My therapist recommended this book when I was grappling with the end of my 11-year relationship.

She introduced it to me, stating that often, when things appear the darkest, it simply implies that we are on the verge of a breakthrough. I thought, "OK, that makes some sense." Then it sat on my bookshelf for 8 YEARS!

Later, my roommate Anya read it and told me it was a MUST READ. So I did. Wow! No, really... WOW!

I have never encountered Buddhist philosophy presented so clearly and accessibly for the Western mind. And you don't have to be Buddhist. Also, you DON'T have to be falling apart. (Although if you feel like you are, it can be of great help.) There are so many wonderful aspects!

The title pertains to the suffering caused by CLINGING to fragile security-blankets that give us the illusion of immutability in a universe where impermanence is the inevitable human experience. Accepting the impermanence of our own worldly existence, she claims, opens our hearts to the vast beauty of the sacred. When we are on the verge of such acceptance, it seems as if the world is falling apart, when, in fact, it is just our illusions that are facing imminent dissolution.

She describes meditation as the practice of pure compassion - first for yourself (when you initially attempt the deceptively and frustratingly difficult practice of meditation, and later when meditation provides more insight into the self), and then for loved ones, and all of humanity.

It is brilliantly accessible and just makes sense.

It’s truly frustrating to me that the very individual who recommended this book to me is also, to some extent, the reason I find myself in need of this book.

However, paradoxically, the book contends that I should sit with that very same frustration and discomfort that it induces in me. I should learn to digest it, find a sense of peace with it, and perhaps even kill it with kindness. Whatever actions I must take to calm the storm within and engage in constructive reflection.

Putting aside the spiritual mumbo-jumbo, this book presents an interesting essay on the concept of thinking-about-thinking. If I can embrace the disquiet that dwells in my own mind rather than fleeing from it in a culturally-approved escape mechanism, then perhaps I can glean valuable lessons from it. Maybe I can defeat it. Maybe I can prevent cancer, death, and failed relationships from占据so much of my mental space and sapping my energy, leaving me feeling dry and depleted.

At the very least, it’s worth giving it a try.

Living in Difficult Times
How can we get through our lives when it seems that everything is falling apart - when fear, anxiety, and pain constantly overcome us? Pema Chödrön suggests that the answer may be exactly the opposite of what you expect. Here, in her most popular and highly regarded work, Pema shows that moving towards painful situations and becoming intimate with them can open our hearts in a way we never imagined before. By quoting the ancient wisdom of Buddhism, she offers life-changing tools for transforming suffering and negative patterns into lasting ease and boundless joy.

Excerpt:
Life is an educational and good friend. Circumstances are constantly changing. If only we could understand. Nothing goes as we like to imagine it. Not focusing on anything and being in the middle is the most desirable state, a state in which we don't get caught and can open our hearts and minds as far as possible. This is a soft, non-aggressive, and accepting state of affairs. Staying with this confusion, staying with a broken heart, heavy anger, staying with a sense of hopelessness and a desire for revenge is the way and method of true awakening. Staying with this hesitation, learning the skill of attaining peace in times of trouble, learning not to be afraid.

Critique and Review of the Book by Professor Malekian and Mehdi Ardabili:
https://castbox.fm/vb/681171871

Similar Books of Interest for Study: The Beginner's Mind, The Art of Living (Vipassana Practice)

Pema Chodron is among the first Buddhist writers I discovered when I embarked on my exploration of Buddhist philosophy, along with Tara Brach and Thich Nhat Hanh. These writers have a deep understanding of the disconnection within Western culture.

She predominantly writes and speaks about handling both the subtle undercurrent of fear and the sudden rushes of fear that stem from the turbulent events we all encounter in life, from a Tibetan Buddhist perspective. This particular book of hers is my favorite among the 4 or 5 that I possess, and I have read it at least 10 times in the past 4 years.

I could select numerous quotes from the book to encapsulate its purpose and premise. Here is one: "To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man's-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again."

Pema teaches us about dealing with the ups and downs of life. The Buddhist approach to this is to face them and accept them as they are. Through 22 concise chapters, Pema gracefully progresses from presenting the problem, which is that difficult things occur and we struggle, to teaching that the solution lies in allowing everything to be as it is, and then to instructing several techniques for achieving that. It is a true discipline to refrain from seeking entertainment, distraction, or medication and simply let things be.

She writes: "As human beings, not only do we seek resolution, but we also feel that we deserve resolution. However, not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution. We don't deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that. We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity."

In another chapter, she writes: "Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy."

Her words offer profound insights and practical guidance on how to navigate the complex and often challenging journey of life from a Buddhist perspective.

An Instagram friend of mine shared a profound quote by Pema Chodron.

