Excellent book with some great truths on relationships. This is not a book "bashing men". It is a clear cut look at hard issues that many women face in relationships and healthy ways to deal with them. I highly recommend.

Important book. Gives language to explain emotional and psychological abuse. Doesn’t blame the victim for the abuse occurring against them but does help the victims see that a lot of their responses perpetuates the abuse, sadly.


From the introduction, some people claimed that the “women involved with these men were classic textbook masochists. This made me angry. I knew that the labelling of women in unhealthy relationships as masochistic-that is, seeking and enjoying suffering-has long been standard practice in my profession and in our culture. This is a convenient but highly dangerous way of attempting to explain why so many women fall into self-denying, submissive behavior with men. In reality, women learn these behaviors early, and are consistently rewarded and praised for them.
The paradox here is that the behaviors that make a woman vulnerable to mistreatment are the very ones she has been taught are feminine and lovable. The concept of masochism is particularly dangerous because it serves to justify aggression against women -it confirms that "that's what women really want."

As someone who has grown up and mostly been in religious settings I see first hand how women are told to be “submissive”. That is the “role” that women are to play. Men are to the the leaders. So that paragraph from the introduction really hit home. Women are told in religious settings not to speak badly of their husbands (because their egos can’t take it

So, the deal is that my therapist recommended this book to me. I think it's the first recommendation that she made and ,boz oh boy, was it a success. It's a wonderful book dedicated to all women who have had contact with misogyny throughout their lives. It's clear, direct, and easy to read. But don't be fooled. It will definitely stir some strong emotions in you. It gave me some clear understanding what misogyny is and how and why misogynistic men behave the way they do. Highly recommend.

I'm slowly starting to pick up the slack with reviews for all the books I've read since this COVID-19 quarantine began. I didn't stop reading, just got behind on reviewing each book as I finished it.

This one was exactly what I was finishing as the pandemic kicked in, so I'll start chronologically. First of all, I'm a person with a very low tolerance for anything self-help, so I'm not usually the target for this kind of book. But this one managed to be completely out of the norm - in a good way. It's not preachy at all, it does not regurgitate empty encouragement 'feelgood' phrases and, most importantly, it doesn't cast a negative light on the men involved in the examples and understands them as well, with full empathy.

If I had to describe it in one word, that would be 'practical'. It's a very practical book: less interested in enabling people to vent or to assign blame and the like, but just trying to help them deal with things instead. I think it's a very good starting point for many women who are trying to make sense of their personal lives, as well as for anthropologists seeking to understand the more toxic aspects of contemporary gender relations and power dynamics.

I also liked the fact that the author addresses the long-standing misogyny and cultural bias against women from traditional psychotherapy and related fields. Unknowingly, therapists have long understood women through outdated Freud-inspired theoretical concepts and simply encouraged them to put up with toxic situations simply because their own cultural bias dictated this. It's refreshing to see more and more inside voices start to call this out.

I bough this book in 2015, and it stayed on my bookshelf unread and I read it again in 2020.
A lot of basic insights like "Our true nature and weaknesses generally become obvious only in our intimate relationships".

This book was written in 1986, but this good to read for the ones searching to improve their relationship with the partner and understand the reactions one has in the relationship.

I give 3 stars just because, there is nothing new to learn for me who already read a lot of books on the aspect of the partnerships.

I keep this book on my bookshelf as a basic to read.

This book is not only about having a healthy relationship but also makes u think and understand that men shouldn't control u and how they make u act or behave
Where as they act like they hate u but u know that they don't
Why do they do this?
Why control u?
Why try to change u ?

The title of this book might sound a little over the top, but this is the book that undoubtedly changed my life. A very close friend gave me this book because she knew I was struggling in an abusive relationship and it took me months to get up the courage to read it. One of the worst parts of an abusive relationship is that you become totally alienated and you feel like you're the only person in the world that could be "dumb" enough to let this happen or that "no one understands." I started this book with a certain amount of skepticism (partially due to the title--lol), but before long I saw that my relationship and the struggles I was enduring were on almost every page. This was a big key to realizing that my life didn't have to be the way it was at the time and that my situation wasn't as unique as I thought it was. This book helped me to identify the cycles I didn't want to repeat and to begin to have the courage to take my daughter and leave the marriage. I have recommended this book several times to people.

This was an eye opener. It just goes to show that if you et involved with a man that hates his mother and father... He will have too many issues to find love for anyone else... Much less, himself. Sad truths are always the hardest to believe when you are an optimist.

This book helped me greatly. I seen my life in almost every chapter past or present. I took the chance to have courage and start changing how my husband personality disorder affected me. I made sound decisions and stood my ground thru his tantrums. And now 2015 (4 years later) I am happier. His tantrums has greatly reduced. I was told he may have needed years of counseling ... But who can afford that? The book author let me know that I had way more power than I thought I did. And as a result, I tend to believe that the way I behaved became a sort of "counseling" or therapy for my husband. I'm not sure what he may be thinking in his head, but I am really pleased that he has behavior modifications. thanks to the author

Her other book is great too

Excellent! Girls, women & ladies....you gotta read this one. While it cud b easy 2 do...don't lump em all together!! Again, this book is excellent, opening your eyes and understanding.

Un libro que básicamente habla del lado oscuro de algunas relaciones. Cómo una relación que inicia con oleadas de pasión y entregas se convierte en una pesadilla donde aparece el maltrato verbal, psicológico y físico que lleva a la misoginia. Relata cómo las mujeres que están en estas relaciones toleran el maltrato y sumisa acepta toda clase de abusos. Incluye una parte práctica para superar este tipo de relaciones enfermizas y recuperar el autoestima.

They believe that they’ll be safe if they close off their emotional world and avoid relationships altogether. But real safety comes from the freedom to make choices, to trust your feelings, and to know that you will be able to take care of yourself should things not work out. Suspiciousness and the refusal to connect with another man may give you the illusion of safety, but in reality it just keeps you emotionally frozen.