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While this book might come off as an instruction manual on how to crack the female mind and pick up any woman you want, it is not. In fact, this book doesn’t even advocate the lifestyle of male pickup artists. The final takeaway you can take from all of it is this: to win the game is to leave the game.
That being said, this book won’t actually teach men the secrets of dating, but it’s a very entertaining book nonetheless.
That being said, this book won’t actually teach men the secrets of dating, but it’s a very entertaining book nonetheless.
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Testo conosciuto grazie al libro “Uomini” di Isabel Losada, la quale purtroppo si è limitata a metterlo in bibliografia, sarebbe stato interessante leggere cosa ne pensasse; e che si ricollega direttamente a quell’altro che ho letto di recente, “Il metodo Mystery”, le istruzioni per sedurre ragazze bellissime.
Questo grosso libro è stato scritto da Style (Neil Strauss), un amico intimo di Mystery, nonché uno dei suoi primissimi allievi. Pensavo si trattasse di un’estensione del precedente, un “metodo di seduzione” rivisto in chiave di racconto autobiografico, anche considerata la presentazione dell’editore italiano, “La bibbia dell’artista del rimorchio”, a conti fatti del tutto fuorviante. Invece all’atto pratico questo libro mi ha inizialmente divertito, poi avvilito, infine angosciato.
Infatti la doppia vicenda di vita vissuta che racconta, quella dell’autore e quella di Mystery, è a dir poco allucinante. Tanto Mystery che Style, infatti, iniziano la loro storia da SOF, come si dice nel gergo del rimorchio (sta per Sfigato Ordinario Frustrato): del tutto incapaci di rimorchiare e di sedurre le ragazze, costretti a restare nell’angolo guardando quelli migliori di loro che fanno meglio di loro. Poi, la metamorfosi: la scoperta che spesso la seduzione non è altro che un meccanismo pavloviano che risponde a leggi ben precise di applicabilità quasi universale, almeno nel loro campo d’azione (quello dei locali notturni, come si diceva a proposito del precedente libro che ho già recensito), la codificazione di quelle leggi, la trasformazione e il seguito di trionfali successi. Se la storia fosse finita qui, sarebbe stato perfetto: contenti loro, contente le ragazze sedotte e sessualmente soddisfatte, contenti gli allievi diretti e indiretti a cui è stata consegnata la formula magica per trasformarsi da SOF a ADR (Artista del Rimorchio)... ma la storia, purtroppo, va avanti.
Mystery - che comincia tra l’altro la sua carriera, prima di diventare ADR, come prestigiatore illusionista, e la cosa non è priva di significato - mette in piedi una vera e propria scuola, convocando e organizzando seminari nelle principali città americane ed anche europee, a cui gli aspiranti ADR accorrono come api al miele. Gli ADR agiscono di solito in équipe, mettendo insieme le loro energie e le loro capacità, motivandosi a vicenda, e i risultati sono sempre migliori. Poco per volta, nella mente di Mystery e di altri, comincia a farsi strada l’idea che gli stessi metodi potrebbero essere applicati anche ad altre dinamiche sociali oltre a quella della seduzione, per diventare sempre migliori e sempre più vincenti; e se alcuni di loro decidono di agire in questo senso in buona fede (sicuramente Mystery e Style) per altri il tutto sembra mutarsi in una strategia per “TIFENTARE PATRONI TI MONTO!!! HA, HA, HA!” E quindi cominciano concorrenzialità, divisioni, rivalità e quant’altro.
Inoltre, si sviluppano altri due aspetti piuttosto critici. Per prima cosa il Gioco diventa più importante degli stessi risultati; molti dei partecipanti non riescono a parlare e pensare ad altro, arrivano anche a lasciare il lavoro e qualsiasi attività sociale che non sia finalizzata al rimorchio per dedicarsi solo a quello; in breve, diventa una vera e propria dipendenza, non diversa da quella, per dire, che affligge molte persone nei confronti del gioco d’azzardo o dell’alimentazione. Un’altra questione è la sindrome dell’impostura; impostori, beninteso, non nei confronti delle ragazze che si portano a letto (in fin dei conti se loro, in maniera sistematica, te la fanno tanto desiderare, se fanno tanto le difficili e le preziose senza alcun rispetto per le tue legittime sensibilità e desideri, se lo meritano di essere considerate solo bersagli di un gioco, punteggi da raggiungere) ma di fronte a sé stessi e al mondo. Alcuni ADR, periodicamente, si scontrano con violente crisi di identità e di autosvalutazione: nonostante le decine e decine di ragazze che si portano a letto, in loro affiora la consapevolezza che i trucchetti sociali imparati ed applicati non li abbiano affatto resi uguali o migliori dei veri maschi Alfa, quelli che al liceo mietevano successi femminili uno dietro l’altro mentre loro stavano a guardarli seduti in panchina. E’ come se tutto fosse un’illusione, un fingere slealmente di essere qualcosa di diverso da quello che si è, e gli altissimi “punteggi” raggiunti non significano in realtà proprio niente. Per nessuno queste crisi sono più rovinose che per lo stesso Mystery, del suo già duramente segnato con un rapporto fortemente conflittuale col padre, che periodicamente deve sottoporsi a trattamenti psichiatrici. Style, invece, viene “salvato” dal suo lavoro come giornalista per Rolling Stone, che lo porta ad incontrare vari personaggi - tra cui quello che considera un vero “maschio Alfa”, Tom Cruise, e anche Britney Spears e Courtney Love - e quindi ad avere interazioni sociali e stimoli esterni all’ambiente del rimorchio che lo portano a farsi qualche domanda in più.
La catastrofe viene quando Mystery decide di riunire in una grande villa di Hollywood, presa in affitto, le migliori menti del rimorchio, per organizzare seminari e avere attorno a sé una riserva di caccia pressoché illimitata; una specie di comune hippy rivisitata per gli anni Duemila, il tutto nell’illusione che le potenzialità del gruppo avrebbero potuto portare a risultati sociali inimmaginabili nel momento che gli ADR avessero potuto vivere gli uni vicino agli altri, motivandosi e caricandosi a vicenda. E infatti è quello che succede, ma purtroppo non nel senso sperato da Mystery e da Style. In breve, esplode alla grande il conflitto tra il partito dei “manipolatori sociali” e il loro, con un armamentario di giochini psicologici e di dinamiche sociali che porta all’esplosione di tutto, compresa la stessa villa; sono pagine che meriterebbero uno studio approfondito da parte di professionisti della psicologia e della sociologia. Una dopo l’altra, le menti migliori del rimorchio abbandonano e se ne vanno, lasciando Project Hollywood nelle mani dei peggiori, che peraltro hanno completamente saturato l’ambiente (quasi comico il momento in cui Style, per tirarsi su da un momento di depressione, va a fare un giro di rimorchio - un po’ come un drogato che pensa che un’altra pera risolverà tutti i suoi problemi - e tutte le ragazze in cui incoccia gli ridono dietro perché ormai quei giochini li conoscono a memoria avendoli già subiti un sacco di volte). Peraltro, al “salvataggio” di Style contribuisce non poco anche l’incontro con Lisa, una musicista del gruppo di Courtney Love, che trasforma sistematicamente il “cacciatore” in “cacciato” facendo beneficamente a pezzi tutte le sue strategie. Le ultime pagine del libro aprono uno sprazzo di serenità, la speranza di un equilibrio raggiunto e che le persone coinvolte abbiano potuto prendere del buono da quest’esperienza per continuare a vivere.
