I learned to stay awake for time with my teenage son, who doesn't like to talk until about 1:00 am in the morning...

I read the original 5 Love Languages book and really like the message of the book. I wasn't sure if this one had any more information from the original but it was really worth the read with great insight into the teenage brain. The bottom line is that with teenagers you really need to give them all 5 love languages. Best lesson learned...not to take it personal that they want/need their independence. I also had my girls go on-line and take Gary Chapman's test. The result was mostly what I thought but very interesting.

I'm a big fan of Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages, and it's come up in discussions several times over the years. My sister-in-law who gives counseling to couples preparing to marry recommended it to me. It's a great book for couples looking to learn more about how each person expresses and feels love. You will likely fall n love with someone who is different to you so it's important to learn their language. I'm someone who needs praise while my husband has zero use for this. He's someone who is big on showing how much he loves me through acts of service.

It also helps to realize that the different love languages are all equal. It's just how you are. I used to be guilty of not respecting my sister for her love language of gifts, but now I've seen how much it means to her.

With this experience, I was looking forward to reading the teen version of the 5 love languages. Parenting a teen is interesting as they are exploring the kind of adult they want to be. The biggest thing they are working on is becoming an independent adult. But they still want and need to know they are loved. Chapman does an excellent job bringing to life the 5 love languages in teenager terms. It really helped me see what my two boys need.

There is a companion book for teens and I gave this to my 14 year old. He came back to me once he had finished and asked "What do you think my love language is?" I put the question back to him and was surprised to learn that his is praise (or words of affirmation) too. I wouldn't have guessed that and have been working more to make sure I give these to him more often. We also talked about what we thought was the love language of his younger brother and agreed it was likely having individual time (quality) focused on him.

Great book and I highly recommend giving the teen version to your child so you can have your own discussion.

I received a free copy of this book from NetGalley for review.

I first encountered Chapman's 5 Love Languages a few years ago through internet quizzes and articles and then his book. I found the concept intriguing, and laid out so clearly that anyone can read it and put the ideas into practice right away. It was obvious that he came from a Christian point of view, which didn't bother me, although I am not a Christian, and I could see his Conservative stance at work as well, which I mostly ignored (his couple example where the wife was being physically abused yet he encouraged her to stay in the marriage and change her husband was quite disturbing, although in this rare case, successful).

I picked up the 5 Love Languages of Teenagers because my daughter is turning 12 soon and I thought it might be helpful. And it is. I appreciated the translation from adult partners to parent/child. She took the quiz in the back, got some unexpected results, and we talked a bit about what it meant.

The problem is politics. Here the Christian point of view has expanded such that Chapman addresses every reader as if s/he too were a Christian. In the section about teens questioning their parents' religion (a fine section to include...it's not religion I object to), he mentions how a teen may wish to "no longer go to Mass, the synagogue, Sunday school, or the mosque." And this is the only indication in the entire book that Chapman even acknowledges that there are religions besides Christianity. All other examples say "church" and that's that.

Then there is his idea of the horrors that today's teens may encounter. Things like living in a world where "homosexual relationships are being promoted as alternative lifestyles. Indeed, the words bisexual and transgender are common vocabulary for the modern teen." And things like meeting people who don't keep strictly to traditional male/female roles (I find it interesting that he has several examples of mothers who work, either in a duel working couple or as a single parent, but not a single hint of a family where a mother works and a father stays at home). And divorce is right up there with the evils of abuse and illegal drug use.

That being said, Chapman does a fine job of giving advice for families who are single parent, shared custody, or that include stepparents. There is a large section of the book dedicated to that. Where he falters is with his section on sexual abuse. I'm glad he addresses it, and physical abuse as well, but his approach leaves much to be desired.

Like with his beliefs on martial abuse in his earlier book, he puts all the responsibility on the wife (there is zero understanding of the concept that a woman might abuse or that a man might sexually abuse boys in his family, regardless of his own sexual orientation—the two being completely separate). It is her responsibility not just to protect her teenager but to change the husband so that he realizes what he is doing is wrong and stops. Yes, he addresses the husband directly in the book, but rightly realizes the futility of that. Only later in the book is there a hint that being married to someone who rapes your children might actually destroy the marriage, you know, if you fail at your appointed task of stopping him.

I gritted my teeth at the politics, religious assumptions (as well as the push for religion in general), and horrible advice for abusive families, and managed to finish the book. There's a lot of good in there. He has a clear vision of love and caring and how to express it to others in a way they will want to receive. That vision alone is worth reading the book for, though I knocked off points for the rest.

This is a good book to read if you have a pre-teen or teenager. I had read the original Five Love Languages book and thought this would be a refresher from that. It does have the same principles, but expounds on them in for the perspective of things that are relevant for teens. Made me re-think some of my children's behaviors and my reaction to them.

This book was a struggle to get through, and I am not sure I am totally onboard with all Gary Chapman's advice.

I've never actually read anything by Chapman before although I am familiar with his work. I understand the basic idea of the 5 love languages and have found it both useful and insightful.

So why didn't this book work for me? Let us count the ways:

1. It's dated. Although the book has apparently been revised, it still kicks off with a study of teen behaviors from 1998, which was three years after I left high school.

