose himself & penetrate into the center of our heart."

This posthumously written book still captures Nouwen's passion for ministry and spiritual formation. This book is filled with very approachable material and guidelines to implement these disciplines in your everyday life.

I've decided to go ahead and share my very detailed notes from my seminary class in which we submitted comments about this book over the course of four weeks, in the hopes that this will encourage someone else along the way :)

1)
I, too, consider Henri Nouwen to be one of my favorite authors. This is my 3rd or 4th reading of this book, as it was one of the texts used in my two years of Spiritual Direction training about a decade ago. Each reading produces more insights and stirrings, something I've experienced with all of Nouwen's works (so far)! What a gift he is to the body of Christ!

One thing I've relearned is the importance of spiritual direction. I met with a wonderful spiritual director (former Jesuit priest) for five years before he re-retired and moved to a different city. I learned so much from 80-something Jim, especially how to listen deeply and well to another, and to always remember Jesus. To be honest, I was reluctant to find another spiritual director immediately because I had such an overwhelmingly positive, life-changing experience. I also didn't have the emotional energy at the time to find someone else, with some of my fellow spiritual direction learning cohort relaying story after story of the difficulties of finding a spiritual director with whom they "clicked." I've met with a director here and there at conferences / retreats (again, very positive experiences for me), but I have not had a regular local spiritual director in the last five years. As a direct result of reading through this week's assigned portion in this slim treasure of a book, I was reminded of the importance and the gift of regular spiritual direction, so I reached out again to the local Catholic retreat center and have lined up an appointment with a new spiritual director. I have missed it so much and look forward to engaging regularly again in this wonderful practice and adventure of deep listening, obedient listening, and "living the questions."

The second thing that touched me deeply on this reading was Henri's telling of God's story of Adam (his friend at L'Arche) "from above." Simply beautiful! Henri wrote that, "Adam . . . was simply present among people as a silent witness to my [God’s] love" and noted that Adam "was a full human being, so fully human that he was chosen by God to become the instrument of his love." This is how I want to see and love others, and to grow more deeply in my awareness of and acting upon God’s preferential option for the poor, by doing what I see the Father doing, as Jesus did, in loving God and others with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength.

2)
My heart is overflowing with joy and gratitude, having just re-read this week’s portion in Nouwen’s beautiful book. Here are several things that touched my soul, gleaned from my notes:

I loved the Tolstoy parable of Three Monks on an Island, especially treasuring the bishop’s blessing of peace when he realized they understood the Trinity and they walked on water – such sanctity and simplicity, as Nouwen says! This challenges our tendency to think that somehow it’s our job to “bring the Kingdom” or “bring the gospel” (partially true), when a deeper truth is the realization that God is already working, doing a good, beautiful, and holy work in the life of every person (and every part of creation), though we may not yet be aware of it.

On this reading of Spiritual Direction, I am noticing more and more phrases and observations that must surely have been gleaned by Nouwen from early Christian (1st millennium) and more recent (2nd millennium) Orthodox authors. I’ve been on a journey of reading of the saints for many years now, feeling like I’m just beginning to grasp a slight understanding of what it means to “let our mind descend into our heart and there stand in the presence of God.”

I was struck anew with Nouwen’s assertion that the main question regarding praying continually is “not so much what we think, but to whom we present our thoughts.” As I pondered this today, it reminded me that at the close of our church’s worship service yesterday, a friend of mine shared in despair that she felt like running away, primarily because her negative emotions were threatening to overwhelm her. I assured her that if and when she does run away, God will be right there, seemingly running alongside her, and possibly even asking – where are we running to? This image actually broke the heaviness of the situation and we laughed together before further listening, embracing, weeping, praying together. I believe that the bringing of her struggle out into the open and confessing her temptation to flee, brought it into the light of God’s presence, healing, and freedom. There is no time or place where God is not. The main thing is – are we willing to share our whole selves with him? Another Nouwen observation relating to this – “As soon as an embarrassing or exhilarating idea is taken out of its isolation and brought into a relationship, with God or with another person, something new happens.”

It encouraged my heart so much to read words from this beautiful brother (Henri) about the everlasting love of God who is both our Father and Mother. I am aware that this kind of imagery makes many of my contemporaries very uncomfortable, but they are words of life and healing. Having grown up in the Church, I am still learning how to talk about God in ways using the gender-inclusive language that Scripture itself affirms from cover to cover.

