\\"Freeing yourself was one thing: claiming ownership of that freed self was another.\\" This profound statement from Toni Morrison's Beloved has stayed with me since I finished reading the novel last night. I had planned to start another book with the remaining time, but I was so deeply affected by Beloved that I couldn't even think about which one to choose. Instead, I sat there, ruminating over what I had just read.
There were no specific thoughts at first, just a general sense of the book's atmosphere lingering. But after a night of contemplation, some clearer thoughts emerged. I found myself asking the more obvious questions: Did I agree with what Sethe did? Would I respond in a similar way if I were in her situation? My answers were rather noncommittal. I didn't completely agree with Sethe's actions, but I could understand why she did what she did within the context of the novel. And I know that I could never truly know how I would react in such a situation.
I had been looking forward to reading Beloved for a long time, and Toni Morrison's reputation as one of the Great American Novelists did not disappoint. Despite this being the first book of hers that I have read, I had watched several interviews with her and loved her use of language. My high expectations were easily met and exceeded. I was struck by how a relatively short novel (my copy is only 275 pages long) could make me feel like I had spent much longer with the characters. It was similar to that feeling when you've spent 1000+ pages with a group of characters and it's incredibly sad to have to let them go.
My favorite character was Dever, with whom I related quite strongly. There were many elements of her that felt familiar to me, perhaps too familiar at times! However, the character that affected me the most was Sixo. The chapter that described his fate in clear detail was truly dreadful (in terms of content, not the writing). I didn't want to read it, but I had to know. It's this chapter and Sixo's part in it that my mind keeps returning to.
What Paul D says to Sethe in the penultimate chapter of the book was beautiful and powerful in a way I was not prepared for. I kept re-reading it, thinking it over. He leans over and takes her hand. With the other he touches her face. \\"You your best thing, Sethe. You are.\\" His holding fingers are holding hers. \\"Me? Me?\\" There are so many other aspects of the novel that I could write about: the villainy of Schoolteacher, the mystery and fascination of Beloved, the sadness of Baby Suggs. \\"God puzzled her and she was too ashamed of Him to say so.\\" I have so many thoughts about this novel, some of which I've included here and some that I haven't because they don't feel fully formed yet. This is a novel that I expect to re-read many times, if I'm lucky enough to have the time. And of course, I will be reading more of Toni Morrison's writing.