I decided to read this book because I'm a Dave Ramsey fan and it was one of the books on his recommended reading. I've been married for 10 years, but I figured it couldn't hurt to learn to communicate a little better. I'm not sure this book helped any. It's written with the assumption that all men are alike and all women are alike and that most of them have a "traditional" marriage or relationship. There is something sexist in the author's tone. He paints the women as the homemakers with a love of shopping and nurturing. He paints the men as the breadwinners who want to come home from work and watch sports on TV until you bring them their dinner.

The only insight I gained from the book was the different ways that men and women react to and deal with stress. The book was boring, very repetitive and seemed to drag on and on for much longer than needed to convey it's message.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and John Gray is from far, far further out in the solar system...

My broad-stroke perspective on this book is that I am inherently skeptical when someone purports to reduce human behavior to simplistic, read-about-it-on-the-subway categories, gender-specific behavior in particular. Resorting to simple explanations for that which is scary -- and I think it's safe to say that romantic partnerships can be scary, because vulnerability is involved, after all -- is tempting, but doesn't necessarily make you a better partner, or person. In fact, it can achieve the opposite.

As for Mr. Gray, my take is that he is one of many who has found that he can profit from the human inclination toward over-simplifying the dynamic, hence his series of tripe-laden tomes.

Why did I ever try to read this?



I was young and stupid.

am i the only one who found this book extremely sexist ?! why would a woman find this book helpful ?!

This book is such crap -it includes justifications for date rape and recommends that the woman just "let her husband do it" even when she's not into it. His argument being how long is a quickie anyway. Put out to get along is this marriage counselor's advice. Without the slightest concern to the impact this may have on her libido, boundaries, or esteem for the man who doesn't care if she's into it as long as he gets some.
FUCK are you serious? The layers of hostility that John Gray has to women are out-fucking-rageous and the not so thinly veiled criticism of his own past relationships and "marriages" that he thinks might have been salvaged if the bitches er venusians had been more sexually generous.

This is right up there in the list of crap sex/relationship books whom I condemn the authors to be beaten to death with every copy they ever sold. As bad as "everything you wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask" author (rubens?) who said "one vagina plus one vagina equals nothing". Clearly both these men need to rent a porn video and buy a clue. Women do enjoy sex. Just probably not with you, dude. Go figure.

When I was in college a priest came to our all girls dorm to talk about guys. Not sure why it was a priest but oh well. Anyway in a nutshell he told us that women thought about the world in a subjective manner and men thouhgt about the world in an objective manner. He said if you ask a man what he's thinking and he says, "nothing" he really is thinking about nothing, which is incomprehensible to women who are thinking about everything. At 20 years old this was mind-blowing stuff.

Then along came John Gray and in a comic book sort of way said basically the same thing. It was cute, but the priest had already told me all this stuff. If you can find a thrift store copy it's an entertaining refresher course about how to communicate with those of the opposite gender.

مقارنة بين تفكير الرجل والمرأة وما يعيب هذه الكتب التعميمية أنك سوف تجد نسبة كبيرة لا تنطبق على شخصك لأنها ستكون تنطبق على فئات معينة ممن صادفها الكاتب

This book was insulting and biased. Written from an unapologetically male perspective, it attempts to lump men and women into desired roles. The man can leave anytime he wants, and the woman, to show her love and trust (read: naivety), should go shopping. Yes, that's what his argument boils down to. I am all for acceptance, but when there are real issues that need to be dealt with, they are not fixed by saying, "Oh, that's just what men do." The "wave" section was particularly enraging as an attempt to explain away arguments and legitimate emotions through that-time-of-the-month moodiness. And the gender bias leaves no room for the non-traditional, i.e. homosexual, relationship. All a man needs is a woman, and all a woman needs is a man, right? I have news for you, John Gray: EVERYONE needs alone time, and EVERYONE should feel comfortable talking with their parter, and EVERYONE gets moody...including my father, my brother, and my man.