The moment I read it, it truly resonated with me on a deep level.

So much so that I instantly made up my mind and bought her book.

This book turned out to be my very first purchase during the quarantine.

Interestingly, it found its way to me precisely at a time when I felt as if everything in my life was falling apart.

Pema Chodron's writing is so down to earth and easy to understand.

At the same time, it is extremely inspiring.

Her honesty and clarity are truly remarkable and serve as a great source of inspiration.

Unlike some other authors, she doesn't simply tell you that things will eventually get better.

Rather, she is blunt and truthful in her words.

To be honest, I really can't write enough about how wonderful this book is.

It is an absolute must-read for everyone.

It has the power to heal you and bring a sense of peace and understanding.

Highly recommended!

Happy reading!

I have read this book countless times. I truly love her and her simple, yet straightforward approach to discussing profound spirituality. What initially drew me to this book is actually a rather amusing story. I was going through a difficult breakup and happened to be wandering through the stacks at the ICPL. By pure chance, I pulled this book off the shelf.

She commences the book by sharing the tale of how her marriage came to an end. One day, her husband drove up to their house and declared that he had met someone else, had been having an affair, and their marriage was over. Given my own circumstances that day, I was feeling quite bitter. I remember thinking, "Oh great. She's going to go on about how Buddha Lovingkindness inundated her soul at that moment, and she just let go of the whole thing, her soul became lighter, and a chorus of Tibetan angels started chanting, and it was all so wonderful blahblah." (As I mentioned, I was bitter.) However, instead, she said she remained still for a moment. It was one of those moments where you simply couldn't tell if it lasted a second or an hour. And then, she picked up a rock and threw it at him. It was at that point that I knew this was the kind of nun I could relate to, and I decided to continue reading.

Needless to say, she doesn't continuously throw rocks at people. In fact, she discovers numerous brilliant ways to cope with pain, ego, loss, and all those things through Buddhist teachings. She then articulates practical methods for ordinary non-nuns like myself to deal with pain, ego, and loss in our own lives. Since then, I have purchased and adored many more of her books, and I highly recommend this one to anyone who is grappling with something difficult or is simply curious about Buddhism in general. It's truly excellent stuff.

4 stars
This remarkable book serves as a powerful reminder that we should embrace our fears and strive to understand them, rather than fleeing from them and seeking unhealthful distractions. The author places great emphasis on the importance of not only relishing the times of prosperity but also appreciating the moments of pain.

It is truly a very useful read that offers a refreshing look and perspective on life and the manner in which we are leading it. I would not assert that it will bring about an instantaneous transformation in you. In my belief, no book, person, or thing has the ability to transform an individual in a single moment. Transformation is a gradual process that unfolds slowly over time and occurs only when one has a genuine desire for it.

This book has undeniably assisted me in accessing myself from a different perspective and has been beneficial on my journey towards becoming a better version of myself!

I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who is open and willing to embrace a change in their thinking.

Happy Reading!!

This is one of those truly remarkable keepers that you read, then reread with great relish, and finally loan to friends in their times of need.

Although I was baptized as an Episcopalian, I have a deep appreciation for the philosophy and spirituality of most religions. I first came across this when my mom was tragically killed just before Christmas in the year I received my B.A. During that difficult time, I voraciously devoured everything from the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh to the wisdom of Mother Teresa, from the life and works of Gandhi to the holy scriptures of the Bible, and even the insights of Dr. Phil.

The great message that this book imparts is the importance of remembering that we need to learn to live with this sense of groundlessness. There are times when the world seems to pull the rug, or even the very earth, right out from beneath our feet, and nothing is ever the same again. But this is the essence of life - it can be unfair, even brutally so at times. However, if you just have the perseverance to hang on long enough and make it through the darkness, you will discover that life is also oh-so-beautiful and magical.

Next to Wolfelt's books, this is one of the very best that I read in the midst of my deepest grief. I return to it anytime I am feeling confused, overworked, or simply stressed out. It has the remarkable ability to balance me and bring a sense of calm and perspective to my chaotic life.

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön is an outstanding book that focuses on teaching us new and effective coping skills during the challenging times of life.

This remarkable work draws from the profound wisdom of Buddhist teachings to offer valuable insights on how to handle pain, fear, and the ever-present uncertainty.

The author emphasizes the significance of wholeheartedly embracing impermanence and change. Instead of shying away from discomfort, she encourages us to face it head-on and learn from it.

Pema Chödrön also writes extensively about compassion and kindness, which are essential qualities for a fulfilling life.

Moreover, she provides practical tools for mindfulness and meditation that can assist in cultivating inner peace.

Mindfulness is indeed something that I impart to my patients on a daily basis.

