آلیس میلر توی این کتاب درباره تاثیر بزرگی که دوران کودکی روی دوران بزرگسالی داره صحبت می کنهٍ. یه جاهاییش تکرار زیاد داشت اما اونقدر تاثیر این کتاب روی من زیاد بود که بهش امتیاز 5 میدم.
این کتاب رو هر کسی باید حداقل یه بار بخونه :)
به خصوص اگر تصمیم دارین فرزندی داشته باشین قبلش حتما این کتاب رو بخونین

I thought this was an amazingly insightful book on the root causes of many disorders, including "group madness" such as fascism, nationalism.

The author's thesis is that child abuse is carried forward generation after generation, if only unconsciously, and that child rearing that does not respect the child's needs and feelings, will add to this cycle. The child in order to earn the parent's love, will suppress its rage at not being respected, as well as any other feelings or impulses deemed inappropriate by the parent, which will subsequently be displaced on an innocent scapegoat, many times their own children. Also, he may compulsively seek ways to recreate the early disapproval of the parents later in life. The cycle of the abused becoming an abuser cannot be broken unless a patient unlocks the feelings of rage they had suppressed since childhood, and mourns for their lost childhood - once they achieve this insight, they are freed from the compulsion to continually re-enact the same old patterns, and they are also put in touch with their true selves; they will gain vitality and be freed from the cycle of depression/grandiosity caused by self-alienation. The author states that every single contemptuous and unkind act or word by ones parents' from the beginning, the hurt from these acts or words is stored in every cell of our bodies, and can eventually contribute to chronic illnesses. The self-knowledge that this is why we are alienated from our feelings, which we learned to suppress since infancy, is liberating.

Most people who were abused as children subsequently forget the trauma of childhood and love or even idolize their parents. They displace the rage they felt toward their mother onto innocent people later in life, they are vengeful, in this way they discharge their rage onto others while preserving their love for their parents, when the persons who really should be the object of their anger is their parents. They can unlock this tragedy of their lives either through a process of therapy or self-therapy.

«ممکن است شیطان را از باغ خود بیرون کنید، ولی آن را دوباره در باغ پسرتان می‌یابید.»

I think this book might be an important read for some but holy shit there has to be a better way. The way the book is organized is extremely confusing. It doesn’t progress chronically or naturally; it barely if at all build upon what’s discussed previously. It’s just the same “Are you sad? Do you feel broken? Well it’s mommy’s fault.”

I recommend skimming this book and reading the parts that pertain to you.

Probabilmente per la psicologia moderna alcuni concetti potrebbero apparire un po' datati perché l'analisi corrente ha superato il meccanismo dell'attribuzione delle "colpe" per la ricerca dei disagi emotivi.
Il testo resta comunque un caposaldo per chiunque voglia affrontare le debolezze del suo vissuto e le ripercussioni che possono aver generato difficoltà del vivere quotidiano.

"Non possiamo cambiare neppure una virgola del nostro passato, né cancellare i danni che ci furono inflitti nell'infanzia. Possiamo però cambiare noi stessi, , riacquisire la nostra integrità perduta."

این کتاب هرگز از ذهنم پاک نمیشه و دوست دارم چندین بار دیگه هم بخونمش چون هر بار چیز بیشتری ازش یاد میگیرم، شاید اگر فقط ۱۰ کتاب با خودم بتونم به به جزیره دوری ببرم حتما یکیش این کتابه.

Ενδιαφέρον και ευανάγνωστο, το βιβλίο της Alice Miller εισχωρεί στα μύχια της παιδικής ψυχοσύνθεσης και καταγράφει τον τρόπο που αυτή επηρεάζει τη μετέπειτα πορεία προς την ενηλικίωση. Κατάθλιψη, διπολικές διαταρραχές, ιδέες μεγαλείου, επιθετικές και/ή αυτοκαταστροφικές συμπεριφορές, όλα δείχνουν να έχουν τις βάσεις τους σε μια δυσλειτουργική παιδική ηλικία. Μέσα από την πολυετή πείρα της ως ψυχαναλύτρια, η συγγραφέας παραθέτει απτά παραδείγματα από την κλινική της εμπειρία με γλωσσα κατανοητή και με πολλές επεξηγηματικές παραπομπές, χωρίς να γίνεται ούτε στιγμή υπερβολικά τεχνική ούτε όμως και απλοϊκή, βρίσκοντας επομένως τη χρυσή τομή μεταξύ του επιστημονικού εγχειριδίου και της λογοτεχνικής παρουσίασης που απευθύνεται τόσο σε ανυποψίαστους όσο και σε "ψαγμένους" αναγνώστες, απλούς ανθρώπους και ειδικούς, ασθενείς και θεραπευτές. Εξαιρετική δουλειά.

