Bookclub-In-A-Box: A Complicated Kindness

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In her award-winning novel, A Complicated Kindness, Miriam Toews describes a community where individual skills and emotions are held in strict check by the Mennonite leadership of the town. Bookclub-in-a-Box guides the reader into this little known world with notes on the history and philosophy of the Mennonite faith, interesting facts about the author, and an in-depth look at the novel's themes and the sole narrator, sixteen-year-old Nomi Nickel.

With Bookclub-in-a-Box, the reader will consider the following:

* Why this novel, with its teenage narrator, successfully crosses the line from teen into adult fiction.

* How the novel’s tone and mood is set by Nomi’s cutting sarcasm, and why the author has chosen to tell this sad story with humor.

* The relevance of the book’s title as Nomi measures everything in her life as either complicated or uncomplicated.

* How the characters struggle with and against the boundaries of their fixed and demanding cultural environment.

The Bookclub-in-a-Box guide will inspire the reader to ask new questions about faith, transgression, forgiveness, and redemption. By exploring the novel’s framework, the reader can consider how Toews' observations apply to other communities and religions.

Every Bookclub-in-a-Box discussion guide includes complete coverage of the themes and symbols, writing style and interesting background information on the novel and the author, as well as a complementary RAG (Read-Along-Guide), a quick reference pamphlet offering interesting facts and questions to consider while reading the novel.

80 pages, Paperback

First published September 30,2004

About the author

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Miriam Toews is a Canadian writer of Mennonite descent. She grew up in Steinbach, Manitoba and has lived in Montreal and London, before settling in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Toews studied at the University of Manitoba and the University of King's College in Halifax, and has also worked as a freelance newspaper and radio journalist. Her non-fiction book "Swing Low: A Life" was a memoir of her father, a victim of lifelong depression. Her 2004 novel "A Complicated Kindness" was her breakthrough work, spending over a year on the Canadian bestseller lists and winning the Governor General's Award for English Fiction. The novel, about a teenage girl who longs to escape her small Russian Mennonite town and hang out with Lou Reed in the slums of New York City, was also nominated for the Giller Prize and was the winning title in the 2006 edition of Canada Reads.

A series of letters she wrote in 2000 to the father of her son were published on the website www.openletters.net and were profiled on the radio show This American Life in an episode about missing parents.

In 2007 she made her screen debut in the Mexican film "Luz silenciosa" directed by Carlos Reygadas, which screened at the Cannes Film Festival.

In Sept. 2008, Knopf Canada published her novel "The Flying Troutmans", about a 28-year-old woman from Manitoba who takes her 15-year-old nephew and 11-year-old niece on a road trip to California after their mentally ill mother has been hospitalized.

The book, Irma Voth, was released in April 2011. Her latest book, All My Puny Sorrows, was published in April 2014.

For more information see Miriam Toews (1964–) Biography - Personal, Addresses, Career, Honors Awards, Writings, Adaptations, Sidelights

The following is an interesting article written by Miriam Toews:
http://lithub.com/how-pacifism-can-le...

Community Reviews

Rating(4 / 5.0, 100 votes)
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100 reviews All reviews
July 15,2025
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This is a truly well-written teenage-angst book that had a rather unexpected impact on me. As I delved into its pages, it led me to do a Google search on whether Mennonites smoke weed.

It's quite astonishing really, because it's something I'd never once thought about prior to reading this particular book.

The story must have touched on some aspect related to this that piqued my curiosity.

Maybe it was a character's background or a situation that made me wonder about this rather specific topic.

In any case, it just goes to show how a good book can have such a profound effect on the reader, even causing them to explore ideas and questions that they would never have otherwise considered.

It makes me eager to see what other unexpected twists and turns this book has in store for me as I continue to read.

July 15,2025
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I have always been deeply in love with Toews's characters. In this particular case, it's Nomi. She is a rebellious Mennonite teenager with a rather dry sense of humor. What's more, her family and home furnishings seem to keep disappearing one by one.

Nomi resides in the so-called "world's most non-progressive community", which is the East Village, a small and deeply religious town in Canada. This town practices shunning and manages to attract tourists from all over the world who are eager to witness the simple life there firsthand. However, Nomi's fantasy is completely different. She dreams of hanging out in Greenwich Village with Lou Reed.

I read this story as slowly as I possibly could. The reason is simple - I didn't want it to come to an end. I was so engrossed in Nomi's world, her struggles, and her dreams that I wanted to savor every single moment of it. It was like a beautiful escape from reality, and I just couldn't bear to let go.

July 15,2025
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A truly captivating story indeed. I am aware that it had to be so because I didn't identify strongly with the characters. While some of the emotional experiences of youth are nearly universal, and I could relate to that to some extent, the life of the family in the story is extremely distant from my own. It is a realistic fiction that seems more otherworldly to me than the most fanciful of fantasy novels. I cannot speak with authority on whether it "captured the essence" of the kind of life it intended to depict, but it surely came across as authentic to an outsider like myself. It definitely felt true to what I have witnessed in my own life. Although I am not a part of this novel, I can at least recognize people from my real life within its pages. And at the end of the day, the big themes: love, family, sacrifice, and loss, are all things that I can understand. This novel truly touched me with its portrayal of these profound emotions.

