This 1973 book was groundbreaking for its time but badly needs updating and a better grouning. It could be seen as a collection of dirty stories, yes, but it also does give insight into the female psyche and I wonder how much would still apply today. Part of the problem is I feel this isn't very grounded or representative. Friday seems to have collected the fantasies of a rather small range of women demographically.

Friday wrote she advertised for female fantasies in a magazine and newspaper and collected over 400 of them. Are these educated women? Wealthier than average? Is there racial diversity in her sample? Lesbians and bisexuals in proportional numbers? How much of this is true cross-culturally or does this only hold for Americans? And how much has changed since 1973 given the impact of the feminist movement? She divides the fantasies into 16 "Houses" of the most popular stock themes. Would Rape Fantasy still be number three decades after the heyday of the bodice-ripper romance? Would "Pain and Masochism" rank higher in our age of Fifty Shades of Grey? Would "Big Black Men" still make it on the hit parade or would it come lower or higher since it's less "forbidden" for white women?

All that said, a friend of mine interested in gender studies says she'd still be interested in this book because she knows of no more recent or rigorous study on the subject--which rather astonishes me.

Clearly a groundbreaking work in its day. I found it a bit dated though, with its early 70s vibe. That's not to say that this book isn't still valuable, just it might benefit from rephrasing in more modern prose.

The categories are odd too. For instance, the lesbian section is mostly about bestiality. Why this should be so is unclear, especially as both these themes recur frequently.

This book made me feel so NOT like a freak. It was nice to know other women were fantasizing, too.

It's a collection of women's sexual fantasies, author collected over the years. Some of them from interviews, the other ones from anonymous letters where women reveal their souls and innermost secrets. If you think you can imagine how that sounds, I would challenge you that you can't. Some of them are from the sphere of usual and ordinary life, because that's where the very material - lego bricks of imagination - comes from (where else), but some... some will knock you out of your shoes. That is, if you wore ones while lying in bed in the middle of night listening to this. If you are, it's ok. What you do in the privacy of your mind or your bedroom is your own thing and it's all ok. As long as shoes consent, that is.

If you're a man, this book is the most direct glimpse into the "mind of the enemy", that "secret garden" you can never approach to because women keep it hidden and remote even from their very selves, due to their goddamn upbringing or even goddamner need to keep the appearances. You need to earn their trust and if you don't fall victim to emotional ebola or bankrupt in the process, there might be real person for you waiting on the other side. But there's no guarantee.

Because, in all likelihood, she's not even aware herself of miracle her mind and body are capable of. And if she is, she's likely caught in mind games thinking she has to be some special, prescribed thing for you to love her, not realizing the only thing she has to do to completely knock you out is stop doing what everybody else is.

Of course, asshole men who say they want one thing (lady in public, whore in bed), but actually act all high, mighty and judgemental when they get woman open to sex in all its beautiful shapes and forms because, in actuality, they just can't keep up with sexual dynamo she is, don't help this situation.

This book might give you some ideas on riches waiting on the other side of the wall and help you decide if you're really ready for them.

OK, I got this book many years ago as a gag gift from a friend. And not to judge, BUT some women have some crazy a@$ fantasies. To each her own, I guess. And that is pretty much the basis for this book. NOTHING I have fantasized in the past or will fantasize about in the future would out weird the stories in this book!!

making a reading list of all pieces referenced in ContraPoints's Twilight analysis vid

Nancy Friday's books are so refreshing to me. The first one I read was this one- MY SECRET GARDEN. The "garden" in question has nothing to do with soil and plants. This is the first book of women's sexual fantasies collected by Nancy Friday starting in the 1970's. She was not a psychologist or social scientist. She was a woman who wanted other women in a world that was finally opening up to female sexuality to be free to anonymously unveil their deepest sexual fantasies for other women to enjoy and be inspired by. The women and girls, using first names only, described their sexual history and went on to share, quite graphically, their fantasies.
In the early 1970's, the feminist movement was cranking up in earnest and the pill had finally become available more freely to women who were not married. There was much more freedom for women and this book caught the spirit of that. For those who would like to be refreshed by the fantasies and lives of real women telling their real stories rather than porn and semi porn published by men showing what they think our fantasies are or should be, check out all of Nancy Friday's books. Enjoy!

I read this as a young teen, I think I was either 12 or 13. I got my copy in a thrift store. I was always shopping for books in the thrift store back then. I kept it secret because I'd never read anything so explicit before. I'm giving it 5 stars because it made a big impact on me at that young age.

This book was groundbreaking in its time, but in a time where any fantasy is explicitly displayed on the internet, it's not as thrilling as it once was. Also, the author gets a little... exuberant about the effect of women's fantasy lives. Healthy fantasy and sex lives are important to an individual and a couple in a relationship. This book could possibly help a woman to feel empowered and unashamed of her own strange fantasies, I just don't think it could possibly have the impact it once did because that ground is already broken.

Ok so like objectively this books was probably really important and sensational when it was published. It is like reading a time capsule in many ways. But the thing about time capsules is that some of them maybe should remain buried. I honestly can’t get my head around this book. Like important for the women’s sexual Revolution? Probably. Shining a light on women as independent sexual beings and not little virgins who exist only for men? Great! But also boy this book is A LOT. I don’t want to judge people’s fantasies but I personally wasn’t prepared for all the beastiality (those poor dogs), incest, underaged, non con and who BOY racism. Like A LOT of racism. This book also had big “are the straights ok vibes.” Idk man. Don’t read it is my suggestion. Just like read an article about it if you’re curious. Or don’t - never think about this again. That also works.

4 Stars

She has a penchant for difficult men, types who beat her up either physically or mentally. I've never known her to be attracted to a "nice guy", and I get the feeling there's something in her that would turn even a nice guy into a bastard. 


A strange book and one that didn't quite go as I planned. 

It's a list of sexual fantasies she has collected and commentary not on the fantasies but on how people react to them. 

It's very dated - you can tell the time it is from and some of the stories are wild and horrible but their fantasies so I guess that's where discretion comes into it. 

While I wouldn't shelf it as a feminist read it is nice read on what women desired at the time.

I only read the fantasies, skipped the pseudo science and analysis.