La soluzione offerta, nello specifico da Eric Weber, un antesignano del rimorchio sistematico intervistato da Style (aveva pubblicato un libro sull’argomento già nel 1970), è sconcertante nella sua banalità, ma acquista significato proprio grazie alle centinaia di pagine di dolore e sofferenza che le hanno precedute: migliorare la propria personalità, risolvere i propri conflitti non significa diventare altro da quello che si è. La prima cosa è accettarsi, anche se non ci si piace. Un libro notevole, che merita di essere letto d’un fiato, che apre uno squarcio su un mondo di cui ben pochi, io per primo, sospetterebbero l’esistenza, che fa molto pensare e che per alcuni aspetti ricorda da vicino gli ambienti e le dinamiche descritte da Houellebecq, Con la differenza che questo non è un romanzo. Peccato che venga spacciato ingannevolmente come “la bibbia dell’artista del rimorchio” quando è tutt’altro; non so se il fine sia questo, ma se uno comincia a leggerlo pensando che il rimorchio sistematico potrà risolvere tutti i suoi problemi, alla fine si sarà fatto passare definitivamente la voglia.
Questo grosso libro è stato scritto da Style (Neil Strauss), un amico intimo di Mystery, nonché uno dei suoi primissimi allievi. Pensavo si trattasse di un’estensione del precedente, un “metodo di seduzione” rivisto in chiave di racconto autobiografico, anche considerata la presentazione dell’editore italiano, “La bibbia dell’artista del rimorchio”, a conti fatti del tutto fuorviante. Invece all’atto pratico questo libro mi ha inizialmente divertito, poi avvilito, infine angosciato.
Infatti la doppia vicenda di vita vissuta che racconta, quella dell’autore e quella di Mystery, è a dir poco allucinante. Tanto Mystery che Style, infatti, iniziano la loro storia da SOF, come si dice nel gergo del rimorchio (sta per Sfigato Ordinario Frustrato): del tutto incapaci di rimorchiare e di sedurre le ragazze, costretti a restare nell’angolo guardando quelli migliori di loro che fanno meglio di loro. Poi, la metamorfosi: la scoperta che spesso la seduzione non è altro che un meccanismo pavloviano che risponde a leggi ben precise di applicabilità quasi universale, almeno nel loro campo d’azione (quello dei locali notturni, come si diceva a proposito del precedente libro che ho già recensito), la codificazione di quelle leggi, la trasformazione e il seguito di trionfali successi. Se la storia fosse finita qui, sarebbe stato perfetto: contenti loro, contente le ragazze sedotte e sessualmente soddisfatte, contenti gli allievi diretti e indiretti a cui è stata consegnata la formula magica per trasformarsi da SOF a ADR (Artista del Rimorchio)... ma la storia, purtroppo, va avanti.
Mystery - che comincia tra l’altro la sua carriera, prima di diventare ADR, come prestigiatore illusionista, e la cosa non è priva di significato - mette in piedi una vera e propria scuola, convocando e organizzando seminari nelle principali città americane ed anche europee, a cui gli aspiranti ADR accorrono come api al miele. Gli ADR agiscono di solito in équipe, mettendo insieme le loro energie e le loro capacità, motivandosi a vicenda, e i risultati sono sempre migliori. Poco per volta, nella mente di Mystery e di altri, comincia a farsi strada l’idea che gli stessi metodi potrebbero essere applicati anche ad altre dinamiche sociali oltre a quella della seduzione, per diventare sempre migliori e sempre più vincenti; e se alcuni di loro decidono di agire in questo senso in buona fede (sicuramente Mystery e Style) per altri il tutto sembra mutarsi in una strategia per “TIFENTARE PATRONI TI MONTO!!! HA, HA, HA!” E quindi cominciano concorrenzialità, divisioni, rivalità e quant’altro.
Inoltre, si sviluppano altri due aspetti piuttosto critici. Per prima cosa il Gioco diventa più importante degli stessi risultati; molti dei partecipanti non riescono a parlare e pensare ad altro, arrivano anche a lasciare il lavoro e qualsiasi attività sociale che non sia finalizzata al rimorchio per dedicarsi solo a quello; in breve, diventa una vera e propria dipendenza, non diversa da quella, per dire, che affligge molte persone nei confronti del gioco d’azzardo o dell’alimentazione. Un’altra questione è la sindrome dell’impostura; impostori, beninteso, non nei confronti delle ragazze che si portano a letto (in fin dei conti se loro, in maniera sistematica, te la fanno tanto desiderare, se fanno tanto le difficili e le preziose senza alcun rispetto per le tue legittime sensibilità e desideri, se lo meritano di essere considerate solo bersagli di un gioco, punteggi da raggiungere) ma di fronte a sé stessi e al mondo. Alcuni ADR, periodicamente, si scontrano con violente crisi di identità e di autosvalutazione: nonostante le decine e decine di ragazze che si portano a letto, in loro affiora la consapevolezza che i trucchetti sociali imparati ed applicati non li abbiano affatto resi uguali o migliori dei veri maschi Alfa, quelli che al liceo mietevano successi femminili uno dietro l’altro mentre loro stavano a guardarli seduti in panchina. E’ come se tutto fosse un’illusione, un fingere slealmente di essere qualcosa di diverso da quello che si è, e gli altissimi “punteggi” raggiunti non significano in realtà proprio niente. Per nessuno queste crisi sono più rovinose che per lo stesso Mystery, del suo già duramente segnato con un rapporto fortemente conflittuale col padre, che periodicamente deve sottoporsi a trattamenti psichiatrici. Style, invece, viene “salvato” dal suo lavoro come giornalista per Rolling Stone, che lo porta ad incontrare vari personaggi - tra cui quello che considera un vero “maschio Alfa”, Tom Cruise, e anche Britney Spears e Courtney Love - e quindi ad avere interazioni sociali e stimoli esterni all’ambiente del rimorchio che lo portano a farsi qualche domanda in più.
