فكرة ان الرجال من كوكب (المريخ) والنساء من كوكب آخر (الزهرة) يعزز من فهم وجود اختلافات في ممارسة الحياة لكل من الجنسين مما يدل على ضرورة فهم الاختلاف لتحقيق التواصل المناسب مع الطرف الاخر. فالكتاب دليل وخارطة ترسم معالم الاختلاف و طريقة التواصل المناسب لتكوين علاقات زوجية ناجحة..

افكار الكتاب مثيرة و قراءته ممتعة جدا...لم احس بالملل المعتاد مع كتب التطوير الذاتي بالعكس كان الكتاب ممتعا جدا بأفكاره و ترجمته المحترفة.

Six months ago my wife sat me down with tears in her eyes and told me she wasn't sure she was in love with me anymore. We've been together since we were 16. It was devastating. I spent the next couple of days moping around and feeling sorry for myself, and I took some time to reflect. I thought I found out what the issue was. We had fallen into a trap of feeling so comfortable with one another that I stopped doing the little things to show her I care. I'd help around the house and pay the bills and all that, but I let the romance fall off a cliff. While your spouse telling you she may not love you anymore is just about the worst thing someone can say to you, it woke me up. In a matter of weeks we rekindled our passion and love and got back to feeling good again. She was diagnosed with depression and given medication and it helped. Everything was fine for 6 months, better than ever, even. We both agreed it may have been the best thing that's ever happened to us - it helped me understand what she'd been trying to tell me for so long that I so stupidly didn't take seriously enough. It was as if we'd dodged a bullet.

Then it happened again. And it was worse. She was angry, empty, "done" with the relationship. So you know what I did? I blamed the depression. The next two weeks were hell - arguments that we never had in 11 years together, accusations and harsh words, serious talk of divorce and how custody would work with our daughter. Unquestionably the worst two weeks of my life. We slept separately. Tension was high. I thought my marriage was over, and I was in shock. I love the woman to death, no exaggeration.

I went looking for help elsewhere, looking for a book that might offer me some insight on what I'VE been doing wrong (not her) and thought John Gray's bestseller was worth a shot. Did it work? Too early to say. While I found much of the information to be repetitive and too generalized, there were a few key sections that I found particularly helpful. These are a few things I learned:

1) Me going to work, providing, paying bills, cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, etc. and expecting that to be enough was wrong. I thought that by doing these things I was showing her I loved her, but that's not what she wants, that's not what women want. While we've always talked, I was a poor listener. I would be distracted by my phone or by a ball game or by whatever else it was I was doing. She, in turn, probably resented me for it. I would offer suggestions on how to make "problems" better instead of just listening and offering sympathy. I've made a concentrated effort to really try to listen and not give suggestions since I started reading this book, and it seems to have helped. While she still doesn't feel the love (her own), I can tell she's softening.

2) I spent YEARS being selfish. I wrote books, watched every game always, ignored my beautiful wife's needs and wants. I would resent her for not giving back when I did try to show her appreciation, and I became closed off and distant when that happened. In turn, she likely pulled further away from me too, so we were left spinning our wheels.

3) It's going to take time for her to trust that I'm a different guy. It's a daily struggle when she won't tell me she loves me or give me affection or ask how my day was, but I'm learning to deal with it. She suffered for so long from my [unintentional] cold and distant behavior, and it's going to take some time for her to heal.

I realize much of this commentary has little to do with the book, yet it really does. While I've learned so much of this content from other sources and through some of the mistakes I've made as a husband, for those people who haven't read stuff about relationships, please read this. Not all of it is relevant to my life - and surely won't be to yours, either - but the concepts are important.

