Very helpful intro to understanding the nature and patterns of addiction.

Good source of study on the topic.

I'm not a supporter of the twelve steps program so I cannot fully advocate this book. Having said that, I did gain extremely valuable and urgent new understanding regarding sex and romantic relations.

I was able to recognize in my own core beliefs some damaging ideas:
- "No one would love me as I am." Which stems from my childhood when my parental figures didn't give me unconditional love but made it a reward for academic performance and obedience. I thought that if people want a relationship is because they want something out of me not because they care for me.
- "My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend upon others." I had a deep sense as a child that my parents would abandon me at any moment if I wasn't a good boy and most of the time they were never really there for me.

I also recognized that in my last romantic relationship I had this feeling that if everything in my life was not alright or figured out I was not worthy of love. I also felt I had to pretend that everything in the relationship was alright when it was not.

When the relationship ended, I had tremendous difficulty learning to move on because I felt undesirable and didn't think it was possible for me to get another boyfriend to care for me. It was also difficult to let him go because I felt responsible that my ex was having casual and potentially dangerous sex after the break up.

It was only after reading the book that I realized I was suffering from inadequacy and grandiosity. I used to feel inadequate (sexually, physically, emotionally, and professionally inadequate) so I felt responsible for my ex's actions (grandiosity). For example, "if only I had been wiser, fully comfortable with my sexuality, and more attractive, then he would not have left me" or, "if only I had been nicer and had been hurt him, then he would not be engaging in risky sexual behavior."

During the relationship and still after the break-up, I was obsessively and toxically preoccupied with him. I was concentrated on him as a distraction from my loneliness, pain, unresolved childhood trauma, and unsatisfying present reality.

I think the most valuable lesson I got from this book is threefold. First, I'm only responsible for myself. I'm not responsible for my ex's decisions. Second, I can focus my energy on developing my own sexuality as opposed to being obsessed with the sexuality of a boyfriend or former boyfriend. Third, I have childhood and teenage wounds that I need to heal.

This was a very intense book. The stories and case studies Carnes delved into were helpful but dealt with extremely intense situations. It is definitely a little outdated in terms of how accessible the internet is now for sexually addictive activities, but overall this was an insightful book on what sexual addiction is and gave a hopeful vision for how to break free.

Honestly, while there was some interesting information, the book read like a lot of babble, repeating itself over and over again. I was looking for something more aimed at psychology, not something written for someone who is considering entering a 12 step program themselves. I also honestly felt the entire book could have been fit into a 25 page booklet, including all of the tables and checklists. This is another one that will be sold back to Amazon if they'll take it, or donated to the local library.

This is the best book on sex addiction. Not only does the author have the courage to share his own life experiences, but his methods of treatment and examples of healing are truly helpful. If someone has a sex addiction, it's not their fault. But if they do have a choice about whether or not to continue to be a victim of this affliction. Carnes has devoted his life to helping other become free and is a living example of turning disaster into miracles.

Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction is a comprehensive guide to understanding and treating sex addiction, written by Dr. Patrick J.Carnes. The book explains the causes and symptoms of sexual addiction, as well as offering strategies for recovery. The central idea of the book is that sex addiction is a real problem and it is treatable. The book begins by discussing the signs and symptoms of sexual addiction and how to recognize it. It then looks at the causes of sex addiction, which include biological, psychological, and sociological factors. It also examines the impact that sex addiction can have on relationships and on the addict's overall health and wellbeing. The book then moves on to discuss the options that are available for recovery and treatment, such as individual and group therapy, medication, and 12-step programs. It also examines the various issues that can arise during recovery, such as relapse and dealing with triggers. Finally, it looks at how to maintain recovery and offers advice and tips for living a healthy, addiction-free life. Overall, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction provides an in-depth look at sex addiction and offers practical advice and strategies for recovery and maintaining sobriety. It is an invaluable resource for anyone struggling with sex

This is a good read for those wanting to get a better understanding of why or how, someone can do something that we would consider sexually inappropriate, to say the least. It's also insightful for those that are co addict; living with someone how is an addict, whether that is to sex, drug, food, or anything else.

Great book

Interesting read to start to understand the intricacies of sexual addiction. Its biggest flaw is the lack of evidence to back its many claims, everything basically revolving around the author's experience. Overall its a worthy read to start, but its age shows itself at this point (I admittedly let out a little chuckle at the word "cybersex").

I work at a university that is known for high rates of sexual violence. Sadly, research shows how sexual violence in workplaces is in part cultural, and American colleges and universities have cultural and social codes that depersonalize sex, intimacy, and in some ways even gender. Over time, I've come to learn that the stories and colleagues tell about their own experiences with sexual violence are evidence of larger patterns of unaddressed sexual addiction in the assailants, addiction patterns of which, sadly, the victimized are often unaware. Carnes's book helps me understand the basic structure of the mental habits of the who suffer from sexual and attention-seeking or risk-taking compulsions. Carnes also addresses the mental habits of those who are most intimate with addicts: spouses, children, and close friends and relatives. As someone who often hears tragic stories from students and others, this book gives me a path for understanding concepts like grandiose thinking, the extraordinary and overwhelming rage of survivors combined with numbing and coping responses, the normalization of sexual compulsion, and the feelings of worthlessness, delusional thinking and risk taking that characterize those who all too often give in to empty or degrading encounters as a means to avoid a deep loneliness and futility.

I am not sure why I picked this book but part of me kept thinking about the recent high-profile cases like Kevin Spacey and Harvey and why these people do what they do. This book gave me a decent understanding of it. My ignorance for these activities has been replaced with understanding as to why the addicts do it. This is a good book except for some repetition and should be read by everyone who is struggling to understand why addicts do what they do.