През 1999 г. книгите по темата бяха малко, скъпи и много странни издания. А за един студент в пост-социалистическата реалност на хиперинфлации, пирамиди, мутри и “мечтан” капитализъм всичко пътеводно си беше от полза.

Тази книга (грозно ксерокопие от читалнята) се отличаваше с прости, практични съвети, които при прочит предизвикват възклицанието “Ама аз това винаги съм го знаел!” или “Мама/ татко/ баба все това ми повтарят.”

Съветите не целят промяна или истинско прозрение/ самопознаване/ създаване на истински приятелства/ самоусъвършенстване, а само ефикасна мимикрия. Сливане с околната среда с цел намиране на повече храна и заблуждаване на дебнещите хищници. Повърхностна манипулация на околните, която всъщност е съвсем прозрачна, но е възприета като правила на играта и елемент на “добро” възпитание.

Част от прочетеното ми беше от реална полза, част пък напълно отхвърлих като твърде уморително и неструващо си усилието подвеждане на околните.

Карнеги е манипулатор. Но казва и верни неща. Изборът е на читателя - нищо в тази книга не трябва да се приема за чиста монета и дълбока истина. Но понякога помага.

3,5 звезди

n  “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”n

‘How to win friends and influence people’ is one of the best self-help books I read in 2018. It’s a very popular book that I managed to avoid for years simply because I thought it might have cliché advice that I’d probably already know and I won’t find anything useful. Boy, was I wrong! It definitely has pieces of advice you probably have heard a million times already, from your parents, teachers or just any adult; you listen and get inspired for like 15 minutes but you don’t spend time pondering on it and it’s forgotten. I guess you need to be in a certain state of mind to absorb opinions and ideas. This book had me in that state and was able to hold my attention throughout.

One of the most important things I took away from this book was ‘Give unto others what we would have others give unto us’. Now, I know everybody knows that! We, humans, are complex creatures; we have different personalities, temperaments, motivations but when everything is taken away, there are some core values that are similar in all of us. Our actions spring from what we desire, we crave appreciation, feeling of importance, and we want to be respected and listened to. This book tells you to peer into your mind and learn about yourself.

It’s really important to get to know yourself first, to know what you like and what you don’t. In order to influence people, you need to put yourself in their shoes and approach the situation in that way. This takes tactfulness and patience. The author also makes use of wise quotes from philosophers and great people to explain his ideas, which I really liked. He also gives examples from the lives of successful people to elaborate his point and also, gives pointers on how to incorporate those pieces of advice in our daily lives. Every advice given in this book is valuable, no matter how commonplace it is. I believe this book should be a necessary read for students in school and college.

All in all, it was very informative and useful book. There were so many great advises you could use in your daily life. I believe everyone should read this book at least once in their lives because it’s really worth your time.

Read On Blog

A very good book to read!! The points were simple and easy to understand and the examples in the book were informative. Since starting this book I’ve had god connections with people (so I would say his advice works).

This book was also transformative for me because reading this book I realize how easily I get defensive and his tips were super helpful to recognize and change those behaviors!

Totally recommend:)

قرأت الكتاب منذ7 سنوات تقريبًا ومازلت محتفظة ببعض مقتطفاته في مذكرتي
❤

Overall I can see why some people value this book and go on to practice some of the ideas in their lives, whether personally or in business. There are some interesting examples and valuable thoughts, though I struggled to enjoy this read for a number of factors;

- The writing itself wasn't particularly interesting or eloquent
- The repetition was tiresome - whilst it was purposefully repeated, it made me feel bored and patronised
- Not only were actual sentences repeated - the ideas and concepts in the book were all similar conveyed in a slightly different variant
- Examples seem to form the main bulk of the content which made the book feel like a collection of anecdotes

On top of all of the above, I feel like anyone taking the advice in this book too seriously would end up being walked over; pleasing people, letting others take the credit, always being the bigger person, never complaining or criticising. As such, I feel like these ideas need to be taken with a large pinch of salt and maybe in this way one or two may become useful in small doses!

4.0 ⭐

GENRE - NON FICTION/SELF HELP.

This book was published in 1936 which makes it quite a old book to read, the author has made a good attempt in explaining how you can actually win friends and influence people with the help of Stories, examples and quotes.

Altough I had too much of high expectations from this book however the points discussed in the book did convince to a great extent what are the important factors to influence the opposite person, I personally facing a lot of issues in relationships due to the bluntness in my speech was able to find answers to a certain extent.

