\\"This is not a letter, it is a messy house.\\"
Ofélia Queiroz, letter dated 22-11-1929 addressed to Fernando Pessoa
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\\"This is not a letter, it is a messy house.\\"
Ofélia Queiroz, letter dated 22-11-1929 addressed to Fernando Pessoa
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Some years ago, I discovered the schemes created by Pessoa that allowed him to spend more time traveling with Ofélia Queiroz. At that time, I formed an idealized image of what their courtship must have been like. I knew there were reservations that were preventing the celebration of marriage (issues of material means), but the reading of this book uncovered layers that I could not have guessed. Ofélia Queiroz was, as revealed by her letters, a passionate, intense, affectionate, and patient woman. Her desires are explicit and, at times, expressed in an almost insistent way: she wants to share life with Fernando Pessoa, get married, take care of him, share joys and sorrows. There are countless allusions to marriage, countless requests that denote the need for a more intimate, close, and consistent relationship. On the poet's side, however, from the beginning of these correspondences, the resistances are evident. Although in some letters the affectionate terms proliferate (Íbis, Bebé, Ofelinha, jinhos, among others), what comes to the fore is the poet's cerebral personality, even resorting to his heteronym Álvaro de Campos to accentuate the lack of connection and some lack of seriousness with which he conducts his actions towards Ofélia. The frequency of the letters (as well as their dimension: Pessoa's are shorter and more concise, Ofélia's are longer and more expansive) manages to have a devastating effect, especially from the second phase of courtship (1929). Suddenly, we begin to perceive that the only person who is striving to keep this record and form of contact alive is Ofélia... her voice seems to fade slowly until it disappears completely (something that evoked the atmosphere that Jean Cocteau created in his formidable \\"A Voz Humana\\").
“Do you love me because I am who I am or because I am not? Or do you not really love me whether I am or not? Or?”
Reading "Letters to Ophelia," which consists of the letters Fernando Pessoa wrote to Ophelia Queiroz, the only woman who entered his life, came to my mind after reading Richard Zenith's comprehensive biography of Pessoa. It is possible to learn quite a lot about that relationship from that book, and there are also excerpts from some letters, but of course, it cannot replace reading the entire texts.
Frankly, I can't think of a sentence from Pessoa other than the one I quoted above - these are exactly the kind of questions he would ask. However, strangely, a sentence from a letter he wrote towards the end of the relationship, Pessoa in the early stages of the relationship is not at all like the Pessoa we know; he is happy, childlike, and funny. Perhaps that's why, when that first flame dies out and he returns to being himself, he feels the need to ask, "Do you love me because I am not?"
Although he never confessed and never had a known relationship with a man, we now accept that Pessoa was bisexual. Therefore, I also learned from Zenith's biography that he first tried to convince himself about this relationship. It is also possible to see the traces of this in the letters. Of course, it is not possible to fully understand the story because Ophelia's responses are not there, but one can understand that Pessoa tried to act according to the relationship that should have been in his mind. He clearly loved Ophelia very much, but whether he felt a physical desire, that is unknown. It's as if he loved her as a person and then, in a sense, with the guilt that came from convincing her of something that didn't exist, his love also changed form, turning into a kind of burden, a kind of debt.
Still, despite everything, it was nice to see this unknown, unrecognized side of Pessoa. The part added at the end of the text and the part where Ophelia tells about their relationship was also quite sad but very enlightening. Let me end with a sentence of Pessoa that she conveyed: "Never tell anyone that I am a poet, at most I write poetry."
It is interesting to perceive how Pessoa's mind could function. What a sad story for poor Ophelia. She really had a tough time.
It is also unfortunate to witness how his health deteriorated because of Abel and company.
Jinhos. Maybe there is more to this than meets the eye. We can only imagine the complex emotions and thoughts that were going through Pessoa's mind during those times. His relationship with Ophelia and the situation with Abel must have had a significant impact on him.
Perhaps further exploration into his works and personal life could shed more light on this mysterious and fascinating individual.
Terrível Bebé:
I like your letters, which are sweet, and I also like you, who is also sweet. And you are good, and you are a wasp, and you are honey, which comes from bees and not wasps, and everything is right, and the Baby must always write to me, even if I don't write, which is always, and I am sad, and I am crazy, and no one likes me, and also because why would they like me, and that's it, and it brings everything back to the beginning, and it seems to me that I will still call you today, and I would like to give you a kiss on the mouth, with exactitude and greed and eat your mouth and eat the little kisses that you had hidden there and lean on your shoulder and slide into the tenderness of the doves, and ask you for forgiveness, and the forgiveness be feigned, and return many times, and the full stop until starting again, and why is it that Ophelinha likes a scoundrel and a drunkard and a ruffian and an individual with the appearance of a gas meter reader and a general expression of not being there but in the sink of the house next door, and exactly, and finally, and I'm going to stop because I'm crazy, and I always was, and it's from birth, that is to say since I was born, and I would like the Baby to be my doll, and I would act like a child, undress her, and the paper ends right here, and this seems impossible to be written by a human being, but it is written by me,
Fernando
It is not worth less than if the reader is a fan of Pessoa, or a fan of discovering oneself as a fan of someone in media res, so to speak, in any biographical work – just as I discovered Johnny Cash while watching Walk The Line. But the essay that precedes the book is very good, and it gives several things to think about regarding the "true fiction" of the author as an attitude towards the real, a matter of being a character of oneself and of delegating "to another, who was the same, the task of living a love story". As one cannot be separated from the other, even the performance brings some joy and some pain, which intertwine. The anguish at the bottom of all pleasures also has a pleasure at the bottom of it.