Love is hard work. And, you need to understand what to do to please and show how much you love someone. This book shows you how to do it. People who are unwilling to change and try their best won't like it. But, if you are, read it.
When loving someone, do your best so you won't have any regrets in the future.
The ideas and concepts here aren't only for partners but will benefit any kind of relationship you have.

I highly recommend this book for ANY couple. Married, engaged, dating, gay, straight. It matters not. I even recommend it if you're single. My husband and I were on the verge of divorce, even separated, but after some counseling and reading this book it has helped us out tremendously! I bought a copy for my mom, sisters, and brother because I think it is that important to read his book and understand your significant others love language.

جای بسی تعجب است که ریویوهای فارسی بسیار کمی برای این کتاب مهم وجود داره.
پنج زبان عشق شامل: ۱ کلام تایید آمیز ۲ وقت گذاشتن برای هم ۳ دریافت هدیه ۴ خدمت کردن به هم و ۵ ارتباط فیزیکی می‌شود. که یکی از آن ها زبان اصلی و بقیه زبان های فرعی هستند اما همگی برای ابراز محبت نقشی حیاتی دارند. گری چاپمن روانشناس و مشاور ازدواج آمریکایی، ادبیات خاصی از رفع نیاز عاطفی و مهرورزی در روابط را معرفی می‌کند که پیش از این شاید کمتر کسی از آن با خبر باشد. این‌که آیا ما و پارتنرمان زبان عشق هم را بلدیم و از این طریق به هم محبت می‌کنیم یا خیر بسیار مهم است. در واقع چاپمن عشق را راه حل نهایی رفع تمام نیازهای انسان مثل احساس ارزشمندی، توجه و امنیت می‌داند و معتقد است با استفاده از زبان عشق می‌توان مخزن عشق را در زوجین پر کرد و تمام احساسات نامبرده را تامین کرد. از نظر او عشق یک انتخاب است و بعد از فروکش کردن تجربه پرشور عاشقی در ماه ها و سال های اول رابطه، اگر نتوانیم به صورت انتخابی عشق ورزی کنیم رابطه دچار آسیب و حتی فروپاشی می‌شود. علت این‌که بسیاری از زوج ها گلایه دارند که چرا همسر یا پارتنرشان قدر کارهای او و محبت های او را نمی‌داند، احتمالا به این دلیل است که با زبان عشق اصلی و مخصوصش به او محبت نمی‌شود. در متن کتاب راهکار ها و مثال های جالبی هم برای شناسایی زبان عشق خود و همسر (پارتنر) معرفی می‌کند که بسیار کاربردی است. همچنین تمرینات و توصیه هایی برای به کارگیری زبان های عشق آمده که زندگی زوج های زیادی را نجات داده است. و همه چیز به تلاش و ممارست دو طرف بستگی دارد که چقدر بتوانند ظرف عشق هم‌دیگر را پر کنند.
دو بخش در این کتاب برای من مورد انتقاد است:
در بخشی از این کتاب آمده که می‌توانیم حتی به کسانی که دوستشان نداریم و از ما متنفرند هم عشق بورزیم؛ آن هم با تکیه بر معنویات! چاپمن مثال هایی از دین مسیح ارائه می‌دهد که چطور عیسی پای حواریون را در آب می‌شست یا هنگامی که او را مصلوب می‌کردند برای قاتلین و دشمنانش دعا و طلب بخشش می‌کرد. به زبان ساده‌تر معتقد است با مهربانی و صبوری می‌توان در قلب های سخت هم نفوذ کرد.
و جایی دیگر از کتاب که نوشته باید کارهایی که دوست نداریم ولی پارتنر ما آن ها را دوست دارد و زبان عشق اوست را حتما انجام دهیم. در واقع می‌گوید وقتی از عملی خوشمان نمی‌آید، انجام آن بیشتر مهر و محبت ما را می‌رساند.
در کل کتاب خیلی خوبیه و روش های بسیار جالبی برای یادگیری محبت کردن به کسانی حتی غیر از همسر یا پارتنرمون آموزش میده.

أتوقع إن الست فيروز لما قالت "وهديتني وردة، فرجيتا لصحابي، خبيتا بكتابي، زرعتا عالمخدة" كانت لغة حبها هي تقديم الهدايا، لكن واضح إن حبيبها مش بيتكلم نفس اللغة لأنها هديته مزهرية، كان يداريها ولا يعتني فيها تا ضاعت الهدية، فطبعًا فيروز مكانتش بتحس بحبه ليها بدليل إنها بتقول له "وبتقلّي بتحبني ما بتعرف قديش؟!!

