For a book to have been in print continuously for nearly 80 years, it must be doing something right. Many of the principles are still applicable, but Carnegie’s case studies struck me as hopelessly outdated as well as exclusively American (the Teapot Dome scandal?!). In teaching public speaking to thousands of businessmen, he developed pointed advice for how to get people to like you and do what you want. Examples: show genuine interest in others and draw out their stories, express sincere appreciation, and try to see things from the other person’s point of view. Although he insists this is not about trickery or flattery, I still sensed a hint of manipulation. A lot of what he says just seems like common sense, but he spells it out and puts it all together in a helpful, reader-friendly format. He also draws on anecdote and experience, much like contemporary self-help authors like Gretchen Rubin and Brené Brown.

I won’t rate it because after first chapter, I skimmed through it. Didn’t like the tone, the verbal torrent, the examples and certainly I don’t agree with many of his principles – some are good tho but in smaller doses. I lived so far with just a few but close friends, got along with almost all my co-workers without kissing any asses, so I think I’ll live without these advices from now on too.

If you’re curious, here they are:

IN A NUTSHELL FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE

PRINCIPLE 1 Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
PRINCIPLE 2 Give honest and sincere appreciation.
PRINCIPLE 3 Arouse in the other person an eager want.


IN A NUTSHELL SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

PRINCIPLE 1 Become genuinely interested in other people.
PRINCIPLE 2 Smile.
PRINCIPLE 3 Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
PRINCIPLE 4 Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
PRINCIPLE 5 Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
PRINCIPLE 6 Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.


IN A NUTSHELL WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

PRINCIPLE 1 The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
PRINCIPLE 2 Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
PRINCIPLE 3 If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
PRINCIPLE 4 Begin in a friendly way.
PRINCIPLE 5 Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
PRINCIPLE 6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
PRINCIPLE 7 Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
PRINCIPLE 8 Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
PRINCIPLE 9 Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
PRINCIPLE 10 Appeal to the nobler motives.
PRINCIPLE 11 Dramatize your ideas.
PRINCIPLE 12 Throw down a challenge.


IN A NUTSHELL BE A LEADER

PRINCIPLE 1 Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
PRINCIPLE 2 Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
PRINCIPLE 3 Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
PRINCIPLE 4 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
PRINCIPLE 5 Let the other person save face.
PRINCIPLE 6 Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
PRINCIPLE 7 Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
PRINCIPLE 8 Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
PRINCIPLE 9 Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

لقد قرات هذا الكتاب مت قبل مرتين وهو كتاب جيد تشعر معه بصدق التجارب وفعلا
جربت الكثير من المواقف ولكن علاقتنا بالناس وكسب الأصدقاء تحتاج الى الصبر والحكمه
وحب الناس بصدق أضاف الكتاب الى ولكن ليس كثيرا فمعظم المبادئ والأفكار تعلمتها من حبيبي ومعلمي رسول الله
صلى الله عليه وسلم ولكن ديل كارنيجي يستحق الشكر والثناء على هذا العمل

tại sao người ta có thể ca tụng nó như thể một áng văn bất hủ??!!
thề, k bao giờ có thể nuốt nổi mấy quyển như thế này.

Some lesser known facts about how to deal with people and win their hearts.

Game changer.

I've heard, I wash told, I have read how amazing 'The Book' of Dale Carnegie for years and always wanted to read it. And I finally did. And it came nothing short of living up to the world class reputation it has. Mr. Carnegie explains the concepts behind influencing people, not as a bag of tricks, but as a true way of life. All the chapters contain highly self-explanatory examples to help readers understand each principle. In my opinion, this is one of the books one must read in his or her lifetime, preferably at the earliest.

