من أحسن كتب العلاقات الإنسانية عامة و العاطفية خاصة، يشرح لنا لغات الحب المختلفة بين البشر لكل منا له لغته الخاصة في التعبير عن الحب لشريكه،
فكرة الكتاب قد تبدو بديهية أو مكررة لكنها منطقية و كيف لمحدث باللغة العربية الفصحى أن يتبادل الحديث مع من يتكل اللغة الروسية مثلا !

لغة الهدايا هي أشهرها لكنها ليست الوحيدة و المفاجأة أن للبعض لا تعني لهم بقدر ما يعنيه تكريس الوقت لهم أو كلمات التشجيع مثلا.

فعلا الكثير من النساء يفضلن الزوج المحب و المشجع أو الذي يكرس كل وقته لأسرته و لزوجته، و أنا واحدة منهم بصراحة.

لغات الحب الخمسة:
1- تكريس الوقت
2- كلمات التشجيع
3- تبادل الهدايا
4- الأعمال الخدمية
5- التواصل الجسدي

لكل منا لغته الخاصة و تعني له الكثير حين يستقبلها ممن يحب لذالك وجب فهم لغة حب الشريك للتعبير عن الحب بنفس الطريقة التي يحتاجها الشريك.

You can read any one of the Five Love Languages and get the just of the books. It teaches you how to identify your love language and those around you. What the author states is that everyone has a major love language (love cup to be filled) as well as a minor love language. You really begin to understand why some people, including yourself, will do certain things. For example, my youngest son's love language is service. He brings me a cup of water to bed because he knows I drink water thru out the night. He likes to serve and in turn he likes to be served. That's just one example, the book explains it better.

n  n

So, this is one of those rare books where it was five stars until literally the end and after that...I really just didn't feel comfortable giving this book a rating at all.

At its core, this book had a great message.

Across cultures and religions there's the underlying theme of finding love...but what about maintaining it? Nurturing it through the years?

That's where the 5 love languages comes into play.

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

The idea is that everyone has a love language, and what communicates love to one person might not necessarily be the same for the other.

And up until that point of the book I was loving the message and it resonated very deeply with me. This book was verbalizing something that I had noticed for years but just didn't have the words for it.

After all, who hasn't picked up on the fact that different people like different things?

To some people - tokens of affection (i.e. flowers, post-it notes with heartfelt messages and small surprises) are what shows that you care.

And to others - having someone take time out of their day to spend with you (ie doing chores together, playing a game, or going on a date) is what matters most.

Some people need to hear "I love you" or "You are beautiful" or "You are amazing" in order to know that the other person cares.

I also liked how the author explained that love is work, that it takes a conscious effort to manifest and that it makes all the difference.

And while there were a few moments that seemed a smidge sexist or had a misogynistic slant or got a bit heavy-handed with religion, I could take it with a grain of salt (remembering that the book was written in the 1990s and that those moments weren't the focus/core concept of the book).

It was really the last example in the book that rubbed me the wrong way.

Up until that point, the author would explain a concept, provide examples of it and an anecdote of how it works in real life. And yes those examples were sometimes a bit simplistic/rosy-colored but ultimately I feel like it worked well.

The last example of the book was supposed to be the "unsalvageable marriage" one that was the end-all-be-all test of the Love Language Theory.

And (spoilers ahead) Gary Chapman was able to save the marriage by letting the wife get...hmm...I don't know entirely if it would be categorized as rape but it was borderline enough to make me feel very, very uncomfortable reading it.

Now, I do think I should preface with this is just my interpretation of the woman's story and there very well might be further extenuating circumstances that I am yet unaware of that might sway me to Chapman's side n  BUT....n

Essentially the last woman in this book is being verbally and emotionally abused by the husband. We aren't given a TON of examples but it is heavily implied that this situation untenable - that the woman couldn't live like this anymore.

BUT she didn't want to get divorced because...reasons. Some religious but also part of her remembered her husband before he became so monstrous.

So Gary, after being assured that she is willing to do anything to save her marriage, discusses his "plan". Gary believes that her husband doesn't feel loved and that's why he lashes out.

