خیلی خیلی خوب و روشنگر. از کتاب‌هایی که زندگی آدم‌ها را تغییر می‌دهد. خواندن‌اش مثل چراغی است که نور می‌تاباند بر گذشته‌ی تاریک و پستی‌وبلندی‌های مسیری که پیش آمده‌آیم.
با این حال نقطه‌ی ضعف کتاب، تک‌بعدی نگاه کردن نویسنده است. نویسنده تمام شخصیت یک فرد را تقلیل می‌دهد به رفتار والدین با کودک، حال‌ آن‌که امروز دیگر می‌دانیم که دورانِ زندگیِ کنارِ والدین، تمامِ آینده را نمی‌سازد و محیط اجتماعی و ژنتیک و شاید چیزهای دیگر هم موثرند در شکل‌گیری روان.

با این‌همه، احتمالا خواندنش برای بیشتر آدم‌ها لازم و کمک‌کننده است.

THIS BOOK CHANGED MY LIFE YEARS AGO!
IT'S CHANGING IT AGAIN!

Η Alice Miller ήταν μια σπουδαία ψυχαναλύτρια που έφυγε από τη ζωή το 2010 σε ηλικία 87 ετών. Το βιβλίο αυτό μου το σύστησε ένας καθηγητής μου στο πανεπιστήμιο ο οποίος έχει και αυτός φύγει σε νεαρή ηλικία από ζωή.

Έτσι μοιραία το κείμενο του έχει συνδεθεί μέσα μου με ανθρώπους που αγωνίστηκαν για να καταλάβουν οι γύρω τους πως τίποτα δεν είναι τυχαίο, πως δεν υπάρχουν απλά "κακοί άνθρωποι" και πως πέρα από όποια γενετική προδιάθεση, η κάθε μορφή κακοποίησης στην παιδική μας ηλικία ακόμη και εκείνη που εντάσσεται στα πλαίσια της "μαύρης παιδαγωγικής" μπορεί να έχει ολέθρια αποτελέσματα (ατομικά ή κοινωνικοπολιτικά)

Η θεωρία της Miller στηρίζεται στις πλάτες γιγάντων όπως ο Freud όμως βλέπει και παραπέρα εξηγώντας γιατί τελικά οι ασθενείς του δεύτερου δεν ξεπερνούσαν πάντα τις νευρώσεις τους, παρόλο που αναγνώριζαν τα δράματα της παιδικής τους ηλικίας, τότε πού αισθανόταν ανυπεράσπιστοι μπροστά σε ταπεινώσεις, βία ή εξουσιαστικές τακτικές.

Το βιβλίο είναι πάντα επίκαιρο. Να το διαβάσετε "όσο πιο έγκαιρα γίνεται" όπως μου είχε πει και ο καθηγητής μου. Δεν ξέρω αν ένα βιβλίο μπορεί να μας κάνει καλύτερους γονείς ή πιο συνειδητοποιημένους ανθρώπους ψυχικά, ανακαλύπτοντας το πληγωμένο παιδί μέσα μας. Πάντως βρίσκετε σε καλό δρόμο, αναμφισβήτητα.
Να το διαβάσετε.

ΥΓ. Η γραφή του είναι απόλυτα κατανοητή χωρίς επιστημονική jargon.

(Review August 2024)
I read this three years ago but remember that I felt like I didn't really grasp it. And I really didn't. I talked about narcissism back then but this time around I feel like this book is about so much more. It's about the early relationship experience the infants has with his/her mother and how that shapes him/her later in life. This time is so crucial and when the mother/care-giver is abusive it really damages the person. There were four main takeaways from this book. 1.) One has to face one's childhood pain, process those feelings in order to move forward and really change. One really has to connect with one's own feelings and not diminish them at all. 2.) One has to let go of illusions and accept that the parent wasn't good. One has to let go of the hope that the parent will change and/or let go of the excuses that one deserved such abusive treatment. If one doesn't do this, the cycle will repeat and behavioral patterns won't change. 3.) Grandiosity and depression are two faces of the same coin. When one refuses to acknowledge reality and the childhood pain, one turns to grandiosity to feel good about oneself. This is very fragile, dependent on outside validation and a defense against depression. Depression is the defense against the reality that one has lost the self. 4.) The last take-away is that it is important to target one's anger at the right person and not at innocent people. It's a painful real but contains a lot of important lessons. Even though I was sad to hear that the author's son had a bad relationship with his mother.

n  
"Experience has taught us that we have only one enduring weapon in our struggle against mental illness: the emotional discovery of the truth about the unique history of our childhood."