:قبل أن تشرع في قراءة الكتاب, هناك ملاحظات أحبذ اعتبارها في حساباتك

1- السلوكيات والنصائح الواردة لا يعتمد عليها بالكلية للحصول على أصدقاء من أقرانك, فلكي يقبلك أحدهم كصديق في علاقة طويلة المدى يجب أن تكون شخصاً ذا ثقل, ويحمل مميزات مادية مفيدة تجعله يحتاجك دائماً, وإذا فقدت هذه الميزات فستنطفئ علاقته بك تدريجياً حتى وإن لم يكن يقصد هو ذلك؛ لذا فالعمل على تنمية مهاراتك هو حجر الأساس.

2- يجب أن تبدو السلوكيات التي تنفذها بمظهر السلوكيات المخلصة, فالناس لا يحبون الرياء والمداهنة؛ فذلك يظهرك غالباً كنصاب يعاملهم كأغبياء, وفي أحسن الأحوال تظهر بمظهر النصاب فقط, وفي كل الأحوال سيتلاشى مجهودك المبذول على هذه السلوكيات. وبصفتي الشخصية, لي صديق يحاول دائماً تنفيذ سلوكيات كالمذكورة في الكتاب كإظهار الاهتمام بما يثير اهتمامي, ولكنه لا يفعلها بإخلاص غالباً, فيتحول الأمر إلى مدعاة للشفقة.

3- السلوكيات الواردة ليست بتعاويذ سحرية, فضلاً عن أنها معروفة وقديمة قدم الأزل, ولكن لا يستخدمها الناس عادة في أمورهم اليومية لارتفاع تكلفة الجهد المبذول فيها مقابل العائد البسيط منها نظراً لأن معظم الأشخاص الذين نقابلهم لا فائدة منهم على الإطلاق. وعندما نحتاج أحد هذه السلوكيات لتخطي ورطة مع أحد الأشخاص, تتوه الحلول مننا, وإن وجدناها فليس بمقدورنا تنفيذ ما لم نتعود على فعله تنفيذاً يبدو جيداً. وعليه, فالأعلام الوارد ذكرهم في الكتاب كعباقرة في التعامل مع الناس مثل "روزفلت", يستثمرون جهود ضخمة لتمويل شعبيتهم وسط الناس, وبهذا أصل من جديد إلى إن العبقرية هي مقدرة على الصبر/الاجتهاد.
ليس لدي الصبر على كل تلك المشاق لتلقي مشاعر الناس, ومن الجيد أنه ليس لدي رغبة عميقة في استزادة مقدرتي على معاملة الناس بحكم شخصيتي الـ"INTJ-T"
.. وعليه نويت استخدام الكتاب كمرجع, في حال إن تورطت في علاقة مع أحد البشر.

4-"moral high ground fags" ككل الكتب التي تتحدث عن سلوك البشر وكيفية استغلاله, لا ينصح به للسادة الـ .

5- استخدمه باعتدال, فمعظم السلوكيات تعتمد في تأثيرها على قلة تنفيذ الآخرين لها, وإذ أنت أغرقت الجميع بها, فسوف يتبدد تأثيرها ككل شيء متوفر بسهولة من حولهم مهما كان أهمية ما تقوم به لهم. خذ الماء والهواء كمثال وعبرة.

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ترجمة "عبد الله محمد الزيادي" عن "دار الندوة الجديدة" اللبنانية ترجمة جيدة جداً... ترجمة العنوان الرئيسي لـ "كيف تختار الأصدقاء" غير موفق, والعنوان الفرعي "كيف تؤثر في الناس" أكثر تعبيراً عن الكتاب.
هناك ترجمات أخرى متوفرة, ولكني لم أطلع عليها.

