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Dispatches from a Not-So-Perfect Life: Or How I Learned to Love the House, the Man, the Child

faulkner fox

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When Salon.com published Faulkner Fox’s article on motherhood, “What I Learned from Losing My Mind,” the response was so overwhelming that Salon reran the piece twice. The experience made Faulkner realize that she was not alone—that the country is full of women who are anxious and conflicted about their roles as mothers and wives.

In Dispatches from a Not-So-Perfect Life , her provocative, brutally honest, and often hilarious memoir of motherhood, Faulkner explores the causes of her unhappiness, as well as the societal and cultural forces that American mothers have to contend with. From the time of her first pregnancy, Faulkner found herself—and her body—scrutinized by doctors, friends, strangers, and, perhaps most of all, herself. In addition to the significant social pressures of raising the perfect child and being the perfect mom, Faulkner also found herself increasingly incensed by the unequal distribution of household labor and infuriated by the gender inequity in both her home and others’. And though she loves her children and her husband passionately, is thankful for her bountiful middle-class life, and feels wracked with guilt for being unhappy, she just can’t seem to experience the sense of satisfaction that she thought would come with the package. She’s finally got it all—the husband, the house, the kids, an interesting part-time job, even a few hours a week to write—so why does she feel so conflicted?

Faulkner sheds light on the fear, confusion, and isolation experienced by many new mothers, mapping the terrain of contemporary domesticity, marriage, and motherhood in a voice that is candid, irreverent, and deeply personal, while always chronicling the unparalleled joy she and other mothers take in their children.

272 pages, Paperback

First published November 16,2003

This edition

Format
272 pages, Paperback
Published
November 16, 2004 by Broadway Books
ISBN
9781400049400
ASIN
1400049407
Language
English

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About the author

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faulkner fox

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Faulkner Fox lives in Durham, North Carolina, where she writes and teaches creative writing at Duke University. She is a voting rights activist, working toward the full enfranchisement of all North Carolina's citizens.

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Community Reviews

Rating(3.7 / 5.0, 27 votes)
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27 reviews All reviews
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MGX_asian
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
April 17,2025
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I could have written this book! Only I can't put my feelings into words- but she nailed it. A great review of the mental struggles of life choices between being a mom and being a career woman. At times I thought this book a little whiney (pregnancy, childbirth) but the rest of it, she got it right on! I am NOT ALONE!
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Zensorium
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
April 17,2025
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The author had this uncanny way of verbalizing how I had been feeling at the time. Also...the main character reminded me a lot of Courtney.
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StarfleetCpt
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
April 17,2025
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I found it really hard to sympathize with Fox during most of this book. Her life is pretty darn good compared with 89% of women around the world. Plus, I'm all about equal gender rights but I'm far from a feminist; I don't feel oppressed or like the world is against me because I'm a woman.

With that said, I did enjoy this book for two reasons: I related to her life in Texas (I moved here from the East Coast not long ago) and her difficulty relating to other moms. I, too, have to search long and hard to find mom friends who still have a sense of self... who aren't totally wrapped up in their kids' lives.

All in all, this was a decent book, but I think it might be an even better read for moms who have actually lost said self. It might be a wake up call.
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lyngul
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
April 17,2025
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I alternated between wanting to slap the author and thinking she was brilliant...Somehow I don't think I'm going to be the type of mom who's fulfilled by going to Gymboree with my baby.
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Sheykh
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
April 17,2025
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Maybe I've read too many of these, (and this one was written a while ago, so it's probably not fair to compare it to the recent influx of these type of books) but this one seemed particularly whiny and annoying. I wanted to like it, because I really should relate. Much like Eat, Pray, Love...it just left me cold. And it's petty, but really...if your parents financed your Harvard education please stop repeatedly referring to yourself as "middle class."
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almightycapone
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
April 17,2025
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This review is based on the fact that I could not make it past the first chapter. I enjoy memoirs by mothers but I enjoy them if they are witty and humorous. This book did not deliever the humor or wit that I've grown to love in mommy memoirs.

This is a cliche story of an average mother's life. Maybe that is why people are drawn to the book because they can relate to the humdrum of daily life. I don't want cliche. I want to be offered a different and fresh perspective of motherhood that I didn't think about before. This book covers the basics. Childbirth is painful, motherhood is not what we had expected, husbands don't get what it's like to be us. Blah. Blah. Blah. BFD. The book wasn't edgy enough for me. I don't necessarily want tragedy and struggle but I don't want to read about what I can go find at the nearest lame mommy group either.

Maybe the book does get better. I don't know. All I know is that I couldn't get past the first chapter and that is where my bias comes from.
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BlueKite
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
April 17,2025
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Dispatches from a not-so-perfect life by Faulkner Fox is her account of how her life changed when she had children. I really appreciate her honesty in how much she struggled with cutting back on work and missing it, but feeling guilty when she was working, and all the frustration of having small children. I appreciate her honesty even more because I don't think I want to have children and she doesn't glamorize it at all. In fact she was admittedly very unhappy for the first few years of her children's lives. She also talks about how hard it is to evenly divide home and child care with a spouse who is the "primary breadwinner" and how even harder it was for her to meet other mother-friends that she could really connect with. This is a funny and extremely honest account of one woman's years with young children.
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CordobezEverdeen
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
April 17,2025
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Fascinating glimpse of gender roles and expectations you may not have otherwise noticed even if you thought you bore some feminist tendencies. Very thought-provoking. I really appreciate being able to share in the author's journey.
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