My Secret Garden

Great book. It makes you feel like less of a weirdo for your own fantasies lol. And if you're an aspiring erotica writer its a great source of inspiration. Didn't really enjoy her interjections but I just skimmed over them.

Definitely worth the read.

This book was the first of its kind. Unlike Alfred Kinsey’s research, the author took her samplings from a larger, random audience of participants. Friday includes fantasies from all walks of women, across various continents and of different ethnicities.

From a scholar of human sexuality’s standpoint, it is organized as well as it could have been for the time in which it was written. At some points while reading, there is a bit of a disconnect between the author’s drawn-out words and the provided fantasies. Toward the end it all came together, though. The afterward helps debunk a lot of the common neigh-sayer reviews, even like the ones seen on this app.

The chapter on guilt seems to be the most timeless portion of the book, but that might just be my perspective. At times the text seemed to be never-ending, but I appreciate all the hard work that went into publishing it. (all puns intended…)

4 stars. Solid book with some flaws.

Written in the 1970s, My Secret Garden was written with the ambition to extend the women's liberation movement to the sexual realm. Nancy Friday posted an ad asking for women's real sex fantasies, and the book is a collection of more than 100 letters she received in response.

This book is a very worthy read, as it offers the reader access into the private sexual thoughts of countless women. If you thought women were delicate, pure, prude beings, you are up for a serious surprise.

The first 2 chapters were definitely a mind bender. "Do women think *that much* about sex? Are they really *that* wicked? All of them?"
I found chapter 3 to be particularly instructive as it groups fantasies by themes, making comments as to why some themes might be so appealing. More than a book of women's sexuality, chapter 3 makes it a book on the wild possibilities of sex, as I discovered that I resonate strongly with some themes. As such, I find the book to be a good introduction to the landscape of sex.

I have to admit, I found one aspect of the book particularly challenging: women fantasize about other men during sex. Being quite prone to jealousy, I imagine that I would feel quite uneasy if I were to know that my partner thinks about someone else in my presence.
Nancy Friday's comment on this is mostly that women shouldn't be judged for their fantasies. And while I find most themes entertaining at least (including dog sex), the "other men" part would be difficult for me to accept. But she also touches on why this may be: women's fantasies confront men to the unconquerable rival, the imagined lover who would satisfy her more than they ever could.
I'm not sure how much this side note should be a criticism of the book, though, given that it was mainly intended for a female audience to gain awareness of their fantasies. As a male reader, I am rather a fly on the wall listening to these private thoughts.

I will put it as a criticism though. This book takes the position that no sexual fantasy should be judged, and that the decision to act on them or not should be left to the woman.
Turning the tables, I don't think women would be too happy about men claiming the right to shamelessly glance at younger, firmer, curvier women than their spouses.

A key lesson of this book is that women use their imagination to turn themselves on, and that they tend to know quite well which corners of their imagination turn them on. Whether for masturbation or for reaching stronger orgasms with their partners, I'm all for it.

Reading through the book, I kept thinking about an old warning. In the advent of novels a few centuries ago, women were strongly discouraged from reading books for it might "give them ideas." Now I know exactly what that warning was about.

2 things I was quite happy to learn: 1, some women do look at men's crotches, and 2, some women with an exhibitionist kink make a deliberate choice not to wear panties. Reading these as 1st person confessions was quite enlightening.

Throughout the book I kept wondering: how representative is this if the broader female population? Do *all* women fantasize? Does this book merely present the biased sample of women who do fantasize?
The book doesn't provide an answer.
Well. I guess the only way to find out is to open this conversation with the women of my life and find out (only my intimate friends, that is!)

I found this book quite interesting up until the 35% mark due to the fact that the women having said fantasies were truly interesting and they described what they were thinking in such a vivd manner.
There was also an large input form the author on their experiences and alot of psichology and explaining on her part.

I liked that the book was structured into types of fantasies starting from weird places, personalities, voyeurism&exhibitionism to bondage,rape,incest,zoophilia,interracial etc...and each chapter had multiple females sharing their fantasy.

After 35% i found the structure to get both sloppy and uniinteresting , also many stories were quite boring and i had to skim through the pages, waiting for the next chapter and maybe some other interesting intro containing insights from the author. As the book progressed this wasn't the case and hence my 2 star out of five.

4.5*

Absolutely loved this book! The only reason I didn't give it 5 stars was because I felt that the writing could have been a little better, even another edit of the book would have sufficed as there were some typos and awkward phrasing.

Also, I feel like a trigger warning is in order for anyone who is sensitive to the following informarion:

1). Rape or rape fantasies
2). Violence or violence during sex etc.
3). Beastiality! (Not really a trigger warning but I was not prepared for the amount of beastiality in this book. The first story mentioned involves it and I feel like it should have been placed later on in the book, as Nancy Friday even admits she anticipates some people will stop reading past the first story because of this.)

I would also highly encourage men to read this book as a lot of the women felt guilty or ashamed of their fantasies and felt like they couldn't tell their partners about then because they were afraid he would be jealous or angry etc.

Regardless of this I feel like it would be interesting for men to read this to see just how much women actually do think about sex daily.

Overall, this book was a wild ride (pun intended) and fascinating to read especially since it was published in the 70s!

2.5 stars

The concept is great and I loved the idea of doing a book like that (especially at the time of first publication -1973-).
I read this after reading Want by Gillian Anderson, which I absolutely adore (the book and the author)

However, it contains a couple of things that can be disturbing.

One letter from a teacher that proudly state that she likes to punish children while having them naked in her office truly shocked me.
I’m not shocked by fantasies because it’s supposed to be in your head and I strongly believe that there’s no shame in that, whatever the fantasy you have. BUT when it does happen in real life thats not okay.

I understand that the author simply transcribed the testimonies of others, but I would appreciate a note from her before or after something quite wrong like that, or to NOT include it in the book at all (and call the police …)

Other letters contained what was really rape or sexual assault without it being acknowledged as that by the author’s testimony. However I can possibly explained this because of the era when the book was written.

Overall, wouldn’t really recommend or at least to be read while keeping in mind the era that it was written in.

Helped me understand a lot of stuff, both about myself and others, when I was a teen.

After reading the first chapter and then skimming it, i just couldn’t get there. What am i supposed to feel? It s raw and Lacks personal point of view. The introduction was poorly written, and then the book structure was all over the place in my opinion. What’s the point of a book which just bluntly dives into women’s fantasies without analysis or something that could make it meaningful. If you are curious of people’s fantasies vulgar and ok ish written go for it. If you expect something more constructed and thorough , skip it.