The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman's Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine

My overarching takeaway from this book was a deep desire to never be as selfish as Sue Monk Kidd. Her whole "journey" seemed to be nothing more than deserting her faith, her husband (initially), and her responsibilities in order to take multiple retreats and find her "inner Divine Feminine". The tone of the book is overly introspective and sickeningly self-centered.

The "Divine Feminine" that she creates (she would say "finds") is a god made in her image. She found what she wanted to find: a "goddess" who made no demands save that she recognize herself and none other as true authority.

I found myself feeling sorry for Sue as I read this book. If all I had to rely on was myself and the feminine power within me, I don't think I'd feel very secure. I pray that someday she comes back to faith in Christ.

I loved this book so much! It is a beautifully written spiritual memoir that, I think, every woman on a spiritual journey can relate to. Every woman could find pieces of herself and echoes of her own path in this book. The author perfectly captured what it means to find your authentic inner voice in a world and a culture that does not support or encourage women to do just that. The author has such a lovely, flowing, captivating writing style. I was hooked from the first page; as if this was a salacious fiction novel! I couldn't put it down. I cried in parts; laughed; highlighted and dog-eared the pages. I will definitely keep this book for years to come as a reference and inspiration for the feminine spiritual journey and the lovely truths contained herein. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!

4.5⭐️
This woman spoke to my soul in so many ways and put words to thoughts I’ve been trying to articulate for years. I was uplifted and validated—spiritually, emotionally and mentally.

I enjoy reading about others' spiritual journeys; however similar to or different from mine they are, I always seem to come away with a deeper understanding of and respect for other spiritual paths. I don't believe that there is one single “right” journey that every single person “must” experience in order to commune with God. God created us as diverse individuals and I believe that God deals with us as individuals. In Dance of the Dissident Daughter, we are treated to Ms. Kidd's chronicling of her six-year-long religious and spiritual transformation from orthodox Christianity to -- well, it's hard to squeeze it into a easily definable box, but I guess the simplest, though still inadequate explanation, is worship of the Divine Feminine in an effort to balance the overwhelmingly masculine God of her previous experiences.

I come from a traditionally conservative religious background, but one which, perhaps startlingly, includes foundational elements of the Divine Feminine. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I believe that we have a Heavenly Mother as well as a Heavenly Father and that She is His equal partner in creation, power, wisdom, and love. I believe that women and men are equally loved children of our Heavenly Parents, and that neither man nor woman can achieve exaltation without each other. In contrast to many Christian belief systems, Eve holds a place of high esteem in our faith; she is honored for consciously making an important and difficult decision that allowed the rest of the human family to progress. Spouses are counseled to work together as “equal partners” and “co-presidents” of the family. Unfortunately, while LDS theology and doctrine are impressively egalitarian, the culture, language, structure and policies of the church do not always seem to convey that equality. This has led me to struggles similar to those Ms. Kidd describes at the beginning of her book when she realizes that her experiences growing up as a Southern Baptist gave her an almost unconscious understanding that “male is the norm from which her own self deviates” and “real doubt had set in about the value of being a girl.”

Ms. Kidd has a beautiful writing style. I could feel her struggles, the tension between wanting the safety and security of the known and the desperate desire to explore the path she feels God – or more specifically in her case, the Divine Feminine – is calling her down. She describes a “choice between pain and paralysis,” identifies herself as “a slow unlearner” and declares “the truth may set you free, but first it will shatter the safe, sweet way you live.”

Just as there are various “love languages,” I believe that there are various “spiritual languages” that speak to some people more or less than others. Ms. Kidd and I share a spiritual language of questioning. My religion has a long tradition of questions; it began with a young Joseph Smith asking God a question in faith and receiving an answer. It continues today with the emphasis on personal testimony and personal revelation – asking God directly for answers and direction and justifiably expecting a response. Ms. Kidd states: “As women we have a right to ask the hard questions. The only way I have ever understood, broken free, emerged, healed, forgiven, flourished, and grown powerful is by asking the hardest questions and then living into the answers through opening up to my own terror and transmuting it into creativity. I have gotten nowhere by retreating into hand-me-down sureties or resisting the tensions that truth ignited.”

One of Ms. Kidd's spiritual languages that we do not share is that of dreams. Many times in Dance of the Dissident Daughter she finds deep meaning and direction in her nighttime dreams, which often include items she later discovers are symbols of the Divine Feminine. As she seeks for a more intimate relationship with the Feminine, she gains a deep connection to nature and the earth, ultimately recognizing the interconnectedness of all living beings. She also traces the history of goddesses worshiped anciently, which is a fascinating topic all by itself.

She reiterates many times that her spiritual journey is not the only path for women. “All we can really do is be true to our own spiritual unfolding...” “This may not be true for every woman. But for me it was crucial to my spiritual maturity and growth.” “Each woman has her own timing and her own way.” “Some women say you must stay in the institution and try to change it. Others say women cannot stay in without being co-opted, that we can change things best remaining outside it. I say each woman must do what her heart tells her.” Ms. Kidd also affirms that embrace of the Divine Feminine is not to the exclusion of the Divine Masculine. “What is ultimately needed is balance--divine symbols that reflect masculine and feminine and a genuine marriage of the masculine and feminine in each of us.”

And I love this thought: “Solidarity is identifying with one another without feeling like you have to agree on every issue. It's unity, not uniformity. It's listening without rushing in to fix the problem. It's going deeper than typical ways of talking and sharing—going down to the place where souls meet and love comes, where separateness drops away...” That's one of the more beautiful descriptions of a Zion community that I've ever heard.