"The suffering person begins to be articulate and breaks with her former compliant attitudes, but because of her early experience she cannot believe she is not incurring mortal danger, she fears rejection and punishment when she defends her rights in the present. The patient is surprised by feelings she would rather not have recognized, but now it is too late: Awareness of her own impulses has already been aroused, and there is no going back. Now the once intimidated and silenced child can experience herself in a way she had never before thought possible, and afterward she can enjoy the relief of having taken the risk and been true to herself. "

"At first it will be mortifying to see that she is not always good, understanding, tolerant, controlled, and, above all, without needs, for these have been the basis of her self-respect."

"It also means being able to experience the resentment and mourning aroused by our parents' failure to fulfill our primary needs."

"One is totally defenseless against this sort of manipulation in childhood. The tragedy is that the parents too have no defense against it, as long as they refuse to face their own history. If the repression stays unresolved, the parents' childhood tragedy is unconsciously continued on in their children."

"Every child has a legitimate need to be noticed, understood, taken seriously, and respected by his mother."

"In that case, the child would find not himself in his mother's face, but rather the mother's own projections."

"The automatic, natural contact with his own emotions and needs gives an individual strength and self-esteem."

"Grandiosity is the defense against depression, and depression is the defense against the deep pain over the loss of the self that results from denial."

"There are those with great gifts, often precisely the most gifted, who do suffer from severe depression. For one is free from it only when self-esteem is based on the authenticity of ones own feelings and not on the possession of certain qualities."

"The grandiose person is never really free; first, because he is excessively dependent on admiration from others, and second, because his self-respect is dependent on qualities, functions, and achievements that can suddenly fail."

"Depression leads him close to his wounds, but only mourning for what he has missed, missed at the crucial time, can lead to real healing."

"Depression consists of a denial of one's own emotional reactions."

"We cannot really love if we are forbidden to know our truth, the truth about our parents and caregivers as well as about ourselves."

"We could make great progress in becoming more honest, respectful, and conscious, thus less destructive."

"As adults we don't need unconditional love, not even from our therapists. This is a childhood need, one that can never be fulfilled later in life, and we are playing with illusions if we have never mourned this lost opportunity."

"Once we have experienced a few times that the breakthrough of intense early-childhood feelings (characterized by the specific quality of noncomprehension) can relieve a long period of depression, this experience will bring about a gradual change in our way of approaching "undesired" feelings - painful feelings, above all. We discover that we are no longer compelled to follow the former pattern of disappointment, suppression of pain, and depression, since we now have another possibility of dealing with disappointment: namely, experiencing the pain. In this way we at last gain access to our earlier experiences - to the parts of ourselves and our fate that were previously hidden from us."

"This ability to grieve - that is to give up the illusion of his "happy" childhood, to feel and recognize the full extent of the hurt he has endured, can restore the depressive's vitality and creativity and free the grandiose person from the exertions of and dependence on his Sisphyean task. If a person is able, during this long process, to experience the reality that he was never loved as a child for what he was but was instead needed and exploited for his achievements, success, and good qualities - and that he sacrificed his childhood for this form of love - he will be very deeply shaken, but one day he will feel the desire to end these efforts. He will discover in himself a need to live according to his true self and no longer be forced to earn "love" that always leaves him empty-handed, since it is give to his false self - something he has begun to identify and relinquish.
The true opposite of depression is neither gaiety not absence of pain, but vitality - the freedom to experience spontaneous feelings. It is part of the kaleidoscope of life that these feelings are not only happy, beautiful, or good but can reflect the entire range of human experience, including envy, jealousy, rage, disgust, greed, despair, and grief. But this freedom cannot be achieved if its childhood roots are cut off. Our access to the true self is possible only when we no longer have to be afraid of the intense emotional world of early childhood. Once we have experienced and become familiar with this world, it is no longer strange and threatening. We no longer need to keep it hidden behind the prison walls of illusion. We know now who and what caused our pain, and it is exactly this knowledge that gives us freedom at last from the old pain."

"The child must adapt to ensure the illusion of love, care, and kindness, but the adult does not need this illusion to survive. He can give up this amnesia and the be in a position to determine his actions with open eyes. Only this path will free him from his depression. Both the depressive and the grandiose person completely deny their childhood reality by living as though the availability of the parents could still be salvaged: the grandiose person through the illusion of achievement, and the depressive through his constant fear of losing "love." Neither can accept the truth that this loss or absence of love has already happened in the past, and that no effort whatsoever can change this fact."

