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Found this at the neighborhood Salvation Army thrift store, and since I’d read several glowing reviews when it came out in ’05, I decided to take the plunge and read a contemporary novel by one of literature’s big names. Right off the bat I can’t recall when a novel has ever filled me with more resentment that Ian McEwan’s Saturday did. Some other reviewer referred to its “medical porn” (the protagonist is a brain surgeon) but the real porn has to do with wealth and cultural entitlement, which the hero and his family has in ludicrous abundance. As a reader, I tend to be a bit thick, but about halfway through I was wondering whether McEwan had written a brilliant parody of some sort. Get a load of these characters:
Henry Perowne: 48, highly-regarded neurosurgeon, diligent, hard-working, highly-skilled, far too busy to know much of anything about the arts, but far too generous in spirit to be a philistine. The deal is that he is too gainfully employed, too useful to the world, to let much leak in around the rubber seals of his life’s substantial hatches. Saturday is his day off, and there is a big old protest about the impending invasion of Iraq going on outside his house, so he gets time to maunder about terrorists and politics and getting older and stuff. He wakes up too early and happens to see from his window a plane go down in flames towards Heathrow. Throughout the book bits of newscasts follow this story – are they terrorists? Muslim or Christian? This gives the book, I guess, an undercurrent of contemporary fear but it always feels rather tacked-on. The story piddles out eventually, which is how such things go, so I applaud McEwan’s tact here.
Real drama is provided when Perowne crashes his Mercedes into three thugs in a BMW – they are about to beat him up when the good doctor correctly diagnosis the head thug (Baxter) with Huntington’s Chorea, which defuses the situation and humiliates the head thug. Then he plays a very detailed game of squash at the club with his anesthesiologist. He loses, but just barely, and mostly because the anesthesiologist cheats at the end, and because he is still upset by the mugging. Spoiler alert: the thugs come back later in the book…
Perown does not appear to be particularly handsome, thank God – his hands don’t look very surgeony – but even his ordinariness is couched in the usual novel hero terms: he is tall, rangy tall, not pear-shaped tall. His hair is thinning, but only thinning. He is beginning to go soft around the middle, but just a little. His joints ache, but just a tad.
Rosalind: Perowen’s wife, who he met 25 years before in the ER when she had an emergency operation to remove a (benign) pituitary tumor while she was in law school. Perowne was a resident (or whatever they’re called in the UK -- I notice his staff referred to him as “Mr.” rather than “Dr.”) and although he did not himself perform the heroic surgery, he got to swab her mouth with alcohol before and remove the stitches from inside her lip afterwards (pituitary surgery goes in through the nose – brilliantly described by McEwan, as were all the medical porn parts). Rosalind is tiny, almost child-sized, with a remarkable abundance of hair and saucer-sized green eyes. Yep, I’m not making that up. After brain surgery, she sat up in her bed, surrounded by heavy law tomes, her gargantuan wad of luxuriant chestnut (or honeysuckle or moonbeam I forget which) hair fanned out around her in a heavenly nimbus. Now, she is also a brilliant lawyer for a big newspaper (throughout the Saturday of the book, she is in some “emergency meeting at High Court”…on a Saturday, which is rather remarkable, I’d think). Whatever she does, it’s important and high-powered and McEwan gives a bit of clumsy set-up about how she loves to win cases but most loves it when her arguments nudge the legal system, and thus the world, a little closer to an ideal of truth and justice. Little of this slashing ambition is glimpsed in the novel, however. She’s a bit of a cipher, a perfect one to be sure, serving to show that Perowne, after years of marriage, still adores her, and wants to make love to only her, a fact he is self-conscious about, and yet faintly smug about as well. Oh yeah, like all toothsome, lithesome fictional females, she sleeps like a child, making a tiny bump under the sheets – no drool or sprawl. Despite all the description lavished on her to make her smart and powerful, she is the flattest of the characters, barely passing through with a whisper, even when she is actually in the scene (including when she is having sex). With a few tweaks, she could have been transformed into an unusually placid housecat, except for the having sex part (which I should mention, happens briefly, but tenderly, as soon as she wakes up, tactfully avoiding the problem of two people in their mid-forties having sex the very first thing in the morning, full bladders and foul breath being two hazards that come to mind…but then perhaps I reveal my own dismal deterioration by bringing this up). Despite their two children (see below), there is very little evidence that Perowne or his wife have ever really been parents, but in England perhaps that sort of thing is taken care of by the hired help. But there’s no hired help either – Perowne goes to the fishmongers and cooks up in considerable detail the monkfish (which cost as much as Perown’s first car, so we are told) and prawns and skate’s skeletons (for the stock) and other expensive stuff taken from our dying seas (Perowne reflects on this dying sea situation while paying up at the fishmonger’s). The fish stew is food porn of course – lots of culinary detail as set up for a really expensive, exquisite meal, hand-prepared by exceptional people who can be expected to fret some about global warming and terrorism. Perowne brings up wine from the cellar. There are two bottles of champagne in the ‘fridge.