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An emotional and thought provoking read for any woman raised in a partiarchal religious tradition. I'm not Baptist, I was raised Mormon, but could relate to everything she was saying. She nails it. And then she explains how she learned to heal, and how she found her own form of spirituality that didn't wound her femininity. Probably one of the most powerful books I've read for me personally. Admittedly, the second half of the book gets a bit woo-woo, but that to me is not the important part. The important part is naming the pain, calling it out; patriarchy. I grew up in a world where saying these things out loud was not cool. Or should you question, there was a ready made answer akin to a pat on the head, a gentle shushing. So for me, to acknowledge how religion has suppressed women was healing, validating, and empowering.

A great empowerment book for a woman needing to figure out who she wants to be when she grows up. It's the second book of hers I've read like this, following Pomegranates, which was also about "Girlpower" and creating and owning your identity, reconciling your beliefs, etc....It is clear that SMK has endured an incredible personal metamorphosis over the last few decades and I admire her willingness to share her journey. I've done this too, and I wrote a whole book about it, too. So to be honest, I didn't finish the entire thing. I feel like I already knew how it was going to end. I got 'there' as well. But it was fine. Sometimes, just like she says, we just have to tell our own truths.

This book rose my blood pressure by a few hundred points. I have a very open view when it comes to listening to different opinions, and yet I found this book so intolerable that I had to throw it down in a rage. I admit I only made it an hour into the audiobook, but the following is what led me to abandoning it in a blaze of angered glory:

1) She makes extraordinarily broad statements about how women feel, are treated, and are viewed by society as if it’s as true a fact as the sky being blue. If you happen to have had a good experience as a woman, she claims that you’re just so brainwashed by the patriarchy that you must be living in some sort of default denial. Should we distrust our own selves and experiences simply because what you’ve experienced, Sue, is so universal that it’s without dispute? What is more anti-feminist than asserting that a woman shouldn’t trust her own truth?

2) She claims that women are unequivocally treated as second-class citizens just by nature of being a woman. To imply this is to say that every woman must accept that inherently, they are born lesser-than, and thus, an automatic victim of society. I emphatically disagree! I refuse to accept that just by virtue of being a woman, I have to accept that I was born into a society that is biased against and committed to oppressing me in order to be a feminist. In fact, I think the highest form of feminism is to understand that women are gloriously equal to yet powerfully distinct from men, and embracing our femininity as the opposite power of men is what makes us truly ourselves.

3) She asserts that every woman must undergo a “sacred journey” in rebirthing herself as her own woman in order to be fully awake and alive, otherwise, she walks through life as a brainwashed partaker of the patriarchy. Bullshit. I don’t need to go through any sort of “deprogramming” to understand that we have many problems regarding women and our understanding and treatment of them. Rebirthing yourself? When has anything in the history of life ever birthed themselves? The nature of being birthed requires two. You can’t find yourself by yourself. The only way you find yourself is by your relation to others. I digress.

4) The last straw came when she flippantly stated that birthing and raising children is all society sees us fit for, and the “more important jobs that change the world are left to the men.” Excuse me. EXCUSE ME. What can a man do that a woman can’t do? Pretty much nothing. What can a woman do that a man cannot and will not ever be able to do? GROW AND MAKE A HUMAN BEING IN THEIR BODY AND BIRTH THEM INTO EXISTENCE! The human race- the very humanity of history, is only possible because of women. You CANNOT call yourself a feminist and state that birthing children is not the single most important thing that contributes to life on this planet. Important jobs? What- selling a stock on Wall Street? Becoming CEO of a company? Yawn- women have been there, done that. Know what a man can’t do? KEEP HUMANITY GOING ON THIS PLANET! I lost credibility in her arguments instantaneously after hearing her state that men have any job more important than this.

This might be an interesting book for discussion. Reading some of the online reviews, it appears some readers conclude that the religious experience of Sue Monk Kidd can not be reconciled to Christian faith. Certainly she does reject the patriarchy that is associated with much current Christian belief & practice, but I am not convinced she is disassociating herself with the core beliefs. For instance, note the following quotation from page 188:
"I realized that despite everything, strains of the deep song that played inside Christianity played inside me, too. Do you know what it's like to place your ear to a sea-beaten conch and hear a deep, mysterious whispering or to open a broken old music box and find the strains of a waltz suddenly escaping? It was a little like that--startling, strange, haunting, nostalgic."

"What do I mean by the deep song within Christianity? I mean the music that plays beneath the patriarchal overlay. I'm referring to Christianity's inner life, the life of Jesus, the stories, the belligerant call to justice and compassion, the mysticism, the meditation, the saints, the art, the icons, the smell of wine in the communion cup."

While some of her faith journey experiences are not mine or even something that beckons me, her experiences and viewpoints give me new awareness of the ways our lives are shaped by a patriarchal society and church. I would recommend this book to sharpen awareness of the inequality that exists for women in our society and in our churches. Addressing God as feminine as well as masculine would seem like a good place to begin.

I also want to add a beautiful paragraph that spoke to my life in ways not necessarily intended by the author:
"Initiation is a sacred disintegration. Despite its pain, we carry the conviction (often only faintly) that even though we don't know where we'll end up, we're following a soul-path of immense richness, that we're SUPPOSED to be on this path, that it's required of us somehow. We move in a sense of rightness, of lure, of following a flute that pipes irresistible music."-