La catastrofe viene quando Mystery decide di riunire in una grande villa di Hollywood, presa in affitto, le migliori menti del rimorchio, per organizzare seminari e avere attorno a sé una riserva di caccia pressoché illimitata; una specie di comune hippy rivisitata per gli anni Duemila, il tutto nell’illusione che le potenzialità del gruppo avrebbero potuto portare a risultati sociali inimmaginabili nel momento che gli ADR avessero potuto vivere gli uni vicino agli altri, motivandosi e caricandosi a vicenda. E infatti è quello che succede, ma purtroppo non nel senso sperato da Mystery e da Style. In breve, esplode alla grande il conflitto tra il partito dei “manipolatori sociali” e il loro, con un armamentario di giochini psicologici e di dinamiche sociali che porta all’esplosione di tutto, compresa la stessa villa; sono pagine che meriterebbero uno studio approfondito da parte di professionisti della psicologia e della sociologia. Una dopo l’altra, le menti migliori del rimorchio abbandonano e se ne vanno, lasciando Project Hollywood nelle mani dei peggiori, che peraltro hanno completamente saturato l’ambiente (quasi comico il momento in cui Style, per tirarsi su da un momento di depressione, va a fare un giro di rimorchio - un po’ come un drogato che pensa che un’altra pera risolverà tutti i suoi problemi - e tutte le ragazze in cui incoccia gli ridono dietro perché ormai quei giochini li conoscono a memoria avendoli già subiti un sacco di volte). Peraltro, al “salvataggio” di Style contribuisce non poco anche l’incontro con Lisa, una musicista del gruppo di Courtney Love, che trasforma sistematicamente il “cacciatore” in “cacciato” facendo beneficamente a pezzi tutte le sue strategie. Le ultime pagine del libro aprono uno sprazzo di serenità, la speranza di un equilibrio raggiunto e che le persone coinvolte abbiano potuto prendere del buono da quest’esperienza per continuare a vivere.
La soluzione offerta, nello specifico da Eric Weber, un antesignano del rimorchio sistematico intervistato da Style (aveva pubblicato un libro sull’argomento già nel 1970), è sconcertante nella sua banalità, ma acquista significato proprio grazie alle centinaia di pagine di dolore e sofferenza che le hanno precedute: migliorare la propria personalità, risolvere i propri conflitti non significa diventare altro da quello che si è. La prima cosa è accettarsi, anche se non ci si piace. Un libro notevole, che merita di essere letto d’un fiato, che apre uno squarcio su un mondo di cui ben pochi, io per primo, sospetterebbero l’esistenza, che fa molto pensare e che per alcuni aspetti ricorda da vicino gli ambienti e le dinamiche descritte da Houellebecq, Con la differenza che questo non è un romanzo. Peccato che venga spacciato ingannevolmente come “la bibbia dell’artista del rimorchio” quando è tutt’altro; non so se il fine sia questo, ma se uno comincia a leggerlo pensando che il rimorchio sistematico potrà risolvere tutti i suoi problemi, alla fine si sarà fatto passare definitivamente la voglia.
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Read this almost ten years ago and was appalled that there is a community of PUAs (Pick-Up-Artists) that go around doing all of this just to get laid. So I read the book so I can be aware of these sleaze bags and their methods. Unsurprisingly some guys have used these methods on me and obviously I knew what they were doing so it wouldn’t work. For example, Active Disinterest is where they’ll pay attention to your friend (that’s with you) instead of on the person of interest. They actually think if they ignore her, she’ll get offended because she’s not receiving the attention she usually gets thus resulting in her talking to the guy first. Such utter BS! This is why men dehumanize women. Use women as objects, make them their property. Add another notch to their belt and brag to their buddies about how many women they have bedded. A whole community of disgusting advice like this exists. Wish more women read this disgusting book so they can be more aware of what type of predator these men can be.
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The only thing being "penetrated" here is your wallet
This is fashioned as the "bible" for pick up artists: the cover is faux black leather on which the title of the book and some artwork are imprinted in gold. The pages are gilded and there is a red ribbon sewn into the binding to allow the aspirant to keep his place for future reference, possibly in case he gets tongue-tied.
HIS place, note. This book purports to teach young guys how to pick up chicks, how to elicit the "doggy dinner bowl look," i.e., "the entranced expression a woman gets in her eyes when she is attracted to a man who is talking to her." (Glossary, p. 441) The underlying premise is that it doesn't matter if you are short and balding and still live with your parents. If you've got a good line and exude confidence and know how to manipulate people, the babes will swoon. You are not required to be an alpha male.
In other words, this is a book biz hustle aimed at ordinary joes who aspire to be Don Juans. I think what Neil Strauss, who previously coauthored a book called, I kid you not, "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star," asked himself one day was, how does the "average frustrated chump" (see Glossary) who has no money, no talent, no future, no looks, no build, no charm, and no education get what he really wants--that is, chicks in bed just for the asking? Well, he doesn't, he concluded after some thought. And then he asked himself the real question: how can I as an aspiring literary artist take advantage of this situation? What is it that these guys believe or want to believe? If I can tell them that their belief is true, then I will have them laying down cold hard cash for a book of pure unadulterated BS.
Bingo, it hit him! You gotta have real insight into the female mind. That is what they want to believe since that can be learned. Of course he would have to pretend to acquire some plausible techniques, like how to present yourself, how not to come on too strong, but firmly with confidence and a devil may care attitude, and how to conduct yourself, always confident, never, but never, needy.
And so, fingers flying over the keyboard, Strauss spun out a list of steps. Begin with a warrior's or hunter's stance. Therefore Step 1 would be "Select a Target." It's a game after all--that's the key psychology. Picking up chicks is just a game. They know it. It's high time you knew it too. "Step 2: "Approach and Open." Business-like. All the nerds in the cubicals will relate to this terminology. There would 9 more steps including Step 6 "Create an Emotional Connection," and Step 10 "Blast Last-Minute Resistance."
He liked that expression, "blast!"--kind of sexual and warlike at the same time. After all this IS the battle of the sexes. Maybe even "Blast through Last-Minute Resistance..." But no, that would be too blatantly sexual. Woman want it, but they don't want to be reminded of that fact. They want finesse, firm finesse of course.
Strauss spent some time with some rock/porn star type mentalities masquerading as members of a "secret society of pickup artists"--guys who live in places like Encino with names like "Mystery" and "Style." Right! Isn't that what some women want in a man: mystery and style?
Actually what they really want is value, of course, or as they say in evolutionary psychology, men with resources. And this is what Strauss discovered and why he named Step 3 "Demonstrating Value," which for the targets of his book could be taken as: you can fake it.
Mystery, who Strauss tells us is "producing Basic Training workshops in several cities around the world, due to numerous requests" lays out the "Sex Magic" in his "Mystery Method" workshop beginning on page 35. Some highlights:
1. Smile when you walk into a room. See the group with the target and follow the three-second rule. Do not hesitate--approach instantly.
4. Neg the target with one of the slew of negs we've come up with. Tell her, 'It's so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.' Then get her friends to notice and laugh about it.
10. Sit with her and perform a rune reading, an ESP test, or any other demonstration that will fascinate and intrigue her.
And so on.
There is a lot of this sort of thing, some kind of technique or some sort of line that some of the guys that Strauss talked to used or wanted to use at some bar or Hard Rock Café on some mindless twentysomething. Clearly Strauss believes it's all about technique, and I would say most women would agree. But that's NOT the kind of technique they had in mind.
The book is also filled with lots of dialogue, obviously imagined or reconstructed from notes, the kind of dialogue you find in popular novels. In fact, what this book is, is a novel in the guise of being a self-help book. Doesn't that just scream best seller?
The best part of the book is the Glossary. It's a collection of phrases and jargon that Strauss picked up on his travels. I gave a couple of examples above. Here's another one, perhaps the central one in the book: "FMAC--noun [find, meet, attract, close]..." We used to have one similar when I was young called "the four ef's": FFF&F. That does NOT stand for "Fat-Faced Fanny's Faloon" which was the name of a bar in Hermosa Beach. Maybe still is.