Daisy: Perowne’s daughter, 23, and a poet living, apparently, off the family fortune (as all poets should be allowed to do). She is about to have her first book (of poems!) published by a prestigious firm (Faber & Faber or some such). As a poet exactly twice this character’s age, she filled me with sputtering rage at her success. But then McEwan felt obliged to provide us with bits of her verse. God, I love it when novelists take a whack at poetry: it’s just like prose except that you keep in the oven for an extra six hours (several actual bits (naughty bits) of Daisy’s verse are actually those of Craig Raines, acknowledged in the book). Rosalind has had a ton of lovers, so her father surmises from her poetry (one of which is about laundering the wet-spots out of the sheets after a lover has departed – a poem, of course, which won the Newdigate Prize, Oxford’s very prestigious undergrad prize). She is feisty and stubborn and constantly abrades her father for not being “cultural” enough – at age 14 she insisted on reading “The Metamorphosis” to her parents. Yeah, one of those girls. We all know one…oh, wait, no I don’t. Anyway, in young adulthood, she constantly bombards her father with books to expand his horizons, including, oddly, a biography of Charles Darwin…the good (great, fantastic, saintly) doctor doesn’t have enough time to read them because he has a job, but he is very good natured about the whole situation. According to information supplied by the author, these two engage in on-going fierce arguments and debates about life and culture, but the evidence provided is sketchy and not particularly convincing. She is of course petite and elfin and beautiful and etc.
Theo: Perowne’s son, 18, a preternaturally brilliant blues guitarist. He dropped out of school and within minutes he “accidentally” jammed with, I think Ron Wood and met Clapton (through a “master class”) and takes lessons from Jack Bruce who introduced him to Long John Baldry…Ry Crooder sent him a mash note from the audience on the back of a soggy beer coaster. I couldn’t believe how McEwan piled it on for Theo – to the extent that again, I suspected a pastiche, a joke. Theo, not surprisingly, is even more insufferable than his sister and even less plausible. I mean the kid is good, real good. At this tender age, he has mastered all of blues guitars many nuances, is an acknowledged maestro. Needless to say he is languorous and blandly “cool” in rich kid ways – trips to Brazil and wherever, and when he cooks his lunch, he whips up vegetables and figs and yoghurt in a bowl. Just like all the teenage boys I’ve ever met. He did drop out of school, which caused his parents some distress, and provides a hopeful moment for this reader that the Perowne family was going to descend into the plausible, but his success (remember, he is 18!) as a musician – a blues musician – is such that his parents are now really really darned proud of him… His strong guitarist’s forearms are employed heroically at the end of the book.
John Grammaticus: Perowne’s 70ish father-in-law. He is a drunk, which is very ably described by McEwan. However, he is also an embittered poet, famous, but not as famous (which is a big problem) as Andrew Motion, Heaney, etc. He lives in a French chateau somewhere in Imaginary Rich People France and has many lovers. Drunk, he provides the only comic relief in the book and he’s not very funny. His name comes from Shakespeare’s presumed source for Hamlet, Saxo Grammaticus, a medieval chronicler of Danish history. This name is shameless authorial preening for which McEwan should be fined stiffly. Anyway, Grammaticus turns Daisy on to poetry and is directly responsible for turning her into an insufferable, pretentious artiste. Later they have a falling out when he harshly criticizes her washing-the-sheets Newdigate prize poem. Perowne observes all of this mildly, gently reproaching himself for not being himself more inspirational to his daughter. He is the only actual defective human being in the Perowne family, but at the end he acts heroically and selflessly and so on.
Baxter: the head thug with Huntington’s Disease. He is described as looking somewhat simian. But of course. Of course. But intelligent though. Just disadvantaged. Of course. Of course.
