Even though this book was written almost 30 years ago, it holds up remarkably present-day. I have never really been into self-help books but the title caught my attention. Sadly, I recognized myself on just about every page. This book opened my eyes to the reality of my situation and now I'm seeing things anew. Several lightbulbs went off for me and, toward the end, I began to hear warning bells. Thanks to this book I truly do know with all certainty that it is past time for me to help myself. Through her plainly written and very direct words, Dr. Forward has allowed me to find the words to describe my feelings. And for that I will be eternally grateful. My life has been and forever will be changed for the better.

Yra toks tipas vyrų, kurių pasaulyje moterys niekam vertos. Jie kaip ir gyvena su jomis, bet nepamiršta priminti, kad stenkis tu nesistengus, bet vis tiek nieko gero.

Savo knygoje "Vyrai, kurie nekenčia moterų ir moterys, kurios juos myli" psichologė Susan Forward kalba būtent apie juos. Tai gali būti viešumoje lipšnūs mylimieji, kurie psichologiškai terorizuoja žmoną namuose, o gal tai smurtautojai, kurie nieko nesigėdija. Susan Forward knygoje aptaria net tokį atvejį kai vyras buvo neištikimas tam, kad parodytų žmonai, kad ši blogai elgiasi.

Atrodytų skamba absurdiškai, bet galiu lažintis, kad ir jūs susiduriat su panašiais žmonėmis. Gal tai įkyrus kolega, o gal draugas nuolat besišaipantis iš silpnosios lyties.

Susan Forward nagrinėja situaciją iš dviejų pusių - kodėl tokiais vyrais tampama, kodėl moterys renkasi tokius vyrus ir galų gale pateikiami patarimai, ką reikėtų daryti.

Knyga man labai patiko. Kaip ir visos autorės knygos verta 5⭐ .

Eigentlich war zu der Zeit ein ähnliches Buch voll im Trend: „Wenn Frauen zu sehr lieben“. Aber dann fand ich per Zufall „Liebe als Leid - Warum viele Männer ihre Frauen hassen und warum Frauen gerade diese Männer lieben“. Und ich musste es mir nach einem Blick ins Inhaltsverzeichnis und auf ein paar zufällig aufgeschlagene Seiten unbedingt kaufen.

Ich habe es verschlungen und in Streitsituationen gedacht - nun hast du es gerade erst gelesen und tappst wieder in die alte Falle. Aber so ganz funktionierten seine Spielchen eben doch nicht mehr. Er meinte dann: „Du warst ja so kalt,“ JAAA! Mein Anteil am Drama - ich suche mir solche Männer immer wieder aus. Und um mit ihnen dann umzugehen, leistet das Buch eine wirkungsvolle Lebenshilfe.

A must-read for anyone interested in, involved with or having family or friends involved with a misogynist. My favorite chapters were the ones in which she explained the forces that create a misogynist and the women who allow themselves to be treated so badly.

For me personally this book was much better and more clearly structured than one of the other top three classics in this category, Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change.

The book is written in plain English without the use of clinical terms or any background knowledge one should have to acquire before reading it.

The author explains the different kinds of backgrounds, development, inner dialogue and motivations of both the "misogynists" as well as the "victims."
I'm putting both terms in quotation marks because, although I understand the book was written decades ago, some of the terminology - as well as the methods of overcoming being either perp or vic in the relationship - have changed over the years, and luckily so.
It's in my opinion a bit too easy to simply label all controlling or abusive men misogynists. Statistics show that female domestic violence (verbal, emotional and even physical) is on the rise currently, but I have never heard anyone credible (so, non-meninists) label all these women as misandrists. Again, that is too easy.
Several of the males in this book that were taken as examples seemed to suffer from undiagnosed mental illnesses (and personality disorders) and are "victims" or products of their own traumas. I was not surprised to see several males that very clearly seemed to be Male Borderline Personalities and that will probably never be diagnosed with it as MBPD is still something as "unthinkable" and overlooked as for example female autism/Aspergers is.

