The Pop-up Book of Sex

absolutely hilarious!

I got this book for Christmas from a dear friend from whom I would NEVER have expected to receive it....and it is HILARIOUS! It has about 10 pages, each more shocking than the last, and the fact that it's in pop-up format makes it even....naughtier!!

A must read for anyone with a sense of humor, regardless of current sex-life status!

This is quite a fun book in concept. I mean, "Pop-Up Book of Sex"? The title alone is funny in multiple ways. It sounds for all the world like a joke editors and authors would come up with at a convention during a bit of heavy drinking. Unfortunately, once they sobered up, they kind of lost their nerve. When you're producing a book where the main selling-point is titillating novelty, losing nerve undercuts the very purpose of the book.

There are some clever bits here--the doggy-style action is absurdly hilarious, but that kind of inspiration is rare. Not a single penis is to be seen, which is the height of irony in a "pop-up" book. Most scenes consist of bare breasts and lingerie, with the most scandalous pages hinting at bi-sexuality and (gasp!) interracial sex. Don't worry, though--it only hints at them. This is not an X-rated book by any means. It is R-rated at best, and most of the time it's kind of a wimpy R at that. This book is an amusing collector's item and conversation piece (talk about breaking the ice at parties!) but is hardly ground-breaking as erotica or pop-up.

Most of this was posted in General Updates as it happened. Loederkoningen requested I put them together, so here they are, plus a bit. I personally blame this book for all that happened. These spoilers aren't really spoilers at all but bits of extraneous information that I felt like putting in, but are not important nor probably relevant to the story. I think they might be a bit tedious to read, so I put them in spoilers. So you needn't click on them if you're feeling dubious already.

****

Prequel - 2012. I was invited by someone I was once close to, a gorgeous male model, I could pull back then! Nah not really, I'd been friends with the family for years to his father's huge 90th birthday party on their private island. The old guy who is pretty fit running businesses, did a stand-up cabaret as he always used to, but there was no one left alive to understand his jokes which were all set before the 50s it seemed. His daughter, a good friend and also a model, told me that the pop-up sex book I bought as a present is the same one her father gave to her the year before!

They are an interesting family. The OG's late wife said they sold their bus, the Magic Bus to Charlie Manson. They were a great deal older than their children, several generations, I think they couldn't give up their mad life traipsing across the US and sailing charter yachts to settle down.

On reflection, giving a man of 90 The Pop-up Book of Sex for a birthday present was ill-considered. Not that I learned my lesson as you will see.

A few weeks later at Sunday brunch at a sort of country club near the beach, he joined me & my lunch date, a man of 83 I don't know what it is with me and the old guys, but there's another one as well, he's 81 and used to be an Vogue model, lol. They are not the objects of my lust, however. & offered me an apartment in a house he was buying in the club grounds if I would be his gf (or similar! Meaning sex and go travelling with him, he travels all the time.) I was surprised and a bit flirty and just turned it into a joke.

After a while, his daughter called me over to the bar to ask if her father 'had a chance at... you know'. No I said. NO. But here he is again aged 91 & this time I was the birthday present his son gave him for his party. Me and this Pop-Up Sex book.

****
This was written a few months ago on General Updates as it happened

I had an interesting night last night. I went to a birthday party and got felt up by the birthday boy who was celebrating his 91st year. He asked me to lunch next day and since I've known him forever, I couldn't really say no. He's fit - runs 2 hotels and a couple of houses he rents in three countries. Can you imagine being that fit at 91? And still hoping to score! I wonder if he ever does? I can't imagine who would though... Not me, sah!

This year, not having learned my lesson last year, for a present I bought him a pornographic photographic book of 40s & 50s nudes. It was a nice party in the apartment that he'd offered me the year before. Little candles lit the old stone steps up to the garden and the courtyard pool. There was a buffet with a chef. All ages from children on up were there, it was very friendly. It was genteel living like out of a magazine on how rich people live. I think I was a bit intimidated because I spent half the time talking to the chef who'd catered it.He was the OG's friend and ex-employee who owned a restaurant in Portugal. So when the OG asked me out for lunch next day, I begged him to come.

He said the OG is harmless. I said would you go out alone for lunch with a woman of 91 who expected you for dessert? He saw the point & came to lunch too next day. And brought his Brazilian boyfriend!

Lunch with the OG, the chef & his boyfriend was ok except that the OG was continually looking down my cleavage. I was wearing an extreme push-up bra and 2 buttons of the Henley undone so I wasn't surprised really. He started to take pics with his phone, so I pulled the wings of the t-shirt away so he could get a good view but only 2 buttons worth (I was both amused & pissed off with him) & he was so surprised he dropped his phone in his eggs benedict. The whole thing got the attention of a large and drunk party at the next table. So I gave him my cell no. & left.

He's phoned since then. Asked me to dinner on his island where he, or rather his son and daughter now, have a restaurant and bar. He said he was doing the cabaret spare me any more pre WWII jokes please. I said I didn't want to sit there on my own. He said that he would sit with me when he wasn't performing. Just what I wanted to hear.

Then he phoned me just before he left for the UK and asked me out for lunch. Couldn't make it, I was going to be off-island. He's persistent isn't he? I wonder what he'll think up next?

Book Review

This is a real 5* star winner of a book. It's near coffee table-size and each double page spread is a beautifully-engineered paper cutout of sexual fantasies. One of the best is the Mile High Club. Some of the spreads (pun not really intended) actually move. Just a beautiful book and a great gift, but perhaps not for a lustful, panting, horny old 90 year old man. Perhaps I should have bought him bed socks or a cheerful coffee mug or something like that.