You Shall Know Our Velocity!

The follow up to Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius falls short because it is much too dark, and the wit of random depressed thoughts by the main character do not feel genuine but contrived. The book talks about two friends who have inherited money and are determined to visit some of the world’s poorest countries like Senegal and Morocco to give it away in person. The reasoning for this trip which is blamed on a recent loss of a friend falls flat and seems too farfetched though the adventures are continually entertaining. The book takes the expected Egger twist in the end when the story's other character Hand steps in with a chapter about how Will basically made everything up including the friend that had died. The prolonged inners thoughts of Will are meant to explain his strange motivations, but leave the reader guessing what is really wrong with the guy. While the book is easy enough to get through it left me feeling like I hadn’t really gained anything from reading it.

Preface to the fourth edition:

I wrote this a few years ago, back when I had just finished reading the book, but before I had died. I still haven't died so that's beside the point. I'm procrastinating right now, and copying this from another site where this originally appeared.

Original Preface
There are three ways that I pick out books to read. One is through the convoluted and serpentine way that I choose most of my books. The second way is by catchy covers promising pop-culture hipness. This second of choosing books I have begun to wean myself off of since too many times I have been burned on the choices. One book in particular that I choose in this manner was Dave Eggers A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. I’m one of the few people of my demographic that hated this book and felted cheated (or of the few I’ve run into (4th edition note, this is not so true anymore)). I thought the idea of Dave Eggers was great, I respected his journal McSweeny’s and sometimes thought his quasi-punk rock ethics were commendable. I just didn’t like the book though (I have to stop here about A.H.W.O.S.G., if I get started on this book I’ll just rant on and on—one note though from here on out I will refer to Egger’s first book simply as the first book. Following this brilliantly simple shorthand I will call his second book, You Shall Know Our Velocity!, the second book. I will do this for two reasons. One, because I am not the kind of writer in the Wallace, Moody and Eggers school who enjoys keeping track of long acronyms; but more importantly because I can never really keep straight the titles of Eggers books.).


A short aside in the form of a list of titles I have mistakenly (consciously and unconsciously) called both of his books while at work to co-workers and customers

A Staggering Work of Heartbreak, You Will Know our Velocity, You Will know us by the Trail of our Velocity, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Pretensions, That Something book about Genius and Death, The Book without the Cover…. (Authors note: this sounded like a much better idea at the time. Much like the time when I made up a write off, in order to try to get more hits. I then realized it was stupid and I changed the write off. Four days later I cancelled the write off. The moral of this story could be that I don’t like erasing things once they are written. A second moral could be that I really should edit my work better).

A second aside in the form of a continuation needed to wrap up the Introduction

The third manner I choose my books is with a masochistic zeal to read new books by authors who I disliked to the point to ranting continually about them for weeks in order to a) confirm my suspicions, or b) make me look like an open minded kind of person who can re-encounter a previously disliked author and find enjoyment in their work. Of course when I choose a book for this reason I’m really hoping for A. I don’t go in with an open mind, because I’m an opinionated jerk. I picked up Eggers second book for this third reason. I wanted it to get my goat, and allow me to say, “See I told you.”

Second Preface to the Review

I’m not the kind of author who would write a second, third or possibly even fourth preface to a review. I need to clear up some points made in the introduction.

1. I will be the first to admit that I didn’t need to give three ways I pick books. I know full well that I never actually explained the first manner of choice. But see I just pointed out the fault so don’t blame me for it. I know that I was wrong.

2. Everything coming before this note has been extraneous and probably best skimmed over. Since you couldn’t have known this till you got to this point in the review you could a) consider yourself noted; b) not blame me, I pointed out in an overtly self-reflexive manner my shortcoming, a la beating everyone to the criticism punch, c) inform your friends of the gratuitousness of the review and tell them to skip through the beginning.

3. I must point out once again that I am not the kind of writer who would ramble on and on in this manner.

4. I’ll be the first to admit that really only 26% of this review is worth reading. The rest of the review is best skipped over. Again, I warned you so it’s all out of my hands.

An Addition to Third Edition of this Review

Surprisingly it has come to my attention that I have been paid for this review. Of course, that means I need to make a full disclosure of the monies received and the manner in which I will / have spend / spent them.

Amount Paid to Date: $0.02

Amount of Time (Roughly) Spent Reading the book to base a review on it: 7 hours.