The exercises were interesting, though in part seemed outdated to me. Or perhaps it's a cultural thing (I'm European) but I would neither feel better nor even attempt to take a foam bat and beat on it with a chair. That is so cliché that it almost made me giggle a bit.
But especially the earlier exercises of becoming more mindful, becoming a spectator, then making a decision NOT to react in the same docile and apologetic ways as before etc, etc were very well explained, laid out and also from the writing style very encouraging and positive.

Es una excelente guía para ayudar a las mujeres en relaciones con hombres misóginos. Busca abrirle los ojos a la mujer maltratada, señalar las mil y un formas que puede tomar la violencia y ayudarla a recuperar la confianza en sí misma y su valor como persona para poner límites o abandonar la relación. Creo que como mujeres deberíamos leer este libro, incluso si nunca hemos vivido algo así, a modo de prevención o para saber ayudar a quienes atraviesan una situación similar, pues casos así nunca faltan.

Not quite what I was expecting, but an eye-opening read nonetheless. Susan Forward talks about misogynistic relationships, and how women who have become entrapped by such a situation can get out of it.

—Para mantenerlo feliz, ¿usted ha renunciado a personas o actividades que eran importantes en su vida?


Es un poco difícil realizar un resumen…ya ha pasado meses que leí (3 aproximadamente) pero bien dicen lo que bien se aprende no se olvida.
Este libro llegó a mi vida gracias a Osiris Vargas, una proveedora de mi trabajo con la cual llevo buenas relaciones y que me dio buenos consejos en los momentos más oportunos. Supo de mi reto y me paso el link de libro. Lo descargue, lo imprimí y manos a la obra a leer se ha dicho.

Fueron muchos sentimientos encontrados leerlo. En lo personal no me sentí para nada reflejada en ninguna de las situaciones que se describen. Pero si veía situaciones muy similares a mujeres a mi alrededor. Quería salir corriendo a pedirles que lo leyeran. Me mortifique mucho pensar como sería con el tiempo la vida de estas personas a las cuales aprecio tanto. Sentí miedo de caer también en algo así sin darme cuenta. Sin embargo aprendí que nosotros solas tenemos que darnos enfrentar el error en el que vivimos, valorarnos y solucionar juntos (con tu pareja) si todavía queda algo por que luchar.

“El amor del misógino es característicamente insaciable y exigente; no importa cuánto le des, ni a cuánto renuncies por él: nunca bastará. Jamás estará convencido de que él te importa como tú le importas a él. Inventará constantemente maneras nuevas de poner a prueba tu devoción. Es como si todas las semanas tuvieras examen final, sin poder aprobarlo jamás”


No soy la persona más indicada para hablar de relaciones en pareja ya que soy como una versión de Julia Roberts en Novia Fugitiva, en la que a la primera salgo huyendo para no salir lastimada. Dirían por ahí: “La burra no era arisca…” Sin embargo creo que debemos estar atentas a detalles que por pequeños que parecen nos indicaran situaciones que más adelante se pueden tornar más grandes y graves.

Control sobre las amistades. Sobre el tiempo, sobre el dinero, sobre la apariencia, sobre tú vestir, tú actuar y tú hablar.

“Él tiene que saber todo lo que hago. Cualquier cosa que no hable primero con él, la usa como arma para demostrar que no soy digna de confianza. Me llama tres o cuatro veces por día, no sólo a mi apartamento sino al coche patrullero, para verificar dónde estoy y con quién. Es muy molesto. Si no estoy donde él espera, me arma un escándalo. La semana pasada salí a almorzar con otra mujer policía cuando regresé me lo encontré ante mi escritorio, con la cara roja como una remolacha”.


¿Qué diferencia hay entre castigarte con los puños o con palabras?

Léanlo está online…Quiéranse mucho!!!

