...
Show More
Towards the very end of college I became involved with Janny, a precocious first year student. I was very impressed with her from the outset. Not only was she exceptionally well read, but she could read in Dutch and German as well as English, her family having moved often owing to her father's work as a government mathematician.
The relationship continued even upon my graduation and move to seminary in New York City. We spent part of the intervening summer together, corresponding the rest of the time. Coincidentally, Janny's mother had attended Teacher's College there, its main building just across the Broadway from my dorm room, so she felt some reason beyond me to transfer to Barnard/Columbia a semester after my matriculation. Together we shared a room and our books in Hastings Hall for two years--a long while for ones so young.
I've a low opinion of intelligence theory, of IQ tests and the like (see Gould's The Mismeasure of Man), but I am impressed with language ability and learning. Janny was not only well read and well spoken, but she was intellectually catholic and adventurous, delving into one new field after another, even taking a hand at painting--and not doing badly at her first tries! She was also somewhat tortured and driven, a result perhaps of the unstable childhood, the lack of constant friends, as well as of having an intellect in advance of her years which naturally trailed her youthful drives. Whatever the case, Dostoevsky spoke to her and she had read and thought seriously about the bulk of his works.
In addition to my own, more pedestrian academic and personal pursuits I made a project out of coming to grips with her thought-world. This included reading Dostoevsky myself, lots of Dostoevsky, until I too had gone through pretty much all of his fiction.
The Adolescent, like much of Dostoevsky's work, is about the conflict of generations and of values. He himself had had a troubled relationship with his own father (a probable serf-rapist) & a youthful flirtation with the left and what he came to call "nihilism" in later years after a spell in prison and a conversion to Orthodoxy and conservatism. Indeed, virtually all of his books have representations of the young FD in conflict with the old FD.
Personally, I was not much impressed with The Adolescent nor with much of Dostoevsky's work, his conflicts not being mine. My own parents and grandparents were liberal, even socialistic. I respected them and felt respected in return. Such adolescent rebellion as I expressed was not much against the family. Further, while I was enormously concerned about values, about determining to my satisfaction some defensible ground for ethics, my starting point and my eventual conclusion were not, like his, framed in terms of a received religious faith. I was not haunted like he was with notions of a personal god. Indeed, the study of religion was, for me, an antidote against any such superstitions.
The reasons for my not being as impressed with Dostoevsky as Janny was bespeaks perhsps an aspect of why our relationship did not, as I had wanted it to, continue beyond the years in New York. Now, older and more resolved than I was then, I would have a host of questions for her about father, family, ethics and religion.
The relationship continued even upon my graduation and move to seminary in New York City. We spent part of the intervening summer together, corresponding the rest of the time. Coincidentally, Janny's mother had attended Teacher's College there, its main building just across the Broadway from my dorm room, so she felt some reason beyond me to transfer to Barnard/Columbia a semester after my matriculation. Together we shared a room and our books in Hastings Hall for two years--a long while for ones so young.
I've a low opinion of intelligence theory, of IQ tests and the like (see Gould's The Mismeasure of Man), but I am impressed with language ability and learning. Janny was not only well read and well spoken, but she was intellectually catholic and adventurous, delving into one new field after another, even taking a hand at painting--and not doing badly at her first tries! She was also somewhat tortured and driven, a result perhaps of the unstable childhood, the lack of constant friends, as well as of having an intellect in advance of her years which naturally trailed her youthful drives. Whatever the case, Dostoevsky spoke to her and she had read and thought seriously about the bulk of his works.
In addition to my own, more pedestrian academic and personal pursuits I made a project out of coming to grips with her thought-world. This included reading Dostoevsky myself, lots of Dostoevsky, until I too had gone through pretty much all of his fiction.
The Adolescent, like much of Dostoevsky's work, is about the conflict of generations and of values. He himself had had a troubled relationship with his own father (a probable serf-rapist) & a youthful flirtation with the left and what he came to call "nihilism" in later years after a spell in prison and a conversion to Orthodoxy and conservatism. Indeed, virtually all of his books have representations of the young FD in conflict with the old FD.
Personally, I was not much impressed with The Adolescent nor with much of Dostoevsky's work, his conflicts not being mine. My own parents and grandparents were liberal, even socialistic. I respected them and felt respected in return. Such adolescent rebellion as I expressed was not much against the family. Further, while I was enormously concerned about values, about determining to my satisfaction some defensible ground for ethics, my starting point and my eventual conclusion were not, like his, framed in terms of a received religious faith. I was not haunted like he was with notions of a personal god. Indeed, the study of religion was, for me, an antidote against any such superstitions.
The reasons for my not being as impressed with Dostoevsky as Janny was bespeaks perhsps an aspect of why our relationship did not, as I had wanted it to, continue beyond the years in New York. Now, older and more resolved than I was then, I would have a host of questions for her about father, family, ethics and religion.