Reading all the books I already own (1/16)

This is precisely what I required. I didn't fully "comprehend" all of it, yet I'm certain that one day I'll reread it and have different "aha" moments compared to this time.

I truly relished the chapters regarding the six kinds of loneliness, being curious about existence, growing up, expanding the circle of compassion, and opinions. They struck a chord with me the most. I sense that this is a book that can bolster anyone's meditation practice. It offers profound insights and perspectives that can enhance one's self-awareness and understanding of the human condition. The author's exploration of these themes is both thought-provoking and engaging, making it a worthwhile read for those interested in personal growth and spiritual development.

Would give this a 3.5 stars if the app allowed for that.

- It's a pretty long read and not exactly a page turner.

- However, I think it contains some really wise and insightful lines.

- It's not as straightforward as a typical self-help book, so one has to really sit with the words and think hard to understand the lessons.

Pros:

1. There are some truly excellent insights such as leaning into discomfort, feeling deep love and compassion for oneself and others.

I really enjoyed these chapters: 3. This very moment is the perfect teacher, 13. Widening the circle of compassion, 22. The path is the goal.

2. I think it reminds you of common sayings you've read in good psychology self-help books, but with a spiritual perspective.

3. The author writes in a very winding way, making you feel like you're flowing along a meandering river. I guess it suits the theme since it's about Buddhism and that's usually quite Zen.

Overall, I would read it again if I'm stuck in a rut. The only difference is that it gives advice in a less "in-your-face" way compared to other non-spiritual self-help books.

——

Overall learnings when things fall apart:

- Lean into the fear.

- Be compassionate with others but also with yourself.

- We label something as bad or good, but we actually don't know if it really is. We don't know anything.

- There are no shoulds, coulds, or musts. Just is and was.

Interesting quotes:

- "Thinking that we can find some lasting pleasure and avoid pain is what in Buddhism is called samsara, a hopeless cycle that goes round and round endlessly and causes us to suffer greatly."

- "How we stay in the middle between indulging and repressing is by acknowledging whatever arises without judgment, letting the thoughts simply dissolve, and then going back to the openness of this very moment." — Label it as "thinking" and move back to the moment.

- "Realize that honesty and humor are far more inspiring and helpful than any kind of solemn religious striving for or against anything."

- "This is called maitri—developing loving-kindness and an unconditional friendship with ourselves."

- "The first noble truth of the Buddha is that when we feel suffering, it doesn't mean that something is wrong."

- "According to this very simple teaching, becoming immersed in these four pairs of opposites—pleasure and pain, loss and gain, fame and disgrace, and praise and blame—is what keeps us stuck in the pain of samsara."

- "But when we apply the instruction to be soft and nonjudgmental to whatever we see right at that very moment, then this embarrassing reflection in the mirror becomes our friend."

- "The practice of tonglen—sending and receiving—is designed to awaken bodhichitta, to put us in touch with genuine noble heart."

- "If you are doing tonglen for someone you see on television or on the street, do it for all the others in the same boat. Make it bigger than just that one person."

- "Nothing will change through aggression."

- "One piece of advice that Don Juan gave to Carlos Casteneda was to do everything as if it were the only thing in the world that mattered, while all the time knowing that it doesn't matter at all."

- The path is the goal — "The path is uncharted. It comes into existence moment by moment and at the same time drops away behind us."

- "It's like riding in a train sitting backwards. We can't see where we're headed, only where we've been."

Favourite quote:

"We don't set out to save the world; we set out to wonder how other people are doing and to reflect on how our actions affect other people's hearts."

In this remarkable book, Chodron issues a profound call to us, urging us to embrace "an unconditional relationship with reality".

Here are two quotes that, for me, truly encapsulate the essence of this book.

"When we engage in the training of the art of peace, we are not presented with any assurances that, due to our noble intentions, all will be well. In fact, there are no guarantees of fruition whatsoever. Instead, we are inspired to look deeply into the realms of joy and sorrow, of laughing and crying, of hoping and fearing, of all that experiences life and death. We come to understand that what truly heals is gratitude and tenderness."

She further remarks, "Every time we give, every time we practice discipline, patience, or exertion, it is as if we are laying down a heavy burden."

I will always hold Chodron's wisdom close to my heart, allowing it to guide and inspire me on my life's journey.

I had to make the difficult decision to DNF this book. It reached a point where it was simply too boring to continue reading it. The story seemed to lack any real excitement or engaging elements. The characters were not developed enough to hold my interest, and the plot was moving at a snail's pace. I found myself constantly losing focus and having to force myself to pick up the book again. After several attempts to push through, I finally had to admit defeat. It's a shame because I had high hopes for this book when I first started it. However, sometimes you just have to know when to cut your losses and move on to something more interesting.

This is the sort of book that enters your life precisely when you need it.