Well it's a self help book at the end of the day, this book shall suit your cause unless and until you honestly accept your shortcomings and practice what has been preached in this book on your surroundings.

Thank you

¡Clásico de clásicos! Por la gran calidad del contenido, no es una sorpresa que, tras casi cien años de la fecha de publicación, el libro aún siga siendo vigente y muy popular.

Excelente libro, en verdad me encanta. Esta obra de Carnegie me recuerda a un libro llamadon  70 recetas para triunfar en la vida nel cual mi madre me regaló hace varios años porque, en aquel entonces, ella, me sintió bastante desorientado en mi vida. Recuerdo que resultó siendo un gran regalo porque en verdad aquel libro me ayudó mucho para madurar, para ganar confianza, y para creer que todo lo que me proponga en el futuro puedo lograrlo, incluso si parece imposible. Enfrentarme a la vida real nunca fue sencillo para mí —de hecho aún tengo complicaciones para adaptarme en ciertas circunstancias— porque yo vivía en una burbuja de irrealidad. Siempre fui el mejor en mi colegio, no sufrí fracasos y/o frustraciones, pero al salir de esa burbuja me estrellé con la realidad y psicológicamente resulté bastante afectado. En unos pocos años pasé de ser un engreído sabelotodo a un fracasado con depresión. Fue en aquella lectura que conocí a Dale Carnegie, ya que en cierto momento del texto se realiza la mención correspondiente a este autor, y por tanto, mi curiosidad me llevó a investigar y posteriormente a leer este libro. En esa ocasión tuve una buena experiencia, el libro me gustó, aprendí mucho, pero el tiempo fue haciéndome olvidar poco a poco las lecciones aprendidas. Esa es la razón de mi relectura, incluso es probable que lo vuelva a leer en el futuro: Este tipo de obras se deben retomar cada cierto periodo de tiempo para recordar lo olvidado y también para aprender lecciones nuevas que posiblemente ignoramos en nuestras lecturas previas.

n  Cómo ganar amigos e influir sobre las personasn es una gran obra que nos ayuda a reflexionar sobre los errores que cometemos cuando tratamos a nuestro prójimo. Todo el libro está cargado de historias, frases y lecciones; bellas lecciones que por su sencillez calan hondamente en nosotros, bellas lecciones que nos hace recapacitar sobre nuestro comportamiento, nuestras palabras, y la forma como nos relacionamos con los demás. Leer esta obra sirve para darnos cuenta que las personas no somos robots, y que en todas las ocasiones donde actuamos con antipatía, grosería, y agresividad, realmente hemos tratado a las personas como basura, y nadie, absolutamente nadie se lo merece. Carnegie nos invita a comprender al prójimo, a ganarnos su confianza, a ser amables, simpáticos, y especialmente a interesarnos con genuinidad en ellos. Carnegie nos invita a ser más humanos, nos invita a madurar, nos invita a seguir el ejemplo de cientos y miles de personas que por su buena comunicación tienen grandes amigos y éxito en sus vidas. Carnegie escribió esta obra para ayudarnos a ser mejores humanos.

Como sus lecciones son prácticas y prometen buenos resultados, es recomendable no leer esta obra tan rápido, sino preferiblemente intentar practicar, poco a poco, los buenos hábitos propuestos por el autor. También es recomendable realizar muchas anotaciones porque de no hacerlo, nos perderemos las enseñanzas que en el libro aparecen, y como son tantas, entonces se vuelve una tarea imposible memorizarlas todas juntas. Si leemos esta obra como un libro normal, podríamos acabarlo en unas pocas horas, pero si deseamos emplear estos consejos en nuestra vida, lo recomendable es leer poca información en un solo día. Si desean leerlo al azar, también pueden hacerlo, no hay ningún problema con ello.

La dinámica del libro es bastante pragmática. El autor nos cuenta una historia de un vendedor, presidente, político, comerciante, etc., y como una fábula, nos deja en cada una de ellas una moraleja importante; moraleja que va fortaleciendo en las siguientes historias del mismo capítulo. Eso me ha llevado a pensar que quizás la cantidad de ejemplos pueden llegar a ser exagerados. Con dos o tres ejemplos podría ser suficiente, en mi opinión, pero cinco o seis ejemplos que refuerzan la misma idea me parece algo innecesario. Lógicamente, no todas las historias impresionan a todas las personas de igual manera, por lo que comprendo que su objetivo es presentar historias diversas, ya que se supondría que alguna tendría que ayudar al lector a reflexionar. Este tipo de historias, y forma en que son narradas, me recuerda a las que se les cuenta a los niños para que aprendan a ser puntuales, responsables, dormir temprano, etc. Son escritas de una forma tan simple, sin atacar al lector por tener fallas o errores, y se siente una paciencia y una compresión tan alta en las palabras que me hace pensar que debió ser muy agradable entablar una conversación real con este señor. Una persona que te escucha, no te juzga, es amable contigo, y a la vez te da consejos sin ofenderte, es un amigo de verdad. Si tú, que estás leyendo esto, conoces a alguien así, cuida mucho esa amistad, es difícil encontrar alguien que esté dispuesto a gastar su tiempo en ti.