The author and the woman go over the love languages. I don't remember what hers was but the husband's was physical.

Now physical love language can manifest itself in a few ways - could be that you just crave touch - hugs, hand-holding, resting head-on-shoulder during movies, or snuggling at night. Or it could be sex.

I'm sure you can imagine what the woman's husband wanted.

It boiled down to she felt horrible because of the way he treated her and didn't want to have sex with him which (according to the author) was the root of why the husband was so cruel.

So, the author devises an experiment.

The brilliant plan was for her to have sex with her husband - even though she didn't "feel" like she wanted to. And to stop her nagging him and essentially just pretend their marriage is going well.

I don't know if this is categorized as spousal rape because while it is clear that the woman doesn't want to have sex, she does go willingly to bed but that's only because Gary told her it is the only way to save her marriage and get her loving husband back. So. Maybe not rape but definitely made me feel awful for her.

But hey, it didn't matter anyway because her marriage is saved.

Now, I will admit that I am biased towards this example. I feel like there are just some marriages that aren't worth saving - and as soon as you cross the line towards sustained abuse, that's it.

And perhaps if the author had degrees in the field (Note: The author had MA in anthropology, masters in religious ed and PhD in adult ed but not in the field of question (clinical psychology/licensed therapist) (as far as I can tell)) or he had consulted with a professional...and if the only solution proposed was something other than "weekly sex with husband and stop complaining to him" I would feel differently but to me, this situation was serious enough to refer the woman to someone actually clinically trained to work with abuse victims opposed to armchair diagnosing the husband as sex-deprived.

Never does the author broach the subject of marriages that NEED to end in divorce. Never does he talk about what to do if you can't do it anymore. It felt like he was just pushing this love-as-the-only-answer narrative too far with that last example.

The ending just hit such a sour note for me - and I had loved this book so deeply before it.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

هل تعتقدين أنكِ مخدوعة بزواجك من شخص كان من المفترض أن يكون هو المناسب، ولكن بعد الزواج اتضح أنه مختلف تماماً وما كان يجذبك به قد اختفى ؟ هل بذلتي كل ما بوسعك كأم ولكن النتيجة لم تكن مرضية بالنسبة لكِ وفي أعماق قلبك تشعرين أنكِ أم سيئة ؟ حسناً لدي الجواب لكِ عزيزتي أو ح��ى لك أيها الرجل إن كانت لديك هذه التساؤلات بما يخص زوجتك أو حتى أولادك وكنت مهتم بالوصول لحل مناسب ومرضي لجميع الأطراف.

أولاً لنعلم أن الحل ليس بأن يضع الفرد اللوم على نفسه أو حتى على الطرف الآخر إن كان هنالك خلل، وربما لا علاقة للطرفين بما يحصل إنما هي اللغة المستخدمة للتواصل والتي يناقشها هذا الكتاب وسأوضحها بكل بساطة وسهولة.

إن كنت تتحدث الصينية ولكن شريك حياتك لا يجيد هذه اللغة بل لغته الأم هي العربية هل ستتمكن من التواصل معه وايصال مشاعرك العاطفية اتجاهه ؟ بالتأكيد لا سيواجه كل الطرفين العديد من الصعوبات إلى أن يتقن كل شخص لغة الآخر ثم يحدث التواصل بسهولة ويسر.

بإختصار هذا ما يتطرق له الكتاب ، فقد ناقش هذه اللغات الخمس كل على حدى بإيجاز وتبسيط مع ذكر قصص واقعية عالجها للعديد من الأزواج بوظيفتة كإستشاري للعلاقات الزوجية، كما سيشرح السبب الرئيسي في تغير شريك الحياة بعد الزواج ويوضح مرحلة الوقوع في الحب والحب والإختلاف بينهما.


الكتاب جمييل جداً ومفيد خصوصاً للفئة التي ذكرتها مسبقاً بالإضافة للفضولين أمثالي، في هذا الكتاب ستتمكن من معرفة لغة الحب الخاصة بك وبشريك حياتك وحتى بأطفالك وسيختصر عليك طريق طويل، كما ستستمتع بقصص الأزواج وكيفية تحول إخفاقهم لنجاح وحب.