Bottom line here: Strauss is a pretty good writer so this is diverting and somewhat entertaining if you're under forty. If you're under thirty and a card-carrying nerd it might get you to salivating. If you're a teenage boy, this really IS the Bible.
--Dennis Littrell, author of the sensational mystery novel, “Teddy and Teri”
This is fashioned as the "bible" for pick up artists: the cover is faux black leather on which the title of the book and some artwork are imprinted in gold. The pages are gilded and there is a red ribbon sewn into the binding to allow the aspirant to keep his place for future reference, possibly in case he gets tongue-tied.
HIS place, note. This book purports to teach young guys how to pick up chicks, how to elicit the "doggy dinner bowl look," i.e., "the entranced expression a woman gets in her eyes when she is attracted to a man who is talking to her." (Glossary, p. 441) The underlying premise is that it doesn't matter if you are short and balding and still live with your parents. If you've got a good line and exude confidence and know how to manipulate people, the babes will swoon. You are not required to be an alpha male.
In other words, this is a book biz hustle aimed at ordinary joes who aspire to be Don Juans. I think what Neil Strauss, who previously coauthored a book called, I kid you not, "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star," asked himself one day was, how does the "average frustrated chump" (see Glossary) who has no money, no talent, no future, no looks, no build, no charm, and no education get what he really wants--that is, chicks in bed just for the asking? Well, he doesn't, he concluded after some thought. And then he asked himself the real question: how can I as an aspiring literary artist take advantage of this situation? What is it that these guys believe or want to believe? If I can tell them that their belief is true, then I will have them laying down cold hard cash for a book of pure unadulterated BS.
Bingo, it hit him! You gotta have real insight into the female mind. That is what they want to believe since that can be learned. Of course he would have to pretend to acquire some plausible techniques, like how to present yourself, how not to come on too strong, but firmly with confidence and a devil may care attitude, and how to conduct yourself, always confident, never, but never, needy.
And so, fingers flying over the keyboard, Strauss spun out a list of steps. Begin with a warrior's or hunter's stance. Therefore Step 1 would be "Select a Target." It's a game after all--that's the key psychology. Picking up chicks is just a game. They know it. It's high time you knew it too. "Step 2: "Approach and Open." Business-like. All the nerds in the cubicals will relate to this terminology. There would 9 more steps including Step 6 "Create an Emotional Connection," and Step 10 "Blast Last-Minute Resistance."
He liked that expression, "blast!"--kind of sexual and warlike at the same time. After all this IS the battle of the sexes. Maybe even "Blast through Last-Minute Resistance..." But no, that would be too blatantly sexual. Woman want it, but they don't want to be reminded of that fact. They want finesse, firm finesse of course.
Strauss spent some time with some rock/porn star type mentalities masquerading as members of a "secret society of pickup artists"--guys who live in places like Encino with names like "Mystery" and "Style." Right! Isn't that what some women want in a man: mystery and style?
Actually what they really want is value, of course, or as they say in evolutionary psychology, men with resources. And this is what Strauss discovered and why he named Step 3 "Demonstrating Value," which for the targets of his book could be taken as: you can fake it.
Mystery, who Strauss tells us is "producing Basic Training workshops in several cities around the world, due to numerous requests" lays out the "Sex Magic" in his "Mystery Method" workshop beginning on page 35. Some highlights:
1. Smile when you walk into a room. See the group with the target and follow the three-second rule. Do not hesitate--approach instantly.
4. Neg the target with one of the slew of negs we've come up with. Tell her, 'It's so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.' Then get her friends to notice and laugh about it.
10. Sit with her and perform a rune reading, an ESP test, or any other demonstration that will fascinate and intrigue her.
And so on.
There is a lot of this sort of thing, some kind of technique or some sort of line that some of the guys that Strauss talked to used or wanted to use at some bar or Hard Rock Café on some mindless twentysomething. Clearly Strauss believes it's all about technique, and I would say most women would agree. But that's NOT the kind of technique they had in mind.
The book is also filled with lots of dialogue, obviously imagined or reconstructed from notes, the kind of dialogue you find in popular novels. In fact, what this book is, is a novel in the guise of being a self-help book. Doesn't that just scream best seller?
The best part of the book is the Glossary. It's a collection of phrases and jargon that Strauss picked up on his travels. I gave a couple of examples above. Here's another one, perhaps the central one in the book: "FMAC--noun [find, meet, attract, close]..." We used to have one similar when I was young called "the four ef's": FFF&F. That does NOT stand for "Fat-Faced Fanny's Faloon" which was the name of a bar in Hermosa Beach. Maybe still is.
Bottom line here: Strauss is a pretty good writer so this is diverting and somewhat entertaining if you're under forty. If you're under thirty and a card-carrying nerd it might get you to salivating. If you're a teenage boy, this really IS the Bible.
--Dennis Littrell, author of the sensational mystery novel, “Teddy and Teri”
...
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Know thy enemy.
One extra star for pure entertainment value, especially the very first scene where 'the hero' of the book, Mystery, lies curled up crying on the floor of the communal pickup mansion dressed in the bathrobe previously belonging to his stripper ex-girlfriend.
Apparently he misses her, like a lot, which is quite sweet I suppose.
That is for a man who reinvented himself from a living-in-his-parents-basement type of guy, to the cons-insecure-wannabe-starlets-in-LA type of guy.
And thereby invented the trend of men wearing ugly hats.
And ugly jewlery.
And doing 'negging'.
And who destroyed magic for me.
And briefly dating.
Actually strike what I said earlier: I think I just enjoyed to read about him crying.
----
Ok, some background on me reading this book. You know how there's always the shy, but kind of nice, guy in every group of men? Me and my friends knew two of those in two separate groups of guy friends during high-school. The funny thing was that they were so similar to us, despite their groups being very different, that we thought they might've been twins. Both were tall, thin (which they tried to hide with ill fitting clothes) and with blonde badly cut hair. Both of them were as I said quite shy, and were both hoping to have future careers within computer sciences of some sort. One of them once arrived at one of our parties to cry on a couch during the rest of the evening. He had just reached the profound realisation that he was never getting laid. One of my girl friends force fed him ice-cream in an effort to make him feel better.
So I understand the frustration of teenage boys not getting laid. Hell, I understand the frustration of teenage girls not getting laid. I've been there. (Though women might get more 'offers', this does not mean we get to have all that many opportunities to have sex with some one who's not drunk of their ass and/or are being rude to us at the same time as they offer sex.)
Then on the other hand you have the other of my blonde geeky high school friends, let's call him Mike. Mike was always one of the most talkative ones in his group of friends. He was friendly and easy to get along with, although shy around girls he didn't know. Then suddenly at one party he started to become really snappy. He'd criticize all the female attendants clothing and most of what they said. We asked him what the hell he was doing and it turned out that he had just read this book... It turned out to be 'The Game naturally. We asked him to please stop and go back to being, you know, a normal polite human being. He insisted on keeping up with the book, and although his clothing and hair style went from bad to worse, he did eventually get laid. (Though he never seemed too happy about it. She wasn't hot enough or something.)