Aunque no estoy de acuerdo con las lecturas obligatorias, pienso que esta obra sí debería serlo. Con tanta agresividad, odio e indiferencia, que hay por todas partes en el mundo, siento que este libro podría ayudar muchísimo a reducir la cantidad de peleas y problemas de convivencia que se viven en todos los ámbitos posibles: Trabajos, colegios, universidades, hogar, etc. No sé ustedes, pero a mí me parece tan molesto salir a caminar a la calle, con el objetivo de cambiar de ambiente, descansar, quizás meditar, y así respirar un aire más saludable, pero en vez de calmarnos resultamos llegando a nuestro destino más estresados de lo que estábamos. Tantas peleas, gritos, intolerancia, y escándalo por todas partes, es tan, pero tan molesto, que incluso pierdo las ganas de salir en muchas ocasiones. Debemos contactarnos con el mundo exterior, relacionarnos, caminar, y demás, porque somos seres sociales por naturaleza, pero a veces el escenario no ayuda mucho para motivarnos a hacerlo. Quizás si leyeran este libro por obligación no lo practicarían, seguiríamos siempre con los mismos malos hábitos, pero tal vez valdría la pena para intentar germinar la semilla de la duda en algunas personas que, a lo mejor, puede que si tengan la disposición para cambiar sus malos hábitos y actitudes. En los momentos en que se sientan furiosos, frenéticamente descontrolados, y tengan deseos de explotar violentamente sobre los demás, en esos casos, les recomiendo que primero lean un rato este libro, y si después de hacerlo aún tienen deseos de ser violentos, bien pueden terminar su cometido; pero, es probable, que su ira se reduzca mucho porque leyendo este libro comprendemos que somos tan culpables como los demás cuando una conversación se sale de control.

Cuando lees este libro sientes la curiosidad de practicar lo que te propone el autor, y lo mejor es que puedes hacerlo en cualquier situación cotidiana de tu vida: Desde hablar con un niño para que te obedezca, o hablar con tu jefe para pedirle un aumento. Este libro puede ayudarte, como su título lo dice, a influir sobre las personas, pero a pesar de ello no encontrarás consejos de cómo manipular a las personas, o aprovecharte de ellos. No. Lo que encontrarás será un libro que te hará entender que sí deseas que alguien te siga, o «te haga caso», debes preocuparte por su bienestar y no solo por el tuyo. Influir sanamente en los demás comprende un intercambio equivalente para ambas partes.

En la parte final se cuenta la vida de Dale Carnegie, y entonces es allí donde sentimos más simpatía con el autor porque comprendemos que es igual que nosotros, con sus problemas, sus sueños y dificultades, y que es un gran ejemplo a seguir porque lo que él hizo fue seguir su pasión para dedicarse de por vida a lo que siempre deseó hacer: Ser un conferencista. Es una historia muy bonita que me ha gustado mucho, la he releído varias veces —incluso en este momento mientras escribo esta reseña—, y entre más la leo más me encanta su historia de superación.

En resumen, un libro muy bueno que nos ayuda a crecer. Lo leeré varias veces a lo largo de mi vida, y de cada lectura estoy seguro que aprenderé nuevas lecciones porque aprender a tratar a los demás es un camino interminable, y muy difícil de seguir, pero intentar transitarlo vale la pena porque nos traerá grandes beneficios, no solo económicos, sino de todo tipo. Sigue estos consejos y estarás siempre rodeado de grandes amigos, sigue estos consejos y no tendrás enemigos, sigue estos consejos y nunca estarás solo, sigue estos consejos y tendrás una mano amiga que estará siempre dispuesta a ayudarte. Libro que debería ser obligatorio, por tanto es supremamente recomendado.