"There are various means of developing this sensitivity (to a child's suffering). We may, for instance, observe children who are strangers to us and attempt to feel empathy for them in their situation. But we must, above all, come to have empathy for them in their situation. But we must, above all, come to have empathy for our own fate. Our feelings will always reveal the true story, which no one else knows and which only we can discover."

"If we start from the premise that a person's whole development (and his balance, which is based upon it) is dependent on the way his mother experienced his expression of needs and sensations during his first days and weeks of life, then we must assume that it is here that the beginning of a later tragedy might be set. "

"... that it is not a child's task or duty to satisfy his parent's needs."

"These experiences first show the person that his early adaptation by means of splitting was not an expression of cowardice, but that it was really his only chance to survive, to escape his fear of annihilation."

"...the function (of contempt) is the defense against unwanted feelings. Contempt simply evaporates, having lost its point, when it is no longer useful as a shield - against the child's shame over his desperate, unreturned love; against his feeling of inadequacy, or above all against his rage that his parents were not available... Contempt as a rule will cease with the beginning of mourning of the irreversible that cannot be changed, for contempt, too, has in its own way served to deny the reality of the past."

"Consciously experiencing our legitimate emotions is liberating, not just because of the discharge of long-held tensions in the body but above all because it opens our eyes to reality (both past and present) and frees us of lies and illusions. It gives us back repressed memories and helps dispel attendant symptoms. It is therefore empowering without being destructive. Repressed emotion can be resolved as soon as it is felt, understood, and recognized as legitimate. Being detached from it becomes possible and this is totally different from repression."

n

(Review October 2021)
4.5* because the second half contained quite a few repetitions and felt weaker than the first half.

A very eye-opening book about narcissism and why we behave the way we do. I'm so glad to have finally read this one. I've always heard of this book title but never felt compelled to read it until I accidentally found out that Alice Miller moved to Switzerland where she pursued her career in psychology. It's a short book and very readable. Unfortunately, the second half of the book wasn't as good as the first half.

"On the basis of my experience, I think that the cause of an emotional disturbance is to be found in the infants's early adaptation. The child's needs for respect, echoing, understanding, sympathy, and mirroring have had to be repressed, with several serious consequences. One such consequence is the person's inability to experience consciously certain feelings of his own (such as jealous, envy, anger, loneliness, helplessness, or anxiety), either in childhood or later in adulthood."

"This means tolerating the knowledge that, to avoid losing the 'love' of our parents, we were compelled to gratify their unconscious needs at the cost of our own emotional development. It also means being able to experience the resentment and mourning aroused by our parents' failure to fulfil our primary needs. If we have never consciously lived through this despair and the resulting rage, and have therefore never been able to work through it, we will be in danger of transferring this situation, which then would remain unconscious, onto our patients. It would not be surprising if our unconscious need should find no better way than to make use of a weaker person."

Miller believes that the relationship between the infant and the mother (or any other primary caretaker) is of the utmost importance in determining how narcissistic a person becomes later in life. If a baby/child is given attention, love and respect, they will turn into secure, healthy adults. But if the mother (or any other primary caretaker) is withholding attention and love, the baby/child will adapt and repress this need in order to please the caretaker, but this denial literally turns into a hole for the adult. This adult will constantly feel empty and unfulfilled, leading to narcissistic behaviour. Miller points out two main forms of narcissism, namely grandiosity and depression. Grandiosity refers to the need of outside validation in order to feel good about oneself, whereas depression is the pain of the denial of the true self.

"...grandiosity is the defense against depression, and depression is the defense against the deep pain over the loss of the self that results from denial."

"Probably the greatest of wounds - not to have been loved just as one truly was - cannot heal without the work of mourning. It can be either more or less successfully resisted and covered up (as in grandiosity and depression), or constantly torn open again in the compulsion to repeat."

What Miller wants to highlight the most, is the importance of accepting the reality (weak, unloving parents, and a sad childhood) and going through the mourning process to let go of the past and finally liberate oneself to become the true version of oneself. That wound from childhood can never be filled, but if we recognise it, we can check ourselves when we behave in a compulsive and negative way. Miller also criticises therapists who often take over the role of the mother (primary caretaker), keeping the narcissistic dynamic alive instead of truly helping the patient.

"She will continue in her flight unless she learns that the awareness of old feelings is not deadly but liberating."