Amount of Time Spent Writing the Review, including revisions: 3 Hours.

Amount Paid per Hour for Review: $0.002

Amount Spent of Royalties: None, I will not receive any money for the review for quite a long time (I never received the money, they took it away from me because I stopped putting up reviews for too long 4th edition note)


I feel more than a little guilty at the staggering two tenths of a penny per hour (or 2 thousandths of a dollar) I received for this. When the money comes to me I will be sure to split it up among worthy causes and make a full disclosure of how the money was spent. I imagine it will be used as two percent of the cost of a large cup of coffee at the deli around the corner from where I work.

Graphical illustration of profit.

Time Spent for review.

**********

Money Received

(can't make something that small here)

Cost of Cup of Coffee

********* ****************** ************ ******************* ************ ******************** *********

Royalties Spent towards this Staggeringly expensive Purchase of Heartbreaking proportions.

**

The Review

What is the Book About

Well I can’t tell you. Sorry. (I cut a bunch of words here because I was over in the character count. I rant about people giving away the plot of books, but will keep a movie plot a big secret.) Well according to the back it’s about giving away $32,000 in a week, but why? I’m not telling. The novels about two guys, the narrator Will, who is telling the story after Jack died but a couple of years before him and his mother drown in Columbia (That’s the first page of the novel paraphrased, or the cover if you get the hardcover version). The second guy’s name is Hand; he’s the zany friend you wish you had growing up. You know the one who will do anything, has the wacky ideas, and gets annoying but always a party to be around. The two decide to travel around the world in one week and give away $32,000 dollars along the way. The catch? The people need to be deserving of the money, the countries need to be off the beaten path and not require visas to enter.

Along the way in the travels of Will and Hand, Eggers throws some literary tricks into the mix that call into question all kinds of assumptions about the basic structure of the novel. I can’t say anymore about this though. I’d feel as if I was cheating anyone who read the book after reading this of the fun.

About the Novel

The writing in the novel is more straightforward than in the first book. Much of the book is quite funny in a dry sardonic sort of way. It’s difficult after reading Eggers first book to believe that this novel isn’t also autobiographical in nature. The depressing qualities of H.W.O.S.G. come back through. Taking into account Egger’s life (his parents plus his sister have passed away) it is understandable that the topic of dealing with grief should be a dominant theme in his work. He offsets the grief though with humor that most of times works (sometimes the humor is too smart for it’s own good).

There are a lot more things I want to talk about, but if I did the novel would be ruined. Eggers does some interesting things with the form of the novel, but they are just too good to reveal in a review to possible readers.

Conclusion

If you liked Eggers first book I think you will like this. If you hated his first book I think you will still like, I did. Eggers is probably best appreciated by twenty and thirty something year olds, but I can see their being an appeal of this book to most readers of literary works.

Afterword

The author wishes to express the realization that this review is shoddy. As of this line only 29% of the review is dedicated to the actual book. The remaining 71% (now 72%) of the review has been a juvenile attempt at mocking Eggers writing style, especially the manner he handles the infinite introductions of H.W.O.S.G. The author acknowledges he is not half (or now 27%) the writer of Dave Eggers. The author of the review wonders why you have read this, wants to know why you care what he thinks and is considering swearing at you in an ironic manner, but then he realized he would be again just imitating Eggers, instead I’m going out and running down the beach and watch a Frisbee hang overhead, in that sublime manner that makes you realize the transcendence of life; and then maybe I’ll jump in a pool….. you know for the whole re-birth and baptism analogy.

AWAY WE GO

2 simpatici amici ,Will* e Hand** ,decidono di partire,così, senza stare a fare troppi programmi
(che poi sono i viaggi migliori)
a disposizione solo una settimana di tempo,
per uno strampalato viaggio(quasi)intorno al mondo.
Il loro è ,piu' che altro ,un piombare a razzo in un posto,
per poi schizzare subito via,a prendere un altro aereo,
a macinare altri km in macchine a nolo,e così via...
L'idea di Will è semplice: muoversi di continuo ,accelerare più che si può,perché solo in questo modo gli pare possibile tentare di battere in velocita'(e lasciarsi alle spalle)il dolore straziante ,la rabbia e tutti i pensieri orrendi che lo torturano (incessantemente)da mesi.