This year I'm doing a Reading Challenge; so I have 26 books with specific subjects that I need to read.
n  BOOK21: A book that will improve a specific area of your lifen

I think every married couple should read this at least once.
Do the quiz and know what Love Language your partner speaks.

For the advice given in this book I give Chapman a five star rating.
The writing on the other hand was not that good. He tends to "speak" down to the reader, making you think - I am not that stupid. Also he repeats himself A LOT!

Reading this I think is the easy part: to practice what Chapman suggest is the difficult part.

This was recommended by a “friend” of my wife, which proves part of the old adage: “A friend of thy wife, is thine enemy”.

That’s from the Bible or the Decameron or Archie Comics.

I think.

I’ll do the whole would-it-kill-you-to-read-something-positive-with-me-for-a-change thing if I want something in return in order spend some time with my wife. Plus, bonus, the audio book was relatively short.



I’ve had to read a few scoops of self-help crap literature over the years, so I’m down with the lingo:

Annie Wilkes’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.



I’m OK (Neurotic, OCD, manic-depressive), You’re OK (Nymphomaniac, Daddy issues, Passive-aggressive).



Untying my “inner child” from the radiator and letting him have ice cream with my “toxic” parents.



Books that give you a “thought for the day”, you know, something cosmic and revelatory to think about and chew on for eternity (or until you close the book).



Jeff, buddy, I’m breathless with anticipation! What are the five languages of love, already?

Well, as a way to work into that, fanatical (and borderline crazy) Goodreader, let me explain the good doctor’s theory on the FIVE languages of love. Basically, we all speak a primary language and we all have a language of love that we learned from mommy and daddy.

One of five languages of love.



Five! Count ‘em, Five!



What was that number again?



So, that number is five, right?



Stop dragging this out in order to post “five” gifs.

According to Dr. Chapman, the five languages are:



Now, I’m done.

1)tGiving gifts – If the last time you gave your wife flowers was when Nirvana was a thing, then this one isn’t you.

2)tWords of affirmation – These don’t include: “You’re an idiot/moron/devil/shrew/succubus etc.”

3)tActs of Service or doing stuff for your loved one or something – Helping my wife bury the hoochies that chase after our son qualifies here.



4)tQuality time –



It’s not me, me, me. Maybe your wife, wants to hang with you and do stuff, like, I don’t know, talk…

5)tPhysical touch – It’s not only smexy times, but just being there, being present.



Note to wife: Please treat every day like my birthday!

So, in a nutshell, recognize your love language and your spouse’s love language and try to accommodate them in some small way.

If I’ve saved your marriage, you’re welcome or just send me a check. Make it out to “CASH”.

Warning! The doctor likes to work in the Christian stuff and this is strictly a hetero tome, so if the first is a turn off and you find the second limited, look for help elsewhere. And like anything in this world that makes money, Chapman has written enough additional books on this subject to choke a Tijuana stage show donkey.

I read this book in 2 days; it is a quick read that incorporates stories to illustrate human nature when it comes to expressing love--especially in marriage. It is brilliant not for its originality of ideas but rather in its categorization and clarity of ideas. In the words of John Lennon, "All you need is love." Love is the most important thing, and yet, many people have a truly hard time feeling loved and successfully expressing love to those who matter most to them. Why is this? Dr. Chapman thinks it is because people speak different love languages. Within these broad fields there are different "dialects" but overall there are five love languages that people value: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

In general, each individual has a "primary language" or two that he (or she) values above others. As a result of our complex variations of nurture and nature, people have individual preferences. When we are "courting" someone we experience the euphoria of "falling in love" and in general all of these languages are "spoken" between two parties to some degree. But after marriage (or even after about two years of courting--the euphoria stage rarely lasts a few months longer than two years), expressing love continually becomes less natural. It is common to focus on expressing love the way we want it expressed to us rather than understanding the needs of our spouse and choosing to "speak their language;" true love requires choice and sacrifice. This is not rocket science, but I found it very helpful to read through it and recognize the power of thinking through this simple revelation of differences in expectation and affection.

If I could give this book less than 1 star, I would. It supports abusive, toxic, sexist relationships and I am unconvinced that Dr. Chapman cares about women as human beings.

When my partner and I began this book, we were really excited. The principle of the book, is great. It begins by saying that it's important to learn the love language of your partner to ensure you are loving them to the fullest. But from here, things get very murky before dipping into a black hole never to return.