Κατά τη διάρκεια της ανάγνωσης υπογράμμισα κι έβαλα σελιδοδείκτες τουλάχιστον στο μισό βιβλίο, παραθέτω όμως μόνο ένα μικρό απόσπασμα που βρήκα ιδιαιτέρως σημαντικό.

"Στην πραγματικότητα οι ιδέες μεγαλείου είναι η άμυνά μας ενάντια στην κατάθλιψη και η κατάθλιψη είναι η άμυνα στο βαθύ πόνο για την απώλεια του εαυτού μας εξαιτίας της άρνησης της πραγματικότητας."

en bokgenre jag inte vanligtvis brukar läsa. handlar om hur ens barndom kan påverka den vuxne och hur känslor som man upplevde då kan hänga kvar och leda till dåligt mående. många intressanta resonemang tas upp! jag gillade att allting exemplifierades. det gör att även den som är så insatt förstår. boken får 3/5 eftersom den upprepade sig ganska mycket i andra hälften.

Holy crap, this book. It kind of blew my mind apart, to be honest. I found myself relating to it so much that I returned my library copy after buying a copy for myself; primarily so I could go at it with a highlighter and dog-ear a ton of the pages. I read this book after reading about it in Alison Bechdel's 'Are You My Mother' and thinking it sounded like something I needed to check out. In some ways, it was like opening Pandora's Box. But since I am dedicated to self-work and to asking myself difficult questions/challenging myself, I think it was a good thing. Still, if you're planning to read this, prepare to have your world potentially upended in a very quick read. And I agree with the sentiment of a few other folks: one really out to read this book if one is planning on having/has had children. Seriously.

Beklediğimden çok farklı bir kitaptı. Başlık çok yanıltıcı. Evet, belli başlı çıkarımlar yapılabilir ancak gerek kitabın dili, gerekse biz sıradan ebeveynlerden çok Alice Miller'ın meslektaşlarına yazıldığını düşünmem sebebiyle bu kitap yerine ebeveynlere çok daha faydalı olacak eserler önerebilirim.

Örneğin,
Bütün Beyinli Çocuk
Beni Ödülle Cezalandırma
Otuz Milyon Kelime: Çocuğunuzun Beynini Geliştirin
ve bu kitap hariç daha pek çok çocuk gelişim kitabı.

Herkese keyifli okumalar

Οι πρώτες 120 σελίδες ήταν για εμένα μια βουτιά σε κάτι πρωτόγνωρο και ενδιαφέρον! Μετά απλά διάβαζα τα ίδια σε επανάληψη με αλλά λόγια η αλλά παραδείγματα. Θα μπορούσε κανείς να πει ότι η Alice είναι μεροληπτική.

Αρκετά «βαρύ» βιβλίο αφού πέρα από τις ακραίες περιπτώσεις υπάρχουν πόλοι άνθρωποι που ξεκινούν θεραπεία με την πεποίθηση ότι στην παιδική τους ηλικία ήταν ευτυχισμένοι και προστατευμένοι. Πέραν από σωματική βία και τα οφθαλμοφανή παραδείγματα κακομεταχείρισης τι γίνεται με τα λιγότερα ορατά τραύματα που μπορεί κανείς να βιώσει;

Biz Psikologlar bir sebepten ötürü bu mesleği seçtik. Kendi yaralarımızı saramadık, ama başkalarının yaralarını sarmaya kendimizi adadık. Bu yolla iyileşmeyi umduk belki de. Bu kitap bir terapistin dünyasını, çıkmazlarını ve sancılarını güzel ifade ediyor.
Bir Psikolog olarak benim için çok çarpıcı bir kitaptı. Defalarca kendi çocukluğuma döndüm. Biz yetişkinler olarak hepimizin içinde hala kabul görmek isteyen, sevilmek isteyen, takdir edilmek isteyen, ihtiyaçları olan bir çocuk var. Tüm bu kaotik yaşam da bundan dolayı değil mi zaten?