Find a Stranger, Say Goodbye

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Natalie Armstrong has all a girl could want: beauty and intelligence, a loving family and a great boyfriend. But something is missing; the answer to a most important question: "Who is my mother?"

To find that answer seventeen-year-old Natalie begins a journey that she hopes will lead to the identity of her biological mother. And what if Natalie finds her? What will happen when they meet face-to-face?

192 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1,1978

Literary awards

About the author

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Taken from Lowry's website:
"I've always felt that I was fortunate to have been born the middle child of three. My older sister, Helen, was very much like our mother: gentle, family-oriented, eager to please. Little brother Jon was the only boy and had interests that he shared with Dad; together they were always working on electric trains and erector sets; and later, when Jon was older, they always seemed to have their heads under the raised hood of a car. That left me in-between, and exactly where I wanted most to be: on my own. I was a solitary child who lived in the world of books and my own vivid imagination.

Because my father was a career military officer - an Army dentist - I lived all over the world. I was born in Hawaii, moved from there to New York, spent the years of World War II in my mother's hometown: Carlisle, Pennsylvania, and from there went to Tokyo when I was eleven. High school was back in New York City, but by the time I went to college (Brown University in Rhode Island), my family was living in Washington, D.C.

I married young. I had just turned nineteen - just finished my sophomore year in college - when I married a Naval officer and continued the odyssey that military life requires. California. Connecticut (a daughter born there). Florida (a son). South Carolina. Finally Cambridge, Massachusetts, when my husband left the service and entered Harvard Law School (another daughter; another son) and then to Maine - by now with four children under the age of five in tow. My children grew up in Maine. So did I. I returned to college at the University of Southern Maine, got my degree, went to graduate school, and finally began to write professionally, the thing I had dreamed of doing since those childhood years when I had endlessly scribbled stories and poems in notebooks.

After my marriage ended in 1977, when I was forty, I settled into the life I have lived ever since. Today I am back in Cambridge, Massachusetts, living and writing in a house dominated by a very shaggy Tibetan Terrier named Bandit. For a change of scenery Martin and I spend time in Maine, where we have an old (it was built in 1768!) farmhouse on top of a hill. In Maine I garden, feed birds, entertain friends, and read...

My books have varied in content and style. Yet it seems that all of them deal, essentially, with the same general theme: the importance of human connections. A Summer to Die, my first book, was a highly fictionalized retelling of the early death of my sister, and of the effect of such a loss on a family. Number the Stars, set in a different culture and era, tells the same story: that of the role that we humans play in the lives of our fellow beings.

The Giver - and Gathering Blue, and the newest in the trilogy: Messenger - take place against the background of very different cultures and times. Though all three are broader in scope than my earlier books, they nonetheless speak to the same concern: the vital need of people to be aware of their interdependence, not only with each other, but with the world and its environment.

My older son was a fighter pilot in the United States Air Force. His death in the cockpit of a warplane tore away a piece of my world. But it left me, too, with a wish to honor him by joining the many others trying to find a way to end conflict on this very fragile earth.
I am a grandmother now. For my own grandchildren - and for all those of their generation - I try, through writing, to convey my passionate awareness that we live intertwined on this planet and that our future depends upon our caring more, and doing more, for one another."


Community Reviews

Rating(3.9 / 5.0, 100 votes)
5 stars
29(29%)
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100 reviews All reviews
July 15,2025
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Did I read this before? Or did I just pre-shelve it? I didn't seem at all familiar. There were parts I could appreciate, as someone who wasn't interested in reunion for a long time. As someone currently in reunion, I'm ambivalent about how the main plot resolved—too neat and tidy. Reunion isn't an event, it's a journey. It's not just about how you get there, but also about forming relationships afterward. It's a complex process that involves emotions, memories, and expectations. Sometimes, the reality of reunion doesn't match our idealized version. We may find that the people we thought we knew have changed, or that the circumstances have become different. But that doesn't mean we should give up on the idea of reunion. It's an opportunity to reconnect, to heal old wounds, and to create new memories. I guess I'm not mad I read it, but I don't feel the need to do so again. Maybe it's because I've already experienced reunion in my own life, and I know that it's not always easy, but it can be rewarding.

July 15,2025
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I truly adored this book. It was an absolute delight to hear the story gradually unfold from the perspective of the adoptee.

The unique viewpoint offered by the adoptee added a layer of authenticity and depth to the narrative. It allowed me to gain a better understanding of the emotions, challenges, and joys that come with being adopted.

As I read, I found myself completely immersed in the adoptee's world, empathizing with their experiences and rooting for them every step of the way.

The author did an excellent job of crafting a story that was not only engaging but also thought-provoking. It made me reflect on the importance of family, identity, and acceptance.

