Really enjoyed this. I had a hard time getting into it, but the chapter on “blessed” broke me. I love Nouwen’s take on the depth and breadth of the human experience and how God meets us in every part of that experience. He brings such a beautiful blend of concepts. A dream of my life would be to teach teach psychology and theology, like he did so well.

I think that Henri Nouwen would be a good friend. Felt like he was writing to ~me~ at times.

I feel I could pick up this book at any time and be reminded of the most simple and profound truths of identity. Nouwen's conversational prose with a friend makes the heart of the book easily identifiable and accessible.

Don’t know how this slipped on my Goodreads book list.

Amazing. Wonderful. Must read. Be ready to start and finish in one sitting— so simple yet impactful. Taken. Blessed. Brooke. Given. Has been re-read multiple times and still hits. If you haven’t read any of his works I recommend this book or the “the wounded healer” if you are in any sort of ministry role.

Easy to read and understand, this book was intended to address the spiritual needs of the secular world. However the author stumbled across a means of helping Christians understand their true identity in Christ. This book has some really good gems when it comes to Christian living, unfortunately for every gem there is something that makes me question the orthodoxy of the author. This may be because he is trying to relate to secular readers, but this book is a real exercise in cutting the wheat from the chaff. I would be hesitant to recommend this book to a new believer, and frankly other books do the same thing as this book, but better. Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund is what I would recommend instead of this book. If someone has already read Gentle and Lowly and are looking for something more, then I would recommend to that person. 3/5 it was “aight.”

This book became a horrible frustration for me to read. It started out well enough, but there were such gaps and glaring omissions and confusing logic that by the end I could barely read two pages in a row without having to put the book down. There are a few poignant points, which saves this book from getting one star, but overall this book doesn't say much that better books have said much better.


Henri Nouwen explains from the outset that this book is written to explain the spiritual life to secular people, specifically to fulfill the request of his secular Jewish friend to write a book that he and his friends "could hear." I was surprised and disappointed to discover that Nouwen answered this request in a narrow-minded, specific focus rather than trying to speak to the secular world at large. There are so many direct references that are specific to his friend's life and/or assume great familiarity with Jewish spiritual life and scriptures that I can't imagine this being that helpful to people who don't have a Judeo-Christian background that they are decently familiar with. Add to this lofty, flowery language about basically everything Nouwen talks about, and the book ends up a deeply-coded mess that is more suited for deeply spiritual believers.


The biggest and most egregious offense to me came because I was expecting this book to explain the CHRISTIAN life and reality to secular people. It wasn't an unreasonable expectation, as Nouwen speaks of having written other books that "were so explicitly Christian and so clearly based on a long life in the church" (20) that his friend couldn't find much support in them. But in his attempt to speak to his friend, Nouwen swings the pendulum too far the other way and completely omits any facet of the spiritual life that has to do with the Gospel. I kept waiting for him to talk about our sin, our need for a Savior, and how Jesus makes it possible for us to understand and fully accept this title of 'Beloved,' but none of those important words or concepts are even brushed upon in this book. Also absent is any kind of admonition or instruction on how or why the Christian life is lived differently as a result of this transforming love reality. The Christian life is completely devoid of its power without the truth of Christ, and so is this book. As a Christian, there were nuggets I could glean and, through the lens of my biblical and spiritual understanding, apply to my life, because through the Gospel I have experienced the acts of love that make Nouwen's words ring true. I would imagine someone without Judeo-Christian training or a lens to view the world or reality in a Christ-perspective would find this book filled with gushy, feel-good platitudes that had no weight of truth, like being gifted with a guard dog that had no teeth.