You might be living the title and not much else. Or, more precisely, this is the sort of book you don't pick up until you need it.

Maybe it's when your husband hands you his copy, your mother extols the virtues of the author, and your best friend nods sagely from the other side of the world.

After all, if there's no wisdom in love, where are you going to find it? Take another look.

There's so much to admire in Buddhism, and yet I've always thought there was so little of it in me.

I have no desire to be without desire, to embrace suffering, or to settle for hopelessness.

I know that this statement reflects a lack of understanding, but I'm too close to hope right now to set it aside.

Still, Pema Chödrön writes so elegantly and eloquently about pain, grief, and anger that it's nearly impossible to read her words without being changed by them.

Last night I had a nightmare and instead of running away from the fear, I turned toward it.

On the surface, nothing happened. Whatever had frightened me became an inky fog that enveloped a suddenly much-less-worried dream-self and, eventually, became these words.

When Things Fall Apart contains twenty-two chapters that will ask a lot of you.

You'll need to approach them with honesty, openness, patience, and gentleness.

You'll have to be willing to hold a mirror up to yourself and not only accept what it shows you but love that reflection.

It's easy to read these brief meditations in moments of stillness and sense the rightness they contain.

However, it's much more challenging to practice in the midst of despair, joy, or distraction.

But practice is exactly what they demand, and what we need.

Neither indulging in obsessive thoughts that aren't doing anyone any good, especially those of us nurturing them, nor suppressing uncomfortable feelings that we might deal with later, if by "later" we mean "never."

What good will never do if we fail to experience now, which is always available to us?

I was just in the process of finishing this remarkable book in September 2001 when the fateful events of 9-11 occurred, turning the world completely upside down and causing things to truly fall apart. Suddenly, all those vulnerable feelings that Pema Chödrön encourages us to embrace emerged: fear, sorrow, loneliness, and a sense of groundlessness. And in the days of shock and grief that followed, there was that brief but abundant display of "maitri," or loving kindness, which surfaced in waves of generosity and compassion for one another. For a while, we found ourselves in the world that she points to as an alternative to the everyday routine of getting, spending, and constant activity.

It is nearly impossible to succinctly summarize or accurately characterize this fine book. In just some 150 pages, it涵盖了 more than a person could realistically hope to absorb in many years, if not a lifetime. We may be familiar with the Buddha's famous insight that human pain and suffering stem from desire and aversion. But few writers have been as adept as Chödrön at articulating the implications of that insight in a way that makes sense to the Western mind. Just as one example from this book, her discussion of the "six kinds of loneliness" (chapter 9) vividly illustrates how our desires to achieve intimacy with others are often an attempt to flee from a deep experience of ourselves. Our continuous efforts to establish security for ourselves are a denial of fundamental truths, which in turn prevents us from having a profound experience of the joy of living. Our reluctance to love ourselves and others withers our hearts.
Chödrön invites us to be as fascinated as she is by paradox. On the topics of hopelessness and death (chapter 7), she writes: "If we're willing to give up hope that insecurity and pain can be eradicated, then we can have the courage to relax with the groundlessness of our situation. This is the first step on the path." She gets us to recognize our restlessness (even our spiritual restlessness) for what it truly is, something we engage in instead of simply paying attention to ourselves in the moment and to what unfolds next, without judgment or preconceptions.
In addition to this book, I highly recommend obtaining one or more of her audio tapes and listening to her speak before audiences. For all the high-mindedness that may come through in descriptions like the one above, or what you might initially take away from reading the cover of her book, Chödrön is refreshingly down to earth and unpretentious. She speaks with her American accent (don't be misled by the appearance of her name) and has a self-effacing sense of humor. Her message is as much in her manner as it is in what she says.
This is a book that is well worth buying, reading, and then rereading at intervals, for it is always new, always speaking directly to you exactly where you are, right now.

It has the power to touch your heart and transform your perspective, offering profound insights and practical wisdom that can help you navigate the challenges of life with greater ease and grace.

My fiancé and I read this book, which we spread out over the year 2020.

My "uncle" (a long-time family friend) had recommended it to me after a series of personal tragedies simultaneously befell me, and during a pandemic, when everyone was (and still is) suffering and too emotionally exhausted to support one another in the way we usually would.

The book was truly wonderful. It assisted me on numerous occasions, mainly in enabling me to see and experience my feelings rather than running away from them. My uncle said that he discovered this book many years ago and has returned to it multiple times since then, referring to it as "a sort of Buddhist Bible." I can understand why. It is an instant classic that offers profound wisdom and comfort in times of need.

It has become a source of strength and guidance for both my fiancé and me, and we are grateful to my uncle for introducing us to this remarkable work.

We highly recommend it to anyone seeking to better understand and manage their emotions, especially during these challenging times.

It took me two attempts to finally complete this book. Listening to it turned out to be effective. It offers a different perspective and is well-written, which is nice. However, that's about it.