Overall, this book was a wonderful read that I would highly recommend to anyone interested in a touching and inspiring story.
July 15,2025
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I truly loved the plot and characters of this story. However, it's important to keep in mind the time period in which it was written. Natalie is about to graduate, and she has been burdened with the desire to find her birth mother. After much thought, she decides to embark on this journey over the summer, and her parents give their blessings. The book has many layers, and there are numerous characters that one can easily grow to love. However, one line really stood out to me as being racist. She describes the shutters of her grandmother's old home on the island as "having kept out unfriendly Indians." Seriously? Even in 1978, that kind of language sounds extremely harsh and inappropriate. It's a reminder that we need to be aware of the language we use and the implications it may have, even in the context of a fictional story.


I loved the plot and characters—just keep in mind the time!
July 15,2025
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Find a Stranger, Say Goodbye by Lois Lowry is specifically targeted at a younger audience.

My Libby app recommended it as an audiobook with no waiting time, so I decided to give it a listen as I have always been a fan of Lois Lowry's works.

Natalie Armstrong is on the verge of graduating from high school and is set to begin college in her pursuit of becoming a doctor like her father.

Ever since she was adopted as a baby, Natalie has had some profound questions regarding her life and family.

Her parents, although upset, are understanding and allow her to use her summer to seek answers about her birth parents as long as she continues to work at her father's doctor's office.

Her journey commences with a letter from the lawyer who arranged the adoption, but unfortunately, 18 years have passed and he is now deceased.

Fortunately, it is a very small town, and Natalie manages to get on the right path.

Spoiler Alert/Trigger Warning:

*

There is an inappropriate age difference between Natalie's birth parents. Additionally, there is the death of a parent/grandparent.
July 15,2025
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Definitely, it is an older Young Adult (YA) book that tells the story of a young girl who is on a quest to find her biological parents. The narrative presents a nice and heartwarming tale. However, when evaluated by today's standards, it seems rather unrealistic, particularly considering the strict confidentiality laws that are in place. The plot is also very predictable, and at times, it feels almost too "sweet" and saccharine. It is quite evident that YA fiction has come a long way and evolved significantly over the past 30 years. Modern YA books often explore more complex and diverse themes, and they are not afraid to tackle controversial issues. They offer a more nuanced and realistic portrayal of the lives and experiences of young people. In contrast, this older book seems a bit dated and simplistic. Nevertheless, it may still hold some charm for those who enjoy a more traditional and straightforward story.

July 15,2025
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I read this book in about 4 hours together with my 14-year-old daughter. It was part of her summer reading list.

It is a simply written story. The main character is a graduating high school senior girl named Natalie. She embarks on a search for her birth parents.

Natalie is, as usual, quite lucky. Her search turns out to be short and productive.

I think this book should appeal to my teen. She will likely be able to relate to Natalie's experiences and emotions. It may also spark some interesting discussions between us about family, identity, and the search for one's roots.

Overall, it was a pleasant reading experience, and I'm glad we chose this book for her summer reading.
July 15,2025
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*CW for the R word mentioned in the first 50 pages*. Keep in mind, this book was written in 1978.


I love Lois Lowry. Her prose is truly a delight, filled with eloquent and down-to-earth descriptions that draw the reader in. But it's her characters that truly steal the show. Every book of hers that I've read, with the exception of Messenger, has been a source of enjoyment or even love for me. And this one was no different.


The story follows Natalie, a girl on a journey to discover the identity of her birth mother and the reasons behind her adoption. Along the way, however, she discovers so much more. Lowry doesn't rely on action-packed, plot-heavy storylines. Instead, she crafts delicious slow-burners that unfold slowly and methodically, with a care and precision that is all too rare in YA literature today.


This book is a must-read for anyone who loves well-written, character-driven stories. It's a beautiful exploration of identity, family, and the power of discovery. I would highly recommend it to anyone looking for a thought-provoking and engaging read.

July 15,2025
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Lois Lowry is truly a master in the field of literature. There is no doubt about that. However, I must admit that I didn't enjoy this particular novel as much as I had hoped.

The story follows a young woman who has lived her entire life as an adopted child. She decides to embark on a journey to find her birth mother. This is a sweet exploration of the risks that can surface when someone in a complex situation delves into their personal history.

Lowry does not in any way dissuade her protagonist, Natalie, from her search to make contact with her parentage. Instead, she presents a practical view of what could happen. This invites the reader to recognize, along with Natalie, that delicate and complicated situations need to be handled with care.

Overall, while I may not have loved this novel as much as some of Lowry's other works, it still offers valuable insights into the human experience and the challenges that come with uncovering one's past.
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