After the amazement, excitement, and return of Zartosht, this is the fourth book that I am reading from Hermann Hesse.

Hermann Hesse has a self-created personality and has always been in pursuit of exploring his own existence and meaning.

After his heroes learn the way of life, he abandons them from every teacher and teaching so that they can move forward on their own path of knowledge.

He searches for the greatest religion within the existence of human beings.

And he knows that human beings are wonderful and praiseworthy creations, very close to God.

In the midst of the fates of human beings, he says that they must follow this path.

Of course, not with hasty steps but slowly and with patience.

And every human being has a special fate and must strive to know it and then not be afraid of anything in the pursuit of it.

When you look into yourself, you are no longer afraid of anything.

Because everything that exists is within us.

Hesse somehow reminds us of our own selves.

Two sentences from the book:

"When we hate someone, in fact, we find hatred for something that is within us."

"The bird tries to come out of the egg. The egg is the world. And whoever wants to be born must first destroy the world."

This book from 1919 is rather gay. However, it is in such a state of denial that it seems impossible to be salvaged even at the last moment. The fact that it is so episodic doesn't do it any favors either.

Perhaps it was overly fearful of allowing the same two guys to remain together for an extended period of time. It's as if the author was hesitant to fully embrace and explore the gay themes that were present within the story.

This lack of courage and commitment to the subject matter ultimately detracts from the overall quality and impact of the book. It leaves the reader with a sense of dissatisfaction and a feeling that the potential of the story was never fully realized.

Despite its flaws, this book does offer some interesting insights into the attitudes and beliefs towards homosexuality during that particular era. It serves as a reminder of how far society has come in terms of acceptance and understanding.

Nevertheless, it is clear that this 1919 book falls short in many ways and fails to live up to its true potential.

“I live in my dreams — that's what you sense. Other people live in dreams, but not in their own. That's the difference.”







Herman Hesse's Demian: The Story of Emil Sinclair's Youth is a captivating short novel that I have perused several times and will likely return to again. At its essence, it delves into the concept of living one's authentic life. For Emil Sinclair, this commences as a journey he is initially unaware of. Instead, he perceives himself merely as an extension of his family and their values. However, this all changes with his encounter with Max Demian.



Hesse vividly portrays that being a seeker, as he terms it, is a path rife with anguish and solitude. For some inexplicable reason, this strikes a chord and seems highly relatable. Although it is never explicitly stated, the drumbeats heralding World War I offer a fascinating and foreboding backdrop to Sinclair's odyssey. I must admit that I am not overly enamored with the actual conclusion, yet I remind myself that the true essence lies in being on the path itself.



“I wanted only to live in accord with the promptings which came from my true self. Why was that so very difficult?”



“Gaze into the fire, into the clouds, and as soon as the inner voices begin to speak... surrender to them. Don't ask first whether it's permitted, or would please your teachers or father or some god. You will ruin yourself if you do that.”

**Expanded Article**

In a religious family, a young man has grown up confused between purity and impurity, constantly striving to combat the deterioration.

I liked some parts of his story, while others were tiring and incomprehensible to me.

A strange incident occurred regarding this book for me. I read a dream that I had seen several times in this book! That is, did Herman Hesse also have this dream that was described by the narrator of the story?

My dreams: The first few times I saw the dream of flying, I was suddenly and uncontrollably pulled towards the sky, rising higher and higher, and I only felt fear. But then a change occurred in my flying dreams! In the dream, I would tell others that I could fly, and then by lightening myself (like becoming light and swimming on the surface of the water), I would distance myself from the ground and engage in circling and flying in the sky, which was a very pleasant feeling. The last time I saw this dream was two years ago, and I think it has happened seven or eight times! I always wanted to know how to express it, and when I read it here, I was very excited, but unfortunately, I didn't really understand much!

From the text of the book:

We usually described our dreams to each other. Pistorius could interpret them. A strange example remained in my memory. I dreamed that I could fly, but in a situation as if I was thrown into the air with force and had no control over it. The feeling I had during this flight was first astonishing, but then it turned into anxiety. Without my will having any interference, I felt that I was being carried to amazing heights. At this moment, with a sense of relief, I discovered that I could control my flight and descent by holding and releasing my breath. At this time, Pistorius said to me: What gives us the ability to fly is a great human heritage that each of us possesses. With this feeling, we can pull ourselves out of the fountains of all forces according to our will, but this feeling soon fades and becomes something completely dangerous. This is why most people willingly ignore their flight and prefer to walk along the road with a rational obedience to the laws; but not you! You are a brave boy, always flying upwards, and at that time, you make a strange discovery. You discover that you can master your flight and add a small, specific force and a member like a fin to the huge force that propels you forward. This is excellent. Without this fin, you will throw yourself into the air recklessly. This is what empty minds do. They are without a key and a fin and throw themselves into the void, but you, Sinclair, you know how to direct yourself. But how do you take on this task? You don't know yet? You use a new organ, a regulator of the breathing apparatus (of course, it was different for me, and I had the feeling of lightening), and now confirm how far your spirit is from the "body." He did not invent this regulator. He is nothing more than a vessel. He has existed for thousands of years. In fact, it is nothing more than the balance organ of fish or the fin of a swimmer.