Husbands: Please, for the love of God, don't ignore your wives. Make her #1 all the time, and if you're anything like me, you'll get more satisfaction out of having her happy than doing things to make yourself happy. Make her happy and your own happiness will come. I'm a firm believer of that now. Be romantic - not just on special occasions. Don't wait for her to tell you what she needs (that's what I did, and it led to resentment because she was expecting me to just know) and be proactive. Surprise her. Remember what it was like when you first fell in love? Do that again. Do it often. Kiss her. Give to her and don't expect her to give back. Bite your tongue when you disagree over insignificant things. Be a man. Don't be like me. Hopefully you're reading this before it's too late, because I fear I'm already there. While I'm back sleeping in the bed with my wife (it's so great, by the way, after having slept alone for two weeks) I would do anything for her to give me a hug or a kiss or to tell me she loves me. I'd do anything for her to smile at me or tell me she misses me. I'd do anything for her to love me again. [Christ, now I'm crying.] And maybe she will, maybe it's not too late, but husbands - please, please don't ignore what I'm saying to you - read this book or something like it before it's too late. Don't be complacent that everything is okay, even if you can sense that everything is going fine. Change YOU, improve YOURSELF, then she'll follow (I hope). Don't try to change her. You're the problem, not her (it's always both people, obviously, but you can only control yourself - don't forget). You can be better. She deserves better.

And wives: Do you. Be wonderful and understanding and accepting, and realize that us men are sensitive too and are only trying to do the right thing. I've told my wife this many times in the last 6 months: I've learned how much smarter women really are than men. Women are so much more tolerant and forgiving, while men hold grudges and become defensive. Give your man time, keep on him (we're not as smart as you, remember, so we need constant reminders if we're failing or trailing off), and love him. Because I'm telling you from experience, when a man feels like he's let his wife down and she no longer feels the love for him anymore, it's the worst feeling in the world. A man is truly nothing without a good woman, and it's not a cliche - I've learned it's entirely true.

As for me, I still have hope that I haven't driven my wife too far away and that she may spring back like a rubber band (one of the good concepts from this book), and I'm not going to give up until I get her back fully. And if that happens, I am going to be such a better husband. I'm already trying to be (am being), even without her fully in it with me right now. That woman - my wife, my best friend, my everything - deserves everything I can give and more. Damn, I hope I'm not too late to finally figure that out.

Here's to hope. Here's to love. Here's to becoming a better man and a better husband.

وبعد قراءة هذا الكتاب بحوالي 7 سنوات ... أستطيع الحكم عليه بانه فاشل ... وحتى ولو انطبق الكلام على المجتمع الغربي والرجل الغربي(ولا أعلم لأي مدي قد ينطبق الكلام الوارد في الكتاب ولأي حد قد يساعد المأزومين في علاقاتهم في المجتمعات الغربية)، فإننا نفاجأ هنا في مجتمعاتنا الشرقية انه لا معايير محددة لا للحكم ولا التعامل مع البشر وسلوكياتهم وردود افعالهم ذكورا كانوا أو إناثا ... ويا بنات ... متصدقوش الكلام دة :)

Worst book I’ve ever read. He dumbs down psychology and makes excuses for men behaving badly. I will never read another book by this stooge.

Less than one star, actually!

عينة من القرف

اليك عزيزتي الحل السحري للتعامل مع الرجال
قاطعيــــــــــــــــــهم
بما أن الرجل كائن أناني لا يبالي سوى بنفسه واحتياجاته وصورته أمامكِ كبطل وهمي ذي درع صفيح
فلتمنحي نفسكِ شرف التخلي عنه
O_O
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لا يجب علينا نقد الكتاب إلا بما يناسبه
فهو في النهاية مجرد كتاب
Self help
تنمية بشرية وليس أدبا ولا فكرا

الكتاب ضحل
ضحل للغاية
كل معلومة جديدة كنت أكتسبها عن الرجل كانت تجعلني أراه أكثر سطحية وتفاهة
فهل هذا هو الرجل فعلا..؟

بعيدا عن التعميم والتنميط والقولبة التي تحدث عنها القراء
يبدأ المؤلف كتابه بعبارة مهين�� كررها مرارا
"الرجال يفكرون بينما النساء يشعرن"

