I would never have read this book on my own but was urged to read it after a debate with a friend of my roommate. It's written by a marriage counselor and directed towards couples, but it can be applied to all relationships, both romantic and platonic. The author's theory is that there are five major ways to express love (the five love languages). Each of us has a primary love language, and relationship problems occur when others fail to express love to us in that language. It's an interesting theory but WAY oversimplified, and I was extremely bothered by one of the real life stories where the author encourages a wife to stay with an abusive husband and rescue their marriage by learning his love language. That's crap! The book is written from a religious perspective, and I struggled a lot with that as well. Overall, I wasn't so impressed, but I did conclude that my love language is Quality Time, and I've been surprised by how much insight that has provided into how I operate in relationships. For that alone, it gets two stars instead of one.

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Doing what your spouse asks of you makes them love you more. There. I just saved you $14.

I loved this book! Before reading I had considered the premise to be very basic, common-sense knowledge and didn't think the book would tell me anything I couldn't have figured out on my own. Five love languages, not everyone speaks the same love language....ok, well as long as you know what they are, shouldn't have to read the book, right? Wrong. Gary Chapman's years of marriage counseling have brought him invaluable insights that EVERYONE should be privy to. I'm not just talking married couples, I'm talking parents, children, friends...anyone in any relationship should know this stuff. Chapman explains what each love language entails, and gives examples of some of the "dialects" in each language (for example, quality time may mean quality conversation.) And then he tells you very specifically what you can do to learn to "speak" each love language. There are books geared towards different types of relationships that are probably worth taking a look at, too...but this one is fantastic!

I got a kick out of my daughter last night when I bought this book for her. She was surprised I had heard of The Five Languages of Love, much less read it and even more shocked to discover it was “old” – her term – i.e., it was written 20 years ago, in ’92, the same year her sister was born. Apparently some college friends had recommended the book and she wanted to read it and get her fiancé to read it. I skim reread it again last night. Good pop psychology although I don’t usually like this genre. Remember reading this when kids were little, shortly after returning from overseas. Found it helpful, although I don’t think people fall into nice neat categories or are quite so easily categorized, still I get the author’s point.

This is a read zonks ago, but really should be on my TBR to be read again. Good book.

I listened to this after reading many years ago. A little aged in relation to women keeping house etc, not intentional I don't think, but a good clear way to look at the emotional needs of your spouse, yourself, your kids.

Important to maintain good relationships and to work hard years after those in love, really on a high feelings pass.

Christain focused.

من اهم الكتب التي تناولت موضوع الحب بشكل عقلاني وباسلوب ممتع بنفس الوقت
انصح الجميع بقرائته


(لو كان بإمكاني لسلمت نسخة من هذا الكتاب لكل زوج و زوجة في هذه البلاد واقول له لقد كتبت هذا الكتاب من اجلك, وامل ان تغير حياتك , واذا استفدت منه اعطه لشخص اخر وحيث انني لا استنطيع فعل هذا فسأكون سعيداً اذا اعطيت هذه نسخة من هذا الكتاب لعائلتك , ولاخوانك و أخواتك , وكذلك لابنائك المتزوجين , ولموظفيك, ولرفقائك في النادي , ومن يدري ربما يمكننا أن نحقق أحلامنا )

لا يمكننا ان نمحو الماضي ولكن يمكننا ان نقبله كتاريخ.

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الكتاب جديد في طرحه وموضوعه عن الحب .. رغم بداهة إن طريقة التعبير عن الحب تختلف من شخص لشخص إلا إن الكتاب وضعها في إطارها الصحيح وجعلها في سياق علمي من خلال المقدمة عن (الوقوع في الحب) وفي سياق عملي عن طيق الخاتمة التي اشار فيها إلى نقاط جديرة بالإعتبار، خصوصاً تلك النقطة عن التي يكون فيها الحب قد مات فعلاً

الكتاب رائع فعلاً، وأنصح به للجميع وليس فقط المتزوجين، هو يجعلك تفهم لغات الحب إلى كل الناس

ولأني لم أجد مأ أضيفه للكتاب أوأعلق عليه فيه فإني أعطي الكتاب خمس نجوم

I won't go into the circumstances which lead to this bizarre buddy read that took place at Disneyland. Sometimes life can be stranger than fiction. I will say that this book has some reasonably helpful thoughts and ideas, but... it is way too simplified and way too heteronormative and way too traditional Christian-value based to speak to me in any meaningful way.

Every single example featured a husband/breadwinner and wife/homemaker (who sometimes worked outside the home) couple. In one example, when the wife was asked to describe something positive about her husband, she says: "he let's me keep any money I earn in my part time job". Another example included a young wife who wished her husband would change the baby's diaper when he got home from work because she was busy cooking dinner (HIM: I would like her to cook dinner for when I get home from work).... WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?!?!