2. It's boring. Chapman might be a good counselor, but I don't think writing is his strong suit. The book is dry and much of the language stilted. For instance, he doesn't talk to his teens. He "engages with them in conversation."

3. It's inauthentic. Chapman relays conversations and comments from people he has met and the quotes, quite frankly, sound made up. They reminded me of the "golly jeepers" type dialogue that plagued older Christian movies. I have no doubt that people came up to Chapman and expressed the sentiments conveyed in the book, but I just can't imagine these exact words coming out of anyone's mouth.

4. It's unrealistic. I get that sometimes teens need to be allowed to exhaust their anger, but letting them yell and scream while you take notes doesn't seem like a good way to teach them how to express themselves appropriately. Wrapping up gifts and making a big show of presenting them doesn't set up kids for healthy expectations of what they will get out of future relationships. And tripping your teen so you can wrestle with him seems like a great way to ensure your teen will never want to walk past you.

5. It shifts all the power to the teen. Basically, Chapman says that you should let your teen do whatever they want. Sure, you can create a few guidelines, but basically, he suggests you love your teens well and then just sit back and watch while they work out what it means to be independent. I am all for giving teens a lot of latitude, but Chapman takes it too far for my taste. On top that, this book gives the impression that parents should go grovelling to their teens begging forgiveness if they have not provided the adequate words of affirmation or freedom that their teen desires.

Bottom line: I think understanding the 5 love languages is beneficial, but you could glean everything you need from an internet article and skip this book.

Meilės prisilietimų skyriuje. Suprantu, apsikabinimai, bučinukai, palaikymo patapšnojimai per petį, plaukų pavėlimai ir pnš.yra būtina, jei tai vaiko pagindinė meilės kalba. Bet kai pradėjau skaityti, kad mūsų kartos tėvai laikosi požiūrio, kad nereikėtų liestis prie savo paauglių dukterų, ypač kai jos lytiškai subręsta. Mane trigdo tokie minčių įterpimai knygoje, norėtūsi, bent jau man, panašios knygos, be tokių minčių. Rašoma, kiti net nežino, kaip reaguoti į fizinius mergaičių pokyčius. Kiti mano, kad duktė nenori, kad ją liestų, nes ji jau nemaža. Suprantu.
Yra ir tokių tėvų, kurie bijo būti apkaltinti seksualiniu priekabavimu, ar net prievarta.
Turbūt būna visko, taip rašo ir knygoje. Bet baisiai trigdė skaitymą. Dar geriau, kad tai nebuvo išplėsta, kitaip nebeskaityčiau.
Bet, visa kita labai tiko, apmastymams, permastymams.

This has been a real big eye opener for me. It has totally changed the way I deal with my 13 year old son, which in turn, has changed the way he reacts and deals with me. It also helps in my interactions with both of my sons and their friends. One of the best books of teenagers I have read yet.

The author has been a marriage/family counselor for over 30 years who addresses relationship issues from a Christian worldview. His main premise, that we all need unconditional love and that we all have a certain "love language" as part of our personality by which we most like to give and receive love. The trick is to discover your teen's primary love language and to express it as often as possible. I always wondered why my mother never gave me hugs and kisses, but lost buttons would magically appear re-sewn onto my clothing and the best portions of meat would show up on my plate (Acts of Service). I used to wonder why my father-in-law seems so materialistic, giving us lots of gifts all the time (Giving of Gifts). I used to wonder why my former boyfriend always had to hold my hand *all* the time (Physical Touch). I wonder why I feel closest to my husband after doing something fun on a nice date (Quality Time). You get the picture. The last of the 5 love languages is Words of Affirmation. This idea of the 5 love languages has hit the secular counseling circles and is in our best interest to learn something about it to improve our relationships.

I really enjoyed the book, and I think it gave many positive helpful tips. I will give my sons the quiz. My only disappointment was that the single parent portions were written as if there is primary placement meaning one parent has full custody and the other parent only occasional time with the child. More and more placements are 50/50 and 60/40 and as a parent seeking guidance on those situations and transitions - I was disappointed in those portions.

I'm not much of a touchy feely, self-help kinda girl, so I actually enjoyed this more than I was expecting. It had more of a Christian slant than I was expecting, but it wasn't completely faith-based. Parts of Chapman's philosophy could have been explained better/more fully, but overall, it was a decent book. I just finished reading it, and have not tried to apply its principles, so I have no opinion on whether it works.

I read this book as a parenting book, and it is pretty good for any parents with teenagers. I listened to the original Five Love Languages more that ten years ago, before my child's arrival. So I was familiar with the five types of love languages. This book incorporates the psychological developments during the teen years, how young people want to have independence but at the same time, need to receive parental love even more. There are concrete examples, and specific suggestions and guidelines. Every teen and every parent is different, so one may not take the suggestions verbatim -- probably should not. But the suggestions provide ideas on how to react or communicate in similar situations. Chapman provided ways for parents to figure out which of the five is your teenager's prime love language, and he also emphasizes that all five need to be used. Similar to "What to Expect When ..." series, these books are very useful when your child is in the targeted age range.