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n A live pelican is an interesting, amusing, and sympathetic bird, though if you handle him he will give you lice; but a dead pelican looks very silly.n
Lotz: Hello, everyone. Welcome back to book club. Did everyone finish our book?
All: Yes, yes.
Lotz: Good. Now did anybody like it?
Doctor: I thought it was dreadful the way he talks about the bulls.
Lotz: Ok, you can go then.
Businessman: Really, this whole business sounds crude and wasteful.
Lotz: You are dismissed.
Shopkeeper: I’d never let my children read this sort of thing.
Lotz: Off you go. But did anybody like it? Anyone at all?
Old Lady: I quite liked it.
Lotz: Ok, come with me, then, and we’ll talk about it.
Old Lady: Alright, sir. But tell me. Why are you writing your book review like this? Didn’t Hemingway do this in the book?
Lotz: Yes, Madame, he certainly did. I thought it would be fun to imitate him.
Old Lady: All imitations only serve to show the imitator is a failure. Didn’t Hemingway say that?
Lotz: Something like it. Well, tell me then. What did you like about the book?
Old Lady: It’s hard to say. To be honest, I thought I’d hate it. But there was something really charming about the way Hemingway talks about bullfighting. I can't exactly put my finger on it.
Lotz: That’s how it always is with Hemingway. You think he will be violent, boorish, brutal, vulgar, perhaps even vaguely immoral. But for a certain subset of people, there is nothing at all vulgar in it; only artistry and truth. And you can’t know what kind of person you are until you read him.
Old Lady: Didn’t Hemingway say almost the same exact thing about bullfighting? You’re ripping him off again.
Lotz: Madame, ripping authors off is one of my pastimes. But it is indeed worth pointing out that whenever Hemingway describes hunting or bullfighting or one of his manly pursuits, he is also giving a metaphorical description of his own writing.
Old Woman: Many people have said this before. You’re a poor critic.
Lotz: True enough, Madame. But did you realize this as you read?
Old Woman: I admit I didn’t, but now that you point it out it is all very obvious. I heard it before, years ago.
Lotz: Yes, the way he goes on and on about how the bullfighter must be brave and honest, must be simple and straightforward, must not cheat his crowd, must not use any tricks, must put himself in real danger.
Old Woman: Spare me this analysis.
Lotz: I apologize, Madame. But tell me, are you now curious to see a bullfight?
Old Woman: I suppose so, just to see if I can pick up on any of the things Hemingway talked about. All the artistry and so forth.
Lotz: Perhaps we can go together, Madame.
Old Woman: With you? I’d rather not.
Lotz: I understand, Madame. I’m curious to know, was there anything you didn’t like about the book?
Old Woman: Yes, I admit that I got rather tired of Hemingway’s descriptions of techniques and of the careers of various bullfighters by the end of it. He went on for rather too long about how bulls have to be brave, how men have to be brave, how everybody and everything has to be brave, and he ended up repeating himself pretty often.
Lotz: You’re right about this, Madame.
Old Woman: And I get the creeps when he talks about how killing is an art.
Lotz: For Hemingway, the moment of death was the simplest and the truest of all moments. You see, Hemingway loved things that were simple and true, but he thought that some things were so simple and so true that most people can’t face them and so can’t adequately write about them.
Old Woman: Yes, yes, spare me any more of this dramatic criticism. I am going. I haven’t time for your puerile book reviews. Goodbye.
She is gone. This review is almost over. If I was up to writing a proper review, I would tell you about how it felt to read this book sitting in a café in Madrid, sipping on a vermouth and gnawing on a bocadillo with chorizo, and I would tell you about the motion sickness as I read this book on the bus ride to Manzanares el Real, about looking out the window and seeing a statue of a matador standing in front of a town’s bull ring, and about the hard, rugged landscape that went by the window, with its rocky hills and empty plains, and about the conversations I’ve had with Spaniards here about whether or not the bullfight is ethical, and I would tell you about visiting the bullring at Ronda after seeing the cliffs and the green countryside, and buying the book in the museum’s gift shop. If this was a proper review, I would tell you all of these things.