What joy to read these confident words that speak directly to the excesses practiced (often erroneously) by well-meaning believers who tend to be almost directive of God in how they speak: “There is a great temptation to suggest to myself or others where God is working and where not, when God is present and when not, but nobody . . . has any ‘special’ knowledge about God. The fullness of God cannot be limited by any human concept or prediction. God is greater than our mind and heart and perfectly free to be revealed where and when God wants.” This crops up not infrequently in many of the groups in which I serve as leader, and it’s a delicate balance between offering private correction and verbalizing gentle public clarification without the use of shame, harshness, or avoidance.

I really enjoy pondering the mystery of God, the cloud of unknowing, and being equipped with far better questions than the usual ones we ask (or are asked): “The question is not, ‘How am I to find God?’ but ‘How am I to let myself be found by God?’ The question is not, ‘How am I to know God?’ but ‘How am I to let myself be known by God?’ The question is not, ‘How am I to love God?’ but ‘How am I to let myself be loved by God?’ And finally, the question is not, ‘Who is God for me?’ but ‘Who am I to God?’” Such beautiful, simple, authentic, and vulnerable questions to offer in safe spaces in order to invite myself and others into more intimacy with God.

And finally, I must say that one of the topics that seems to come up very frequently in group discussions is “the word” – Jesus? Scripture? Prophecy? Writing the word? (yes to all four!) I am grateful for the new aha’s gained through re-reading this section, learning to “encounter God in the word through the disciplines of obedient listening, sacred reading, humble speaking, and spiritual writing.” I will most likely refer to some of this material in preparing this Sunday’s sermon – this is not why I read it, but as I read it, it occurred to me that the Lord may bring encouragement to others through the wisdom of Nouwen. I am eager to share some of these freshly mined treasures with others!

3)
Again, such a beautiful journey with Henri Nouwen in these chapters of his book.

What stood out most to me were his insights on:
•tCommunity
“In living together we come to realize that community doesn’t require or offer total emotional harmony. It offers us the context where we try to love one another and receive the love and care of others.” This sheds light on why it feels so different to be in a home together where one or more persons are guests, as contrasted to living together in a home where each one there is a resident. Church community is like that, too – it’s tempting enough to treat one another as “Sunday friends,” all sunshine and roses, which results in very thin (if any) community, and we won’t grow very much. But if we decide to move past niceties to truly loving and caring for one another (e.g. being in each other’s homes, visiting the sick, letting our masks down, doing ministry together, etc.) then we get a chance to love and be loved, care and be cared for. It helps me to have intentional practices of “a theology of failure” so that there is freedom to try new things where the goal isn’t success but sharing our God-given gifts and graces with one another.
•tCelebration
This encourages me to call forth the beauty and gifts in others as ones who reflect God. I really appreciate Nouwen’s invitation to ponder the mystery of God’s love which impacts the way we see ourselves and others and to be able to truly love without conditions.
•tWounded healers
“Those who cannot hide their handicaps do not allow the assistants to hide theirs either.” I am on a learning curve in this exact area as our new senior pastor (since mid-2022) is blind; he has brought a new level of vulnerability to our church community that is helping to heal wounds. It’s been pretty transformative for several people, especially those who have felt “less than” based on their outward appearances. I’m so thankful for Nouwen’s “wounded healer” message that has significantly impacted our small denomination (Vineyard) for many years.
•tHome
“Finding your way home is learning how all love is connected, expressed, and lived out in community.” So well said. We all need to remember and be reminded to seek to know and be known, love and be loved, by God and in community with one another. I wonder how many around me have expectations of what home “should” be (whether our family home or church home), influenced by TV / movies / books that paint idealistic or one-sided images of these things while avoiding hard stuff like how to deal with conflict or how to practice forgiveness, etc. Another kind of challenge that comes to mind is the lack of any expectations of home, leading to a kind of apathy (“why bother?”). We really need God’s Spirit to stir our imaginations as we seek to share God’s love with this generation.
•tForgiveness
Nouwen’s definition of forgiveness is at the same time encouraging and challenging, as we are all given so many opportunities to practice forgiveness whenever we get the guts to get involved with others up close and personal. It’s such a relief when we can get to this point with others, though, that we can resign from being Messiahs and let them off the hook, too, such that no one is being put on a pedestal or expected to be able to fill someone else up.
•tFaithfulness
I cannot tell you how much I love this descriptor of how Nouwen “did” ministry – “Ministry happens. You and I do very little . . . I just start to pray and offer Eucharist and see who comes.” Yes! Having served on a church staff for 20 years and spent countless hours coming up with vision / mission statements in order to “grow the church” (all well-intended), along with reading inspiring missionary biographies where little or no “fruit” was visible until years after their work on earth ended, along with being deeply moved when wandering through centuries-old Christian cathedrals and temples with the realization that God has been worshiped on that spot for hundreds and hundreds of years by many generations, I've slowly come to really believe that God seriously does value faithfulness more than what we might define as success today. God takes the long view; we humans tend to be quite short-sighted. We are here to adore Christ. And serve those on the margins. Pray hard, work hard, leave the results to God. This encouraged me this week as our pastoral team is in the middle of seeking God’s heart for us in this season, a creative and strategic plan on how to follow Jesus in our community while being lead by the Spirit and invitational to those among us who want to roll up sleeves and get involved.
“Ministry is the overflow of your love for God and others. Ministry is when two people toast their glasses of wine and something splashes over.” Yes, yes, and yes – I so love this imagery!
•tAuthenticity
“Even though following Jesus might well become a more hidden journey, it should not ever become a private journey . . . communicate as honestly as possible the pains and the joys, the darkness and the light, the fatigue and the vitality, the despair and the hope of going with Jesus to places where I would rather not go.” While reading Nouwen’s book today, I got side-tracked into reading again about some of the highs and lows of the ministry with which he was involved, and it reminded me how absolutely vital it is to help each other to live in the light, for all kinds of reasons. In our church community, we seek intentionally to live openly among one another, especially through the simple practice of asking open-ended questions at the start of pretty much every group I’m a part of, in the manner of the spiritual examen with the emphasis on consolation and desolation. It’s an invitation to be real with one another, acknowledging that we can weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice, even on the same day. I think many of us prefer one over the other, so it’s helpful to have someone else ask us questions that get us to look for both of these things on a regular basis so we don’t hide behind the one we prefer. I wonder how often God calls to us, “Where are you?” (like with Adam in the Garden) – it’s not like God doesn’t know, but he wants us to know, as he invites us to move towards authenticity, our true selves, as we walk with him and each other in the world.