It made me reflect on my own experiences and relationships, and it opened my eyes to the diverse ways in which people live and love. Despite the differences between my life and the lives depicted in the novel, there are still common threads that connect us all. This story serves as a reminder that, no matter how different our circumstances may be, we all share the same basic human emotions and desires. It is a powerful and moving work that has left a lasting impression on me.
July 15,2025
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Governor General’s Award 2004
Shortlisted for Giller 2006
Winner Canada Reads 2006


Half-way through reading A Complicated Kindness, it dawned on me that the only way Miriam Toews could pen in such an authentic voice was if she herself had spent her formative years in a Mennonite community. And indeed, Miriam was brought up Mennonite in the small town of Steinbach, Manitoba. There was a Mennonite Village Museum there during her childhood. “That is taken right out of my life,” she states in an interview with Dave Weich (Nov. 8, 2004; Powells.com). “It was a pioneer village – I worked there too; I knew all about the history – but I think I just took it for granted.”


I resumed reading A Complicated Kindness without the slightest bit of diminished enthusiasm or admiration. Miriam might have drawn directly from a real-life experience for her novel, but 16-year-old Nomi Nickel emerged as a larger-than-life character in her own right.


This is a coming-of-age tale set during the late 1970s and early 1980s, narrated in the first-person by Nomi. Her mother and older sister departed three years earlier and have remained silent ever since, so the narrative incorporates a series of flashbacks about life before their departure. In the present, Nomi rebels against the conventions of the Mennonite community. Her actions are regarded as reckless by her authoritarian Uncle Hans, a zealot known as The Mouth. We learn all about the taboos in a Mennonite community and what it feels like to belong to “the most embarrassing sub-sect of people... if you’re a teenager.” Not only that, but another of Nomi’s sources of despair is uncovered when she reflects, “People here just can’t wait to die, it seems. It’s the main event. The only reason we’re not all snuffed at birth is because it would reduce our suffering by a lifetime.” This is just one instance of the dark humour that pervades the story.


Having recently read (and reviewed) The Flying Troutmans, I was reminded of this earlier book. In both stories, Miriam Toews immerses the reader in worlds that are both recognizable and strange, eliciting emotions that span the entire gamut.

July 15,2025
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I have a new favourite writer.

Her name is [writer's name]. I was introduced to her works by a friend, and ever since then, I have been completely captivated.

Her writing style is unique and engaging. She has a remarkable ability to create vivid and detailed characters that seem to come alive on the page.

The stories she tells are not only entertaining but also thought-provoking. They explore various themes such as love, loss, friendship, and self-discovery.

One of the things I love most about her writing is the way she uses language. Her descriptions are so beautiful and poetic that they make me feel as if I am actually experiencing the scenes she is描绘.

I have read several of her books already, and I can't wait to read more. I highly recommend her to anyone who loves good literature.
July 15,2025
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Miriam Toews is, without a doubt, one of my all-time favorite Canadian writers, and this particular novel of hers holds a special place in my heart.

Her writing style is truly unique, as if she not only has profound things to convey through the content of her work but also a distinct way of presenting it. There are so many aspects of this book that I could discuss at length. However, the one thing that stands out and is essential to mention is Toews' remarkable attention to detail.

The novel's lack of a traditional structure, the stream of consciousness narrative, and the seemingly inconsequential actions all combine to create a sensation similar to what I experience when reading Virginia Woolf. Yet, it feels less pretentious and, as a result, is not only meaningful in its message about how we create our own meaning but also in the way these specific characters go about finding meaning in their lives.

Nevertheless, I have to deduct half a star because I feel that one part of the ending is a bit hasty, which somewhat dampened its impact on me. Despite this minor flaw, this is most definitely a novel that I look forward to revisiting numerous times in the future.

It's a work that continues to resonate with me and offers new insights and perspectives with each reading. I can't wait to see what else Miriam Toews has in store for us in her future works.
July 15,2025
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I'm may be running out of ways to express just how much I adored this book. However, I prefer to keep my reviews uncomplicated as I write them mainly for myself. Suffice it to say that this book gave me "all the feels", perhaps more than anything else I've ever read. And I have indeed delved into some rather profound works.

There was my Russian phase in my early 20s when I devoured only Dostoyevsky and Tolstoy. My late 20s was dedicated to Canadian literature - Davies, Mitchell, MacLellan, Richler. In my 30s, I explored Rand, Steinbeck, and Irving. But now that I'm in my 60s (which I still find hard to fathom), I prefer to unwind with books that are a little more, um, down-to-earth perhaps?

So, it's true that Miriam Toews is no Dostoyevsky, yet she is capable of eliciting as much thought and emotion in me as the very best of them. But she does it so much better - funnier, goofier, with more heart, and with more soul - than anyone I know. She just never, ever disappoints.

So, yes, Miriam Toews is my favourite author! And I love the way her books make me feel... well, like I'm truly alive! And like there's still a glimmer of hope for me.
July 15,2025
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What a lovely writing!

It truly is a delight to come across such beautiful and charming words. The author has a remarkable talent for expressing thoughts and emotions in a way that captivates the reader.

Every sentence seems to flow effortlessly, painting vivid pictures in our minds. The choice of words is carefully considered, adding depth and nuance to the piece.

Whether it's a description of a scene, a reflection on life, or a story that unfolds, the writing has a certain magic that draws us in and makes us want to keep reading.

It is a testament to the power of language and the creativity of the human mind. We can only hope to see more wonderful works from this talented writer in the future.
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