313 pages, Paperback
First published January 1,1993
a journalist...
Summer in Strathspeld: the first really hot day that year, the air warm and thick with the coconut smell of gorse – swathed richly yellow on the hills – and the sweet sharpness of pine resin, lying droplet on the rough trunks in thick translucent bubbles. Insects buzzed and butterflies filled the glades with silent flashes of colour; in the fields the corncrake stooped and zoomed, its strange, percussive call stuttering through the scent-laden air.Lovely prose. We have Cameron, our doomed hero, who freezes whenever he shouldn’t, runs when he should stand and fight. Cameron dreams every night of what he sees as his failings, yet, horrific as they are, he doesn’t face the one that hurts him the most. The one where he finally gets sent to the Middle East to be a real reporter and yet again he freezes. He is completely unable to tell his readers what he sees. Ah. But he does tell us, not knowing we are there, I suppose.
Oh God help me here on the island of the dead with the crise of the tormented, here with the angel of death and the acrid stench of excrement and carrion taking me back in the darkness and the pale fawn light to the place I never wanted to go back to, the man-made earthly black hell and the human scrapyard kilometres long. Here down amongst the dead men, midst-ways with the torn-souled and the wild, inhuman screams; here with the ferryman, the boatman, my eyes covered and my brains scrambled, here with this prince of death, this prophet of reprisal, this jealous, vengeful, unforgiving son of our bastard commonwealth of greed; help me help me help me… … I can hear the dead men, hear their flayed souls, wailing on the wind to no ear save mine and no understanding at all. The view behind my eyelids goes from pink to red and then purple into black, and is suffused with a rumblin shift into a terrible, tearing roaring noise, shaking the ground, filling the air, pounding my bones, dark going dark, black stinking hell o mum o dad o no no please don’t take me back there * And I’m there, in the one place I’ve hidden from myself’ not that cold day by the hole in the ice or the other day in the sunlit woods near the hole in the hill – days deniable because I was then not yet the me I have become – but just eighteen months ago; the time of my failure and my simple, shaming incapacity to reap and work the obvious power of what I was observing; the place that exposed my incompetence, my hopeless inability to witness.But this is not what he writes. He files stories about war is hell and peace too if you are female in this part of the world. He smokes good dope. He goes home. And this is the failure that haunts him so much he can’t even dream of it. Rollicking good yarn of sex and violence, a small political education for those who don’t know Thatcherite England; but also this other thing, a story of a little boy who happens to have forced upon him by circumstance terrible decisions to make, decisions adults shouldn’t have to make, let alone children, and what it does to his life. The violence and sex really don’t matter, you can skip them and you are left with the guts of a moving tale about complicity and its impact on our hero. I have to say, it took me as long to read the first five pages as the rest of the book put together. I trapped myself on a plane trip to see my mother, and it was either the other 307 pages or the airplane what to do in an emergency card. I’m very pleased to report Complicity won.
“... but I look at them and feel a terrible sense of loss. It's as if a part of my soul has been ripped away. Because I think I've surrendered all this - the ordinariness of life. That simple, yet precious aspect that allows us to just be a part of it and take part in it. The everyday routines, the small conversations, the shared smiles. All of these things that once seemed so insignificant now seem like treasures that I've carelessly thrown away. I long for the days when I could wake up without a heavy heart, when I could go about my day without constantly feeling like I'm missing out on something. But now, as I look at those around me, living their ordinary lives, I can't help but feel a profound sense of regret and longing.”