Amazing

If you want to understand some of the underlying reasons men abuse and their women accept the abuse its an excellent boom to read. Its unnerving to know how insidious abuse can be.

My mother married (and thankfully later divorced) this kind of man (my father). Also, I have a friend my age who exclusively falls for these men and has had a lot of unecessary problems because she won't learn from her mistakes. Infatuation is more important to her than true happiness through a mature and strong bond...
After reading the first few pages I also recknognized two men who tried to win me over but I refused their advances (I always read people very well and thanks to my mother's mistake I learned a lot).
I want to read this book to see my opinion stated by a pro and maybe find a way to help my friend. If the book is as good as Forward's Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life then I'll recommend her this book or even give her a copy as a present.

*********

It's creepy and fascinating to see my progenitor basically in all of the stories.
Forward talks in one case about falling from grace. It's the moment when the perfect and idealized woman shows any kind of flaw or mistake (whether true or imagined is irrelevant) and the man will feel betrayed by the woman. How dare she change?! How dare she not be the woman he fell in love with?! She was supposed to be the one!

Well, after my parent's divorce several awful things happened. One of which I remembered while reading the book. I was maybe 11 years old and alone. It didn't matter how I uttered my anger, fear, frustration, and other negative feelings. Nobody cared. I was desperate and so I did the only thing I could: I typed my feelings into a word document. I remember it was on a very old re-re-re-re-used computer and I vented everything. It was my only outlet. The only way to express the toxicity destroying me. I think I printed the page a few times and put them in a shelf.
One day, my mother and I came back from grocery shopping and my father was in the apartment. He shouldn't have been there but since my mother had given him the key, he just invited himself in. He then proceeded to humiliate and insult me. That he had read my "letter" (it was more of a diary, so...) and was disappointed and how I dare do this to him. It was not the first or last time he called me a bad/evil child. He was the victim and I had destroyed him by expressing my anger which I had suffered from their abuse. After talking down to me for I don't know how long, he left. He had left me a letter, written on the computer, and printed out. I still have it. He said the same things as before. How I had given him hope in this evil and dark world and how I had betrayed him and how dare I. He told me that I was just as bad and full of shit as the rest of the world.
I had fallen from grace after expressing years and years of pain.
Thankfully, I knew how full of shit he was and just got angry and frustrated.
Now, years later, the best thing that could have happened is me having fallen from that stupid grace because I never had to try to be "the good daughter". In the end, being abandoned can be a blessing because if he had stayed I'm sure my family would have dealt with even more of his psychotic antics.

There are basically two types of misogynists when it comes to money issues: the "good provider", who is financially stable, and the "tragic hero", who sees himself as an innocent victim of other people's chicanery and who has an extensive history of unemployment and financial chaos; he often has to be supported by his partner. But whether the misogynist is earning most of the money, or both of you are contributing equally, or you are supporting him, he will take charge of how the money is spend!

My progenitor is the tragic hero: every boss, every employee, heck, every person on this goddman planet is against him! He works sooo hard but everybody is sooo mean to him! Poor unfortunate soul! (Yes, think of Ursula)
I remember how my mother had to work as well, because he was, as the quote says, unstable and financially irresponsible and even if he had a job, he worked poorly. He referred to the money my mother earned as "shit" and "unworthy". But he still wanted to have every fucking dime. He spent money on alcohol, cigarattes, gambling, his affairs, and knowing him probably also on prostitutes. My mother had to buy food like a ninja, all in secrecy. Buying milk or a little bit of meat for my brother and me could very well end in berating and beatings if we weren't careful.
This seems even to me, who has lived it, absolutely unreal.

To this day I don't trust anybody who says they're absolute victims of the world and nobody ever loves them and woe them. So far, I have always been right avoiding these specimen.

Este libro yo lo recomiendo para aquellas mujeres que han tenido una relaciones dificiles de recuperar.