4)
This week’s very short conclusion in Henri Nouwen’s Spiritual Direction reminded me again of the importance of surrender and submission to my Catcher, God the Father, Christ, Holy Spirit. The secret that the flyer does nothing and the catcher does everything resonates with me – at times in my spiritual journey where God has asked me to take a huge risk (e.g. move my family to Russia; adopt children; launch into formal ministry), I have sat with the image of diving off of a high diving board through a cloud into an unseen yet-to-be-filled pool far below, and it has brought me great comfort knowing that God is always faithful, always loving, always present, always generous. The flyer / catcher image is so much more embodied and intimate, and I am thankful for this beautiful parable. It’s a great reminder to really believe that the worst thing the flyer can do is try to catch the catcher. Lord, help me to surrender moment by moment, breath by breath . . . I want to trust you more!

I am so fascinated about Henri’s thoughts on the discipline of the body, adding to the three main disciplines of the spiritual life he described – the Heart, the Book, and the Church. For consistency, I would want it to be written as “the Body” but I can see how that could cause some confusion, as readers might think that referred to “the Body of Christ” and not our actual flesh-and-bones. I’ve had enough body-related experiences over the years that have awakened me to the realization that my view of “the body” and even “my body” are in need of an expanded, sanctified vision. Undoubtedly I have been influenced greatly by the multiple primary cultures in which I was raised, including nations, circles of communities, the Church, and my family. This is the exact area in which I hope to learn the most during my time in seminary (though I have no doubt that God, being perfect in wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, will surprise me by teaching me all kinds of things in every area of life and study). But I long to grow in love and understanding about the spirituality of the body, the enfleshed life, and how to be a conduit of love, grace, and truth among people whom the Church in the time and place in which God has put me has excluded or not welcomed.

I do have some of those same questions that Henri shares. I’m chewing on this one the most today: “What is my responsibility to the world around me, and what is my responsibility to myself?” For most of my life I’ve focused on the first part of that question. I’m hearing an invitation from God to ask the second part more often of myself, and to encourage others around me to engage with this balanced pair of questions as they seek to follow Jesus by loving God and people. I’m also pondering what it would look like to, as Nouwen put it, “bring my body home.” I’d love to hear others’ thoughts on this!

I shared early in this course that I was moved to seek another spiritual director. I prayerfully did just that, and in a very short time, God provided someone. I had my first appointment a couple of weeks ago, and one immediate and very personal confirmation was that in his opening introduction of who he was, he shared his wife’s given and middle names – the same exact combination as my beloved mother who passed away 32 years ago and one that I had not encountered in another. All that to say, I wholeheartedly agree with Henri’s closing paragraph in Appendix Two: “Trust that God will lead you. After all, it is God’s Spirit that does the guiding and real directing; the director is simply there to be God’s friend and yours in the process.”