*ملاحظة غير مهمة : أثناء كتابتي للمراجعة تذكرت قناة تميمة للدعاية والإعلان (كنت من أشد متابعينها في طفولتي ولا أعلم إلى الآن سبب حبي للدعايات في تلك الفترة) فالإسلوب يتشابه من ناحية الترويج والتسويق، ولكن هناك اختلاف واحد ان سبب المدح هو اعجابي بالكتاب وليس اي مقابل مادي تم دفعه

I would never have read this book on my own but was urged to read it after a debate with a friend of my roommate. It's written by a marriage counselor and directed towards couples, but it can be applied to all relationships, both romantic and platonic. The author's theory is that there are five major ways to express love (the five love languages). Each of us has a primary love language, and relationship problems occur when others fail to express love to us in that language. It's an interesting theory but WAY oversimplified, and I was extremely bothered by one of the real life stories where the author encourages a wife to stay with an abusive husband and rescue their marriage by learning his love language. That's crap! The book is written from a religious perspective, and I struggled a lot with that as well. Overall, I wasn't so impressed, but I did conclude that my love language is Quality Time, and I've been surprised by how much insight that has provided into how I operate in relationships. For that alone, it gets two stars instead of one.

من أروع و أهم الكتب التي قرأتها .
كتاب سهل وواضحة أفكاره جدًا ، ويتضمن الكثير من الأمثلة و التجارب الحقيقية ، والتي تقرب الأفكار بطريقة ممتازة .
هو كتاب مهم لكل شخص ، لأنه لا يقتصر على الحب بين الأزواج ، بل يمكن تطبيقه على الحب الإنساني بكل أنواعه و أشكاله .
أنصح الجميع بقراءته ، حتى لو لم يكونوا واقعين في الحب أو متزوجين .

Aiški, konkreti, gerai struktūriškai sudaryta knyga. Neperkrauta nereikalinga informacija ar išvedžiojimais. Manau autorius tikrai sėkmingai išskirstė meilės kalbas, pateikė daug pavyzdžių iš įvairių pusių, todėl skaitant buvo lengva susitapatinti, atrasti tokių pavyzdžių ir savo gyvenime. Sukurti įrankiai, suformuluoti klausimai, kurie padeda skaitytojui perskaitytą informaciją pritaikyti kasdienybėje. Manau, kad knyga būtų naudinga, geriausia skaityti kartu su partneriu arba bent aptarti kartu, jei skaito tik vienas asmuo poroje.
Vienintelio ko galėjo nebūti ar būti mažiau, tai religinio konteksto ir visų citatų iš Biblijos, kurios man sukelia atmetimo reakciją.

I think the basis for this self-help book is good. I totally get the "love languages" thing. My husband's "love language" is Physical Affection and mine is Quality Time. I totally see that. But this is like a "Love Language For Dummies." It talks to you like you're an idiot who has never had basic human social interaction before. And there isn't really any advice, just this guy rambling on about how smart he is for figuring out that people need to be loved in different ways. Like, his advice for someone whose spouse (not partner, not lifemate, and - in this instance, always the wife) prefers "Acts of Service" as a love language (because wives love when their husband does the laundry for them, basically) is just that -- do the laundry without being asked. Well no shit. That's not real advice, that's common sense. And if the husband were to argue "I don't have time, I work a lot so that I can provide for my family" blah blah blah, he just says "WELL MAKE TIME." Super helpful, guy.

Not to mention the book is sexist and heteronormative. Unfortunately, I did a little googling on the author AFTER the fact, and of course it is, because he's a Bible beater. I wish I had known that before I wasted my $7 on the Kindle book. I'd really like to see this concept updated and brought into the 21st century, written in such a manner as to A) actually include all walks of life, not just middle class straight white married couples, and B) actually offer advice that can be applied to a relationship.