* Will è uno dei parlatori piu' lenti che si possano incontrare, ma con una testa- quando non è presa in prestito da chissà chi- che saetta e turbina
** Hand è uno che è costantemente preda di una insaziabile curiosità ,che gli fa estendere le sue vibratili antenne su ogni cosa, dalle scienze esatte alle donne sensibili e ingenue (capito,no?)

PS.
Will ,tutto ammaccato (fuori e dentro)ispira continuamente tenerezza e un senso di protezione,e Hand(che tipo!)ispira anche lui,sì...
quantomeno simpatiche domande:
ma che razza di passo è -si può sapere? - il Passo del carrello della spesa?!

PPS.E che viaggio mai sarebbe senza qualcuno a cui scrivere cartoline? Hahaha, eggia'...
le cartoline per le gemelline Mo e Thor sono assolutamente A-D-O-R-A-B-I-L-I !tipo questa:
Mo! Thor!
(Lo sapevate che in Scandinavia quando scrivono i saluti mettono sempre i punti esclamativi?Credo che sia vero,anche se è stato Hand a raccontarmelo. Vi ricordate di Hand?Quello che vi ha portato all'acquario e si è messo a litigare con la guida.)Ho un consiglio per voi due.Non è che voglio che lo seguiate veramente.Voglio semplicemente che lo ascoltiate,che lo conserviate anche a conti fatti,quando ormai non è piu' utile.
Non datemi retta.I consigli raggiungono talmente di rado le persone a cui sono rivolti. Sono un po' come la spada nella roccia:li si lascia lì, e magari un giorno qualcuno li troverà e saprà che farsene.[etc etc etc]

Ok.Ora posso concludere lasciando anch'io la mia piccola spada nella roccia ?
Ecco: Dave Eggers è da leggere!
(ma mica dovete darmi retta per forza,ci mancherebbe :D )

(#reperto acosiano 2011)

A strange one for me. I was bored, then intrigued, then bored again, then excited, then disappointed. I didn't like the the narrator or his sidekick who were 27 but came across like 12 year old boys. The Boo Hoo factor was pretty forced. But I loved a few sections. So there. I do like how the 3 Eggers books I've read as of this moment have had very distinct vibes. He's definitely someone I'll keep reading.

The difficulty that I always have with David Eggers applies just as much with this book...it's challenging to separate the author's personality from the main character/protagonist. It's like he's clever but is a little too aware of it..he's anticlimactic on purpose. He's cocky but somehow full of self doubt. If that doesn't make much sense, then you should read a few pages of this to understand.

The premise of this one is very interesting...basically, two friends have lost one of their best friends at the start. The protagonist has recently inherited a great deal of money ($80,000 plus stock options) for being the inspiration for a silhouetted logo for a product. Understanding the full absurdity of life's dealings and having no other capable way of coping, the protagonist with his best friend venture forth to third world countries to find random ways to give the money away.

What's interesting here is that Eggers probably did actually go to these countries as there are snapshots from time to time that don't look like the kind of photoshopped beautiful things but experiential sorts that come from a writer who has a point and shoot camera to bring out once and awhile..in other words, it's believable. It's also interesting what dilemmas the main character puts himself through because of his American capitalist guilt. Mainly, though, it's the characters you meet on the way and the similarities and criticisms that are drawn of each place. It's worthwhile reading, for sure, but not exactly groundbreaking or teaching anyone anything new (unless you know absolutely nothing about wealth vs. poverty, for instance.) Still, the keen sense of adventure makes it more engaging than quite a few novels being written today. There's also alot of nice long rambles and disconcerting flashbacks.

Some quotes I liked:

p. 43 "I was being blindsided by familiar things. I was pulling over to the side of the road, my head resting on the side window, trying to understand why things could be so green. Songs were knocking me from wall to wall, certain songs in certain progressions strained my eyes, roughed up my throat, brought me near tears without delivering me to any kind of catharsis."

...