May we each live the questions deeply, knowing that you and I are God’s beloved!

Nouwen has some good insights here and there, but also some problematic theology. Many of the concepts and chapters were very disjointed and much of the content felt disconnected from what the title of the book implies you will be reading. I would not recommend this books based on the issues with theology.

This is such a good book, it took me so long to read because I would stop every sentence to ponder

As with many other Nouwen books, you get some beautiful, vulnerable insights alongside some questionable theology. I think the title is a little misleading- this book isn’t particularly relevant for the field of spiritual direction.

I listened to this book, so maybe it would be different had I read the hard copy. However, that being said, the book was overfilled with random thoughts, analogies, and stories that detracted from the actual ideas and thoughts presented. The author often used odd stories and analogies that didn't really make sense with the point he was trying to make, and nearly every story had a terrible transition into and out of it. All in all, it could have been a worthwhile read, and might have been had I read instead of listened to it. My experience was more confusing than it was useful.

I’m at an interesting place in my life. At 44 years old I suppose I am, in fact, if not in “middle age” then at least in my middle years. In a year my oldest child will leave for college. In 10 years we’ll be empty nesters. I’ve had a more than reasonable amount of professional success. Enough that if it stopped now, I would have no reason to be disappointed. So I spend a fair amount of time thinking about the next phase of my life, wondering what else my life might be for, thinking about what else might be interesting. Said differently, am I called to be something different, something more, in the second half of my life than I am today?

I routinely look to books for direction in my life. The Bible, of course, but also other books. Biographies, histories, sometimes novels. Spiritual Direction by Henri Nouwen is one such book and like the best of this kind, didn’t answer my questions so much as it left me with better ones.

Broadly, after a brief preface and introduction to the concepts of spiritual direction (the practice) and spiritual directors (the practitioners) “Spiritual Direction” Is divided into three sections.

Part One: Look Within to the Heart.

“The first and most essential spiritual practice that any spiritual director must ask anyone to pursue is the discipline of the Heart. Introspection and contemplative prayer is the ancient discipline by which we begin to see God in our heart.”

In some ways this is simultaneously the most comfortable and most uncomfortable part of spiritual direction for me. You see, I am usually most comfortable in my own head. I like the company and they always laugh at my jokes. I am a person who places a very high value on thinking, self-awareness, and introspection. The uncomfortable part is that if I spend enough time in introspection, I’m forced to confront those things about myself I don’t like. My insecurities, my prejudices, and my doubts. I’m forced to confront the fact that I’m simultaneously bullshitting my self and the world. I’m not as confident or sure as I pretend to be. In fact, I’m just making it all up as I go along…just like everyone else.

To this Nouwen directly replies,

“When God enters into the center of our lives to unmask our illusion of possessing final solutions and to disarm us with always deeper questions, we will not necessarily have an easier or simpler life, but certainly a life that is honest, courageous, and marked with the ongoing search for truth.”

Yes, Nouwen tells us, we’re called to wade into the morass of our own egos and push through what we find there, comfortable in the promise that God is, was, and always will be there.

Later, Henri (can I call him Henri?) cautions, “The greatest trap in life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection, doubting who we truly are.”

In one sentence Nouwen has summarized what I’m struggling with these days. Who am I, truly? Is the person I present to world, the person I tell myself I am…is that who I truly am? Is that who God is calling me to be now?

And to that Nouwen adds, “The discipline of prayer is to constantly go back to the truth of who we are and claim it for ourselves.”

Part Two: Look to God in the Book

“A second discipline held essential in spiritual direction is the discipline of the Book, in which we look to God through lectio divina – the sacred reading of the scriptures and other spiritual writings.”

In this section Nouwen digs into the hard, solitary work of prayer and reading scripture as disciplines but I quickly begin to feel chastised by Fr. Nouwen.

“As long as we read the Bible or a spiritual book simply to acquire knowledge, our reading does not help us in our spiritual lives. We can become very knowledgeable about spiritual matters without becoming truly spiritual people,” he writes.

Try sitting with that for a while when your theological book shelves are heavy laden. Have I been more interested in acquiring knowledge that I have in deepening my relationship with Christ?


Nouwen provides some knowing solace and counsel with,

“Spiritual reading is far from easy in our modern, intellectual world, where we tend to make anything and everything we read subject to analysis and discussion. Instead of taking the words apart, we should bring them together in our innermost being; instead of wondering if we agree or disagree with what we have read, we should wonder which words are spoken directly to us and connect directly with our most personal story…we should be willing to let them penetrate into the most hidden corners of our hearts, even to those places where no other word has yet found entrance.”