"This ability to grieve - that is, to give up the illusion of his 'happy' childhood, to feel and recognize the full extent of the hurt has endured - can restore the depressive's vitality and creativity and free the grandiose person from the exertions of and dependence of his Sisyphean task."

"Both the depressive and the grandiose person completely deny their childhood reality by living as though the availability of the parents could still be salvaged: the grandiose person through the illusion of achievement, and the depressive through his constant fear of losing 'love.' Neither can accept the truth that this loss or absence of love has already happened in the past, and that no effort whatsoever can change this fact.

Overall, this book really enhanced my knowledge on narcissism (most of which comes from Dr. Ramani on Youtube). I feel Miller gained these insights while witnessing the strict and traditional German way of parenting. I get the impression, she is very critical of that. Children will always idealise their parents and will adapt to make their parents happy, not knowing that they are hurting and repressing their own feelings. The tragedy is that this hurt is repeated from generation to generation, if awareness of the trauma is not sought.

"We become free by transforming ourselves from unaware victims of the past into responsible individuals in the present, who are aware of our past and are thus able to live with it."

"If a child is lucky enough to grow up with a mirroring, available mother who is at the child's disposal - that is, a mother who allows herself to be made use of as a function of the child's development - then a healthy self-feeling can gradually develop in the growing child."

"He seeks insatiably for admiration, of which he never gets enough because admiration is not the same thing as love. it is only a substitute gratification of the primary needs for respect, understanding, and being taken seriously - needs that have remained unconscious since early childhood. Often a whole life is devoted to this substitute. As long as the true need is not felt and understood, the struggle for the symbol of love will continue."

"Depression leads him close to his wounds, but only mourning for what he has missed, missed at the crucial time, can lead to real healing."

"Women, too, are born with instinctual programming to love, support, protect, and nurture their children and to derive pleasure from doing so. But we are robbed of these instinctual abilities if we are exploited in our childhood for the substitute gratification of our parents' needs."

"We can only solve this riddle if we manage to see the parents, too, as insecure children - children who have at last found a weaker creature, in comparison with whom they can now feel very strong."

"The only defense we have against mental illness is the discovery of the truth of our childhood."

Should be required reading for every psychologist. I liked it even more when, in the third section of the book, the author used Hermann Hesse as an example! I learned something about my favorite author--and, more importantly, gained some highly valuable insights that I hope I can put into practice in integrating my own self.

I was on fire to discuss this book with people and I had so many place saving stickers all over it I realized I simply wanted to talk about every sentence! I read it 20 years ago and I felt like I finally found explanations that made sense! Since then I've read many other good books discussing the same issues which also were excellent so the fire became a little light. It's an excellent book of possible truth, and definitely should be near the top of that book list if you have an interest in this subject.

Holy crap, this book. It kind of blew my mind apart, to be honest. I found myself relating to it so much that I returned my library copy after buying a copy for myself; primarily so I could go at it with a highlighter and dog-ear a ton of the pages. I read this book after reading about it in Alison Bechdel's 'Are You My Mother' and thinking it sounded like something I needed to check out. In some ways, it was like opening Pandora's Box. But since I am dedicated to self-work and to asking myself difficult questions/challenging myself, I think it was a good thing. Still, if you're planning to read this, prepare to have your world potentially upended in a very quick read. And I agree with the sentiment of a few other folks: one really out to read this book if one is planning on having/has had children. Seriously.

Le relazioni pericolose.

Al mio psicoterapeuta Alice Miller non piace molto.
In effetti non è piaciuta granché nemmeno a me, anche se devo riconoscere di aver letto questo testo in cerca di risposte che, probabilmente, sarebbe stato più facile trovare se lo avessi avvicinato da madre piuttosto che da figlia.
Quello su cui siamo d'accordo, il mio psicoterapeuta e io, è anche il fatto che la psicoanalista Miller, al di là dei casi limite raccontati e riconoscibili da chiunque anche fra noi profani, tende a colpevolizzare tout court l'esemplare genitore (tendenza che, in ogni caso, ponendosi in senso nettamente antitetico alla psicoanalisi, che tradizionalmente incolpa il bambino per assolvere i genitori, l'ha portata nel 1988 ad allontanarsi dalla Società Internazionale di Psicoanalisi), non tenendo praticamente conto dell'alto indice di fallibilità dell'essere umano, genitore incluso: insomma, il genitore perfetto non credo sia di questo mondo, Svizzera compresa.
A tale proposito, superata o meno che sia, mi piace sempre ricordare una frase attribuita a Sigmund Freud che, scritta da mia madre, campeggiava in cucina sulla lavagnetta di famiglia (lavagnetta che non è mai servita a null'altro, ma che per anni ha riportato, incancellata, quella frase e i successivi commenti di noi quattro figli): «Qualunque cosa un genitore dica o faccia comunque sbaglia».

