Every Christian should read this

Probably one of Henri's most important books. It is difficult for many people to understand themselves as "Beloved".

“One of the greatest acts of faith is to believe that the few years we live on this earth are like a little seed planted in a very rich soil. For this seed to bear fruit, it must die. We often see or feel only the dying, but the harvest will be abundant even when we ourselves are not harvesters.”
“Our human suffering need not to be an obstacle to the joy and peace we so desire, but can, become, instead, the means to it.”
“The deaths of those whom we love and who love us open up the possibility of a new, more radical communion, a new intimacy, a new belonging to each other. If love is, indeed, stronger than death, then death has the potential to deepen and strengthen the bonds of love. It was only after Jesus had left his disciples that they were able to grasp what he truly meant to them. But isn’t that true for all who die in love?”

Parts of this book were incredibly good, but I can't recommend it unreservedly.

I resonated with his explanation of our being loved by God, missing that point, and therefore trying to substitute affirmation from the world in place of God's love.

I disagreed with his premise that we can influence this world as spirits after we die. I think that's Catholic vs evangelical theology.

But at the end, it turned out that he missed the mark. The book was written to a friend, a secular Jewish man, who asked Nouwen to "speak to us about the deepest yearning of our hearts, ...." And in the end, Nouwen wasn't able to do that.

I believe the failure to bridge the gap between secular and spiritual is due to his omission of sin and repentance. In his earnest desire to invite his friend to a spiritual life, he neglects to mention that there is a cost.

Yes, God loves all of us. But in order to claim that "belovedness" we have to acknowledge our unworthiness and rebellion. We need to come before God on the basis of Jesus' acceptability, not our own. Only then can we say "yes" to God.

In short, Nouwen leaves out the Gospel.

Henri Nouwen wrote Life of the Beloved as a kind of letter to a good friend, a secular Jew, who asked Nouwen to write a book that speaks to the questions he and his friends in NYC were asking about God, spirituality, and the meaning of life. This friend said that he enjoyed Nouwen’s previous books, but felt that they were kind of “preaching to the choir”—fine for people who already believed, but less relevant to people with more basic questions and skepticism.

The resulting book, Life of the Beloved, is not an apologetic text trying to prove anything about the faith; it’s merely a reflection on what it means to be beloved by God, and how that identity motivates a different perspective on the meaning of life. In a very honest concluding chapter, Nouwen admits that the book didn’t actually connect to his friend, and that in fact it was more appreciated by Christians—which was disappointing for Nouwen (though it doesn’t surprise me at all). In working through that response, he writes,

I feel within myself a deep-rooted resistance to proving anything to anybody. I don’t want to say: “I will show you that you need God to live a full life.” I can only say: “For me, God is the one who calls me the Beloved, and I have a desire to express to others how I try to become more fully who I already am.” But beyond that I feel very poor and powerless. (117)

I can understand those feelings. I too am at a point where I’m tired of people trying desperately to prove this or that point to people “on the other side.” Instead, I prefer to relax, live the life I’m called to in an open, transparent way, and let God work in people’s hearts as he chooses.

I share Nouwen’s Christian faith, and so his words resonated with me and my experience on this journey. The early chapters in particular were helpful for me, when Nouwen encourages me to fight the self-rejection that comes so naturally and seems to be so true. Here are three passages that I especially needed to hear:

Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity and power can, indeed, present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection. I am constantly surprised at how quickly I give in to this temptation. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone or abandoned, I find myself thinking: “Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody.” Instead of taking a critical look at the circumstances or trying to understand my own and others’ limitations, I tend to blame myself—not just for what I did, but for who I am. My dark side says: “I am no good. . . . I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected and abandoned.” (27)

Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence. (28)

Beneath all my seemingly strong self-confidence there remained the question: “If all those who shower me with so much attention could see me and know me in my innermost self, would they still love me?” That agonizing question, rooted in my inner shadow, kept persecuting me and made me run away from the very place where that quiet voice calling me the Beloved could be heard. (29)

As with other books I’ve read by Nouwen, this one has a gentle, honest, encouraging tone that comforts and challenges me in valuable ways. Life of the Beloved reminds me that my value is from my identity as beloved by God, not from my talents or apparent usefulness in the world. It also affirms the beauty of deep friendship and long conversations about real topics—an art that seems to be diminishing in our world of quick, sound bite–drenched communication.

This book was so good. I would recommend it to anyone.

He quotes Augustine saying, “My soul is restless until it rests in you O, God” and I feel like this captures the majority of this book - we are people with innate longings that are only satisfied by the Lord. when we allow Him to satisfy those longings, true abundant life comes.

A beautiful meditation on life and death.