This book provides no hope whatsoever. Honestly, if I had read it during difficult times, I would have felt even more depressed. While there are some universal truths explained, other aspects just don't make sense.

I'm glad I read it to gain a different point of view, but I'm not sure if I would recommend it to others. It has its merits in terms of writing and presenting a unique perspective, but the overall lack of hope and the inconsistent content make it a bit of a mixed bag.

Perhaps for those who are specifically interested in exploring a particular theme or who don't mind a rather bleak outlook, this book might be worth a read. But for the average reader looking for something more uplifting or with a more coherent narrative, it might not be the best choice.

Overall, my experience with this book was somewhat lukewarm. It had its moments, but it didn't leave a lasting impression on me.

There seems to be a rather significant bifurcation in ratings, ranging from extremely low to extremely high. As a result, my rating falls right in the middle.

There are hundreds of such books available, and this one is just average. That is, it accomplishes its intended purpose, but it's not so extraordinary that I would recommend it to everyone I know. I believe the reviews here that give it high marks are probably entirely correct. The language and ideas are accessible. If you're going through a difficult time and haven't engaged in a process of self-reflection to lead yourself out, then this is as good a book as any within the genre. I would also recommend services like Landmark. For those who don't live out their philosophy, it's a great place to bring their actions and beliefs into closer alignment and reduce the cognitive dissonance between them.

Personally, after you've overcome the difficult period that led you to pick up this book, there is another set of books that can help you become mentally stronger and maintain consistency in your actions and beliefs, so that you never feel broken again. The extent to which you'll like this book depends on your current stage in life in developing this kind of spiritual strength. If you happen to be in a state of emotional weakness, reading this book can be beneficial. However, if you're already quite strong, this book may seem less relevant and may not have the same impact on you. I suspect that all the 2-star, 1-star, and lower reviews are from people who are in that particular mental state, while the 4-star and 5-star reviews are from enthusiastic fans. Therefore, I give it a 3-star rating. I appreciate the 4-star and 5-star reviews, but I also understand the perspective of the 1-star and 2-star reviews.

Second time through, just as poignant as the first reading.

This statement holds true for many literary works or experiences. When we revisit something that has deeply touched us before, it often has the same power to move our hearts.

The second reading allows us to notice details that we might have missed the first time around. It gives us a chance to further explore the themes and emotions presented.

Maybe it's a novel that makes us cry, a poem that makes us reflect, or a song that brings back memories. Whatever it is, the second encounter can be just as meaningful and impactful as the first.

It's like rediscovering a hidden treasure or reuniting with an old friend. The familiarity combined with the newfound insights makes the experience truly special.

So, the next time you come across something that you loved the first time, don't hesitate to give it a second chance. You might be surprised at how much more you can get out of it.

I usually have a certain degree of disdain for self-help books. However, this particular one was quite different. It was like a novella-length adaptation of the seminal Joan Didion Vogue essay on self-respect. It was skillfully mashed with profound Buddhist teachings. These teachings delved into the idea of growing tired of our own self-deceptions, being acutely aware of fear, living in the tenderness of pain, and abandoning the project of narrating our own lives as they are happening, especially when there is no grand storyline to be fashioned.

All of these concepts were presented in a way that was not only true but also relayed with a great deal of humor. And humor, in this context, is the crucial element. It makes the whole experience of reading this book engaging and enjoyable. It's truly good stuff that has the potential to make a significant impact on the reader's perspective and understanding of themselves and their lives.

This book serves as an exquisitely gentle guide for each and every one of us. We don't have to wait until we encounter difficulties in keeping everything in order to reap the benefits of this profound wisdom. Merely being alive in a physical body and breathing is enough to qualify us! The author reveals that she is simply passing on the teachings of Trungpa Rinpoche, stating: "May these teachings take root and flourish for the benefit of all sentient beings now and in the future."

I just randomly opened the book and noticed what I had underlined: "What we call obstacles are really the way the world and our entire experience teach us where we're stuck". It sounds so straightforward, yet we constantly forget this beautiful truth. This thought infuses our lives with gratitude. We can be thankful to the situation for showing us precisely where we are still stuck and then move beyond it towards freedom.

Pema Chodron presents us with countless tools to apply in our lives to deal with our problems. One of them is simply to breathe and become aware that there might be many people experiencing the same misery and pain. "So we breathe in for all the people who are caught with the same emotion, and we send out relief or whatever opens up the space for ourselves and all those countless others."

She offers another nugget of wisdom regarding DISCIPLINE: "What we discipline is not our 'badness' or our 'wrongness'. What we discipline is any form of potential escape from reality. In other words, discipline allows us to be right here and connect with the richness of the moment."

This book is incredibly beautiful and gentle. It feels as if each word is a tender caress for the Soul. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did.

~ Reja