The author didn't overtly advocate for traditional gender roles in the home, but I couldn't help but think there was a subliminal message indicating his preference for this. In the one example where the husband seemed to take on a fair share of the cooking, cleaning and other assorted domestic chores, the wife complained. She wanted him to spend more time with her. As it turned out, the wife really wanted to cook and clean, but the husband was too efficient and didn't give her a chance to do so. Oh, happy ending. Needless to say, I'm crying feminist tears at this point.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for good communication, respect and understanding how to make your spouse feel loved. But when this misogynist flavored relationship guru doled out advice to a woman in a 'horrible' marriage, I took issue. The details of horror of the marriage were largely unsaid, other than it was given that the husband cursed and said he hated his wife. This woman was very religious and clearly the idea of leaving her husband was at odds with her beliefs. Since the husband had no interest in seeking marriage counseling, the author/marriage counselor devised a unilateral plan he admitted didn't know would work. The crux of the plan was for the wife to speak to her husband in his love language, and hopefully he would eventually he would reciprocate and the love tanks would start to refill. This plan basically suggested, among other things, that the wife initiate sex with her husband (as his love language was physical touch) even though this idea did not appeal to the wife. Kind of a 'take one for the team' approach. The author clearly said that this was her decision to do so. Ok, so all this has the appearance of consenting adults and informed decisions, so where's the problem Katie? Oh, I don't know, how about emotional manipulation of the vulnerable? Call me cynical, but I picture an abused spouse emotional or physical, it makes no difference to me reading this and thinking that I just need to have sex with my husband and maybe things will work out.

And that leads me to the other big issue I had with this book. All the case studies were simple and tidy and all had happily ever afters. Not very realistic. This author only cited success stories and provided no useful examples of how this love language thing can go wrong.

Overall, I think the idea of love languages seems reasonable, but I was sorely disappointed in the examples and approaches suggested by the author. At best, he gave an overly optimistic view of how implementing his ideas would work. (and if they don't work the first time, perhaps you could try one of his marriage $eminars or buy more of his book$) At worst, they pander to the emotionally vulnerable in abusive relationships, giving them specious relationship advice.

n  “For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships.

Without love, mountains become unclimbable, seas uncrossable, deserts unbearable, and hardships our lot in life.” n

A valuable and insightful book that is worth reading.

It's been a while since I discovered the five concepts of love languages, but it was my partner during our early stages of dating who got me interested with the topic and looked for the author. I could say that at first it felt too bold as it requires knowing the other person's primary love language and also sharing one's own. And although it will not solve all of the problems in every marriage and intimate partnership, it provides wisdom and practical ideas on how to strengthen the very most important factor that revolves in all of the five love languages and in a healthy relationship: communication.

Each love language's concept is actually tricky, for it has a considerable amount of loopholes that can make it go wrong. But what made the book much easier to read and understand was that it provided examples that are realistic in the lives of couples, most of them grave and seemingly beyond mending. They were based from the author's experience as well as the couple he had encountered as a marriage counsellor.

Personally, I had fun reading the book. It has much deeper concepts than those articles I saw in the internet. I also knew that a person's love language can shift periodically, so it's actually really good to know all of them. It gives you not just lessons about how to act on your partner's needs, but also discovering what you actually need as a person in order to feel loved.

Recommended for anyone, whether it be single or in a relationship -- married or not.

this book is a tool through which the author, gary chapman, can play out his jesus-complex disguised as a relationship self-help book. there are references from the bible throughout almost every chapter and gary likes to include generous praise from his clients who call him a "miracle worker." it's damn-near pretty close to being called god.

the book has all the hallmarks of a bestseller: easy to read (i read it in one day); hopeless circumstances that seem beyond repair; and an uplifiting ending. the more bestsellers i read, the more i realize that the formula for mainstream media isn't just used in music and movies, it's used in books, too. ugh, how annoying. i admit, i was almost sold on it, too. the author used just the right amount of despair and at the appropriate moments, instilled hope for a better future. and while hope isn't bad at all, the book lacks in addressing the complexity of relationships as well as the diversity of relationships in today's world. for example, this book may not translate well in multicultural relationships that are dictated by a whole different set of mores and values. also, i wonder how it would be relevant to queer couples or polyamourous relationships. it's quite apparent that this book is meant for hetero-white-christian-monogamous couples.

but the one major caveat of this book that isn't so much a caveat as a poorly disguised advocate of misogyny, is the case of a woman who has been abused (what type of abuse has been perpetrated isn't made explicit and gary's reluctance to do so makes me suspicious of how the church deals with issues of domestic violence). gary's advice? dismiss any of your own feelings of discomfort (being used for sex) and have sex with your husband as an act of love and hope that he will reciprocate that love. and what i don't understand is how people have overlooked this, even people who are in the psychology field. that's one thing he doesn't really address, how to identify your limits and make compromises. if you can't see the problem with this picture, i pray you never get married. or have a relationship. or speak to people.

the gender roles in this book are fucking archaic. there's this little section where gary talks about the gender differences in sexual desire. according to him, these differences are all physiologically based. men simply have more tension built-up as a result of massive sperm generation whereas women don't, and that is why women don't crave sex the way men do. instead, women only want sex if their men meet their emotional needs. what, do men not need to have their emotional needs met? are they really just fucking animals who want to empty their over-spermed dicks? why don't they just jack off into a toilet for crying out loud? oops, am i not supposed to mention masturbation in the presence of god? and gary makes women seem like fucking prudes from the latest harlequin romance, the christian edition. gag. this man has very little knowledge of couples outside the realm of christian folklore.

his section on physical touch made me laugh. i wasn't sure if the lame attempts at humor were to assuage his own discomfort or that of his audience. yes, gary, people have sex. i understand that when you tell me to rub my partner's leg with my foot that i should make sure i'm not rubbing the dog. harhar.

to be fair, he touched on the basic fundamentals of communication with your partner, but i can hardly call this book revolutionary. his book on the five languages of love for children sound more useful just because the developmental stage they are in matches the dumbed-down tone of the book. you'd think he was writing for couples who were born in a vaccuum.

i'm so over reading new york times bestsellers. we've been brainwashed into accepting that the typical mainstream formula is quality literature. i prefer real talk to fluffy shit, thank you.