"(I) dreamt of a rainstorm where the drops were big as cars. I was watching the storm, full of burgundies and blues, from a bunker and was safe, but people were getting killed, and I was feeling terrible because it was all so beautiful, the drops perfectly and roundly reflecting and distorting the world below before crashing atop those expecting life from rain."

p.62 "It was the end of an epoch and I didn't want to be around to see it happen; we'd traded anonymity for access."

p.67 "You invite things to happen. You open the door. You inhale. And if you inhale the chaos, you give the chaos, the chaos gives back."

p.74 "The point is to offer yourself to death and see if you're chosen."

p.140 "For no reason I pictured raccoons, that under the water and through the wormhole, there would be a society of talking raccoons, who smoked pipes and laughed at the happenings on what they called The Upper World, meaning my world. I would live with them for a while, and the queen, older but not too old, imperious but not unkind, would fall for me and insist on my being her male concubine, ad all in that regard would be just fine, the perks impressive and life in general very good -until she tired of me one day when another prospect arrived, a Jordanian man via a Dead Sea passageway."

p. 203 "Ella Fitzgerald was singing from a small speaker over our heads. Maybe Sarah Vaughn. I worried briefly that they, Sarah and Ella, knew I didn't know the difference, and were angry.

p.229 "The only infallible truth of our lives is that everything we love in life will be taken from us."

p.315 "You can't ever guess at life, at pain. All pain is real, and all pain is personal. It's the most personal thing we have. It eats each of us differently. You cannot know-"

***

"The road was tedious, without light or interruption. For awhile, we drove with our tongues."

Probably more of a 1.5 star, but I rounded up because I feel the author has slight potential. This was quite a confusing jumble of a travelogue. The protagonist sets off around the world with a friend he seems to strongly dislike, all in order to give away $38,000. Why not just donate to charity, or invest it, or buy a house? The premise was never explained. They also were completely reckless and ignorant in their traveling, often going off with strangers or letting random people hop in their car. I simply can’t imagine anyone reading this and honestly listing it as a beloved or favorite book.

I loved the writing, I really did. Imaginative and colorful and funny. There was just too much of it.

I think the whole book could have been trimmed by 20 to 30 percent and been much more enjoyable. It’s divided into 3 parts, and in my edition they have ratios that are almost too mathematically precise to be a coincidence. The first 250 pages were Will’s first person account of his and his friend Hand’s frantic, limited-to-one-week, global travels trying to unload $32,000 in cash through various bizarre schemes. The reader is left mostly in the dark, except for some cryptic references, as to why, and particularly, why this method. These two are supposed to be in their late 20s, but behave like 8 year olds on a cupcake binge (OK, 8 year olds who go to nightclubs and hang out with hookers). The story was actually an intriguing and humorous concept, punctuated by Will’s angst, the origins of which remain (irritatingly) mysterious.

The middle section is Hand’s explication of Will’s story, and it’s exactly 50 pages, bringing in a lot of meta-fictional elements such as his talking about the story as if it were a history of a real trip, which Will (before his death) had fictionalized to some extent, which Hand does not understand or approve of, when their original intent had been to create a “Performance Literature” piece. [This reference to Will’s death is not a spoiler, as it is disclosed on the first page of the book.] Hand’s explanation of their purposes, to proactively set events in motion in order to record them, his speculations about the reasons for Will’s fabrications, and his reference to some parallel events between occurrences in Will’s narrative and his own “life” after the fact all get very post-modern and self-reflexive. Now I’m having fun! I also liked Hand’s comparing the book to a Sacrament (said to be the original title of the book).

But alas, then we go back to Will’s story, another 100 pages exactly (with new insights because of Hand’s interlude), and again it seems to drag and bog down for me although, with the new information, it is better than the first part.

In addition to some philosophizing about money, poverty, charity and the relationship of haves and have-nots within the context of the giving, this also may be an allegory about our rushing around madly in life trying to find a purpose and meaning and too often it’s all wrapped up with our concerns about money.

All in all, I have to give it a 3, maybe 3-1/2, mostly for the writing and creative treatment and humor. It did need a ruthless editor, though, and I think the book would have been much improved had a machete been taken to much of the first section. I may try another of Egger’s book, because I did enjoy his language skills. There is certainly some talent there. And I really liked a movie that he and his wife wrote a couple of years ago called “Away We Go.”

The thing I remember most strongly about this book is just toodling along, minding my own business, and then boom! pow! meta! mmmmmmmetametametameta! META!. Did Dave Eggers invent meta? For me, he invented meta. And no one, before or after or since or whenever, will come close to giving me that gasping shocked awe. Fuck off, haters; I love him so so so.