Turns out that I, too, am the beloved. Not a bad gig..

I think I highlighted almost every page of this book! His entire treatise is so simple, digestible, and truthful. Would highly recommend to any Christian who wants a short, easy read that also deepens their faith.

I've seen and heard this book both celebrated and savaged. I understand both sentiments, but I think the latter is especially unfounded. I haven't read much Nouwen, but his favorite themes—belovedness, withness, the gift of our presence to and for others—are explicitly central to my mom and dad's parenting values. In that sense, I've been on the receiving, experiential end of Nouwen's thinking and living.

And I think Nouwen does a good job of sharing his vision of life as the beloved. He clearly prioritizes accessibility and simplicity, belying his scholarly and priestly learning. I've seen people take a couple critical angles on this book: one, that this book failed to speak to his friend, Fred, and two (often asserted as the reason for the first) that Nouwen's book is devoid of the Gospel, especially reference to Jesus and to our sin.

I think this is yet another instance of Christians' anxious tendency to criticize writings, sermons, conversations, etc. that "fail" to present the "entire" Gospel, the whole picture. This can come from any corner. The progressive Christian excoriates a pastor for failing to incorporate the viewpoint of a marginalized group into the sermon; the conservative censures the same pastor for emphasizing Jesus as our spiritual brother to the apparent neglect of Jesus' lordship.

I don't mean this as finger-pointing because I've done and still do this, more often than I'd like to admit. I complain that a pastor didn't give the sermon I thought he should have given. I read an article on current events and ask, "Well why didn't they think about how this particular bit of the Christian life comes to bear on the issue?" There are certainly times where something crucial is left out. There's a real need in the church for perceptive criticism, but I think our critique of others needs to begin with an awareness of our own inconsistency and deficiency.

That said, I don't think there is a way for us to present the Gospel in its entirety because the good news is something we live in. If you believe the historical reality of the Gospel—a real birth, a real crucifixion, a real resurrection, a real ascension, a real return—and not just the Gospel as virtue-forming story, then you can't really present it, but only bring others to an awareness of it. Christian or not, others are already in the story. And our personal presentation of it is always lacking. There are serious, ongoing conversations about Scripture's witness to the Gospel. What does it mean for Scripture to be infallible, to be sufficient? It doesn't seem to mean that Scripture is comprehensive. We're missing a lot of information that would be nice to have, but the Lord seems to be okay with those gaps. I suspect that part of our (sometimes neurotic) emphasis on "sharing" the Gospel likely arises out of Protestant/evangelical neglect of deliberate services cohering around Word (note, Word, not sermon) and Sacrament. That's likely our best chance of "communicating" the Gospel.

This review has become more a vehicle for my musings on charitable interaction with the writings of other Christians than an account of Nouwen's book> I don't think the book is either spiritual classic or heresy. I think Nouwen was giving his best shot at bringing (and loving) Fred into an awareness of the Gospel that Fred was already living in. While we can say (and Nouwen essentially says this of himself) that the effort was a failure, in the sense that Fred did not "convert" or feel that Nouwen had given him something new, it certainly wasn't a waste. Of course Fred had already "heard" the Gospel, if by heard we mean that he knew the general narrative of events. I think it's plain silly to critique Nouwen for not writing a Gospel tract. Certainly, take issue with statements or assertions about the spiritual life that you think Nouwen gets wrong. I've got a few of those myself.

I believe Nouwen had the humility to admit that the Lord's intentions for his writing, his friendship with Fred, just might be out of his hands and belong to the Lord. And I'm real okay with that.

I think everyone needs to read this! a book that kept coming up in my conversations because it was just life changing and wonderful.

2 quotes i kept coming back to:

"The deep truth is that our human suffering need not be an obstacle to the joy and peace we so desire, but can become, instead, the means to it. The great secret of the spiritual life, the life of the Beloved Sons and Daughters of God, is that everything we live, be it gladness or sadness, joy or pain, health or illness, can all be part of the journey toward the full realization of our humanity."

“The fruitfulness of our little life, once we recognize it and live it as the life of the Beloved, is beyond anything we ourselves can imagine— the few years we live on this earth are like a little seed planted in a very rich soil. For this seed to bear fruit, it must die. We often see or feel only the dying, but the harvest will be abundant even when we ourselves are not the harvesters.”

oops actually finished this 2 days ago! anyways… i’ll try not to write an essay.

i’ve had this book for years and every time i’ve picked it up i’ve avoided reading it and put it back on my shelf. finally gave in and read it and it is so, so good. Nouwen speaks so well and beautifully without being cheesy, and i love the premise behind the intent of the book. need everyone to read it!!! i could say so much more!!