Not content to simply point out the weaknesses in my recent scriptural studies, Nouwen takes aim at my prayer life too.

“Although it is important and even indispensable for the spiritual life to set apart time for God and God alone, prayer can only become unceasing prayer when all our thoughts – beautiful or ugly, high or low, proud or shameful, sorrowful or joyful – can be thought and expressed in the presence of God.”

Then, shooting down my typical filibuster of prayer, he says,

“The truth is prayer is more than feeling, speaking, thinking, or conversing with God. To pray also means to be quiet and listen, whether or not we feel God is speaking to us. More than anything, prayer is primarily listening and waiting. We listen for God in an attitude of openness of heart, humility of spirit, and quietness of soul. We let our mind descend into our heart and there stand in the presence of God.”

This is exactly what I haven’t been doing. Instead of sitting quietly, listening, and waiting for God, I’ve been doing what the world has rewarded me for doing. Go. Fast. Now. As I sit and reflect on how I’ve been living my life the last many weeks and months, I can feel a physiological response. My breathing has shallowed and my pulse has quickened. Simply by shifting my focus for a moment, I have created a sense of frenzy in my mind that must be present most of the time because I’ve lost touch with it.

“As long as our hearts and minds are filled with words of our own making, there is no space for the Word to enter deeply into our heart and take root.”

I remember a Christian ed class I taught some time ago, where I posed the question: Why does God speak so quietly? Because those with authority, true authority, don’t need to shout. It is clear to me that I’ve been shouting into the world and listening to the world shout in return. What I haven’t been doing is sitting quietly, patiently waiting. It is this stillness that, just in the moments it has taken me to write these words, it has become clear I so desperately need and want.

And finally, Part Three: Look to Others in Community

“The third discipline key to spiritual direction is the discipline of the Church of faith community. This spiritual practice requires us to be in relationship to the people of God, witnessing to the active presence of God in history and in community ‘wherever two or three are gathered in my Name” (Matthew 18:20).

This section is obviously about the need for us to be in relationship with one another, on a personal and a spiritual level, and many of us naturally think of that in the context of church. But once again Nouwen, or more likely God through Nouwen’s words, speaks to me directly where I am this week, this year, and in this season of my life.

This week I leave with our church youth group for our annual trip to do mission work on the Pine Ridge Indian reservation in South Dakota. These have always been and remain very challenging times on the rez and our work there, though valued, makes such a seemingly small impact. My corporate day job is becoming increasing challenging due to regulatory scrutiny, a soul crushing work load, and a blistering pace of cultural change. And as I mentioned at the beginning, I find myself nearing the precipice of the next phase of my life.

What does Fr. Henri have to say to me and you?

“The fruits of the spirit are not sadness, loneliness, and separation, but joy, solitude, community, and ministry.”

“To celebrate another’s gift means to accept that person’s full humanity as a reflection of God.”

“The ministry of the body of Christ is not really something that you try to do, although it calls you to do many things. Ministry is the fruit of finding your gifts and offering what you have. Ministry is not something that requires professional credentials. It is a vocation each of us claims by virtue of our baptism in the body of Christ.”

“Resentment is the opposite of gratitude.”

“Ministry happens when we move from resentment to gratitude. The spiritual life is one of gratitude.”

“The great seduction of the dark world is indeed being reduced into desiring to become an object of interest rather than a subject of compassion.”

What do I feel when I read these words? What is revealed about myself? My heart is hardened to those around me who are suffering. I’ve become resentful of people who are children of God but are dealing with sadness, loneliness, and separation. I have failed to value the full humanity of so many other people because I have allowed my ego to drive my thoughts and my actions.

Spiritual Direction by Henri Nouwen may not hit you as it has done me. Maybe your spiritual life is in better shape than mine. Maybe I’ve worked myself into a literary and spiritual tantrum. Maybe you would experience an equally strong response but to completely different passages. I suspect however, that if you approach Spiritual Direction with an open heart and an open mind, you will find a least a little something you are looking for.

This review was originally posted on my blog, www.thedeckleedge.com. I invite you to read and comment. Thanks.

It was good, even though it was, at times, clearly pieced together from different writings. I liked that each chapter ended with an exercise based on the material in the chapter. Although I didn't do all the exercises, I do plan to go back to do more of them in the future. And, I'm looking forward to the other two books in this series.

Beautiful collection of Nouwen's spiritual direction principles on topics of identity, prayer, community and ministry

This book is awesome. There are some things that you will find familiar and some things you may disagree with. I think Henri would smile at both. The focus of this book is less about lecturing and more about taking you on a journey.