[edit] nel frattempo ho cambiato psicoterapeuta, devo ricordare di chiedere alla nuova cosa ne pensa di questo saggio.

3.5/5 ✨ Αν σκεφτεί κανείς ότι επί πολλά χρόνια είχα αλλάξει τον τονισμό μίας σημαντικής λέξης του τίτλου του βιβλίου και διάβαζα "φύλακες" αντί για "φυλακές", μπορεί να υποψιαστεί πως είχα ασυνείδητα υποθέσει ότι το συγκεκριμένο έργο διακατέχεται από μία αρκετά οπτιμιστική οπτική.

Ωστόσο, ο τόνος βρίσκεται στην λήγουσα για κάποιον λόγο και αυτό αποδεικνύεται πολύ γρήγορα, καθώς η Alice Miller μιλάει εκτεταμένως για το παιδικό τραύμα, τις κακοποιητικές συμπεριφορές γονέων προς τα παιδιά τους, τον ανέκφραστο πόνο και την καταπιεσμένη οργή, την θλίψη που παραβλέπεται και το συναίσθημα που νεκρώνει. Η συγγραφέας ασπάζεται την άποψη πως το τραύμα οδηγεί στην απομάκρυνση από τον αληθινό εαυτό και στην δημιουργία ενός ψευδούς εαυτού - ντυμένου και σουλουπωμένου με βάση τις προσδοκίες και τις φιλοδοξίες της μητέρας - και κατ' επέκταση στην διαμόρφωση ενηλίκων ανασφαλών, μόνων και συναισθηματικά παραγκωνισμένων, που με την σειρά τους βγάζουν τις δικές τους ανασφάλειες στα παιδιά που πρόκειται να φέρουν στην ζωή.

Επιπλέον, η συγγραφέας αναφέρεται σε διάφορους μηχανισμούς άμυνας που χρησιμοποιούνται από τα παιδιά ώστε να επιβιώσουν, στην εμφάνιση της κατάθλιψης ή των ιδεών μεγαλείου - δηλαδή τις δύο όψεις του ίδιου νομίσματος σύμφωνα με την συγγραφέα - αλλά και στο μονοπάτι προς την ίαση και την θεραπεία που προφανώς και φέρει το όνομα της ψυχοθεραπείας.

Αν και συμφωνώ στο ότι η παιδική ηλικία είναι καθοριστική για την μετέπειτα πορεία μας, καθώς και στο ότι το τραύμα όντως (ανα)διαμορφώνει τον χαρακτήρα μας, αρνούμαι να αποδεχτώ μια ντετερμινιστική σειρά γεγονότων που θέλουν τους γονείς ως ακούσιους καταπιεστές και τα παιδιά ως άτυχους καταπιεσμένους. Οι παράγοντες για την εμφάνιση ή μη κάποιας δυσλειτουργικής συμπεριφοράς είναι πολλαπλοί: βιολογικοί, κοινωνικοί, οικογενειακοί, γενετικοί, ατομικοί. Η υπαιτιότητα δεν είναι πάντοτε ή/και αποκλειστικά της μητέρας και η κατάθλιψη δεν έρχεται πάντα λόγω του πρώιμου παιδικού τραύματος.

Το να αποδέχεσαι έναν ντετερμινιστικό κύκλο σημαντικών ή μη γεγονότων μπορεί να είναι είτε απελευθερωτικό και ανακουφιστικό, είτε πεσιμιστικό και θλιβερό, είναι θέμα οπτικής. Όμως ανεξάρτητα από την σκοπιά του καθενός, παραμένει κάτι περιοριστικό, κάτι απόλυτο και δεδομένο που αψηφά την ύπαρξη της ελεύθερης βούλησης και της προσωπικής ευθύνης και ρίχνει τον κάθε άνθρωπο στον βούρκο ενός ματαιωτικού περιορισμού.

Και εάν κάτι σε αυτή την γη δεν πρέπει να περιορίζεται είναι η ανθρώπινη φύση. Αντιθέτως εμένα μου μοιάζει τόσο ευέλικτη και πολυδιάστατη, τόσο αεικίνητη και ρευστή, τόσο ελκυστικά ανεξερεύνητη. Δύσκολο να την βάλεις σε καλούπι, πόσο μάλλον να προδικάσεις για αυτήν, να την κατηγοριοποιήσεις και να την ταξινομήσεις.

