A must read for any parent of a boy! I loved it and gave me a good look at the life of a boy growing up in today's society!

I found the book had a lot of really critical information to understanding adolescent boys, information that will help me become a better educator and (down the road) parent. Some of it got a bit long, and I skimmed through some of the case studies. Definitely a reference I'll return to for specific situations in the future. Well researched and supported!

Pollack adamantly challenged the idealized tough love, suck up the pain, distant approach to raising boys that has been predominant in the United States for generations. In contrast, Pollack advocated for a new approach to raising boys characterized by compassion, empathy, intimacy, support, and engagement. He offers useful tips, but they must be applied with a artful hand. They seem to be a good step for the development of boys across the country but they are not the silver bullet. Pollack’s work can be an affront to traditional developmental approaches but a changing world demands changing approaches to all things, including something as sacred as American families.

Frankly, I found this book to be a bit dated. It touched on a lot of issues I care about as a dad, but even as William Pollack tries to unravel "The Boy Code" (aka toxic masculinity) he often uses a gendered approach. Nonetheless, it is worth looking at the specific symptoms of the patriarchy one might need to mitigate for our sons, but these symptoms could also affect our daughters. Until gender roles are completely dismantled, it's good to be aware of them and consciously help our children break out of them.

what is becoming of the men in our society, where are we heading with our future leaders?

Catches you by surprise. A must read.

I'm only about a third of the way through this, but I'm finding it such a slog. Last night I picked up "The Tao of Pooh", because I'd left my copy of "Real Boys" downstairs and I couldn't be bothered going to get it, and I was so relieved to read something enjoyable. Not sure whether I'm going to be able to come back to "Real Boys". Because of:

1. It is in serious need of editing: I don't expect a psychologist to be a brilliant writer, but I do expect a published book to be in better shape than this, since there are a bunch of people in publishing, who do know what a brilliant book reads like, who have touched this book and could have made a difference.

There are multiple instances of crazy syntax, making sentences confusing to read.

There are underdeveloped analogies, seriously weakening points which, if handled better, could be profound.

Even the layout of the subheadings is bad. It's like no attention has been paid to line breaks, which affects the sense of meaning when one is reading them.

2. It is exceedingly repetitive, both thematically and literally. Across paragraphs there will be sentences with almost exactly the same meaning that just do not need to be there. Within a chapter there are lots and lots of sub-chapters, and the arching theme of the chapter is mercilessly repeated within each sub-chapter. One, the reader is not an idiot, and two, a sense of pace and momentum is lost, leading to a sense of futility in reading.

3. Both the above points make me think of how a book with an important message like this one could have turned out in the hands of, for example, Malcolm Gladwell (the author of a book that I recently enjoyed). The book needs to be much shorter, much peppier, much more thoroughly edited.

4. I think the message of analysing and deconstructing gender rules is a very, very important one. One of the most important ones, ever. This book is definitely making me think, but it is raising more questions than it is answering, and not in a good way. I love the message, don't like the writing.

5. Because, I think, of the rambliness and repetition, a sense of ideological cohesion is lost. Points and arguments are made in what feels like a random way. There's a point, then an anecdote or two, then several repetitions about the point and then we move on to another point which feels like it's not been thought about in connection with the previous point.

What other reviewers have said about a kind of cognitive dissonance is true, I think. The author talks about breaking down meaningless gender stuff but then talks about how the kind of nurturing that mothers give their sons is make-or-break stuff for how the son turns out. Um?

Like I said before, I'm about a third of the way into this, and I don't feel like I have a handle on this author's vision of what he's talking about. This could be at least partly a failing on my part, but the way I feel is that the author is not presenting his ideas in a clear way. There are inconsistencies, contradictions, and non sequiturs. It's frustrating to read since I am really interested in what he's trying to say.

6. The research, clearly extensive, that he presents, is lost in presentation. It doesn't have any Wow factor. Instead it reads as dry and dull, perhaps usual for an academic paper, but I expected something different from a book in this genre of gender studies/sociology/pop-psychology/self-help/parenting. The research should be brought to the reader (who should not be assumed to be an academic) in such a way that it integrates smoothly into the topic under discussion but maintains the impact that has led it to be included in the book in the first place.

If certain statistics are considered by the author, an expert, to be important, meaningful, to the subject, then they must be written about in such a way that shows off their importance.

I'm thinking of writers like Lise Eliot, Naomi Wolf, Malcolm Gladwell, Elizabeth Warren, people who know how to bring academic and scientific research to life, who know how to make it relateable to their subject as well as the reader. "Real Boys", as a book, needs to be rescued.

This is a really long read, and it's pretty dry. It's written in part like a psychology manual, and in part like an aide for parents who want to raise well-rounded sons.

Because that's what it is.

But if you're a feminist, and you're not familiar with men's studies, then you will benefit from this book. It's not about men's rights. It's not about privileged people feeling left out of the feminism/equality movements.

The inequalities that feminism works against, the vulnerability and harassment that women feel, and the inappropriate actions of men towards women (and more generally, the privileged/majorities towards the vulnerable/minorities) are in large part due to how we raise boys to be men.

When we tell people to be tough when they're in pain, we turn them into people who have trouble with empathy. When we turn a blind eye to (or worse, encourage) aggression as a quality, we breed a craving for power and the subjugation of others. And then we wonder why men make up the majority of crimes in and against our society?

This is a book about raising boys to be empathic and thoughtful by providing more context via psychology that allows us to be more empathic and thoughtful ourselves. This is a book about allowing men to have emotions other than anger. This is a book about patriarchy's effect on men. This is a book about feminism.

I think this is a great book for mothers or wives to read. It would be a good companion read with Reviving Ophelia. It can be a little dense- not for the faint of heart. We read it in on of my BYU classes.

I didn't read this all the way through, because much of it concerned teens. I was more interested in advice for raising younger boys. It is well written and based on good research. There was good information in the portion I read, especially about how damaging it can be for very young boys to be separated from their mothers too early, how the "boy code" inhibits healthy emotional growth and expression, and how our schools are failing our boys. I'll probably read it again when my grandson is nearing puberty.

I'm of two minds about this book. On the one hand, I agree with the author's contention that we need to stop making boys feel like they should never show any emotion. Having three boys myself, I do understand that emotionally, they are sometimes more sensitive than girls and they should be permitted to work through their feelings with the same freedom we give girls. On the other hand, I felt as if the author wanted us to treat boys *so* carefully that we were almost turning away from normal relationships to do it, standing on our heads and jumping through hoops to get it done.

A primer for understanding how our boys in the U. S. need dedicated attention.