قرأتي الثانية و لا زال التقييم ذاته ٤ نجوم.
النجمة الناقصة لسببين : أولها اختلاف نمط الحياة عند العرب عن الغرب وطريقة التعامل بين الزوجين أو الشريكين.
السبب الثاني ربما لا ينطبق على الجميع ، عندما يكون شريكك خارج عالم القراءة والإطلاع و غير راغب بالتغيير يصبح الأمر صعباً ..!
أن تقرأ و تتعمق لفهم الاختلافات ونقاط التحسين وتحاول تطبيقها بينما الطرف الآخر لم ولن يغير فطرته وثقافته الشرقية لهو أمر محبط ومؤسف حقاً.

الكتاب ممتاز جداً لكل شريكين يطمحان لتأسيس علاقة مبنية على التفاهم والتعاون أكثر منها على الحب ، لأن الحب كما يقال "أعمى" لا يكفي وحده لتيسير الأمور بسهولة دائماً.
أنصح به جداً و أنصح كذلك بإعادة قرأته كل مدة ، لأننا كبشر ننسى ونعاود التصرف من منطلق الفطرة دون استعمال العقل في ما يخص مشاعرنا وعلاقاتنا المقربة.
٢- ديسمبر ٢٠١٩ م
٣ محرم ١٤٤١ هـ

Fortunately perfection is not a requirement for creating great relationships

Gender insight helps us to be more tolerant and forgiving

Men often need to go to their cave to recharge from the day

Women generally have a greater need to share feelings as a way of coping with stress

Men complain, "she is over-reacting", women complain, "he doesn’t listen"

I started to realize the true meaning of love -- unconditional love

I didn’t know that touching, holding, and listening were so important to her

It is never too late to increase the love in your life

You only need to learn a new way

We expect the opposite sex to be more like us

Men mistakenly expect women to think

Women mistakenly expect men to feel

Men mistakenly offers solution and invalidate feelings while women offer unsolicited advice and direction

Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished

Men are like a rubber band

Men primarily need a kind of love that is trusting, accepting, and appreciative

Women primarily need a kind of love that is caring, understanding, and respectful

Falling in love is always magical. It feels eternal, as if love will last forever

But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over

We come demanding, resentful, judgmental, and intolerant

By validating and accepting our differences, creative solutions can be discovered

Women are like home-improvement committee

He resists. She persists

A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results

They are more interested in "objects" and "things" rather than people and feelings

Achieving goal is very important to a Martian because it is a way for him to prove his competence

On Venus talking about problems is not an invitation to offer a solution

A woman's sense of self is defined through her feelings and quality of her relationships

Venus is covered with parks, organic gardens, shopping centers and restaurants

One of the biggest differences between men and women is how they cope with stress

Men become increasingly focused and withdrawn while women become increasingly overwhelmed and emotionally involved

To feel better Martians got o their caves to solve problems alone

To feel better Venusians get together and openly talk about their problems

A woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood

Through exploring her feelings in this process she gains a greater awareness of what is really bothering her

To feel better, women talk about past problems, future problems, potential problems, even problems that have no solutions

To forget her own painful feeling a woman may become emotionally involved in the problems of others

Martians have a win/lose philosophy

Venusians communicated louder and clear: "Together we could live in great happiness"

Given the opportunity to prove his potential, a man expresses his best self

Not to be needed is a slow death for a man

On Venus, they lived by a lose/win philosophy

Today they are happily married with three children: Motivation, Responsibility, and Practice

A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent

Just as the women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving

The Martian and Venusian languages had the same words, but the way they were used gave different meanings

Expressing feeling vs. expressing information

Women: we never go out

Men: that's not true

Women: everyone ignores me

Men: I'm sure some people notice you

Women: I'm so tired

Men: that’s ridiculous. You're not

Women: I want to forget everything

Men: if you don’t like your job, then quit

Women: the house is always a mess

Men: it's not always a mess

Women: no one listens to me anymore

Men: but I'm listening to you right now

Women: nothing is working

Men: are you saying it is my fault?