A Quiet Journal Entry on My Abraxas and My Dream

My soulchild seems to be walking towards the red lips of Abraxas, and it's as if that is the only color that exists in my vision. All the other magnificent aspects of his body, surely filled with hidden wisdom that human minds can scarcely fathom, appear dull and lackluster. But that's not my focus. I gaze intently at those red lips only, approaching them each day from a distance. And finally, when I reach those lips and touch them, gently kiss them, it's like an electrocuted animal. A powerful energy force baptizes me, bestowing upon me the wisdom I require to carry forward with my message.

This book is truly "the journal of my life." It sends shivers down my spine how Hermann managed to create a character who speaks to me on a spiritual level, a character and supporter I so desperately needed during times of turmoil. Every single part of this book is flawless. I have realized a spiritual dream, and it has brought to life a strong, intimate self-belief. This will always be an incredibly important book for me.

Absolutely loved it. 5 stars.

Of the four Hesse novels I have now read, I must admit that Demian, to the frustration of those who consider it a work of genius, turned out to be a book that I didn't think was all that great. In fact, it's definitely my least favorite Hesse.

When I think of Steppenwolf, I'm truly amazed. However, I simply can't say the same for Demian. For one thing, I'm not a huge fan of the coming-of-age novel. And for another, I can't bear reading about boarding schools. I just don't like them, not in any way. The very thought of them makes me shudder. I would rather live on the streets, begging for a crust of bread, or be trapped in the trenches of some war.

With themes of spirituality and religion (two things that don't really interest me) and sexuality (which I don't mind, but only from an adult perspective), it had similarities to Robert Musil's 'Young Törless', a novel with characters that I completely and utterly loathed. At least in Demian, on a positive note, I didn't feel like throwing friends Emil Sinclair and Max Demian down a well like the despicable, annoying, spoiled, bourgeois delinquents from Young Törless. Demian is indeed beautifully written, and I found it had a menacing psychological undertone that I did appreciate. But I had difficulty truly relating to the two central characters.

Demian is a remarkable work that offers a profound exploration of the search for identity and purpose. As Emil Sinclair embarks on his journey of self-actualization, his curiosity and near-worship of the mysterious Max Demian drive the narrative. This relationship is complex, bordering on the manic and perhaps even having a hint of queerness, which makes it something of a Freudian nightmare. The question arises: would it be appropriate to place this in the queer classics shelf? While there may be an explanation for their kiss, the dreams, the line "maybe he was beautiful, maybe I was attracted to him," and falling asleep next to his portrait all add to the ambiguity. It's a thought-provoking and captivating read that leaves the reader with many questions about the nature of love, identity, and the human psyche.

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"No one can ever go home, but when friends' paths meet, the whole world can look like home for a time."

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Leitura complicadita, and this is because in each paragraph we have some idea that draws us to reflection. The writing is quite accessible, but the questions arise at the pace of a downpour. Especially philosophical and religious questions. Constant interrogations about the difficult stages of growth and knowledge, conflicts between light and purity, verses darkness and sin, and how difficult it is to manage the balance between all these doubts and find a path and a meaning for life.

Hermann Hess wrote this book in three weeks during the year of 1917, and published it under the name of Emil Sinclair, the protagonist of this story. It is considered, just like other works of the author, as having a great deal of autobiographical content. Hess was a German-Swiss writer who explored themes such as self-discovery, spiritual growth, and the search for meaning in life. His works often had a profound impact on readers, inspiring them to question their own beliefs and values.

The book we are discussing here is no exception. It takes the reader on a journey through the mind of the protagonist, Emil Sinclair, as he grapples with the challenges and uncertainties of growing up. Along the way, he encounters various characters and experiences that force him to confront his own fears and desires. The story is both thought-provoking and engaging, making it a must-read for anyone interested in philosophy, religion, or the human condition.

4.75

o wow. This was really damn good. Right after reading it, I really liked it a lot.