Well, I thought a lot of things while reading this. I admit I wasn't too gung-ho about the book in the first place, and read it because it was assigned reading at work. I've heard about Carnegie plenty of times in the past and was pretty sure he wasn't the sort of author whose philosophies I'd give five stars to.

However, I did try to read it objectively. Yes, he is a proponent of the "social gospel" of his time, but it also wasn't as bad as I thought it might be (I didn't end by throwing the book across the room. So far, Descartes remains alone in the dubious distinction of being lobbed at the further wall). I'll write my review in sections according to the structure of the book.

Part one: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
Point given: no one wants to be around a whiner. Sure, I agree with that.
Application made: Lawbreakers, such as Al Capone and Two Gun Crowley, believed themselves to be good people at heart, even helpers of the community: "people don't criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be....Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment."

All right, wait a moment here. If my friends never voice any criticism, how would I know I'm wandering around with mud on my cheek? with a stain on my blouse? How am I to know that something is wrong? The last thing I wish to do is wander through life with the rest of the world afraid to let me know what I'm doing wrong.

Constructive criticism is a good thing. As a music teacher, it is imperative that sometimes I get to say, "No. Don't do it that way." Why? Because certain positions can be harmful to the student's muscles and a hindrance to their progress. I compliment them on progress made and tell them how to make it better. It requires much less time and intellectual fishing than trying to influence them to deduct that the position may not be to their greatest advantage.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Point given: Everyone is glad to know they are valuable.
Application: If you want people to do something for you, your best bet is to make them want to do it. Using an application of Sigmund Freud's and Dewey's theories that every man has "the desire to be great" or "the desire to be important," Carnegie mentions the successes who have made themselves great--Lincoln and Dickens--and moves on to criminals. "The average young criminal...is filled with ego...If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I'll tell you what you are. That determines your character," he finishes.

Mr. Carnegie, I beg to differ. What puffs your chest out is not the sum total of who you are. That is only one symptom of the man as a whole. Are you trustworthy? Are you a friend to others? If you are either of those, or of any other things, and yet lack a real feeling of importance, it does not make you a nobody, as Carnegie more than implies. Finding your self-worth is not the only goal in life for a successful person.

He continues the chapter by giving examples of people who have gone insane because of having unfulfilled dreams in life...well, nobody can quite say it for sure, of course, but this is his argument: "...the other half of people who go insane apparently have nothing wrong with their brain cells...Why do these people go insane? [the doctor he spoke with said] Nobody knows for sure. But he did say that many people who go insane find in insanity a feeling of importance that they were unable to achieve in the world of reality." His implication is clear that some people prefer to lose touch with reality than to lose touch with their dreams and their exalted view of themselves.

What about flattery? We do get warned against flattery. "Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else...Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself."

But to give a person compliments in the hope of gaining one's own ends reeks of insincerity. The examples given show that a sloppy person will suddenly do a great job when given praise instead of critique. I'm sorry, but I've tried this. Contrary to Carnegie's opinion, people are not all going to do what you want if you convince them they are good people and they do a good job. All too many react with pleasure at the status quo and see absolutely no need to do better.

So I will add that, yes, it's wonderful to appreciate others. But it is wrong and often cruel to them to make them think they are perfect when they are doing a sloppy job that may cause danger to others (such as breaking health laws or leaving messes in walkways.) Carnegie denies the implication that making someone want what you want by telling them how good they are is manipulation, but in most of the examples it slides dangerously close to that line.

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Point given: People's acts are entirely driven by their wants.
Application: To impose what we want, we have to convince others that they want what we want more than they want what they want...that, in fact, what we want is even better than what they wanted in the first place. While I'm all for positive inspiration, this message has a sordid underbelly.

Carnegie believes that all actions have one root: desire. The only way to change a person's actions is to change their desires. He does not believe that people will gladly follow rules unless there is something in it for them. In the previous chapter, he posited that those appreciated will do a great job merely because someone's compliment makes them wish to do well. Yes, I do agree that continual criticism will sap a person's motivations, but praise all the time is not necessarily a motivator. According to Carnegie's philosophy, there are no people who are lazy for the joy of being lazy. Or, if there are such people, all they need is someone to come along and affirm them and present to them a good reason to get up and do a good job.

