I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons

Prince Reginald is truly an aromantic icon.

He stands out with his unique style, which is a captivating blend of colors like

I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons
by Peter S. Beagle
YA Fantasy
NetGalley eARC
Pub. Date: May 14, 2024
Saga Press
Ages: 12+

Gaius Aurelius Constantine Heliogabalus Thrax, otherwise known as Robert, was trained by his father to be a dragon catcher and exterminator. However, this was a job that Robert never desired. Instead, he dreamed of becoming a prince's valet. But fate had other plans, and after his father's death, he inherited the unwanted task.

Although dragons were common, coming in all shapes, sizes, and colors and infesting homes and castles, making the job semi-lucrative, Robert had a soft spot for them. In fact, he even kept several as pets.

One day, when called to the kingdom's castle to deal with a major dragon infestation, Robert found himself facing the possibility of becoming a hero.

This story had the potential to be charming, but I had a difficult time engaging with it. I was anticipating more humor, perhaps with a darker undertone and a touch of 'coziness'. However, there was a lack of significant 'drama'. What was there seemed more like a simple account of 'we walked to the zoo during the day and slept at night', with a few descriptors thrown in here and there. There was not much humor, let alone anything 'dark'. As a result, it failed to truly captivate me, and I had to force myself to read it, eventually falling asleep.

I believe this story is written for and targeted at middle school readers, specifically tweens. There is not a lot of violence, gore, offensive language, or any other 'adult' themes, making it suitable for younger ages. Overall, I would rate this story 2 stars.

I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons is an enchanting and whimsical high fantasy adventure that truly captivates the reader. Although I don't typically delve deeply into the realm of high fantasy, this particular book was simply irresistible. The title is engaging, the cover art is visually appealing, and the concept of a dragon exterminator longing to be a prince's valet is both unique and charming.

I thoroughly enjoyed this novel. While it wasn't as uproariously hilarious as I had initially anticipated based on the title and description (it leans more towards the whimsical side rather than being laugh-out-loud funny), there are still numerous amusing moments that bring a smile to the face. I was particularly taken with the mostly unnamed, romance-seeking princes introduced early in the story. Wooing a headstrong princess is no easy feat, and their attempts add an element of lightheartedness and charm.

Robert, the main character, is truly remarkable. He is filled with heart, bravery, and courage, and his friends and companions share these qualities, even if some of them may not be immediately aware of it. Robert, Princess Cerise, and Prince Reginald all find themselves trapped in the roles dictated by their birth, and it is heartwarming to witness their transformation into the individuals they are meant to be.

However, I do feel a tinge of sadness for all the exterminated dragons. *sobs*

Our heroes' adventures don't take them to vast and distant lands. Instead, they spend a significant amount of time wandering back and forth between a few familiar places, all within a relatively short distance from their starting point. Nevertheless, with monstrous dragons, an evil wizard, acts of bravery, and a touch of romance, it is still an epic journey.

My only minor gripe is that this novel feels a bit unfinished. It would make an excellent candidate for a sequel, as Robert is just beginning to discover his true self at the end of the story. Where will his adventures lead him next?

Overall, I rate this book 3.75 stars, rounded up. If you have a penchant for whimsical fantasy adventures filled with an abundance of dragons, then this is definitely a book worth reading.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Saga Press for providing me with an advance copy of this book for review.

Most of all, this book really disappointed me.

It seemed to be all over the place, lacking a singular and clear vision regarding what the plot was supposed to be. The story felt disjointed and unfocused, making it difficult for me to engage with.

The characters were extremely boring. They lacked depth and personality, and I found myself really not caring less about them. Even the dragons, which were supposed to be the main attraction in this so-called "dragon book," failed to capture my interest.

As I continued to read, the more disappointed I became, and the lower the star rating I would give this book. It simply did not meet my expectations and left me feeling dissatisfied.

The author's review seems to have caused quite a stir. They are simply describing the type of book and its vibe, not saying that being hetero or written by a man is bad. However, people got mad. The book is a standard, paint-by-numbers, painfully heteronormative white mantasy. There are side characters who seem to be secretly gay but are then forced into hetero romances for no reason. The hero ends up with the girl despite a lack of chemistry. The author is tired of these tropes and wants to let similar readers know that this may not be the book for them. They also clarify that they are cis and heterosexual and have been in a monogamous relationship since 2008. The book is written simply and the author thinks it might be marketed to middle-grade readers. They don't understand the point of this book, especially in 2024. The audiobook is described as bland, but the male voice actor is not the worst. The author recommends avoiding the audiobook if you still want to read the book. They are looking for a fun and creative read like The Last Unicorn.

Edit: It is very funny to me that people got mad about my review when I'm not saying it being hetero or being written by a man are bad attributes?? Literally just describing the type of book and vibe it has. And if things swerve away from more internally consistent or interesting plot developments because it is stuck in a particular mindset, then I think it's a disservice to the story.

eg There are side characters who you'd think are secretly gay and crushing on each other, but then weirdly get shoehorned into hetero romances for no reason that come out of nowhere and don't make sense for the characters. The hero ends up with the girl despite a lack of chemistry because that's just what heroes in stories do.

But if you feel sensitive about a descriptor and think it's an attack or something shameful, I think that says more about you. As someone who is tired of those tropes and unimaginative fiction, I want to let other similar readers know that this is not the book for them.