If you have an interest in meditation, I highly recommend checking out Pema Chödrön's videos on YouTube. You are sure to gain a wealth of knowledge and inspiration that can transform your life.

This book offers a refreshing perspective on how we handle the less-than-ideal aspects of life and the tools we possess within ourselves to navigate those moments.

One of the most significant insights I gained is that emotions like sadness, anger, frustration, and feelings of instability are not intrinsically bad. Instead, they are challenging and can manifest as obstacles. However, in reality, they are remarkable teachers within our personal experiences, facilitating our growth.

Sometimes, in the darkest of times, we attain the greatest clarity. I allowed myself to embrace this perspective, which differs from the traditional Western ethos of achieving happiness and avoiding pain. In this manner, I began to experience a newfound sense of peace and serenity regarding the difficult situations in life.

What I adored about this book is that the author didn't pen it to assist readers in solving their problems but rather to view their "problems" as incredibly valuable, enlightening mechanisms for opening their minds and hearts to growth and deepening. It's a great book, and I recommend it to anyone willing to embrace a change in thinking.

In my "perfect little world", everyone would own this book.

And, they would read it annually. It might seem kinda silly of me to say this considering the whole point of the book is that life is far from perfect.

It's not even safe and secure.

I discovered this book shortly after the love of my life made a (necessary) choice to let me go.

I managed to hold myself together just long enough to walk through my front door, 28 hours after leaving Europe.

A couple of days later, I was seeking a quote to hold on to.

I ended up at Goodreads and was gently led to "When Things Fall Apart".

Naturally, the title caught my attention.

I ordered it the moment I finished reading the summary and began reading as soon as I ripped the box open.

Wow. This book was not only precisely what I needed at that exact moment in my life, but it's going to be one of those gifts that continuously gives.

It provided me with a completely different perspective on my present devastation and the bigger picture of my life.

In a nutshell, the only difference between a "regular" person who happens to be a spiritual leader/guru and a regular "regular" person is that the former views fear and loss as an opportunity for growth instead of something to run from.

This is POWERFUL.

OK...it's going to take a lifetime of effort to change some deeply ingrained habits (maybe some are genetic???), but it's a huge start.

I've already marked my calendar to remind me when 365 days have passed.

We'll see if I haven't already picked it up again at that point.

I only wish the title didn't give the impression that this is only a book for "difficult times".

I wish I had read this as a young adult and gotten a head start on confronting my fears at a much earlier age.

Not just the fears that surface in difficult times, but those little ones that impact us every day and hold us back from taking necessary risks and living life to the fullest.

Time to end this review and give meditation a try!

P.S. I gave the love of my life this book and my "difficult time" ended shortly thereafter.

Now when fears about the relationship threaten to overwhelm me, I face them head-on.

Actually, there is some really good advice hidden beneath the rather flowery language. Fundamentally, I cannot agree with the anti-medication stance and the idea that taking pills is somehow evading problems that should be confronted. However, this is the issue I have with most things that come from the Buddhist perspective when it comes to mental health. But, for me, and with a healthy dose of skepticism, I did find it beneficial to read some of these pages late at night when anxiety, panic, and fear were keeping me awake. So, I am grateful for that.

“Rather than allowing our negativity to overcome us, we could admit that right now we feel like a piece of garbage and not be squeamish about taking a good look. That is the kind and brave thing to do. We could smell that piece of garbage. We could feel it; what is its texture, color, and shape? We can explore the nature of that piece of garbage. We can understand the nature of dislike, shame, and embarrassment and not believe there is something wrong with that.”

“The difference between theism and nontheism is not whether one believes in God or not. It is an issue that pertains to everyone, including both Buddhists and non-Buddhists. Theism is a deep-rooted belief that there is someone to hold our hand: if we just do the right things, someone will appreciate us and take care of us. It means thinking there will always be a babysitter available when we need one. We all tend to shirk our responsibilities and delegate our authority to something outside ourselves. Nontheism is being at ease with the ambiguity and uncertainty of the present moment without reaching for anything to protect ourselves.”

“We could save ourselves a great deal of time by taking this message very seriously right now. Begin the journey without the hope of finding solid ground beneath your feet. Begin with hopelessness.”

“The essence of life is that it is challenging. Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes it relaxes or opens. Sometimes you have a headache, and sometimes you feel 100 percent healthy. From an awakened perspective, trying to tie up all the loose ends and finally get everything in order is death, because it involves rejecting a lot of your basic experiences. There is something aggressive about that approach to life, trying to smooth out all the rough spots and imperfections into a nice, easy ride.”

“So even if the intense loneliness is there, and for 1.6 seconds we sit with that restlessness when yesterday we couldn't even sit for one, that is the journey of the warrior.”