One of the examples given is of a child who refused to eat his vegetables despite being scolded by his parents. He had an issue with a neighborhood bully, and the father decided to use the bully as the force behind his argument. "When his father explained that the boy would be able to wallop the daylights out of the bigger kid someday if he would only eat the things his mother wanted him to eat--when his father promised him that--there was no longer any problem of dietetics." I'm sorry, but no parent can ever make a promise like that, because there is no guarantee of its being fulfilled. The boy may have grown to 5'6" and the bully to 6'5" and no vegetables in the world could reverse the sizes. Then where would the father's promise be? He has broken a promise to his child that he had no right to make in the first place. The father's persuasion becomes a lie. The two pages of the child's story show that they gained mastery over the child by "making him feel important." Another child eats her cereal because by preparing it she "achieved a feeling of importance; she had found in making the cereal an avenue of self-expression."

The danger of Carnegie's philosophy in this point is that one's self-esteem becomes the generator of their actions. If their self-esteem fails, apparently they do a horrible job and are uninterested in good ideas. Well, that doesn't bear out in real life. Some people who have damaged self-worth are hard workers, and some with excellent self-worth are sloppy and lazy. But Carnegie's chapter ends with a quote: "William Winter once remarked that 'self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature.'" Well, if we are so busy fueling the self-expression of all those around us, where are we? We see a goal and coax others to want that goal, but ourselves are left behind in the dust of their ascent.

Part Two. Six Ways to Make People Like You
(well, I feel quarrelsome just reading that. If everyone likes you there's something wrong with your self-expression, because in being all things to all people there is no room left to be yourself.)

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
All well and good, except he makes the cynical point "People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves--morning, noon, and after dinner." So we are to figure out some way to become genuinely interested in others, to be silent when they talk, to encourage them always to express themselves around us.

2. Smile
Please do!

3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Helpful, but not the "sweetest sound" he claims. It's nice to remember names, but that honestly doesn't influence me much. I wonder if other people are more influenced by this, and I'm just some sort of anomaly? When I'm at work and someone comes through my checkout line, if it's a stranger I don't know, I'm not at all tempted to give them a bigger drink than they paid for because they say my name. Really, that's creepy...being nice to me doesn't entitle them to more of the company's food than they paid for, anyway. It isn't my food to give away.

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
This one's easy...Other people's lives are just interesting. A side effect of being a hopeful novelist.

5. Talk in terms of other people's interests.
This creeps back towards flattery and worse. "You want me to be your friend because I can do thus and so for you." Isn't that just asking others to exploit your talents? I don't want friends who want me only on the basis of what I can do for them. When seeking a job, yes. But not when seeking friends.

6. Make the other person feel important--and do it sincerely.
This reminded me of an Andy Griffith show I saw recently on Netflix. Aunt Bee makes horrible pickles, but Andy and Barney are determined to not make her feel bad. After going to great and hilarious lengths of deception, they are left doomed to eat a double batch of bad pickles. They were sincere in their desire to please Aunt Bee because they could recognize she'd worked hard on those pickles. But it didn't rebound in their favor. They were insincere and deceptive in their effort to reward her for her work.
Making others feel important isn't going to automatically result in a handout of exactly what you wanted. This action, done in order to gain a goal (as shown in the examples), is risky indeed, and oftentimes even deceptive.

....out of time....more tomorrow and later on my blog...including "Carnegie's book in light of Scripture."

Few things never change like the sun rises in the east, similarly, few principles are never out-dated like the ones in this book.

I heard people saying that this book is outdated and doesn't work in this 21st century but I find it otherwise, I find it conventional and timeless. If all the principles mentioned might not work for you then follow the few that works then find yourself becoming better, because I'm doing the same.

I find few of the principles trying to please others to turn them your advantage, I find it little out of character of me, so I modify the principles to my needs and character.

A good read, apply the principles mentioned in this book, become better.

Está buenísimo todo lo que enseña y creo hay que tener un equilibrio entre estas «reglas» y todo lo que puede suceder en la vida de una persona.

¿En toda circunstancia puede aplicarse la diplomacia? Si, por supuesto. Ahora… no siempre es sano para uno mismo.

Por esto concluyo en que todo depende de la situación y hay que saber balancearlo. Poner sanos límites es necesario y no siempre estos límites pueden darse diplomáticamente.