Another problem with this book complementary to the absence of the Gospel is that Nouwen describes the spiritual life practically absent from God until the last chapter (not counting the epilogue). God's role is reduced to little more than the proof of how good and wonderful we all are. There is no explanation of who he is, what he wants from/for us or why we should care, and almost nothing about having a relationship with us outside of him calling us the beloved. The only worship described or prescribed in this book is the worship of ourselves, a "You can be great if you realize you are loved because you are so special and great" kind of worship that seems to be the source of all Nouwen's insight and advice about the spiritual life (in this book). There seemed to little in here to differentiate it from the kind of "love yourself" self-help offered in grocery store magazine racks, only with even more flowery language and occasional references to Old Testament texts. There is some quotable wisdom and good advice, and it is a small and quick read (if you don't have to rage-quit every few pages like I did), but it wasn't quite worth my time. The biggest benefit I got from reading this book was a greater understanding of how the facets of Christian life that Nouwen omits are integral to living the life of the Beloved.

Edit: It's been years since I read this book but I think of it fairly often as a quintessential example of a terrible, unhelpful, not-quite-heretical-but-almost-as-bad book. The memories of rage-quitting this book multiple times is so strong in my mind that it is most of what I remember (besides it being devoid of the Gospel). But now, re-reading this review, I am baffled as to what possessed me to give this anything higher than one star? It's probably only worth half a star, but that's not within my power. But it IS within my power to rectify my egregious star inflation, so now the score is that much closer to expressing my true experience.

“The great struggle facing you is not to leave the world, to reject your ambitions and aspirations, or to despise money, prestige, or success, but to claim your spiritual truth and to live in the world as someone who doesn’t belong to it.” Really good stuff in this book!

More than being about what other people tell us spiritual life is based on experience. Anyone who reads this book will bring to the reading of it their own experience. It could not be otherwise. The experience of the book is an interaction, a kind of alchemy, between the experience of the reader and the writing of the author. And with each reader, the book becomes something new.

Henri Nouwen wrote this book for a friend, and the friend, in his honesty, found that the book did not turn out to be what he hoped for. The book found resonance in the lives of others though, others who perceived and experienced differently.

Bringing my own experience to the book, I was interested in Nouwen's use of the word "Beloved" as a Christian. The resonance the word "Beloved" has for me is steeped in being a student of Sufism. Being a student of that path has elevated "Beloved" into something sublime, and incredibly rich with meaning, love and great joy. So each time I read the word "Beloved" that joyful context and all that is associated with it arise within. I felt this book is a place where Christianity and other paths, such as Sufism, can meet.

Given where I am in my personal life at the moment, I found Nouwen's discussion about how we are all chosen and loved by the Beloved, that we are the Beloved, very meaningful. The Beloved is inside of us, loving us and accepting us, all the time. Yet for various reasons we seek external validation and and acceptance from other people. We want them to love us, accept us, validate us. And sometimes that is not going to happen. What then? Nouwen's answer seems to be that the Beloved within, who is always present, who always loves us, who always accepts us, is still there in the silence of our deepest being, waiting for us to present to that reality, that union of Beloved and lover.

I found Nouwen's book to reveal the gentle spirit of the author. He reminds us of what people walking a spiritual path know. It is good to read the words of such an articulate traveler.

wow this was a beautiful gift of a read. while it was written more than 20 years ago, it still speaks to the common struggles of my community now. the language can at times be different, as it is written from the catholic tradition, but i was able to see right past that. it spoke to the deepest roots of insecurity while also gently reminding us of our identity as beloved children of God. my heart was convicted and comforted in the deepest parts of myself all at once. i was left pondering the joy of my belovedness, appreciating the gift that friendship is, desiring to love more purely, and wanting to read it all over again to let it sink in.

The Christmas note written just inside the cover tells me that I received this book as a gift 7 years ago (poignant). I neglected to read it because dwelling on such topics seemed self-indulgent at the time. Turns out I did indeed need to hear that I am beloved

Read it all today. Cried a lot today.

I was not prepared for how beautiful this would be. So approachable but still can speak clearly to those great mysteries of faith and the meaning of life. I was especially moved by the epilogue and Nouwens honesty about the book not meeting his initial goal, to build a case for his “secular” dear friend and it resonating more with the Believer than the atheist. I look forward to coming back to this book often.