لماذا نبحث عن لغات الحب ؟
أليس شئ معلوما و واضح ؟
اليس جميع الرجال تتفق ان المرأة تحب الكلمات
و ان الشعراء و الروايات زادوا من صعوبة مهمة للرجل ؟
و اغلب النساء تتفق ان لغة الرجل الاولى هي العلاقة الحميمة اذن لما نتعب انفسنا في حديث.

إن ذلك من مورثنا الفكري الذي يجب ان نغير فيه قليلا لن نمحوه فتلك صحيحة عند بعض لكن ليس الكل.
و لذلك يجب ان نفهم انفسنا.
قبل بدأ في الحديث عن خرافتنا الخاصة بالحب.لنعود للوراء قليلا.
كان يا ما كان في قديم الزمان امير

Mi-a placut foarte mult, m-a facut sa reflectez la milte aspecte din casnicia mea si din felul cum vedem noi iubirea. Sper pe viitor sa pun in practica ideile ce mi-au placut.
O recomand tuturor, aduce multe raspunsuri si personal m-a facut sa ma analizez pe mine si ce anume imi umple mie rezervorul iubirii ❤️

This book looks cheesy as fuck from the outside, but it's full of practical, down-to-earth wisdom. If you are married (or thinking about getting married), divorced (or thinking about getting divorced), read this book.

this book is a tool through which the author, gary chapman, can play out his jesus-complex disguised as a relationship self-help book. there are references from the bible throughout almost every chapter and gary likes to include generous praise from his clients who call him a "miracle worker." it's damn-near pretty close to being called god.

the book has all the hallmarks of a bestseller: easy to read (i read it in one day); hopeless circumstances that seem beyond repair; and an uplifiting ending. the more bestsellers i read, the more i realize that the formula for mainstream media isn't just used in music and movies, it's used in books, too. ugh, how annoying. i admit, i was almost sold on it, too. the author used just the right amount of despair and at the appropriate moments, instilled hope for a better future. and while hope isn't bad at all, the book lacks in addressing the complexity of relationships as well as the diversity of relationships in today's world. for example, this book may not translate well in multicultural relationships that are dictated by a whole different set of mores and values. also, i wonder how it would be relevant to queer couples or polyamourous relationships. it's quite apparent that this book is meant for hetero-white-christian-monogamous couples.

but the one major caveat of this book that isn't so much a caveat as a poorly disguised advocate of misogyny, is the case of a woman who has been abused (what type of abuse has been perpetrated isn't made explicit and gary's reluctance to do so makes me suspicious of how the church deals with issues of domestic violence). gary's advice? dismiss any of your own feelings of discomfort (being used for sex) and have sex with your husband as an act of love and hope that he will reciprocate that love. and what i don't understand is how people have overlooked this, even people who are in the psychology field. that's one thing he doesn't really address, how to identify your limits and make compromises. if you can't see the problem with this picture, i pray you never get married. or have a relationship. or speak to people.

the gender roles in this book are fucking archaic. there's this little section where gary talks about the gender differences in sexual desire. according to him, these differences are all physiologically based. men simply have more tension built-up as a result of massive sperm generation whereas women don't, and that is why women don't crave sex the way men do. instead, women only want sex if their men meet their emotional needs. what, do men not need to have their emotional needs met? are they really just fucking animals who want to empty their over-spermed dicks? why don't they just jack off into a toilet for crying out loud? oops, am i not supposed to mention masturbation in the presence of god? and gary makes women seem like fucking prudes from the latest harlequin romance, the christian edition. gag. this man has very little knowledge of couples outside the realm of christian folklore.

his section on physical touch made me laugh. i wasn't sure if the lame attempts at humor were to assuage his own discomfort or that of his audience. yes, gary, people have sex. i understand that when you tell me to rub my partner's leg with my foot that i should make sure i'm not rubbing the dog. harhar.

to be fair, he touched on the basic fundamentals of communication with your partner, but i can hardly call this book revolutionary. his book on the five languages of love for children sound more useful just because the developmental stage they are in matches the dumbed-down tone of the book. you'd think he was writing for couples who were born in a vaccuum.

i'm so over reading new york times bestsellers. we've been brainwashed into accepting that the typical mainstream formula is quality literature. i prefer real talk to fluffy shit, thank you.