This was my first exposure to The Game.
Years later I met this other quite shy but friendly guy who due to certain circumstances, such as the number of people left in that town during summer being low, I ended up spending some time hanging out with. Physically he was the absolute opposite of those earlier male friends, but this guy had constant diet and self-improvement plans going on so it shouldn't have come as a surprise when he drunkenly confessed to having read The Game after I had previously made fun of the book at a book shop. He even confessed to trying to use the techniques in the book on me. This was when I decided to read this book, in pure self-defense. And I found it a great read. In fact the rest of that summer I wouldn't shut up about it. I felt it was my personal calling to tell all of my girl friends about it so that they wouldn't fall for any of the tricks. In fact I even managed to detect this awful 'are the two of you best friends?' routine this one guy tried to pull at a club that summer.
So is my rating of two stars really fair? After all I did found it funny, fascinating and it made for a great conversation piece.
However as I said in the shorter version of my review, it also brought so much pain and suffering into this world. Neil Strauss might be the sane straight man in the story, the one who points out all the follies in the system and who eventually gets out and gets a 'happy ending' (i.e. he gets a real girlfriend), but obviously he didn't make a good enough job of showing all of the pitfalls. I say obviously because I keep meeting these men who just didn't get it. Who buy into the negging and peacocking, but engage in no genuine self-improvement (I'm not talking about them buying more self-improvement books here, I mean coming to peace with one self). This might not have been Strauss' intent, but his description of how he went from sexless nerd to sex stud, sure did not help. The reaction I've mostly seen are men who are really stressed about all of this sex they should be having, they start blaming everything from their job (which can often be quite well paying,) to that one pound too much/too little, to girls just being mean.
I think it's that last aspect that disturbs me the most. That the book implies that men and women are really all that different. I mean I read The Selfish Gene (which I think sadly is on Mystery's recommended reading list), and that is not the message I took away from that at all. Sure some biological differences might mean we have different pros and cons in 'the game', but ultimately we all want the same thing: to be loved (and to have sex/procreate).
And that's why this book is sad on so many levels, it makes women out to be this exotic species to be studied from afar. It also makes it so that there are no cultural differences. Instead Strauss claims that since their strategies worked both all over LA and once in Bulgaria (or was it Romania?) it is a universal success. Oh, and it's not only the wanna be actresses women you meet in the night clubs in LA, actually one of the women in the Eastern European country they were in, she was a doctor of some sorts, and she liked them, so boom - it works on all smart women as well!
I could go on and on, but I'd like to end this review by issuing a warning for all potential readers:
- DO read this book as an anthropological study of LA and how far women and men have come from each other in some sub-cultures
- DO NOT read this book as a instruction manual
- IF you do want better sucess with the opposite sex, you already know what to do: smile, have interests that not only involves your own sex, and don't panic (panic makes you smell gross...)
(Or possibly read The Art of Love, it seems like fun)
One extra star for pure entertainment value, especially the very first scene where 'the hero' of the book, Mystery, lies curled up crying on the floor of the communal pickup mansion dressed in the bathrobe previously belonging to his stripper ex-girlfriend.
Apparently he misses her, like a lot, which is quite sweet I suppose.
That is for a man who reinvented himself from a living-in-his-parents-basement type of guy, to the cons-insecure-wannabe-starlets-in-LA type of guy.
And thereby invented the trend of men wearing ugly hats.
And ugly jewlery.
And doing 'negging'.
And who destroyed magic for me.
And briefly dating.
Actually strike what I said earlier: I think I just enjoyed to read about him crying.
----
Ok, some background on me reading this book. You know how there's always the shy, but kind of nice, guy in every group of men? Me and my friends knew two of those in two separate groups of guy friends during high-school. The funny thing was that they were so similar to us, despite their groups being very different, that we thought they might've been twins. Both were tall, thin (which they tried to hide with ill fitting clothes) and with blonde badly cut hair. Both of them were as I said quite shy, and were both hoping to have future careers within computer sciences of some sort. One of them once arrived at one of our parties to cry on a couch during the rest of the evening. He had just reached the profound realisation that he was never getting laid. One of my girl friends force fed him ice-cream in an effort to make him feel better.
So I understand the frustration of teenage boys not getting laid. Hell, I understand the frustration of teenage girls not getting laid. I've been there. (Though women might get more 'offers', this does not mean we get to have all that many opportunities to have sex with some one who's not drunk of their ass and/or are being rude to us at the same time as they offer sex.)
Then on the other hand you have the other of my blonde geeky high school friends, let's call him Mike. Mike was always one of the most talkative ones in his group of friends. He was friendly and easy to get along with, although shy around girls he didn't know. Then suddenly at one party he started to become really snappy. He'd criticize all the female attendants clothing and most of what they said. We asked him what the hell he was doing and it turned out that he had just read this book... It turned out to be 'The Game naturally. We asked him to please stop and go back to being, you know, a normal polite human being. He insisted on keeping up with the book, and although his clothing and hair style went from bad to worse, he did eventually get laid. (Though he never seemed too happy about it. She wasn't hot enough or something.)
This was my first exposure to The Game.
Years later I met this other quite shy but friendly guy who due to certain circumstances, such as the number of people left in that town during summer being low, I ended up spending some time hanging out with. Physically he was the absolute opposite of those earlier male friends, but this guy had constant diet and self-improvement plans going on so it shouldn't have come as a surprise when he drunkenly confessed to having read The Game after I had previously made fun of the book at a book shop. He even confessed to trying to use the techniques in the book on me. This was when I decided to read this book, in pure self-defense. And I found it a great read. In fact the rest of that summer I wouldn't shut up about it. I felt it was my personal calling to tell all of my girl friends about it so that they wouldn't fall for any of the tricks. In fact I even managed to detect this awful 'are the two of you best friends?' routine this one guy tried to pull at a club that summer.
So is my rating of two stars really fair? After all I did found it funny, fascinating and it made for a great conversation piece.
However as I said in the shorter version of my review, it also brought so much pain and suffering into this world. Neil Strauss might be the sane straight man in the story, the one who points out all the follies in the system and who eventually gets out and gets a 'happy ending' (i.e. he gets a real girlfriend), but obviously he didn't make a good enough job of showing all of the pitfalls. I say obviously because I keep meeting these men who just didn't get it. Who buy into the negging and peacocking, but engage in no genuine self-improvement (I'm not talking about them buying more self-improvement books here, I mean coming to peace with one self). This might not have been Strauss' intent, but his description of how he went from sexless nerd to sex stud, sure did not help. The reaction I've mostly seen are men who are really stressed about all of this sex they should be having, they start blaming everything from their job (which can often be quite well paying,) to that one pound too much/too little, to girls just being mean.
I think it's that last aspect that disturbs me the most. That the book implies that men and women are really all that different. I mean I read The Selfish Gene (which I think sadly is on Mystery's recommended reading list), and that is not the message I took away from that at all. Sure some biological differences might mean we have different pros and cons in 'the game', but ultimately we all want the same thing: to be loved (and to have sex/procreate).