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تماماً ككتاب "دع القلق وتعلم الحياة", يسرد كارنجي الكثير من القصص الحقيقية المسلية لتوضيح نصائحه, ولإعطاء أمثلة عملية نستطيع استغلالها في حياتنا. أذكر منهم قصتان, والأولى منهما تصرفت فيها قليلاً:

"إن معظم الشبان الراغبين في الزواج لا يهمهم أن تكون الزوجة المنشودة ربة بيت من الطراز الأول بقدر ما يهمهم أن تشبع غرورهم, وتمنحهم الإحساس بالأهمية والاعتبار!"
ولعل هذا هو السر في أن أكثر الفتيات المثقفات يخفقن في الحصول على الأزواج, فإنك قد تدعو الفتاة المثقفة للغداء معك , فلا تلبث أن تتركك وقد تحمست لدراسة التيارات الهامة في الفلسفة المعاصرة - مثلاً- وماذا تكون النتيجة؟ تتناول غداءها بعد ذلك بلا رفيق.
ولكنك قد تدعو إلى الغداء فتاة تعمل على الآلة الكاتبة ولم تدرس قط في الجامعة, فلا تلبث أن تثبت نظرها عليك, وتقول لك: "حدثني عن نفسك" وماذا تكون النتيجة؟ سوف تشعر بالأمان في صحبتها, وسوف تقول حتماً في لأصحابك: "صحيح إنها ليست على قدر كبير من الجمال, ولكني ارتحت لها!"


منذ وقت قصير, وقع صديق لي في غرام فتاة لم يلبث أن خطبها, وبعد قليل من خطبته, رغبت إليه خطيبته في أن يتعلم الرقص فاستجاب لرغبتها. قال لي وهو يروي القصة:
"... والله يعلم أنني كنت في أمس الحاجة إلى دروس الرقص. كنت قد تعلمت الرقص منذ نحو عشرين سنة, فلما عدت إليه, عدت كما بدأته, وقد صارحتني المدرسة الأولى التي قصدت إليها, بهذه الحقيقة سافرة, قالت لي لي إنني على خطأ بيّن, وإنه يجب أن أنسى ما تعلمته في الماضي وأن أبدأ من جديد! ولكن هذا اقتضاني مجهوداً كبيراً, ولم يكن لدي دافع يدفعني إلى مواصلة التعليم فتركتها!.
"ولعل المعلمة الثانية كذبت علي, ولكني فضلتها! قالت لي إن رقصي قديم العهد بعض الشيء, ولكن المبادئ في جوهرها صحيحة. وأكدت أنني لن ألقى عناء في تعلم بعض الخطوات الجديدة.
"لقد بثت المعلمة الأولى اليأس في نفسي بتأكيدها لأخطائي, أما الثانية فقد فعلت العكس تماماً: امتدحت الشيء الوحيد الصحيح في رقصي, وهونت كثيراً من شأن أخطائي.
وكانت لا تفتأ تقول لي: إن لك أذناً موسيقية .. إنك راقص موهوب.
"وبرغم إيماني بأنني كنت – وسأظل – راقصاً من الدرجة الرابعة, إلا أنني كنت أتشكك أحيانا وأقول لنفسي : ربما كانت تعني ما تقول!. والواقع أنني كنت أنقدها المال بسبب ما تواليني به من تشجيع وتقدير!"

n
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محتويات الكتاب:

(1)


(2)


(3)


(4)

My dad gave me this book when I was a teenager and it changed my life. It comes off to some people as a book on how to manipulate people, but that is really far from it. In my experience there's really no way to put the practices this book preaches into effect with your life and not become someone who actually treats people better as a result. Funny how treating people better leads to leadership, friends, and influencing them. It's not an accident.

I've read the book at least 3 times, with another time soon approaching as it's been awhile. I would recommend it to anyone interested in being more friendly. And in reality, I think pretty much everyone should read it.

I didn't give it an "amazing", 5 star rating, due to the fact that it wasn't the type of book that was hard to put down, but that said it's still a great book. Read it. Seriously.

Every week for the past seven years my father has diligently asked me--without fail--whether or not I had finally read this book. How to Win Friends & Influence People changed my father's life when he first read it, back during the 1970s, and as such he's wanted me to read it as well. I have three copies of this book in my house--the first an aqua paperback my father originally bought for me, the second the very same paperback my father re-bought for me when in a fit of rebellion I told him I'd lost the first copy, and the third my father's own disheveled edition he brought back from India.