As the book goes on, it becomes apparent that Dr. Chapman doesn't understand his own premise, ESPECIALLY when he talks about physical touch and acts of service. He makes claims that physical touch isn't just about sex and acts of service isn't just about domestic duties, but then he only uses examples of these love languages as that. Every man depicted in this book is an awful, lazy, toxic male who only wants sex and expects everything to be done for them. Though Dr. Chapman makes a passing comment about how gender stereotypes are harmful, he then makes sure that women understand that all they should be are robots. Women are supposed to cook and clean and have sex and never EVER complain if their husband is mistreating them. His basic undertone is: if you're being abused, it's because you're not loving him in the way he needs.

Dr. Chapman finishes the book by encouraging a wife who is clearly and undeniably being abused by her husband, to stay with him and attempt to fix their marriage on her own. Dr. Chapman suggests that she should have sex with him regularly because that's what Jesus teaches, and as a result, he may come to love her again. She confides that when they have sex, she feels used because every other time they are together he ignores her. Dr. Chapman uses the bible and manipulative language to essentially convince her to 'take one for the team'. And let's also not ignore the fact that when he gives her this awful advice, he constantly refers to it as an experiment and that it is blatantly obvious that he's more than happy to make her circumstances worse so that he can then cash in by seeing her more regularly.

My final remarks for this book is actually something my partner said when we finished. We agreed that wading through that book was like shovelling s**t out in the yard, it's not nice but at least you're together. Quite frankly, after finishing this book I can say I would've rather spent that time outside shovelling s**t than supporting such an awful man's work. Do not buy this book and if you do, for the love of God, don't listen. Women, it is not our role to be domestic slaves - acts of service has nothing to do with domestic duties because they should be shared equally. And there is no question about it, if your partner is abusive, leave.

My in-laws are always referencing this book, so I thought I would read it to better understand what they are talking about. There are many versions of this book now: for kids, for teens, for single people, etc. The version I would have preferred is: for atheists. Every time it quoted the bible, or asked me to consider my relationship with god, it was a real turn off for me. The useful information in this book could be condensed into a one-page comic.

Rating: a little over 4 stars.

This book was good. The concepts are important. I got the singles edition as well so I could actually apply these ideas to my current life. The book got a little tedious, though. I felt the first 9 chapters were all that were needed. These chapters encompassed an overview of how Chapman came to the 5-language conclusion, a discussion of each of the five languages, and a "how to determine your love language." I felt the remaining chapters served very little purpose other than to make the book a little longer. In a few weeks, I will likely skim and maybe read the Singles Edition.

One issue I had with this book was one Chapman didn't address at the extent I thought he should have. Because different people speak different love languages, a certain expression of love that might not be your primary language can mean more coming from a person for whom that expression is difficult than if that person acted within your primary love language. This might seem like an inconsequential issue, but, if I know that it is hard for someone to express him/herself through physical touch (he or she isn't a huggy person), I will recognize how much he or she must care about me if he or she gives me a warm hug. Now, I test low for physical touch being my love language; however, knowing another person's disposition would make that hug mean a lot more to me ("fill my love tank") than if a huggy person embraced me, or potentially even if that person had spoken my language.

I suppose my point is, while it is important for people to learn to express love for others in ways that speak to them in their own language, I didn't feel Chapman addressed the fact love is coming from another person and knowing what is more difficult for that person should mean a lot. Perhaps that wasn't addressed so much in this book, though, since it was written for married couples. I still feel that someone would value my hugs more than the gifts I give because those hugs are rarer than the gifts.

Everyone has "the" relationship book. This book will NOT automatically solve all relationship problems. People have to want to work on things; have to want to communicate needs and expectations. Having said that, I have not seen a better way to tie in to your significant other's point of view, then trying to understand how THEY need to have love expressed. But even more importantly, maybe, is looking at ourselves and seeing how we automatically expect others to "get" love the way that we need to 'get' it. Which is simply not the way it works.

I was especially enlighted when Chapman talks about the difference between love as a "feeling" and love as an "action". The latter is what Christ is asking us to do.

I had previously read the "Peacegiver". These two books together would be an excellenet companion set.

Aiški, konkreti, gerai struktūriškai sudaryta knyga. Neperkrauta nereikalinga informacija ar išvedžiojimais. Manau autorius tikrai sėkmingai išskirstė meilės kalbas, pateikė daug pavyzdžių iš įvairių pusių, todėl skaitant buvo lengva susitapatinti, atrasti tokių pavyzdžių ir savo gyvenime. Sukurti įrankiai, suformuluoti klausimai, kurie padeda skaitytojui perskaitytą informaciją pritaikyti kasdienybėje. Manau, kad knyga būtų naudinga, geriausia skaityti kartu su partneriu arba bent aptarti kartu, jei skaito tik vienas asmuo poroje.
Vienintelio ko galėjo nebūti ar būti mažiau, tai religinio konteksto ir visų citatų iš Biblijos, kurios man sukelia atmetimo reakciją.