And that's why this book is sad on so many levels, it makes women out to be this exotic species to be studied from afar. It also makes it so that there are no cultural differences. Instead Strauss claims that since their strategies worked both all over LA and once in Bulgaria (or was it Romania?) it is a universal success. Oh, and it's not only the wanna be actresses women you meet in the night clubs in LA, actually one of the women in the Eastern European country they were in, she was a doctor of some sorts, and she liked them, so boom - it works on all smart women as well!
I could go on and on, but I'd like to end this review by issuing a warning for all potential readers:
- DO read this book as an anthropological study of LA and how far women and men have come from each other in some sub-cultures
- DO NOT read this book as a instruction manual
- IF you do want better sucess with the opposite sex, you already know what to do: smile, have interests that not only involves your own sex, and don't panic (panic makes you smell gross...)
(Or possibly read The Art of Love, it seems like fun)
...
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This was an easy and mindless train/tube read, but I had to keep the book flat on my lap to hide the title after I saw a few women rolling their eyes. Since I've moved to London I've noticed that I'm not the only one who likes to take a sneak peek at what others are reading and then give them a meaningful look.
So, here’s Neil Strauss’s story as he claims. He had written books and articles about rock stars and porn stars. He had access to a lot of backstage parties and glamorous Hollywood galas, but he wasn’t getting any. He was just another AFC – average frustrated chump. (There are a lot of acronyms and pick-up lingo in this book. There’s a glossary for you at the end to refer to.) He signs up for various pick-up workshops and meets every PUA (pick-up artist). This not only immensely improves his situation with women, it propels him to the top of the pick-up society. You read about all these different pick-up schools, each with an egomaniac at the top, that operate like cults and compete for business and clients and demand loyalty.
The book is about the story of his involvement and then disillusionment with the pick-up community. It’s not a manual on to how to pick up women, even through there are lots of advice and sample field reports scattered throughout the book. Some of the advice is just the common sense things that you know it yourself and hear from everyone. Their more specialized techniques go something like this: In order to get women to stay with you and like you during the crucial first few minutes, approach them with a "peacocked" appearance and some eye-catching gadgets, games, and stories. Once past the initial phase, start applying an assortment of manipulative psychological mind games. They claim a lot of success with their techniques (not very credible, but easier to believe when they do their field tests on Sunset Strip). I found most of the repertoire of their opening lines and stories not just corny, but so asinine that if they work on any sizeable portion of the female population, I’ll be dipped, fried, and hot-damned (expression borrowed from David Foster Wallace). The part about the manipulative psychological mind games, however, is interesting (and useful).
Strauss is honest about the emptiness and loneliness that eventually come with this lifestyle. They're a bunch of closet nerds looking for self-validation, but they overdo it. Dehumanizing the opposite sex eventually turns into self-dehumanization. They start with the feeling that they’re the alpha males, but soon they realize that “sarging” is for losers. A real alpha male doesn’t run around after women, acting like a clown and reciting memorized routines. So they set out to do something big. They rent a mansion in Hollywood and start “Project Hollywood” to expand their business and become rich and famous. Herds of gullible students come and go. Women come and go too. Egos clash. Everything falls apart. Eventually, Strauss is broken down by a woman who beats him in his own game.
The story, even if true in its entirety, is not that entertaining. The writing is mediocre at best. Lots of dumb and irrelevant drivel about Tom Cruise and Paris Hilton and Brittney Spears and Courtney Love, just to self-aggrandize and blow this book to 500 pages.
So, here’s Neil Strauss’s story as he claims. He had written books and articles about rock stars and porn stars. He had access to a lot of backstage parties and glamorous Hollywood galas, but he wasn’t getting any. He was just another AFC – average frustrated chump. (There are a lot of acronyms and pick-up lingo in this book. There’s a glossary for you at the end to refer to.) He signs up for various pick-up workshops and meets every PUA (pick-up artist). This not only immensely improves his situation with women, it propels him to the top of the pick-up society. You read about all these different pick-up schools, each with an egomaniac at the top, that operate like cults and compete for business and clients and demand loyalty.
The book is about the story of his involvement and then disillusionment with the pick-up community. It’s not a manual on to how to pick up women, even through there are lots of advice and sample field reports scattered throughout the book. Some of the advice is just the common sense things that you know it yourself and hear from everyone. Their more specialized techniques go something like this: In order to get women to stay with you and like you during the crucial first few minutes, approach them with a "peacocked" appearance and some eye-catching gadgets, games, and stories. Once past the initial phase, start applying an assortment of manipulative psychological mind games. They claim a lot of success with their techniques (not very credible, but easier to believe when they do their field tests on Sunset Strip). I found most of the repertoire of their opening lines and stories not just corny, but so asinine that if they work on any sizeable portion of the female population, I’ll be dipped, fried, and hot-damned (expression borrowed from David Foster Wallace). The part about the manipulative psychological mind games, however, is interesting (and useful).
Strauss is honest about the emptiness and loneliness that eventually come with this lifestyle. They're a bunch of closet nerds looking for self-validation, but they overdo it. Dehumanizing the opposite sex eventually turns into self-dehumanization. They start with the feeling that they’re the alpha males, but soon they realize that “sarging” is for losers. A real alpha male doesn’t run around after women, acting like a clown and reciting memorized routines. So they set out to do something big. They rent a mansion in Hollywood and start “Project Hollywood” to expand their business and become rich and famous. Herds of gullible students come and go. Women come and go too. Egos clash. Everything falls apart. Eventually, Strauss is broken down by a woman who beats him in his own game.
The story, even if true in its entirety, is not that entertaining. The writing is mediocre at best. Lots of dumb and irrelevant drivel about Tom Cruise and Paris Hilton and Brittney Spears and Courtney Love, just to self-aggrandize and blow this book to 500 pages.
...
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This book is amazing. I suddenly understand so much about some bizarre interactions I've had with strangers.
This is like the book equivalent of smelling something terrible and then wanting other people to smell it. Except it's more like, "Here, smell this. Have you ever smelled this smell before? Yeah, that's this book! That's where the smell is coming from! Isn't that crazy? It's so weird and indescribable right? Turns out it's Neil Strauss's advice."
I feel like this is honest to god one of the best books I've ever read because it's so awful. This book wants so badly to be self-aware and it ends up being oblivious in a way that makes it brilliant. It's essentially satire. It's "You're Fucking Out, I'm Fucking In" by Kenny Powers.
Trying to rate it is a catch 22. Ideally, this book wouldn't exist. It DESERVES one star. But I'm giving it five stars because it does exist and the only remedy for it's existence is to read it because the advice is rendered harmless if everyone is aware of it.
This is like the book equivalent of smelling something terrible and then wanting other people to smell it. Except it's more like, "Here, smell this. Have you ever smelled this smell before? Yeah, that's this book! That's where the smell is coming from! Isn't that crazy? It's so weird and indescribable right? Turns out it's Neil Strauss's advice."
I feel like this is honest to god one of the best books I've ever read because it's so awful. This book wants so badly to be self-aware and it ends up being oblivious in a way that makes it brilliant. It's essentially satire. It's "You're Fucking Out, I'm Fucking In" by Kenny Powers.