نحن امام عمل كلاسيكي اصدر سنة 1936، ويعتبر احد الكتب الرائدة في مجال التنمية البشرية
في زمننا هذا تجد كتب التنمية قد تفرعت الى عشرات التخصصات .. ولكنها هنا موجودة كاملة وبشكل غير ناضج تماما

اذا عن ماذا يتحدث الكتاب .. هو ببساطة يرشدنا الى طرق تجعلنا نبدو ودودين للاخرين

يفهرس الكتاب الى الفصول التالية

1- الفنون الاساسية في التعامل مع الناس

2- ست طرق لكسب محبة الناس

3- اثنتا عشرة طريقة لتجذب الناس الى طريقة تفكيرك

4- تسع طرق كي تسيطر على الناس دون استبداد او اساءة

5- سبع قواعد لحياة زوجية سعيدة


وبدون توغل في دهاليز الفصول المختلطة في افكارها ينصحنا الكاتب نصائح هامة يبدأها بالاهتمام بانفسنا وعدم لوم انفسنا واهمية تقدير الذات.. وبعد ذلك عدم لوم الاخرين وضرورة مدحهم والتحدث معهم عن همومهم ومشاكلهم.. انه من غير اللائق ان تحدث الاخرين طول الوقت عن نفسك .. يجب ان تسمعهم وتنصت لهم..

الابتسامة ستدخلك الى قلوب الاخرين يجب ان تبتسم في وجوههم .. ومن الجميل ان تجتهد في حفظ اسماء من تلتقي بهم وتناديهم بها.. لا تقاطع احدا في الكلام وتفهم ما يريد قوله .. واشعره بانه شخص مهم ..
لا تفعل كل تلك الامور نفاقا او تمثيلا .. كن صادقا في ذلك

لا تجادل احدا واحفظ ماء وجههم وكبريائهم اذا كانوا مخطئين .. ولا تقل لهم انهم مخطئون .. اذا انت اخطأت لا تكابر وبادر بالاعتذار .. واذا اردت ان تقنع شخص فاجعله يشعر بأنك لم تقنعه بشيء وانها كانت فكرته منذ البداية ..

اجعل شخصا ما يشعر باهميته بطلب استشارة او مساعدة بسيطة منه واشكره كثيرا بعد ان يقوم بها، ان من اثمن الهدايا التي تقدمها هي اشعار الاخر عمليا بانه مهم
حاول ان تضع نفسك مكان الاخر وان تشعر بهمومه ورغباته .. قل صادقا له (انا لا الومك في احساسك هذا، ولو كنت مكانك لكنت قمت بالامر نفسه)، وبعد ذلك حرك في داخله روح النبل الموجودة فيه
حسن من اسلوبك .. رتبه وزينه بالكلمات المهذبة واللطيفة

عندما تضطر الى الانتقاد .. ابدأ بالحديث عن اخطاءك ، ودعه يكتشف خطأه بنفسه دون ان تقولها له مباشرة ، حاول ان تظهر له طريق الحل بدون تعقيد ، وقبل وبعد ذلك امدحه وامدح انجازاته ..

اما بالنسبة للحياة الزوجية فابتعد عن النكد (وهذه النصيحة يخصصها بالدرجة الاولى للنساء).. لا تقارن بين مساوئ شريكك ومحاسن الاخرين .. لا تحاول تغييره بقسوة .. دعه على سجيته واحترم اختلافه .. لا تنتقد ابدا ابدا .. دائما امدح وكافئ وابتهج بصفات شريكك الجيدة ولا تنتقد اي خصلة فيه .. اهتم بشريكك وبكل عزيز عليك .. لا بأس بالاتصال والحديث باستمرار والاطمئنان بين اللحظة والاخر
زواجك هو مشروعك الذي سينجح غالبا .. خصص له وقتا اطول

تبدو هذه القيم الامريكية العلمانية لاول وهلة انتهازية وغرضها مادي بحت فهي لا تتحدث عن الاخرة بل هي تتحدث عن قيم هنا في الدنيا سوف تجعل من حالك افضل
وكثير من الاناس السيئين يمثلون ويتقمصون هذه القيم ويصلون الى اعلى المراتب وهم اناس حقيرون من الداخل
وكثير من الناس يعيشون هذه القيم فعلا ولا يحصلون شيئا كبيرا من النجاح

هناك بعد روحاني ما .. الصدق في القيم اهم من نتائج هذه القيم .. ان تحب الاخرين فعلا وتسمعهم وتقدم لهم الاحترام .. هذه الامور ستكون جميلة حتى ولو لم تحصل على شيء من وراءها .. فهي ستجعلك انسانا انقى وافضل

لكون الكتاب قد تجاوز الثمانون عاما من اصداره فان علامات الشيخوخة تبدو عليه .. فهو ليس بذلك التشويق .. واستغراقه في ذكر الحكايات المملة احيانا .. فهو كتاب ممتاز في اضافته التاريخية ولكنه متوسط فيما يقدمه لنا الان

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