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This was read at the tail-end of my brief Dan Brown phase (let he who has never enjoyed an airport-bookstore novel cast the first stone), and by this point I was getting a little tired of Brown's storytelling formula. And by "formula", I really mean "formula". Here it is:
How To Make A Guaranteed Bestseller in Fifteen Minutes or Less
-1 intelligent, bookishly handsome man who in no way is supposed to be Dan Brown of course not why do you ask
-1 really intelligent, preferably foreign woman who has an IQ of like a billion but the important thing is she is hot and has very low standards as far as men go (see protagonist)
-5 exotic locations, more if you prefer
-25 full pages of technical/historical/whatever background information that serves only to show the audience how goddamn smart the author is
-3 conspiracy theories found after 5-minute Google search
-8 death-defying situations and improbable escapes
-1 villain of cartoon-level evilness
-3 OMG SO SCANDOLOUS revelations that will ROCK THE FUCKING WORLD
Blend until well combined (or not so well combined, whatever) bake at 350 degrees until it can be adapted for the screen in five minutes or less, serve hot to adoring public on plates made of $100 bills.
How To Make A Guaranteed Bestseller in Fifteen Minutes or Less
-1 intelligent, bookishly handsome man who in no way is supposed to be Dan Brown of course not why do you ask
-1 really intelligent, preferably foreign woman who has an IQ of like a billion but the important thing is she is hot and has very low standards as far as men go (see protagonist)
-5 exotic locations, more if you prefer
-25 full pages of technical/historical/whatever background information that serves only to show the audience how goddamn smart the author is
-3 conspiracy theories found after 5-minute Google search
-8 death-defying situations and improbable escapes
-1 villain of cartoon-level evilness
-3 OMG SO SCANDOLOUS revelations that will ROCK THE FUCKING WORLD
Blend until well combined (or not so well combined, whatever) bake at 350 degrees until it can be adapted for the screen in five minutes or less, serve hot to adoring public on plates made of $100 bills.