Trying to rate it is a catch 22. Ideally, this book wouldn't exist. It DESERVES one star. But I'm giving it five stars because it does exist and the only remedy for it's existence is to read it because the advice is rendered harmless if everyone is aware of it.
...
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The best way I can think to describe how I feel after reading this? Chewed up, spat out, and more exhausted than ever. I'll preface this by saying that 1) I'm in full angry feminist mode at the moment and 2) I apologize in advance for the swearing. If I feel like rewriting this review later and making it a little kinder, I will, but... hoooo boy.
Also, slapping a trigger warning on this for a brief but explicit mention of child sexual abuse about a third of the way in, when one of the PUA "gurus" is telling his origin story.
As others have said, this gets one star not for the writing (the writing was fine), but for the content, because the content is fucking appalling. Prepare yourselves to read something that, from the outset to the bitter end, does not treat women like people. This subculture is all about seeing women as things to be manipulated and played -- and the worst thing is, it works because it's all about giving off the appearance of genuinely caring what their target/victim/prey (literally words that they used and I'm about to vomit) thinks, at every turn, in every situation, while also playing on her insecurities. It's not about demanding that she sleep with you like all those OTHER shitty guys, it's about pretending you respect her boundaries and manipulating that absolutely BULLSHIT thing we do where we pat men on the back for not being sacks of shit to your advantage. It's fucking terrifying to think about ending up in bed with someone who has absolutely no intention of letting me genuinely consent to what's happening of my own free will, but is instead pulling emotional strings to make me THINK I'm consenting and in control.
In that sense, I guess I'm grateful to have read this, because I know what to look for if some rando PUA decides to target me... that said, women don't fucking deserve this. We don't deserve to be analyzed and objectified and manipulated from afar just because some man never learned to see us as equals. We don't deserve to be lured into men's beds in a way that so underhandedly denies us our agency. I'm infuriated that we legally can't call something like this rape, frankly, because it is absolutely done for the same motivations as outright rape. What's-his-fuck actually said it -- "Tyler Durden", I think? He was in it for the power, not for the women. Rape, assault, abuse, harassment, etc. are all about power. At this point, I can't be convinced that pickup artistry is not about power as well.
And even worse, even when the book takes a turn and the cracks begin to show [Freestylers "Cracks" (Flux Pavilion remix) plays]... HE'S STILL ACTIVELY DEHUMANIZING WOMEN TO GET THEM TO SLEEP WITH HIM. He literally says at one point that he needs to try to give himself a self-esteem boost by trying to pick up some random women after being rejected by the woman he actually cares about. At this point, we're clearly supposed to feel bad for him and his situation, but he's still using women to bolster his own confidence -- and even worse, he's doing it as some sort of alpha-male display of power and dominance to get back at his True Love. It doesn't work in the end, but still... it was there, and it's irritating.
The one (1) redeeming quality of this book is that the author/narrator got the fuck out. I'm not one hundred percent convinced that he now sees women as complex people who don't always adhere to the gender roles and expectations he lays out, but he's out of the community. To be clear, though, because it looks like I'm doing exactly what I just said is a shitty thing to do and patting him on the back for not being a sack of shit, this is the absolute baseline of acceptable social conduct. Not manipulating the people you're talking to at every step is the ABSOLUTE. BASELINE.
What's most depressing to me is that this community is still very much alive and, if I may be so bold, empowered by the current state of global politics and the rise of the far right. PUAs are just one subset of the online culture that put Donald "I'm starting to wonder myself whether he was born in this country" Drumpf (and, more importantly, Bannon) in the White House. Others have said far more intelligent things on the subject than I can think to say at the moment, and I know I'm opening myself up to backlash just by saying what I've said already, so I'll leave it there.
Oh, and there's absolutely nothing in here that doesn't adhere to an extremely strict gender and sexual binary. No LGBTQ+ representation whatsoever beyond mentions of lesbian porn and a handful of girls making out in a threesome context (which, to be honest, the way they're written... I wouldn't count them). Just a bunch of cisgender heterosexual men going after cisgender heterosexual women. Not surprising, necessarily, just a thing.
In case you need to be told, THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY APPROACH TO PEOPLE. MANIPULATING PEOPLE IS NOT HEALTHY BEHAVIOR. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS AS A GUIDEBOOK. I'M LITERALLY BEGGING YOU. IT'S BETTER TO BE A ~CUCKY BETA~ OR WHATEVER THE FUCK AND SHOW GENUINE CARE FOR THE PEOPLE YOU'RE INTERESTED IN THAN IT IS TO BE A MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLE.
Also, slapping a trigger warning on this for a brief but explicit mention of child sexual abuse about a third of the way in, when one of the PUA "gurus" is telling his origin story.
As others have said, this gets one star not for the writing (the writing was fine), but for the content, because the content is fucking appalling. Prepare yourselves to read something that, from the outset to the bitter end, does not treat women like people. This subculture is all about seeing women as things to be manipulated and played -- and the worst thing is, it works because it's all about giving off the appearance of genuinely caring what their target/victim/prey (literally words that they used and I'm about to vomit) thinks, at every turn, in every situation, while also playing on her insecurities. It's not about demanding that she sleep with you like all those OTHER shitty guys, it's about pretending you respect her boundaries and manipulating that absolutely BULLSHIT thing we do where we pat men on the back for not being sacks of shit to your advantage. It's fucking terrifying to think about ending up in bed with someone who has absolutely no intention of letting me genuinely consent to what's happening of my own free will, but is instead pulling emotional strings to make me THINK I'm consenting and in control.
In that sense, I guess I'm grateful to have read this, because I know what to look for if some rando PUA decides to target me... that said, women don't fucking deserve this. We don't deserve to be analyzed and objectified and manipulated from afar just because some man never learned to see us as equals. We don't deserve to be lured into men's beds in a way that so underhandedly denies us our agency. I'm infuriated that we legally can't call something like this rape, frankly, because it is absolutely done for the same motivations as outright rape. What's-his-fuck actually said it -- "Tyler Durden", I think? He was in it for the power, not for the women. Rape, assault, abuse, harassment, etc. are all about power. At this point, I can't be convinced that pickup artistry is not about power as well.
And even worse, even when the book takes a turn and the cracks begin to show [Freestylers "Cracks" (Flux Pavilion remix) plays]... HE'S STILL ACTIVELY DEHUMANIZING WOMEN TO GET THEM TO SLEEP WITH HIM. He literally says at one point that he needs to try to give himself a self-esteem boost by trying to pick up some random women after being rejected by the woman he actually cares about. At this point, we're clearly supposed to feel bad for him and his situation, but he's still using women to bolster his own confidence -- and even worse, he's doing it as some sort of alpha-male display of power and dominance to get back at his True Love. It doesn't work in the end, but still... it was there, and it's irritating.
The one (1) redeeming quality of this book is that the author/narrator got the fuck out. I'm not one hundred percent convinced that he now sees women as complex people who don't always adhere to the gender roles and expectations he lays out, but he's out of the community. To be clear, though, because it looks like I'm doing exactly what I just said is a shitty thing to do and patting him on the back for not being a sack of shit, this is the absolute baseline of acceptable social conduct. Not manipulating the people you're talking to at every step is the ABSOLUTE. BASELINE.