Women: you don’t love me anymore

Men: of course, I do. That’s why I'm here

When a Venusian is upset she not only uses generalities, and so forth, but also is asking for a particular kind of support

She doesn’t directly ask for that support because on Venus everyone knew that dramatic language implied a particular request

Women talk to convey or gather information

Men talk to explore and discover what is she wants to say

He hates to be pitied

Don’t try to help him solve his problem by offering solutions

Good communications requires participation on both sides

Four magic words of support: "it's not your fault"

A man pulls away to fulfil his need for independence and autonomy

When he is fully separated, then suddenly he will feel his need for love and intimacy again

Woman obstruct her partner (1) by chasing him when he pulls away (2) punishing away for pulling away physically, emotionally and mentally in both cases

A woman is like a wave. When she feels loved her self-esteem rises and falls in a wave motion

When she is feeling really good, she will reach a peak but then suddenly her mood may change and her wave crashes down

Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset

Men want space while woman want understanding

Men and women need to receive:

Women: caring

Men: trust

Women: understanding

Men: acceptance

Women: respect

Men: appreciation

The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him

Give trust and not advice

There are two kinds of men. One will become incredibly defensive and stubborn when a woman tries to change him

While the other will agree to change but later will forget and revert back to the old behavior

Don’t argue but negotiate and discuss pros and cons

Most couples start out arguing about one thing and, within five minutes, are arguing about the way they are arguing

Four F's for avoiding hurt:

Fight, comes from Mars

Flight, comes from Mars

Fake, come from Venus

Fold, comes from Venus

To a woman the little things are just as important as the big things

I pretend in my mind that my wife was my most important client

I realized that success in the work world was not achieved through hard work alone. It was also dependent on my ability to inspire trust in others

Venusians idealize unconditional love

Martians give when they are asked

Men mistakenly assume that as long as she says yes to his needs and requests, she is receiving equally what she wants

Penalty points are destructive to relationships

Writing down your feeling is an essential tool

One of the best way to release negativity and then communicate in a more loving fashion

Expressing your feelings of anger, sadness, fear, regret, and love

Ironically, the very act of avoiding negative emotions gives them the power to control our life

Books can inspire you to love yourself more

Sometimes, by private writing out your feelings, you will discover deeper levels of feelings that you could not feel with another person present

Complete privacy creates the safety to feel more deeply

Motto on Venus: "Love is never having to ask!"

Motivating a man: appropriate timing, non-demanding attitude, be brief, be direct, use correct wording

You are never upset for the reason you think

Love is seasonal. In spring it is easy. In summer it is hard work. In autumn you may feel very generous and fulfilled. In winter you will feel empty

One of my all time fav book :-)
As a mental health enthusiast,this book has engaged me for hours and days as I have read it like 5 times!!
Some argue that many observations about both men and women in this book are too simplistic and lack nuance.That books like this enforce stereotypes both - ve and + ve about men and women,while that may be true,this book is like a cult favorite and a real groundbreaking one at that!It has initiated a debate in public discourse about how men and women think differently and how knowing this can help ourselves and our loved ones esp of the opposite gender.There are many opposing voices and researches vs this hypothesis too!But many things in this book about me as a woman are soo real :-)
I can relate to these supposedly 'stereotypes' of myself!Nothing is set i stones but this book is entertaining,informative and very light hearted:-)
5 stars

I always thought human beings were individual people with individual likes and dislikes that do not relate to their genitals.
Apparently I am wrong. Men and women are actually from different planets! We're alien species! Sure we can have babies together, but we are totally different. Women like to shop because they come from a planet full of shopping centers.
Men like to fix things and play sports because that's all they did on their planet.
Now if we would just remember that we are two different alien species, we can get along! Women must accept that men need to hide in their caves. Men need to accept that women need to talk about everything and don't actually want solutions. Women must accept that men will not ask for directions and not make them feel less manly. Men need to accept that women want to buy a lot of shoes.

I hate these sort of books. Does it occure to people to actually TALK to their mate? To get to know them as an individual and not a series of stereotypes? Notice that most of these sort of books state that men are the way they are and you just have to deal with it. Men can't change, women! Their penises and testosterone prevent that! It's ridiculous! People are all DIFFERENT!
Some women don't like buying shoes that bend their feet in weird ways! Some men *Gasp* hate sports!
Also, I think this writer was divorced several times and doesn't have a real PhD, so why LISTEN TO HIM?!

Also, as an introvert I NEED A CAVE! I need somewhere where I can relax, recharge and have peace and quiet after dealing with... SOCIETY.
Why do just men get to have caves?