To be fair, I'm going to start with the caveat that I'm not a huge fan of Freud, on whose theories of psychoanalysis Alice Miller seems to rely quite heavily in constructing her own. But while I admit my personal bias against the foundation for her psychological theory, I still believe the construction of her general arguments to be weak as well. She seems to depend far too heavily on isolated instances as evidence of the childhood "abuses" that have crippled her patients in their adulthood, while dismissing more pronounced examples of abuse as too extreme for the case she wishes to make. Furthermore, it seems that her entire exploration of the "gifted child" -- not one who is overly bright, but rather a child who is able to empathize with his parents as they struggle through their issues -- is based on her own mama-drama rather than on more objective studies. It seems that Miller is grasping at examples to justify her own childhood frustrations. While surely cathartic, this doesn't strike me as a sound basis for a psychological treatise.

I might be able to forgive all that, had the writing been more compelling or better organized. I cannot excuse the poor construction of this text, or Miller's failure to adequately support her points or tie together the various threads of her argument. Without a conclusion, her complaints fall flat and her thesis remains unsound. I'm not really sure of what, if anything, she's believes she has proven, or what substantial evidence she has given to back her claim. I come away feeling that a parent can't possibly do right by their child, as any attempt at a reprimand is considered borderline abuse. Miller might have done better to include suggestions for positive parental models or success stories, to better indicate the goals of her methods or the point of this book. Her other texts may be more compelling, but this one is a definite must-miss.

"Το τι κάνουν οι ενήλικες στην ψυχή των παιδιών τους είναι καθαρά δική τους υπόθεση, γιατί το παιδί θεωρείται ιδιοκτησία των γονέων του με τον ίδιο τρόπο που οι πολίτες ενός ολοκληρωτικού καθεστώτος θεωρούνται ιδιοκτησία της κυβέρνησης. Μέχρι να ευαισθητοποιηθούμε όσον αφορά τον πόνο των μικρών παιδιών, αυτή η άσκηση εξουσίας από τους ενήλικες θα θεωρείται μια φυσιολογική πλευρά της ανθρώπινης
συμπεριφοράς, αφού σχεδόν κανείς δεν την προσέχει ή δεν την παίρνει στα σοβαρά. Επειδή τα θύματα είναι «απλώς παιδιά», υπεραπλουστεύουμε το άγχος και τη στενοχώρια τους."

Μια σπαρακτική έκκληση προς τους (πλέον) ενήλικες που κακοποιήθηκαν, είτε σωματικά, είτε ψυχικά με ποικίλλους τρόπους, με αναγκαστική αναστολή των συναισθημάτων τους, για να θρηνήσουν τον εαυτό που δεν αγαπήθηκε για αυτό που ήταν, ως παιδιά

This is an excellent book for learning more about yourself, how you became the way you are, and also as a possible source of help regarding the causes and cure of any emotional difficulties you may have. It will also help you better understand the people around you and how they came to be the way they are. It is a good source of psychological knowledge. Alice Miller shows very clearly how the way our parents raised us when we are children formed us psychologically.

Alice Miller wrote her second book, For Your Own Good, as a continuation of this book, and I think the detailed examples and analysis she provides in the second book will be very interesting to anybody who likes Drama of the Gifted Child.

Another thing that I found helpful was to re-read Drama of the Gifted Child some time after reading For Your Own Good, to see how much more I was able to learn from it after having some time to react emotionally to what I had read the first time. I learned so much that I was inspired to keep re-reading her books periodically to continue learning more and more.

Initially Alice Miller's claims about the extent of damage done to us by our parents seemed exaggerated to me, and I felt that one should not say such things about parents. After recovering somewhat from my parent's punishment of me for saying the truth to them about themselves during my childhood, I am now able to realize that it is true that the most commonly practiced child-rearing practices devastate us psychologically, and that I need to re-discover what my parents did to me during my childhood and how I felt about it in order to recover my psychological health.

For those who have the ability to heal from the traumas they suffered by feeling the repressed feelings from those traumas, Alice Miller's books provide enough information to provoke a long-term emotional healing process. This healing improves your psychological health, and, she claims, will eventually lead to the re-discovery of your true self, your untraumatized soul. I hope this is true.

Highly recommended.