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Not that it's anyone's business, but I myself am cis & heterosexual and have been in a monogamous relationship with my partner since 2008. And probably well over 90% of the other reviews I have on this site are also cishet authors and cishet characters. Clearly this is literally not a review calling heterosexuality a bad thing because why tf would I think it's bad??? "Painfully heteronormative" has an entirely different meaning than y'all seem to think because "heterosexual" and "heteronormative" are different words.

And if y'all keep leaving violent threats your comments will be reported and deleted. :) Calm down and go read a book; read this book, if you're so adamant it's good. I literally don't care.

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Based on the title and the goofy looking dragons on the US cover, I really thought this would be a light-hearted, humorous romp.

It's not.

This is a standard, paint by numbers, Chosen One, painfully heteronormative, white mantasy. The most subversive it gets: in this world royals don't know how to read, so the princess is secretly teaching herself.

I constantly thought the book would do something interesting. But just when I thought it'd zig or maybe even zag, it did nothing.

eg In the introduction of the MC we learn that he has a lot of dragons at home and they're named and he's affectionate toward them. But also he's a dragon exterminator and the princess calls on him in the beginning to come root out the dragon infestation at the castle. I thought that when they were spraying the walls that it'd be a fake killing agent and actually they were just putting them to sleep so they could rescue them and smuggle them home or something. But no, he just... kills a bunch of dragons like they're pests. Even though they're as intelligent and sentient as people to him.

The whole book is additionally written very simply. I can't find what demographic the publisher is marketing this as, but I'd easily put it in middle-grade. I've read more complex, progressive, inventive middle-grade literally this month-- and that was written in the 90s!!

I don't understand the point of this, especially in 2024.

Audiobook Notes:

Bland, but not the worst male voice actor I've listened to. Maybe this would've come across more comical if not for his flat affectation. So I guess I'd recommend avoiding the audiobook if you still want to read this.

For reference:

I grew up with a truly ancient copy of The Last Unicorn. I'm sure I've read it at some point as it lived in my childhood bedroom and I vividly remember the look and feel of the bookmark that's still in it to this day. But I mostly remember the cartoon (which totally slaps). So I was looking for if not a humorous read, at least the fun and creativity and weirdness on display there.

Between this book and Just Stab Me Now by Jill Bearup, 2024 is truly shaping up to be the Year of Comedic, Trope-Twisting Fantasy, and I couldn't be more excited! The combination of humor and the unexpected in these literary works is like a breath of fresh air in the often-stodgy world of fantasy.

This book, along with Jill Bearup's offering, seems to be breaking the traditional molds and bringing a new level of entertainment and creativity to the genre. The idea of twisting well-known tropes in a comedic way is both clever and engaging, making readers eager to see what new surprises lie around every corner.

As a lover of fantasy, I'm always on the lookout for something different and exciting. And 2024, with these two books at the forefront, is promising to deliver just that. I can't wait to dive into the pages of both and experience the comedic, trope-twisting adventures that await.

Two and a half stars rounded down.

I was really annoyed because I interrupted a truly good series about dragons to read this one. I have a great love for dragon stories, but unfortunately, we hardly got any actual dragons in this book.

To make matters worse, I was not at all thrilled when the dragons were illustrated as beloved and intelligent family pets, only to witness their wholesale slaughter by the thousands in the very next chapter.

Aside from that, the plot construction and character development also failed to impress me. There were several scenes where I thought some groundwork was being laid for future events, but then it just never materialized. We simply moved on to a new scene, and those moments passed without being fully explained, left to flounder uselessly.

The relationships and so-called "character growth" were also rather clunky and not well-earned. There was absolutely no point in Robert's friends even being in the book. They had the potential to add something to the story, but it just never worked out.

I truly wanted to enjoy this book, but in the end, I was left disappointed.

Robert Thrax is a dragon hunter, but he would rather be a dragon protector. Secretly, the eighteen-year-old keeps four young dragonets at home, which he has named and is raising. Young dragons under one year old are harmless as they don't have poisonous teeth yet. Just imagine, you would have to keep four lively dragons in check so that the neighbors don't notice anything. In Robert's time, boys had to work early, while girls could go to school longer. The business of dragon hunting was inherited by Robert from his father, who also taught him his dragon knowledge. One suspects that it would do a dragon hunter as well as a journeyman good to learn additionally outside his village with a foreign master.

When Princess Celeste is supposed to choose a husband, she messes up the procedure by getting to know Reginald of Corvinia even before the big presentation and no longer wanting to see any other candidates. Celeste apparently teaches herself to read and write. Reginald immediately wins her heart because he talks about books. On the occasion of the upcoming wedding, Robert is supposed to thoroughly clean the rather neglected castle of dragons with the help of Ostvald. Reginald, in turn, has a tough test ahead of him with which he is supposed to prove his maturity as a crown prince to his father. Each of the three young people has a problem with their predetermined social status: Reginald does not yet seem mature enough for his role, Robert cannot escape his inherited status because one is not allowed to choose a profession, and the last word has not yet been spoken about the future of the inquisitive Cerise. All three are facing common dangerous adventures that will push them to the limits of their abilities.

Peter S. Beagle describes the setting in the village and the dragon-neglected castle vividly and with ironic humor. His linguistically original fairy tale about fulfilling duties, destiny, will and ability can be read both as a coming-of-age story and as a philosophical consideration about having or being. Only supporting characters like Ostvald or Elfriede I would have liked to have been given more attention.