If your parents have ever shoved anything down your throat, you can probably understand why it took me seven years to finally pick up this volume. Even now, I've only read it under the threat that my father wouldn't pay my college tuition bills for the fall semester unless I would read and discuss it with him before the payment deadline. Lo and behold, Dale Carnegie's non-fiction piece finally made it into my hands.

Admittedly, this isn't a bad book. It shares useful pieces of advice with plenty of support to back up its claims. Only, in my eyes, I don't believe that each and every individual can truly put Carnegie's advice into effect. Certain tid-bits, such as listening to others or offering genuine praise, can definitely be employed by all but others, such as manipulating a situation so that the other person believes your idea is really his or her own, are much harder. We've all met charismatic and charming people who can take advantage of any situation seamlessly. It isn't a learned skill, but rather an innate one. Thus, having read How to Win Friends & Influence People I truly cannot influence people unless I find myself in the same exact situations outlined by Carnegie. Thrown into another one, I fear I'd sink and find myself influenced instead.

Winning friends isn't overly difficult, in my opinion. Much of what Carnegie writes are valuable stepping stones I've picked up over the course of my two years blogging online. I offer genuine praise when I enjoy a blog post, I take the time to read--or "listen"--to what others have to say, I use their name when commenting because it builds that personal connection. Consequently, I don't find this book to be particularly helpful. When it comes to winning friends, I think we all undergo certain trajectories in life where we make genuine friends and others where we don't, but we learn from those experiences to know the advice Carnegie puts into chapters. (I also dislike the phrase "winning" friends...)

So, the first part of this book was useless, the second part--"influence people"--isn't as helpful as it should be and the last part, leadership attributes, are yet again qualities I don't think can be completely taught. Carnegie speaks of traits a good leader possesses, but oftentimes the difficulty doesn't lie in being a good leader but rather in becoming a leader in the first place. Perhaps I am overly critical of this book considering my past experiences with it, but I will not deny that, in the right hands, this book is certainly moving. In today's day and age, with the internet altering our perception of face-to-face interactions, this volume may be even more significant to individuals who cannot cease texting and are hooked onto technology. For others, though, this book is merely repetitive (seriously, so many of the same pieces of advice are repeated in different phrases throughout the novel) and rather dull.

Dale Carnegie put together one heck of a book, I’ve already begun applying his techniques and advice to great success, with my wife, children and clients. My wife and I run a small business and sometimes clients can be a real pain in the behind, I used to sometimes sass back but after reading this life guide I’ve begun to sing a different tune, and the results speak for themselves, they are very positive. This book can be used as a life guide, whenever we run into issues dive into Carnegie’s book and you may just find what you’re looking for. I will definitely be recommending this and re reading in the future. Below are some of my favorite quotes.

"It is an old and true maxim that 'a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.' So with men, if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.”
-Abe Lincoln



“All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory” was the motto of the King’s Guard in Ancient Greece.

“You must develop a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people”

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain — and most fools do.”

“The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important … always make the other person feel important.”

“Listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone.”


“There is only one way under the high heaven to get the best of an argument — and that is to avoid it. Avoid arguments as you would rattlesnakes and earthquakes.”

“We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”

“In our interpersonal relationships, we should never forget that all our associates are human begins and hunger for appreciation.”

I can summarize the first 50 pages in 5 words: "Stop being such an asshole." At which point I said to myself, "Hey! Who does this asshole think he's calling an asshole?" And stopped reading.

Which Carnegie should've known better than to say--as the other point he makes in those pages is, none of us have the ability to see ourselves in a negative light. Hitler, for instance, thought he was a great guy (according to Carnegie).

Well researched and documented but many of the tactics are too manipulative to be applied ethically.