And then all these analyses that I got to read came along. The conversations that I was able to have about the character of Demian. The art and the mind of Hermann are something I don't understand. The complexity of all this exceeds my intellectual capabilities. Greetings.

But still, I gained a lot. I appreciate and love it.

Even though I may not fully comprehend the depth of Hermann's work, there is something about it that keeps drawing me in. The character of Demian is so fascinating, and the discussions around him have opened my eyes to new perspectives.

I look forward to exploring more of Hermann's works and continuing to expand my understanding of this unique art and mind.

**"My Experience with a Book"**

I just wanted to live according to the motives that spring from my true self. But it wasn't this difficult. This story, for me, was like a sea that you look at from a distance and its color and beauty please you. So you approach and find the water warm and beautiful, and you feel refreshed. You see it calm and you swim in it and dive into its depths and enjoy its gentle face. But then the wave starts to rise and the ground moves away from your feet, yet you still enjoy swimming. But after that, you find the wave has become high and violent and the ground has moved away a lot and there is a current pulling you in and you no longer know what to do?

This is what happened to me. I was very enjoying the first third and in the second third, Heese's philosophy increased but it was still enjoyable. And in the last third, his philosophy increased even more and I became averse to my understanding.

Emil Sinclair is one of the characters who fall in the middle and are confused between the world of good and the world of evil, between the world of light and the world of darkness, about the confusion and the inner struggle in the human soul and the influence of others. And the inability to belong completely to one of the worlds. Because each of us has within us the seed of good and the seed of evil and by our choice one of the seeds grows more than the other.

The struggle between following the crowd or being alone on your own path even if you are alone.

“I live in my dreams. Others live in dreams but not in their own dreams. And this is the difference.”

“I truly longed to live in a true way, if only for once, to give something of myself to the world, to enter into a relationship and a struggle with it.”

“I had forgotten that the world is still capable of being loving and kind. I grew up and I returned to life with myself. And I have rested in the knowledge that I have lost all sense of time for the outside world, that the loss of its bright colors is an inalienable part of the loss of my childhood, and that in a sense it is necessary for a person to give up this magical state at the price of his freedom and his spiritual maturity. Now, and the sadness overwhelms me, I have seen that all this was buried or hidden and that it is still possible - even if you have become free and lost the happiness of your childhood - to see the world shine and to save the delicious thrill that was in the child's dream.”

It is a story despite its relatively small size, but it is not easy. It requires concentration, thinking, and slow reading, especially the second half of it.

Thanks to my friend Ala who encouraged me with her quotes and reviews to embark on this story. And thanks to my friends Heba and Isra for sharing this journey with me and encouraging me to reach its end and complete it. For I was the last to reach the finish line, but I enjoyed their company and their reviews.

Another bout with the Self in the darkness of the I.

It is very useful to know your own darkness. It is also very useful to know where it is and extremely useful to be able to visit it whenever necessary.

Understanding the hidden aspects of ourselves, the parts that lie in the shadows, can bring great insights. By being aware of our darkness, we can better deal with our emotions, fears, and insecurities.

Knowing where this darkness resides within us gives us a sense of direction. It allows us to navigate through our inner landscapes and face the challenges that come our way.

And being able to visit our darkness at will is a powerful skill. It enables us to confront our demons, heal our wounds, and grow as individuals.

In conclusion, exploring the darkness of the Self is an essential part of our personal and spiritual growth.

A short read to last a lifetime. I was truly seduced by this novel. Let me tell you precisely how it happened.

For my nineteenth birthday, a boy whom I scarcely knew sent me this book, signed with his love. Just the sight of the cover has the power to bring that excitement flooding back to me. It was an excitement intertwined with surprise. We weren't dating. He had simply taken me to a dance where everyone but me was clad in a slinky dress. After back surgery, I was in a body cast. The only thing that could fit over it was the size of a tent. Yet, he didn't abandon me. He remained by my side throughout the entire night. A few weeks later, this book arrived in the mail.

"She was an ocean into which I streamed," seemed to leap off its pages at me.

"Everything significant and full of fate for me adopted her form," made me blush.

But what truly captured my heart was the scene between Sinclair and Eva (his friend Demian's mother). She enters out of the rain and there are pearls in her long dark hair.

What? No?? There are no pearls in the text??? Hesse writes "Raindrops clung to her black hair." And "I kissed the rain out of her hair." Nope. No pearls, you might say.

I read the passage again. The pearls shine as brightly as ever. That is the power of erotic writing. Hesse implies far more than he actually states.