Overall, I must say this is the most implausible and irritating cast of characters I have ever encountered in a non-genre novel. Stephen King, Philip K. Dick – anybody – would have bent all of them just a little. O but maybe such gods walk through this world, surgeons and federal reserve chairmen and district court judges and their spouses and children. But what a humorless lot – maybe one of the strategies of highly effective people is to discard humor. Perhaps it takes up too much time. The one American character, the cheating anesthesiologist is pointed out as being, like all Americans are, straight-shooting son-of-a-gun with a kind of hinted at potential for hilarity…and yet when you actually encounter him, he is nothing of the sort, really. Even drunk poet Grammaticus never gets funny when in his cups. The book’s other poet is no better – Daisy is throughout a humorless pain in the ass. But then novelists tend to do poets as ineptly as they do actual poems. Perhaps it is the lack of humour that creates such a film of implausibility over everything. The scenes where the characters interact (as opposed to where Perowne thinks deep thoughts internally) are very stiff (except the scenes in the hospital, which are by far the best, most plausible parts of the book). Daisy has been gone a long time, and is coming home that afternoon – Perowne, we are told, is very anxious to see her. When they meet, though, although McEwan skillfully explains the awkwardness of such reunions, never manages to capture anything particularly realistic in the dialog that would embody such awkwardness. It is novelist’s awkwardness, not human interaction awkwardness. The dialog is stiff as a soap opera’s most of the time…
I kept reading because it was all skillfully put together – as ludicrous as they are, once set up McEwan keeps them in place and then runs them through a tight-paced plot. Sort of like a genre novel put together by an old pro – which made me wonder whether there is really such a thing as a non-experimental “literary” novel anymore, for the plot is astoundingly ridiculous. Let me demonstrate. I won’t run through the whole thing, but the climax of the book is riveting and giddily absurd (spoiler alert) – Baxter the Gangster and a henchman breaks into the house are on the brink of mayhem and have gone so far as to make Daisy the daughter take off all her clothes and are about to rape her, perhaps, when the main thug sees her book of poems (in proofs). Baxter pauses to pick up the book and forces her to read one. Stay with me here – I am not making this up – the thug is actually delaying his act of rapine to listen to a poem. Her grandfather, the drunk old poet, who has just had his nose broken by one of the thugs, wisely signals to his granddaughter to not read one of her own crappy sex poems, but rather to recite Matthew Arnold’s “Dover Beach” (which she has memorized, of course – we had earlier been told that she has memorized huge swatches of Shakespeare and Milton and so forth, like all the young poets do these days). Fortunately for the Perowne family, this classic Matthew Arnold poem is so moving to Baxter, that he lets down his guard in a virtual swoon of rapturous aesthetic bliss. He is disarmed by Perowne and his son and suffers a skull fracture in the scuffle.
Three guesses as to which neurosurgeon gets to do brain surgery on Poetry-Loving, Huntington’s Disease-addled Gangster Baxter and save his life…. Really, the book’s plot is that ridiculous.
Only in England: of the two thugs perpetrating the break-in, only one of them, Baxter, is armed – with a knife. Not some big bad Bowie knife, or commando knife with a built-in knuckle-duster hilt – rather, Baxter’s knife is described as being “an old-fashioned French kitchen knife, with an orange wooden handle and curved blade.” That’s it – one rather quaint knife. How nice. The other thug, unpromisingly named Nigel, apparently has no weapon at all, which means three grown men and two women are being held at bay by a French kitchen knife. An old-fashioned French kitchen knife, which, I should add, Baxter keeps taking in and out of his pocket, leading one to believe it was not a particularly sharp old-fashioned French kitchen knife. I am not saying I would be Superman in such a situation, but there was something very courtly about the exchange, for despite the disrobing and near-rape there was a poetry reading and a French kitchen knife (and why a French kitchen knife? What happened to the grand sword-making tradition of England, Willkinson Steel and all that?). As for the poem, this idea that music (or in this case poetry) can calm the savage beast is an old one, an ancient fantasy dreamed up by bards and troubadours and still making the rounds in contemporary novels. Dream on, poetasters! It would’ve been more plausible had the thugs made Theo play his blues guitar – then I could see them being impressed by art. But a Matthew Arnold recitation? This book is daft, Nigel.
But it isn’t all bad, just mostly so. McEwan can be quite good at pity summations of character’s interactions. Perhaps the only truly interesting pairing is Perowne and his father-in-law, the drunk poet Grammaticus. Here is McEwan deftly summing up their relationship:
“Perowne keeps his distance, and Grammaticus is happy with the arrangement, and looks straight through his son-in-law to his daughter, to his grandchildren. The two men are superficially friendly and at bottom bored by each other. Perowne can’t see how poetry – rather occasional work it appears, like grape picking – can occupy a whole working life, or how such an edifice of reputation and self-regard can rest on so little, or why one should believe a drunk poet is different from any other drunk; while Grammaticus – Perowne’s guess – regards him as one more tradesman, an uncultured and tedious medic, a class of men and women he distrusts more as his dependency on it grows with age.” (p. 201).
Despite the riveting, ridiculous plot, and moments of plausible description, Saturday is one of those novels that reinforces my tendency to avoid novels. It wasn’t bad, exactly, but God, what a piffle it is. Everything’s too easy (the doctor’s entire life) or too hard (the thug about to mug him just happens to have what is about the worst disease imaginable, Huntington’s) or too silly (the plot, “Dover Beach,” the old-fashioned French kitchen knife, etc.). Some months ago I was going to read McEwan’s Atonement, but riffling through its pages, I came across some bits of dialog that scared me off with their stiffness and implausibility. I plan on keeping away.