هكذا يرانا المؤلف
كائنات تافهة لا تستخدم عقلها
بينما الرجل -المحروس ننوس عين أهله- هو المفكر وصاحب العقل

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في الحقيقة يؤكد المؤلف على هذه النقطة مرات عديدة
فالمرأة حين تتحدث عن مشاكلها لا تريد أن تجد لها حل
هي مجرد فضفصة
وعليك أيها الرجل في كل مكان بالعالم أن تبادرها بالسؤال النمطي
"كيف كان يومك؟"
طبعا بعد أن تعود لها من عملك
حيث تجدها في البيت منتظرة رجلها وبطلها الأوحد
-_-
واتحمل شوية من عندك معلش
في الآخر النساء كائنات فارغة لا عقل لهن
فلتتحمل ثرثرتها الجوفاء قليلا

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الكتاب غالبا سيعجب صنف الرجال الذي يكاد يصرخ المؤلف بدعمهم ودعم أسلوب حياتهم
بينما المفترض أن تكون المحبة والاهتمام هي أصل التعامل بين البشر الأسوياء
يحولها جراي إلى شعور أنثوي خالص

فمع أخطاء الرجل يقول له: حاول بين الحين والآخر أن تفعل كذا أو كذا
وان معلمتش فمش اشكال
انت هتقطع نفسك
:

أما حين يواجه المرأة بأخطائها أو تصرفاتها عموما
فدائما ينصح -دام لنا ذخرا بأن تترك رجلها يفعل ما بدا له
تتقبل منه أنانيته وبروده
وتتحمل ذلك مرة تلو المرة بحبور
منتظرة ذلك اليوم الميمون الذي سيأتي فيه إليها رجلها شخصا جديدا قادرا على البذل والعطاء
كما يفترض أن يكون البشر عموما

فالرجال عموما يعانون من خلل في قجرتهم على التعبير عن مشاعرهم
وبدلا من تلقينهم طرقا جديدة مبتكرة في كيفية التغلب على ذلك
يشجعهم على الاستمرار في الأمر جاعلا منه طبيعة ذكرية أبدية

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إذا كان علي أن أطلب اهتمام رجلي ومراعاته لمشاعري
فملعون أبو الحب على أم الزواج كما نقول بالعامية المصرية
أما مؤلفنا الهمام فلا يكتفي بذلك
بل يرى أننا علينا –نحن معشر النساء أن نتقبل الرفض كذلك

تخيل حضرتك معايا
شخصين المفترض أنهم يحبان بعضهما
وأنا هنا لا أتحدث عن الشراكة الباردة الالية فليحكِ عنها من يؤمن بها

نجد المرأة تنتظر أي نوع من أنواع الاهتمام ولو بلفتة صغيرة
والرجل هائم في عالمه الخاص الذي لا يخلو من سطحية تثير الغيظ
فتقوم المرأة بعصر ليمونة وتطلب هذا الاهتمام منه
فيرفض الرجل طلبها

كمان
اللي هو كمان يرفضه
فقوم بقى تعمل ايه هي
تكتم في نفسها وتنقهر لوحدها ومتبينش زعلها
وكمان تتقبل رفضه وتطلب تاني في وقت تاني وتالت ورابع

لحد ما يحن سي السيد على الخايبة أمينة
ويحققلها أمنيتها السعيدة
^_×

وبكده أعزائي القراء نكون قدمنالكم الوصفة الأكيدة
لتقصير أعمار السيدات
وضمان راحة بال الرجال إلى الأبد
-__-

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في النهاية المراجعة تحمل رأيي الشخصي
أنا شخص خيالي مشبوب العواطف
لا أعترف بالصفقات ولا المواءمات
وهذه التكنيكات الباردة الآلية التي يبتدعها المؤلف لا تثمر معي شيئا
ولا أظنها تفيد من هم مثلي