What's most depressing to me is that this community is still very much alive and, if I may be so bold, empowered by the current state of global politics and the rise of the far right. PUAs are just one subset of the online culture that put Donald "I'm starting to wonder myself whether he was born in this country" Drumpf (and, more importantly, Bannon) in the White House. Others have said far more intelligent things on the subject than I can think to say at the moment, and I know I'm opening myself up to backlash just by saying what I've said already, so I'll leave it there.
Oh, and there's absolutely nothing in here that doesn't adhere to an extremely strict gender and sexual binary. No LGBTQ+ representation whatsoever beyond mentions of lesbian porn and a handful of girls making out in a threesome context (which, to be honest, the way they're written... I wouldn't count them). Just a bunch of cisgender heterosexual men going after cisgender heterosexual women. Not surprising, necessarily, just a thing.
In case you need to be told, THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY APPROACH TO PEOPLE. MANIPULATING PEOPLE IS NOT HEALTHY BEHAVIOR. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS AS A GUIDEBOOK. I'M LITERALLY BEGGING YOU. IT'S BETTER TO BE A ~CUCKY BETA~ OR WHATEVER THE FUCK AND SHOW GENUINE CARE FOR THE PEOPLE YOU'RE INTERESTED IN THAN IT IS TO BE A MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLE.
...
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This is probably the most important book I read in 2014. Not the most enjoyable or well written, although I did enjoy it and Neil Strauss' writing style is really well suited to this kind of book.
This book is full of broken human beings looking for validation by becoming experts in the art of seduction, although by the end of the book the various schools of seduction are more science than art as each of these men rote-learn formulae and seduction tricks and then go out "in the field" to practice them in the wider community with significant success.
A lot of people gave this book a bad review because they apparently confused reporting on misogyny (which Neil Strauss does really well, no judgments just narrating everything) with approval or endorsement of misogyny. Strauss, to his credit, does a great job staying in character for almost all of the book, which may piss off a lot of people. I suspect if most of these people read the book all the way through, they would be significantly less outraged.
I read this book because a friend recommended it to me because I wanted a guide to establishing a rapport with people. This is not a manual for seduction, but rather a blow-by-blow account of one man's immersion into the subculture of male Pick Up Artists (PUAs), his eventual mastery of said field and his thoughts on how that affected his life. There are many interesting ideas in this book, as the various characters come to terms with the idea that there was a gap in themselves that they wanted to fill. In fact, a surprising revelation is that for many PUAs, the goal was not a relationship, or in many cases, even sex, but the conquest and the tally. The author compares the game to any popular male pursuit: Video Games, Sports, even Dungeons and Dragons, where you put in time and effort into "leveling up" to essentially show off to other "Alphas" for that group and gain points and respect. Revelation: The Game is really about scoring points and moving up the hierarchy with other men.
Strauss also compares the relationship between a PUA and the girls he picks up to a comedian and their audience: if the audience is too easy to charm, the comedian loses respect for them, and as a result for himself because his self-value is based on the opinions of his audience. This part struck home for me because who are we (well, at least me) except insecure people scrambling to fill voids in our lives and selves with anything that seems a decent fit and then hoping desperately that someone will come along with the secret to becoming a person.
The best bit of advice I got from this book was to stop living in my head and to just walk up to strangers and introduce myself. After a while, the fear of rejection will go away.
I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a really easy read about this lifestyle and ask them to withhold judgments till they get to the end.
A quote from the end: “Well," he said, opening the door to his car, "all you can do is put on an appearance of confidence sometimes. And after a while, others will start to believe it." [Eric Weber] grabbed the door handle to pull it closed. "And then you die.”
This book is full of broken human beings looking for validation by becoming experts in the art of seduction, although by the end of the book the various schools of seduction are more science than art as each of these men rote-learn formulae and seduction tricks and then go out "in the field" to practice them in the wider community with significant success.
A lot of people gave this book a bad review because they apparently confused reporting on misogyny (which Neil Strauss does really well, no judgments just narrating everything) with approval or endorsement of misogyny. Strauss, to his credit, does a great job staying in character for almost all of the book, which may piss off a lot of people. I suspect if most of these people read the book all the way through, they would be significantly less outraged.
I read this book because a friend recommended it to me because I wanted a guide to establishing a rapport with people. This is not a manual for seduction, but rather a blow-by-blow account of one man's immersion into the subculture of male Pick Up Artists (PUAs), his eventual mastery of said field and his thoughts on how that affected his life. There are many interesting ideas in this book, as the various characters come to terms with the idea that there was a gap in themselves that they wanted to fill. In fact, a surprising revelation is that for many PUAs, the goal was not a relationship, or in many cases, even sex, but the conquest and the tally. The author compares the game to any popular male pursuit: Video Games, Sports, even Dungeons and Dragons, where you put in time and effort into "leveling up" to essentially show off to other "Alphas" for that group and gain points and respect. Revelation: The Game is really about scoring points and moving up the hierarchy with other men.
Strauss also compares the relationship between a PUA and the girls he picks up to a comedian and their audience: if the audience is too easy to charm, the comedian loses respect for them, and as a result for himself because his self-value is based on the opinions of his audience. This part struck home for me because who are we (well, at least me) except insecure people scrambling to fill voids in our lives and selves with anything that seems a decent fit and then hoping desperately that someone will come along with the secret to becoming a person.
The best bit of advice I got from this book was to stop living in my head and to just walk up to strangers and introduce myself. After a while, the fear of rejection will go away.
I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a really easy read about this lifestyle and ask them to withhold judgments till they get to the end.
A quote from the end: “Well," he said, opening the door to his car, "all you can do is put on an appearance of confidence sometimes. And after a while, others will start to believe it." [Eric Weber] grabbed the door handle to pull it closed. "And then you die.”
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Oh wow, hard to say if I'm horrified or fascinated or what. I guess some of both. Good thing I'm reading this for book club cuz I can't wait to discuss. I can't believe this is for real. And then what I'm wondering is, what are girls supposed to do? Just sit there and look pretty? Hmm. But here's some quotes I liked:
"In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get it. This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps." (p 114)
"We have the idea that love is supposed to last forever. But love isn't like that. It's a free-flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases. Sometimes it stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month, or a year. So don't fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable. But don't be surprised when it leaves, either. Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it." (p 193)
"And building a lifestyle is cumulative. Everything you do counts and brings you closer to your goal. The right lifestyle is something that is worn, not discussed." (p 252)
"In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get it. This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps." (p 114)
"We have the idea that love is supposed to last forever. But love isn't like that. It's a free-flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases. Sometimes it stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month, or a year. So don't fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable. But don't be surprised when it leaves, either. Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it." (p 193)
"And building a lifestyle is cumulative. Everything you do counts and brings you closer to your goal. The right lifestyle is something that is worn, not discussed." (p 252)
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Si quieres saber cómo ser una basura de persona y ver a las mujeres como un objeto. ¡Lee este libro! Es una basura.
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